by Jody Holford
“You okay, Ellie?” Cooper wasn’t touching her now, but even his voice felt like a caress. One she wanted to lean into.
“Uh-huh,” she said. A little white lie wouldn’t hurt since telling him the truth—that she was so turned on she didn’t know what to do, seemed a little…forward.
Picking up another cracker and adding some cheese, she forced herself to relax. You’ve spent plenty of time with Cooper. He’s just a guy. He’s known you forever. And in all those years, he’d never once given her the impression that she was the kind of girl he’d date. Because you weren’t. The girl with the glasses and overbite still existed inside of her, but most days, she relished the new her. Mostly because it hadn’t been some dramatic transformation full of intention or purpose on her part. She’d simply grown up.
“So, aside from setting fires and climbing on furniture—speaking of which, we should really get you a step ladder—what did you plan on doing tonight?”
We? There was a “we”? Ellie liked the sound of that a little too much. Cooper helped himself to some of the grapes he’d put out. It was cute the way he’d made himself at home. She was going to spend the holidays alone but she’d bought enough food to feed a family of four. Just in case. Now she was happy she had.
Looking over at him, noting the way he watched her like he was really looking at her—like he was invested in what she said—she went with the truth. Her appearance might have altered, but inside, she was still the same boring, slightly geeky girl. One who, apparently, still had a thing for her brother’s best friend.
“I was going to watch Christmas shows. I wanted to find all of the Christmas episodes of my favorite series and watch them. Friends, Big Bang Theory, Doctor Who. I just wanted to feel like…” She stopped. Like what? Like she wasn’t alone?
“Like what?” Cooper’s voice softened. He wasn’t touching her anymore and she didn’t know how to show him she wouldn’t mind.
“I know lots of people spend the holidays alone, but I still wanted to have some kind of Christmas. I figured the best way was to do some of the things I’d do if I was with my family.”
A lump formed in her throat, but she swallowed it down. It was one Christmas. Or maybe not…if Tommy got married, he’d spend his holidays with his new family. What if her parents decided Christmas was the best time of year to go away?
Grow up. You’re not a little kid waiting for Santa Claus.
Cooper started to say something, but her cell phone interrupted his words. She looked around, realized she’d left it in her purse and got up to grab it. It was Tommy.
She slid her thumb across the screen, a little weirded out that her big brother was calling at this particular moment. “It’s like you knew I was talking about you.”
Tommy’s voice boomed in her ear. “Hey. You okay?”
Ellie walked back to the couch and “accidentally” sat a little closer to Cooper. “Yes. Why?”
“I just got a message from Cooper Walsh saying you’d been hurt,” Tommy said, his voice an octave too high.
Ellie looked at Cooper. “You messaged Tommy?”
His eyes widened slightly. “Uh, I just wanted to say small world and merry Christmas.”
Okaaay. Or had he wanted to say, hey old friend, somehow I got roped into watching over your kid sister tonight and it’s kind of killing my evening.
Her stomach cramped and she cast her eyes down. “Tommy, I’m fine. Everything is fine. It was just a little accident. Go back to your evening. Did you do it yet?”
“Not yet,” Tommy whispered. She could hear his nerves bouncing through the phone. Excitement for him snowballed in her chest. She missed him but wanted his happiness as much as her own. “I’ll FaceTime you after. You know…if it goes well. Let me talk to Coop.”
Ellie held out the phone and stood up to give them a minute to chat. She took both of their glasses to the kitchen to top them up. Opening the fridge, she grabbed a can of Sprite and added a bit to her cranberry juice to cut through the strong flavor. Trying not to think about what Cooper and Tommy were saying to each other, Ellie devised a plan.
She’d tell Cooper he didn’t have to stay. If he insisted once again that he was there because he wanted to be, then she was going to believe him. Seemed simple enough, but it felt hard to believe the boy who made her smile was the man who willingly gave up his evening to hang out with her. Why? She was still working on boosting her own confidence. Going out with Byron for a few months had not helped her in that department.
