Actually it’s pretty obvious what you would — or wouldn’t — do.
I hated the bile I was feeling in my throat.
“No problem,” I said again, trying my hardest to produce a sincere smile. I walked off with their laughter ringing in my ears. I didn’t know what they were saying about me, but it didn’t matter. Nothing that Greg ever said or did would matter. I dove into that water for Isolda, not for Greg. I shuddered in the light spring weather.
I bumbled along, not really paying attention to where I was going as I considered what to do. I looked up and saw Piper watching me. She was sitting on a different picnic table, far off in the pines. I smiled and waved to her. Again, she turned her back to me and did not return the wave or the smile but slid off the table and walked toward the school, ignoring me the whole way.
CHAPTER SIX
I stood nervously outside the door to Mr. Becker’s class, pretending to look over my homework. I kept my eyes glued to the paper, glancing up often to watch out for Isolda. I heard her laughter first; I would recognize it anywhere. Immediately I looked up and I felt like someone had twisted my insides in a tight grip. Greg had his arm casually thrown around her neck as they walked down the hallway, talking and laughing. He said hi to almost everyone that passed by and they even stopped by a group of people while he entertained them with a joke. He smiled broadly as they all laughed, and then they continued up the hallway toward the classroom.
My mind finally kicked into action and I moved toward the door to try to slide in before them. Too late, Greg called out to me, “Hey champ!” I smiled at him and could see his arm tightening around her neck. He then spun her toward him and kissed her full on the lips, then caressed her cheek, staring into her eyes.
“See ya after class,” he said.
“Yeah. See ya,” she said as she turned toward the class. She avoided looking at me as she put her books down on her table. I went to my seat and looked at the whiteboard, ignoring the twisting I could feel in my stomach. Since Ailey was with her dad in San Diego I was alone at my table. Finally, I turned to look at her and she just looked straight ahead, ignoring me.
“Isolda,” I said quietly. She glanced down and then looked up at me, eyes boring into mine. “Isolda, I wanted to talk to you about yesterday. About what happened.”
“Oh, it’s okay, Tristen. Don’t worry about it. I’m fine.”
“No Isolda, it’s not okay. That’s what I wanted to talk to you about. It’s about… Ailey, I mean.”
She sighed.
“No, really, I mean,” I stuttered, trying to explain. I closed my eyes and focusing my thoughts, and then looked at her, determined.
“What I am trying to tell you is that I don’t have feelings for Ailey. She is my good friend. She is also very happy with Brooks. I wouldn’t do anything to risk either relationship.”
Isolda sighed again and folded her arms across her chest.
I continued: “I mean, I am happy that she is happy with Brooks because I don’t see her in that way. I don’t want to date Ailey. We are purely, strictly platonic.” I looked at her to see if she understood what I was saying.
“Okay, Tristen. Yes, you’ve told me that before. You aren’t dating Ailey. I know that.”
“No, I mean, I don’t have feelings for her. Not in that way.”
My heart thudded in my chest as I thought about what I was going to say next.
“And I wanted to tell you something else. I want to tell you how I feel about you.” My eyes bore into her eyes. I looked deep into them so that I could connect to her on the most intimate level.
“Isolda, I want you.”
She startled and looked questioningly at me.
“I don’t mean it like that. What I mean is that I think you are amazing. Ever since I met you, I’ve wanted to get to know you better, to know more about your family and your life. I think that you’re beautiful… stunning, really.”
The ocean raged in her eyes as I tried to explain my feelings for her, my deep and unwavering feelings that she belonged in my life. And not as a friend but as a love; deep and passionate and true.
“I love your eyes and your hair. You are so beautiful and funny and fun to be with. I just can’t get over…”
“Tristen Michael, look forward please. Class is starting.”
Never in my life have I hated Mr. Becker as much as I hated him in that moment. I closed my eyes and turned forward in my seat. As soon as his back was turned toward the whiteboard I turned again toward Isolda.
