My mind grew quiet with this new information. She did not explain who ‘they’ were but I felt like I would find out eventually. It was all too much right now for me to probe much further. I also felt a tiny bit of resentment that they never told me about it. It could have made my transition easier — the dreams, the shock of not knowing where we were or how we had gotten there. Perhaps I could have even left Ailey and Isolda behind so they wouldn’t have had to go through any of it. Or, I could have stopped myself from going when I did, to be there for my parents. At least I could have tried. But soon my mind drifted off, I couldn’t think about all that now. And I was sure that my parents did the best they could.
“Tristen?” she asked.
“Yes?” I replied.
“You’ll need to get a car.” I didn’t say anything. I knew I would be less of a burden to my mom if I had my own car, but I still didn’t want to think about it.
“We’re also going to go to the lawyer tomorrow. He’ll help you get the funds to buy a car.”
Lawyer? I didn’t even know we had a lawyer.
My mom’s breathing moved into a rhythm. I could tell she was close to sleep. “Mom?” I tentatively asked.
“Mmm?”
“I wish I could have been here when you found out. I wish I could have gone with you to see him when they brought him to the hospital. I want you to know that. That I wish…” I choked out, “that I had been there for him when he asked for me.”
Her eyes snapped open. “Don’t think that way right now,” she said. “Or ever. Don’t. You couldn’t have done anything different than what you did.”
I knew that, but I still felt the guilt. I couldn’t say anything else; I just laid there waiting again for her to fall asleep. I knew that she needed it. So I just lay there, still feeling the nothingness but somehow it had lessened, the pain didn’t feel so deep. It was as if the fist that was squeezing my lungs had let up just a tiny bit and I could breathe a little easier. I let myself give in to the darkness and slept there till morning with my mom.
❦
The next day we sat next to each other on an uncomfortable white couch while our lawyer read dad’s power of attorney. His office looked more like a shrink office than a lawyer office. I thought all lawyers had shelves filled with law books.
I wasn’t paying too much attention; his voice sounded nasally and too high in my ears. At least until I heard this: “…I direct that if I am in the condition described in item 1, above, I appoint Tristen Michael Winstead, or his appointed Trustee if he is not of a legal age, to be my attorney-in-fact, to act in my name in any way which I could act for myself, with respect to the following matters…”
Surprised, I looked at my mom but she, of course, already knew what it said; she just sat there, staring at the carpet. His voice droned on as he listed the things that I was now legally responsible for: properties, bonds, shares, stocks… On and on; I had no idea my parents had so much stuff. I didn’t even know they had a lawyer. When he was done reading the room grew silent. My mom still stared at the carpet and I could see her blinking back tears as they threatened to fall.
The lawyer shifted uncomfortably in his seat and then cleared his throat. “Your parents changed their will when your mom got cancer to make things less complicated for you if anything happened to both of them. Your dad appointed me to be your trustee until you turn eighteen,” he said.
I just nodded numbly, still in shock not only because my father was lying in a hospital bed and we didn’t know if he would ever wake up, but also because of the enormity of the responsibility placed on me. They were talking about placing me in charge of a multi-million dollar estate. I thought that we were struggling to make ends meet. A migraine threatened to overwhelm me and I gritted my teeth to keep myself from breaking down in the middle of the meeting.
The lawyer stood up and walked toward me. He then squatted down to my eye level, put his hand on my shoulder and looked me in the eyes.
“Look,” he said gently. “Your dad wanted to make sure that you would be taken care of if something happened to your parents. Your dad loved you very much and so he took care of things pretty well. I don’t see any need to change any of these things right now.”
He glanced at my mom.
“Right now, the important thing is for you and your mom to take care of your dad. I’ll draw up a form for you to have the money you need to take care of your living expenses and the hospital bills, and then we can go over the rest another day.”
For some reason his gentleness had been the breaking point. I preferred the nasally, annoying lawyer, and now tears streamed down my face. I nodded and then he turned to my mother.