“El? Tommy wants to talk to you.”
She brought their glasses back and sat beside him again. Setting her wine down, she took the phone.
“You okay, kid?” Tommy’s voice was half-teasing, half-worried.
She sighed. “Not a kid, but I’m fine. I’ll see you in a few days, okay?” They were getting together at their parents, hopefully to celebrate his engagement and also to have a belated Christmas together.
“You bet. Love you.”
“You too. Good luck.”
“Don’t need it. I hope.”
Ellie laughed and hung up. Cooper was looking at her with a strange expression. Setting her phone down, she forced herself to speak.
“Listen, I appreciate you hanging out with me, but you really don’t have to. If you feel some misguided obligation because of Tommy, I can assure you, it’s unnecessary.”
Maybe it was cowardly not to look him in the eye when she said it, but she was scared he’d look relieved.
“Do you want me to go, Ellie?” His voice was so soft, she felt like he’d whispered it in her ear. Then she imagined him whispering in her ear and pleasure rocked through her body in an unexpected jolt.
Looking up, she didn't even try to hide her feelings. “Not at all. I would like, very much, for you to stay.”
Their gazes locked and Ellie wondered what it would be like to lean in and kiss him. To take the initiative and show him what she wanted. His eyes darted to her lips for a quick second, then back up, but he made no move to close the distance between them. The fire shimmered, the yellow and orange flames swaying back and forth. The lights on the tree seemed to flash in time to her heartbeat and she felt her pulse…everywhere.
“That’s what I’d like to do. Stay.”
A knock on the door stole her chance to tell him what else she’d like. As if you would have. You’re a total chicken.
“You expecting someone?” Cooper frowned and went to answer the door. She rose and followed him.
“It’s probably Mr. Coby.”
Cooper looked through the peep hole and turned around, his lips flat. “Guess again.”
He opened the door and stepped to the side so Ellie was the one facing her visitor. Byron.
“Good. You’re up and around. I wanted to check on you,” he said briskly.
“What are you doing here?”
“I just told you.” He frowned at her and she rolled her eyes.
Cooper poked his head around the door. “I think she means, since you were a jerk to her before, why would you want to check on her now?”
Irritation did more than flash in Byron’s eyes—it blazed. He shoved his hands in the pockets of his expensive wool coat and glared at Cooper.
“I was not a jerk. Who is this Eleanor?” He looked back at her expectantly.
Cooper slid between the door and her, once again bringing their bodies in close proximity. He held out a hand. “Cooper Walsh. Old friend.” Looking at Ellie, he grinned. “And new one, I guess.”
Byron took his time responding to Cooper’s gesture, which made Ellie want to tell him what she thought of his bedside manner. And his social skills.
“Can I speak to you alone?” Byron did some weird twitchy thing with his brows and then looked at her expectantly like somehow she understood the message he was trying to convey.
“I think we’re going with a no on that one,” Cooper said.
He shrugged, a boyish grin on his face, when Ellie glanced at him. �
�I think it’s my choice, don’t you?”
Byron smirked. “Of course it is.”
Turning to face him with a slick smile of her own, she replied, “I’m going with a no on that one.”
His mouth dropped open and Cooper chuckled.
“Eleanor, I think we have some things to discuss.”
“Like what?” If he wanted to talk, he could do it in front of Cooper. It may have been years, but Cooper was an old and trusted friend. She couldn’t imagine what they had left to say to each other anyway.
Looking back and forth between Ellie and Cooper—who’d crossed his arms over his chest, which had the effect of highlighting how well toned both aforementioned parts were—Byron sighed.
“I feel we were a little hasty. It’s Christmas and no one likes to be alone on Christmas. We shouldn’t have parted ways before the holidays. I shouldn’t have let your intimacy issues be a block between us, but rather a…channel to strengthen our relationship.”