“Tristen,” she whispered. “Tristen, I don’t know what to say. I’m…” she closed her eyes.
I looked earnestly at her.
“Thank you for telling me that. I think that I needed to hear it, I really mean it. But I’m with Greg now and I want to be with him.”
“No,” I whispered.
“What?” she asked.
“I mean, Greg is not the right guy for you.”
She glared at me and I hurried to correct myself.
“I don’t want to imply that you can’t decide who is the right guy for you or not, or that he’s a bad guy, but I just know that he seems very nice, but there is something about him. I don’t know how to explain it, but he’s not the right guy for you.”
“So what, and now you want to tell me that you are the right guy for me? You finally want to tell me all this?” she whispered intensely. “Tristen, from the moment I started school here, Greg’s told me that he’s interested in me. Even when he was with Heather, he said he would dump her to go out with me. At the time, I didn’t know what to say, I didn’t know him very well. But when I… when I met you in gym I wanted to get to know you better. But then, I just got sick and tired of waiting around for you to make a move. I mean, I thought that maybe after we went to the strawberry fields, and then all that time we spent together at Ailey’s house, that maybe you would… I don’t know do something. Ask me out, or maybe put me firmly in the friend zone… something so that I could have some kind of clue about how you feel about me. I kept trying to give you hints or something. And then when we were doing homework at your house… Well, I just got the idea that maybe you didn’t really like me. That maybe… I don’t know, maybe you really did like Ailey and just that her going out with Brooks was keeping you from doing anything about it. You two act so comfortable together, in fact she is the only person who you act comfortable around. I thought that maybe you, regardless of what you said, really should be with her.”
I looked ahead so Mr. Becker wouldn’t notice us talking, but really it was in an effort to keep her from seeing my shocked face.
“You liked me?”
“Yes! Couldn’t you tell?” she whispered.
“No! How was I supposed to know?”
“Well, I put my hand by yours on the hay ride, and even the fact that I went with you to the strawberry fields. And I’ve been hanging out with you guys at the library, what you didn’t think that I couldn’t do all that stuff by myself? I went there so I could see you. There were other times too… I can’t remember them all, but I thought I was pretty obvious.”
“I didn’t know,” I said.
“Man, maybe you are as clueless as they say.”
“What?”
“It’s just that my friends say you don’t know much about girls.”
“Well… I guess they are pretty much right.”
She sighed. “Well, what about when I went over to your house?”
I could feel my face blaze red. I’m glad I was still facing forward. Of course, I was embarrassed about that. The fact that I had had the perfect opportunity to kiss her, and instead had blurted out something about Ailey was absolutely embarrassing and I wish I could strike that part out of our timeline, make it obsolete.
“Well… you’re right. That was… Stupid. And… strange.”
I thought about how I could explain my way out of this and sudden inspiration hit. I took a chance and turned back around to look at her.
“Isolda, remember you said that Ailey is the only person who I feel comfortable with?”
“Yes.”
“Well, you’re right. I do feel comfortable with her. But,” I hurried to explain as she impatiently sighed, “it’s because I don’t like her in that way. It’s because, you’re right, I am dumb with girls, I don’t know how to act, how to show my true feelings. And for some reason Ailey makes me feel… like I can be myself without having to worry about what she will think because I’m so… awkward sometimes. And it’s because I don’t think of her in that way. I am not interested in dating Ailey, and I never will be. I only think about you and want to date you, Isolda. And that is why I am so awkward around you.”
She stared a hole into the table.
“Isolda?”
She looked up at me, caution and turbulence in her eyes.
“Isolda, I know that I might not always know how to express myself but I really showed you how I felt when I went in after you in that riptide. I was…” I hesitated, “I was scared. But it didn’t matter. I couldn’t let you drown. I could never let that happen.”
Her eyes locked with mine. My mind raced, waiting to hear a response; I could also hear the voice of Mr. Becker getting closer. I knew I should turn around so that he wouldn’t notice us, but I couldn’t break the lock between us.