“Lizzy, He’s going to make it. I just know it,” he said with conviction. He opened his arms and she slid down to let him embrace her as she sobbed into his arms.
Who is this guy?
❦
The next evening I sat in my backyard with a book on the Great Wall of China. After we’d left the hospital, my mom went to lie down for a quick nap before dinner.
Studying the picture in the book, I could see a watch tower and the setting sun glowed with warmth. The place looked peaceful and calm, a great place to go to be alone with my thoughts; hopefully it would be deserted at night.
Then, I heard a screen door closing behind me and I turned to look back at the house. To my surprise Ailey was walking toward me; she walked somberly, but confidently. I didn’t say anything, but just watched her approach me. When she reached me, she said simply, “Hi.”
I looked down in my lap. I had expected to go on this journey alone. I sat there for a moment, thinking, and then turned back to my book. I didn’t know what to say, so I said nothing. I held my hand out toward her, looking at her with my unspoken question. Without hesitation she took my hand.
“Let’s go,” she said.
The sun was barely rising to the east as it peaked over the mountains. Even in the dusk, we could see miles and miles of wall and trees and mountains. It was beautiful. These journeys were helpful; I was beginning to feel something besides a deep emptiness and despair inside. For a long time we just sat with the ancient stones beneath us, neither of us saying a word as we watched the beauty of this world. The sun drifted to the horizon and then the sky lit up in colors of orange, yellow and red, like a Chinese lantern. It was stunning.
Finally Ailey said, “Tristen, Mr. Becker said that I should talk to you. I’m not really sure what he wanted us to talk about, but he said that you would know. But first, I just wanted to let you know that I don’t think that we have to talk about anything you don’t want to talk about right now. I just want to be able to be here for you. You’ve been so distant and I completely understand why, but I can help you. You don’t have to bear this alone. I know what it’s like to be uncertain about the future and what it’s like to sit in the hospital next to someone you love so much that you can’t imagine a world without them.”
At this, a heaviness squeezed my heart so intensely that I thought I could not keep the intensity of it inside. I squeezed my eyes closed and clenched my teeth in an effort to shut out the pain. She took my head in her hands and turned it toward her, forcing me to look into her eyes.
“Tristen, what happened to him was not your fault. Even if you had been there with him, there is nothing that you could have done. He knows that you love him.”
At these words, all that I held inside me threatened to burst out into the open.
“Tristen, let them go. It’s okay,” she said.
At her blatant acknowledgment of my feelings, I felt as if the Hoover Dam had broken inside me and all the emotions that had been held back for so long came rushing out. Tears streamed down my face and I was helpless to stop them. She said nothing else but just held me tight while I sobbed. All my anger and fear and grief came rushing out as I cried in her arms.
After what seemed like an eternity, I began to feel something new. I thought about the fact that my parents loved me
and I realized that my mother had never been angry with me for not being there. Although there was still only a whisper of hope that my dad would make it out of the hospital alive, there still was that sliver of hope. Once again I began to feel the loving bond that Ailey and I shared and that love buoyed me. Slowly all the hurt and anger drained out of me and was instead filled with hope and peace. The Hole had been filled. Deep inside, I suspected that Ailey’s love for me could heal me.
“Did Mr. Becker tell you why we should talk?” I asked.
She shook her head. “No, he just said that you had something to tell me. I tried to figure out what it was, of course, but he just left. That’s when he was in France with us. Remember, I walked him out? That’s when he told me.” She mumbled something under her breath, but I didn’t catch it.
I thought about Mr. Becker. He was such a quirky person, I never knew what to expect from him. I thought about what he’d told me about Ailey.
“Ailey.” I took a deep breath. I had no idea how to even begin to tell her.
She stared at me silently, searching the depths of my mind, her eyes wandering into my soul.
Suddenly her demeanor changed. “No,” she said softly.