Air clogged Ellie’s throat, making her choke. Want-to-be-words sputter from her lips like gibberish and she wished she had a rewind button for the last five seconds. Or all of her time with Byron.
Cooper stared at her and then stepped in Byron’s space. “She doesn’t have intimacy issues, you idiot. Ever occur to you that maybe you have issues? People issues to start with. Personality ones as well. I can give you an itemized list, but you’re starting to piss me off so I think you should go.”
Still Byron persisted. “Eleanor—”
She raised both hands and cut him off. “No. No. Cooper is absolutely right. Please, for the love of God and my sanity, leave. I wish you a merry Christmas and happy life, but please. Go.”
The man she’d thought would be her first stepped backward, his mouth forming a little ‘o’. Rejection wasn’t familiar to him. With any luck, it would humble him for the next woman.
Cooper shut the door before Byron even turned to walk away. Then he locked it and leaned against it, his eyes roaming all the way down Ellie’s body, then back up before stopping at her eyes.
“Please tell me you don’t believe what that jackass said.” His hands hung by his sides, curled into tight balls.
Oh man. Come clean. “He’s not completely wrong. I mean, it’s not uncommon for a man to want to sleep with a woman and he just didn’t understand why I was having such a hard time and I tried to explain to him that I was nervous. I mean, everyone is nervous their first time, right? But he said I was being immature about the whole thing.” Stop talking. Oh my God. Overshare much? She wanted to sink to the floor and just give up on today. On Christmas. On having any dignity.
Cooper’s lips opened and his eyes widened. He cleared his throat then, without warning, he reached out and stroked his finger along Ellie’s cheek. “First time? Have you never been intimate with anyone?”
Great. Now he’d think she was naïve and too young to have a relationship. Why did she let herself babble? Cooper probably had loads of experience and here she was, practically drunk from a few kisses. Yup. Dignity was definitely off her list of attributes. She shook her head. She was beginning to think sex was as likely as seeing a unicorn. What guy wanted someone so inexperienced she couldn’t even talk about it without heat dancing over every inch of her skin?
Trying for humor, Ellie pasted on a smile so wide her cheeks ached. “This concludes the embarrass Ellie portion of the evening. Sorry the show was longer than expected, but I think it’s safe to say, the rest of the night will be a lot less entertaining.”
Cooper’s gaze softened, like he was thinking of something sweet. Stepping closer to her, he touched his hand to her chin. His other hand went to her waist and the spot he touched pulsed with energy.
“Why the hell would you be embarrassed? Because you didn’t sleep with that moron? Honey, you ought to be proud of that. Smart move, there.”
She laughed, despite…well, despite everything. “Yup. I’m nothing if not smart.”
His fingers clenched, making her heart thump against her rib cage. And her throat. And her ears. She was only supposed to have one heart, but it felt like she had them everywhere and each one was beating out of control. He walked her backward, but kept her close.
“You are smart. You’re also incredibly sexy. And sweet. You’re funny and when you smile, I stop thinking and just want to do anything I can to keep the smile on your face.”
“Cooper.” That was it. She didn’t know what else to say. Really, she’d only said his name to make sure he was real and she wasn’t experiencing some sort of vivid dream.
“You should be proud of yourself for waiting for the right person,” Cooper said quietly, steering them toward the couch.
Nerves fluttered. Was he serious? “Right. It’s what every guy wants—someone who has no clue what they’re doing.”
His grin moved from his lips to his eyes, crinkling the corners in that adorable way that stole her breath.
“Kissing you makes me forget how to breathe. You don’t need an instructional manual, honey. When it’s right, you’ll know. You were waiting for someone special.”
He was special. He’d always been special. Could he also be right? Was it possible that he could see past her inexperience, the fact that she’d grown up as a pseudo little sister to him, and that Tommy was incredibly protective both then and now?
“If you like kissing me, how come you stopped?” She cringed. Not that she didn’t want the answer, but it had come out like a critique.