“Tristen Michael? Do you have an answer for us?”
I closed my eyes and rolled them back into my head, absolutely wishing Mr. Becker to a faraway island with no way back. I opened my eyes; Isolda was ignoring me and looking studiously forward.
“No, Mr. Becker, I am sorry, I don’t know.”
“Well, is there anything else you would like to share with us?” he asked sarcastically.
I looked at the table, “No, I’m sorry.”
“Maybe it’s because you’re a little… distracted?” he asked, eyebrows raised. “Do we need to change your seat so you won’t get so sidetracked?”
“No sir, I’m sorry sir. It won’t happen again.”
“I hope not,” he said as he sulked off.
Man, I hated him, like this class was the only thing on the earth that mattered or something.
I paid strict attention during the rest of the class and, although he never called on me again, he glanced at me occasionally to make sure I was paying attention. When the bell rang, I grabbed my books, hoping to talk to Isolda before she left.
“Tristen Michael, I would like a word with you please.” I hesitated. “Right away,” he added.
“Yes sir,” I responded.
I looked at Isolda, my eyes telling her to wait for me, but I could already see her eyes drifting to the door where I knew that Greg would be waiting to pick her up.
“I gotta go. We’ll finish later,” she said and walked off.
I walked up to Mr. Becker’s table.
“Yes, sir,” I said, trying to be respectful, even if I was thoroughly annoyed with his interruption in my life.
He looked at me sternly. “I am a little concerned about your concentration in school.” My annoyance grew, I was distracted one time in this class, one time, and now he was acting as if I was failing all my classes.
“Excuse me?” I replied. Why did he care so much?
“Yes, you seem to be getting distracted not only in my class, but also in school in general. I heard about what happened on your trip to the beach, how you swam in after Isolda and didn’t complete your project… not that I think that is an appropriate school project anyway but what would I know,” he mumbled out of the corner of his mouth, sidetracked.
And he thought I was distracted.
“I’m sorry, but I’m not sure what you mean. Yes, I swam in after Isolda when she got caught in that riptide. Are you saying that I should not have saved her?” I asked, trying not to sound too incredulous.
“No, of course not,” he snapped, “although certainly Mrs. Burdach would have eventually jumped in after her.”
“Oh-kay,” I replied unsure of what he was getting at, “I’m sorry, sir, what are you trying to tell me?”
“I’m just saying that it would be wise for you to focus on your studies. Especially when it comes to history.”
“Well, I do have an ‘A+’. I’m not sure how I could do any better.” He looked up from winding his wrist watch to glare at me.
“I’m not trying to be a smart aleck, I’m just asking,” I quickly added.
Is that a digital watch that he’s winding? Is there even such a thing?
“Yes, I know that you have a very good grade in my class, and I’m not trying to be overbearing about it. I just want to make sure that you stay that way. It’s very easy to get… distracted. With the things that amuse kids these days. Mmmm…Okay?”
“Ok. Um… sure. Yes sir.” Man he was weird sometimes. I smiled politely and walked off. Of course, I couldn’t find Isolda afterwards so I just walked to my Biology class.
❦
I finally found Isolda after school. I was surprised to see that she wasn’t with Greg but talking to another girl. I was relieved. This was the perfect chance to talk to her. As I got closer I stopped abruptly. Isolda was talking to Piper. She was rubbing Piper’s arm consolingly as Piper spoke passionately while tears ran down her freckled face. Isolda listened intently and nodded in sympathy.
Ever since the episode in the parking lot, Piper had completely ignored me. Except, of course, that day at the beach. I felt sick to my stomach. I didn’t like that things had ended so badly.
Piper calmed down a little and looked up. When she saw me she stopped talking abruptly.
“Piper,” I called to her.
She said a few words to Isolda, who turned to look at me. I could feel my ears turn pink. They said a few more words and then Piper walked off without looking at me again.