“I have something to tell you. I know this is a little bit shocking for me to say but, Ailey, you are my twin sister.”
She just sat there silently, as if in shock. You could probably hear a pin drop if I dropped one off this wall.
“Mr. Becker told me when we were in France, when I went to free the sheep when the village was attacked. I don’t know much else. He just said it and then ran off… kinda like what he did with you.”
What a chicken.
She just sat there, not moving. She was looking at me but her eyes weren’t focused on me. Her mind was far away. She had a very strange expression on her face, as if she had just been shocked like never before. I grew uncomfortable and shifted on the cold rock.
Finally her eyes shifted back to me. “Tristen, are you sure? I mean, how do you know what he said is true?” she asked.
“Well, my mom kinda confirmed it. She told me that I’d always felt like I belonged to her, even though she was never pregnant with me. And she told me that she’d always known about my gift. I didn’t ask her if she knew that you were my twin sister, though.”
I still harbored a little bit of anger over the fact that they’d never told me, although I hated myself for feeling that way. How could I have any anger toward my parents right now? I’d grown closer to my mom the past few days and yet we were still miles apart in some ways. We didn’t try to work out anything difficult. We were just trying to keep it together.
“Wow, I see. And you’d never known before? That you were adopted, I mean.”
“No, I never knew. They never told me,” I responded. I sounded a bit more bitter than I’d intended. “What about you?” I hesitated. I was unsure how much she knew about her life. I mean, was she adopted and, if so, did she know it? Or did I belong to her parents? And if that was the truth, then why did they give me up?
“Yes, I am adopted. I’ve known since I was little.”
Her words cut me unexpectedly. She had always known that she was adopted and yet my parents hadn’t said a word. I turned my face to hide my pain. I couldn’t help it though. Then I thought of her reaction to my news. She hadn’t known that we were related. For heaven’s sake, not even brother and sister, but twins!
“Well,” I began cautiously, “maybe this can explain some things like our connection that we were so confused about.”
She sat there thoughtfully. “Yes, I guess you are right. But that opens a lot of doors. Of course, I’ve thought about it before – who my real parents are. But why were you and I separated? Why didn’t they keep us together? I mean, we lived so close together, why didn’t they keep us in the same house?”
“I don’t know,” I answered. “Do you know anything about them? Our parents, I mean?” I asked. Immediately I felt a sense of treachery that I was eager to know more about these people when they had given us up in the first place.
“No,” she responded. “My dad said that their records were completely sealed. They knew nothing about them, not what they looked like, where they lived, nothing. Not even the circumstances about why they gave us up. As a condition of having me, they had to agree that they wouldn’t even try to find anything out. What about when you talked to Mr. Becker in his office? He didn’t tell you anything else?”
I felt a strange and guilty sense of relief that she didn’t know much more than I did. “No, he said that he couldn’t tell me anything else about them. I don’t know why everyone is so bottled up about this.” I looked at her. “Ailey, what do you think about being my twin?”
The morning was still chilly and I shivered. She looked out over the mountains for what felt like several minutes. I felt like I was dangling off the side of a cliff, hanging on by the thread of a rope tied to her. The bond that I felt with her was now so strong that if she didn’t want to acknowledge it, I would feel as if she had cut me off to fall to the treacherous mountainside below. In the past, I’d never felt like anything I could say or do would ever alienate her from me. Until now. I held my breath, anticipating what she would say.
“I’ve always wondered if I had any brothers and sisters. And now that you’ve told me, it almost feels as if I have always known it. Deep down inside I’ve always known that you were my brother. And out of all the possibilities in the whole world,” she took a deep breath before she continued, “I can’t think of anyone else I would rather be siblings with. And twins, no less.” She smiled brightly.
I exhaled. Her smile broke into me and I felt a feeling deep into my consciousness. I actually think I felt happy. I couldn’t help but smile back at her.