Cooper laughed and hugged her close, holding her against him, one hand in her hair, one at the small of her back. “I stopped because even though I’m not a virgin, I’ve been looking for special, too. I didn’t even know what or who I was looking for and then I saw you today. Once I knew you were okay, all I could think was I don’t ever want to say goodbye to you again. Maybe it’s cheesy, but I feel like maybe I was meant to be the one to answer the call today. I was meant to find you again. You’re my special, Ellie.”
Oh God, she needed to sit down. She’d never been anyone’s special and the thought of being Cooper’s was fan-freaking-tastic. Talk about worth the wait. Unsure what to say to adequately express her feelings—other than squealing in delight—Ellie went up on tip toes to kiss him.
When he stopped her, her heart plummeted to her stomach. He pressed his forehead to hers.
“I also stopped because I feel like I need to talk to your brother first.”
She groaned. “Seriously? I’m twenty-three. I do not need my brother’s permission.”
His groan outdid hers. “You’re killing me, sweetheart. It’s a guy thing. You’re his little sister and we haven’t seen each other in years, but Tommy meant a lot to me growing up. So did you. I want this, more than I can tell you without possibly scaring you off. But I have to do it right.”
The tap dance happening in her chest was a slight distraction from his words so it took her a minute to absorb them all. She wrapped her arms around his neck, a surge of confidence infusing her blood.
“I think it’s noble that you want my brother’s blessing. I can respect that because, honestly, it just makes me like you more. But, surely we don’t need his approval for something as simple as a kiss.”
His hands contracted sharply, making her smile inside and out. “There’s nothing simple about kissing you, Ellie. But no, I think we can compromise there.”
Grinning and feeling like she’d won the Christmas lottery, she met him half way, not minding that he took his time brushing his lips softly over hers, sighing into her with his mouth and his body. Definitely worth the wait.
~ Six ~
Holy Hanukkah. He should be sainted. Because not yanking her up against him and kissing the breath out of both of them took every ounce of restraint he possessed. And then some. Cooper wondered if a man could die from desire. In his life, he’d never wanted anyone the way he wanted Ellie Wexly. It had come out of nowhere and swallowed him like an all-consuming need.
As he settled he
r beside him on the couch, checking her stitches despite her shooing him away from the injury, he immediately understood the difference. He’d wanted women before. Plenty. But he hadn’t wanted with every piece of himself. With his heart and his mind. His soul. He’d known lust; physical want, but this emotional need was completely new to him. In that way, they were both equally inexperienced. No way in hell was he letting her go. He definitely wasn’t letting some tool like her ex talk her into “working through their issues.” From what he’d witnessed, Ellie had no issues. Just attributes that made him want every bit of her to be his.
They watched two Christmas episodes of Friends and he laughed at all the right spots, but all he could think about was the feel of her next to him, the berry scent of her shampoo that drove him mad, and how touching her both excited and calmed him at the same time.
“You okay?” She asked, almost shyly. It was a wonder his thoughts weren’t bouncing in a speech bubble over his head like a cartoon character; he was working so hard to play it cool. He hadn’t realized she was staring at him.
He touched her cheek—her skin was so soft. He wanted to touch her everywhere, but he felt no rush. “I’m good. How are you? Maybe you should rest?”
Ellie’s fingers traced circles on his chest and it was not easy to think while the subtle scrape of her nails moved over him. How they’d feel against his bare skin.
She smiled, looking at him through lowered lashes. “I’m not tired. Any other ideas?”
He couldn’t help but grin. She had to know nothing physical was happening between them tonight. She felt safe pushing him. Teasing him. Cooper didn’t mind. He liked the combination of anticipation and comfort that simmered between them. In fact, a little teasing might take the edge off. Leaning closer, he pressed his lips to the spot right under her ear and placed small, soft kisses. Her pulse leapt against his tongue and her fingers curled into his shirt, gathering up the cloth.
“I have a few,” he whispered, sliding his lips along the edge of her ear.