“Piper,” I tried again. She ignored me and kept walking. Isolda turned and approached me.
“Is she okay?” I asked.
Isolda studied me curiously for a few moments.
“I’m not sure,” she replied. “How many times did you and her go out?”
“Just once. Except once we were going to hang out but I forgot and then I tried to chase her but she wouldn’t stop…”
Man, this is embarrassing.
“I tried to call her several times to apologize but she wouldn’t answer any of my phone calls.”
“I see.”
“Is she okay?” I asked again. I felt anxious.
She looked off thoughtfully. “She asked me not to tell anyone. In fact I had to practically pry it out of her at first. She didn’t want to tell me. So I probably shouldn’t say anything.”
I didn’t know what to do. I should probably try to find Piper but I desperately wanted to talk to Isolda also.
“Okay, well…” she paused and stared at me uncomfortably. “I guess I’ll see you later.”
I began to panic. This might be my only chance. As she turned to leave I reached out and grabbed her arm.
“Isolda,” I whispered, my heart yearning to hold her.
She looked at me, her eyes once again in turmoil. “Tristen.”
She stopped and closed her eyes. “Tristen, I can’t tell you how much it meant to me, what you told me in class. But, I have to tell you. I am with Greg now. He… we are together now.”
“Look, I know that you have been spending a lot of time with him, but that doesn’t mean anything. It doesn’t mean that we can’t…”
She was quiet as my voice faded. She was right, I was a coward. I couldn’t even say IT.
In that moment, as she stared at me with those tumultuous eyes and eager expression comprehension overcame me and I understood why I could not finish my sentence. She was my other half. My being touched perfection when her soul met mine and it would never be the same again. It would always long for that completion, that perfect perfection. I could deny it to myself no longer.
But I could not tell her. What if she turned me down?
She st
ood there, waiting for me to say something. Finally she grew impatient. “For the love of guinea pigs!” she exclaimed. “Just say it.”
“Isolda, Greg is so egotistical and self-centered,” I began, trying to say something, anything. “All he cares about is football and his boat. He doesn’t respect women. What if another girl comes along, just as you did when he was with Heather? Wouldn’t he just dump you and go for her?”
I looked up, hoping I had expressed what I really saw in Greg. Instead I saw that tears had stung her eyes. “What, you’re saying that I’m not good enough for him? I’m not good enough that Greg would want to stay with me if someone else came along? Besides, he told me that he didn’t really like Heather anymore and that’s why he broke up with her.”
“No, I don’t mean that. Of course not. I’m saying that’s the kind of guy that he is. He doesn’t see you the way that I see you.”
“Oh, so you think that you’re better than him?”
I’m seriously making things worse.
Her face had hardened in anger and she was standing defensively, staring at me.
“I don’t mean that,” I protested. “You know that.”
“What I think is that you don’t see clearly. Or at least you don’t know how to express yourself clearly until it’s too late. No, Greg is a good guy. And at least he had the guts to tell me from the beginning how he felt. And he’s assertive. He knows how to go after what he wants.”
She was on a roll now, getting madder by the minute.
“He was there from the beginning. He knew from the beginning how he felt about me. And he wasn’t scared to show it. He told me from the beginning that he wanted to be with me.”
“Yeah, but that doesn’t mean that he really likes you. He likes you, but not for what you are inside. But only what you can be, to him.”
“Yes, what I can be to him. What we can be together.”
“No, I don’t mean that,” I said, struggling to define what I meant. “I mean, what you can be to him, to him.”
Suddenly she stood up straight.
“Excuse me?” Her eyes were solid now and as cold as ice. “Tristen, you could only tell me how you felt after you saw that he and I were spending time together. Maybe you only want what you can’t get. Besides it doesn’t matter because I want to be with him. I choose to be with him. So you will just have to accept that.”
The Last Seeker: Book 1: a teen & YA magical, fantasy, paranormal, & adventure novel (TRISTEN) Page 11