“Okay then.” My stomach grumbled and Ailey laughed.
“Well, obviously we’re going to have to talk to someone who has more information. If you’re not ready to talk to your parents yet then we should definitely talk to Mr. Becker when he gets back. I’m sure he knows something.”
“I agree. Well, should we go now? I’m kinda hungry.”
I turned to pick up the book but she grabbed my arm. “Just one more thing.”
“Yes?”
“I just wanted to tell you that you need to talk to Isolda. I know things are really… rough right now, but she’s really worried about you. And she’s having a rough time too.”
“You’re right, I do need to talk to her. I want to talk to her. I mean, I want to be able to give her so much but I don’t know if I can. I mean, she deserves so much more than I can give her right now.”
The words came tumbling out of my mouth before I’d even really thought about them and I felt surprised. Could I really let her go right now so that she could have something better?
She gave me a strange look. “I think that you would be surprised what she needs right now.”
I sighed heavily. I didn’t know how to even begin to interpret that.
“Please just tell me what you mean,” I said.
“Just that maybe what she needs right now is to feel needed by you. She wants to be there for you and yet you’ve shut her out.”
I mulled that over in my mind.
“Do you think that we should tell her? About us, I mean?” she asked.
I sighed. I wasn’t sure I was ready to tell people yet. Although Isolda wasn’t people.
“Well, we should tell her something.”
“Yeah,” she agreed.
“We’ll have to figure out what exactly to tell her.”
“Yeah,” she thought for a while. “We’ll think of something.” She hesitated and I could tell that there was something on her mind.
“Is there anything that you need to tell me?” I asked.
“Well… I guess I should tell you,” she began.
“What?”
“Things with Greg are really… strained.”
Although I hadn’t really thought about it, hearing
it now was no surprise.
“I thought that they broke up. I think… well, I thought that she said something about that.”
“Yes,” Ailey agreed. “They did break up. She actually broke up with him before we came over to your house that day. But he’s having a hard time accepting it. And so he’s been doing all this stuff to her.” She paused and I waited for her to finish. “And I’m getting this feeling that even… Piper is up to something. I really think that you need to talk to Piper. Like right away.”
“Why?”
She smiled. “Dear hopeless Tristen,” she said, her eyes twinkling. “I think your sister needs to give you a good lesson about the opposite sex. I know you don’t get it, but she’s crazy about you.”
“What?”
She sighed and shook her head. “Yes. She is. Or was, at least. I think that you need to have a good conversation with her and tell her that you aren’t interested in her in that way. It will hurt her, but I think that she needs to hear it.”
I felt weak, just thinking about that conversation. Ailey shook my arm a little.
“It’ll be okay. I’ll help you with that. And with Isolda. She needs you. Right now Brooks has been helping her out, but she needs someone else to help her. I know that things have been really hard for you. However, we can’t make Greg change so that you can have time to… do what you need.” She looked at me straight in the eye. “She needs you to stand up to him for her.”
I was quiet, absorbing everything. I was also mad.
Oh, Greg will hear about it from me. For sure.
“Isolda also told me that she felt like she’d lost you. That it was too late,” Ailey continued. I looked up at her, startled.
“She thinks that?”
Ailey nodded.
All the anger melted out of me and instead was replaced by shame. “You know that’s not true,” I said.
“Of course I know that,” she responded. “Tristen.” She grabbed me by my shoulders to face her, looking me directly in the eyes. “You’ve had a shock and a lot to think about and to worry about. Don’t feel bad about Isolda. She’s stronger than you think. She can handle this right now and Brooks and I are here for her. You need to be with your mom and dad right now; that’s what you’re supposed to do. But I just wanted to let you know how she felt and what she’s going through. And that we’re here for you, we want to help you. Isolda wants to help you.”
The Last Seeker: Book 1: a teen & YA magical, fantasy, paranormal, & adventure novel (TRISTEN) Page 23
