Ardeur (Abbey of Angels)

by Danielle Gavan

  The play of emotions and every thought he was having flashed over Brody's face. Surprise at my admission of never being kissed was topmost on the parade of things that his expressions told me. When he spoke again, it was with a barely restrained growl.

  “Why the hell not?”

  I watched the pink tip of his tongue dart out over the lush curve of his lower lip and had to tear my eyes away. “Um, honestly? I've never felt good enough to let anyone.” That one had the demon laughing.

  “You still aren't good enough. I really need to find a gag for that mouth of yours. Shut up before he…”

  Shut up before I go find a permanent way to do it for you.

  “What the hell? How can no one have ever wanted to kiss you? Have you looked in the mirror?” Brody's fingers touched down on a strand of my hair and traced the coil of it over the cushion. He licked his lips and looked back at me. “Your hair is like spun gold and your lips? Jesus H. Christ, your lips are perfect for kissing.”

  If his eyes could have devoured my lips with just a look, they were absolutely doing it then. The way he was looking at me had parts of my anatomy going all squidgy and I turned away to look out the window for fear of what I would do if I gave in to those feelings.

  Brody watched her tongue nervously dart out to swipe over those lush lips and the wolf in him wanted to jump her right then, the hell with being good. Ardeur's turning away told him that her pain went deeper than he'd expected. The knowledge leashed the wolf like nothing else ever had.

  He got up and moved to squat in front of her with his hands gently placed on her knees.

  “Hey, don't go away on me. Please?” She was throwing off so many smells that he couldn't make any sense of them. “Please, Goldie?”

  He wasn't one to beg for anything, but he'd do it for her if it got the frown off her face and pulled her out of the dark place she'd obviously gone to in her head. He'd beg on hands and knees if he needed to do it.

  “I'm sorry.” The smile she gave him was small, tight with the apology and one of the best damn things he'd ever seen. “Some people have skeletons in their closets. I've got a demon in mine.”

  The room was so quiet around them that had a pin dropped, it would have echoed between them like a scream in an empty tunnel. Brody watched the emotions and thoughts flicker through Ardeur's eyes, fast paced and frantic until finally she stilled. The bubblegum pink tip of her tongue slipped over the smooth curve of her lower lip and her eyes fixated on his own suddenly dry mouth. “Brody - would you kiss me?”

  Man and wolf were in complete agreement on this one. Ardeur could have asked him to rub his stomach and tap his head and it would have been less of a shock than her request for him to lock lips with her. “I would love to, but - you're sure?” Goddamn it. Why in hell had he given her an out? The wolf laughed at him. Because despite what you might think - you've got it bad for that girl. You just don't know how bad yet, boy.

  A subtle nod of her pretty head, a shift of legs down to the floor and Brody found himself knuckle deep in the golden depths of Ardeur's hair, his neck bending forward until their lips finally touched in the briefest, gentlest kiss. By the gods he wanted to take it further, but couldn't risk spooking her with anything more than chaste closed lip kisses.

  Her lips were softer than any silk his fingers had ever touched, the hair wrapped around his hands like a golden prison that he never wanted to be free of again. Everything about the tiny woman whose tongue was tracing the line of his bottom lip was made for him. Her tongue? Fuck me. It was Brody's last coherent thought before he groaned, “Thank the gods.” His mouth opened up for her and waited to see where she'd take the kiss next.

  I heard Brody groan and then my tongue was in his mouth, his was in mine. Nothing - nothing had ever prepared me for how good that one thing could feel.

  Before we realized what was happening, my hands were around the back of his neck, my legs were around his waist and the two of us were sitting on the floor blinking at each other in wonderment at how we'd gotten there. “Who knew kissing a wolf could be so damn fantastic?”

  The smirk and soft growl my comment earned would have been fantastic just by themselves, but the golden glow of Brody's eyes as he opened them to look at me told me just how much the kiss had affected him. It had clearly hit the right spot with him too and that put the most satisfied smile ever on my face.

  Brody dropped another sweet kiss on my lips as he lifted us both off the floor and swiveled to plant my backside on the couch. He sat a few inches away holding a pillow over the spot I'd previously occupied in his lap.

  “You're pretty damn good at that for someone who's never been kissed before.”

  “Yeah?” I couldn't help the radiant smile that grew wider as his fingers found their way over to me and caressed my arm absentmindedly. My tongue slid out to moisten my lips and the warm, earthy flavor of the man I'd just been kissing filled my mouth once again. “Think we could do that again?”

  A squeak of surprise slipped past my lips as Brody hauled me over to him while he grinned like a fool. “Hell yes.”

  Emboldened by our previous kiss and ready for more I wrapped my arms back around his neck and swung my hips around so that my knees rested on either side of his hips. There was a whispered, “Shit.” before I felt a large warm hand on my lower back while the other continued to rub my arm.

  I planted my ass solidly in his lap; my legs wrapped around his waist and lips stopped barely a whisper away from his. “Now, where were we?”

  Brody's lips met mine and he kissed me again, feather light and tentative in his exploration of my mouth. He let me control where the kiss went and how quickly it went there.

  The heat of his hands as they settled on my waist drew a soft sigh, quickly followed by a groan of disappointment when they moved off just as fast as they'd settled. I wanted him to touch, to hold, but he was clearly holding back. The patience was appreciated, but I wanted his hands on me and took matters into my own.

  “Put your hands back on me, Brody. Please, touch me.”

  My head dipped down while he decided what to do and my tongue swiped along the rough skin of his chin, the soft flesh of his neck. I knew the moment he decided. He growled as his head fell back against the cushions and his hands closed around my waist.

  I felt his left hand leave my waist and slide down my hip to hesitate over my ass before making the return trip upward. His skin tasted better than anything I could have ever imagined. I wanted to strip naked and roll around in the smell of him. My hands found his and I planted them firmly on my ass.

  “I won't break, Puppy. Just take it easy, leave the clothes on and keep the hands inside the ride at all times.” I dipped in for a quick kiss and smiled at him. “I'm inexperienced, not ignorant.”

  His response to my words was to grip my ass more firmly so that I was scooted right up against the front of him. “Damn it, Goldilocks, you're going to kill this wolf.”

  The kiss he gave me this time was deep, full of passion and I could sense that finally he trusted me to tell him when things had gone too far. Brody's hands were everywhere I wanted them to be. One of them was buried deep inside my hair, cupping the back of my head to hold me close. The other was slowly, hesitantly making its way around the front of me to finally cup my right breast through the loose t-shirt I wore.

  Somewhere between the heat of his hand on me through my shirt and the nibbling of his teeth along my neck, I heard his growl out a request for me to tell him what I wanted. His teeth pulled at my earlobe and I gasped.

  “This. This right here is perfect.”

  I scooted in closer - pressing my chest further into his hand and my hips against his, unaware of just what that close proximity would do to a wolf in lust. One moment the ball was in my court and the next I was on my back, Brody looming above me growling fiercely as his hips ground into mine once before he flung himself away to sit on the couch opposite.

  “I scared you and I'm sorry, Goldie. I'm sorry.
”

  The golden eyes glowing back at me from across the room captured my attention. I might have been terrified for a second as he'd pinned me to the couch, but now I was intrigued by the smell of warm fur and heat he was throwing off. I wanted to cross the distance between us and rub my face in the scent of him but thought better of it. “Don't be sorry. I should have known better than to push like that. I'm sorry.”

  “It's not your fault, Ardeur. It's mine. I don't have the control that you need.” He dropped his head into his hands and looked down at the intricate pattern of the carpet at his feet. “It's been a while, and this wolf is wound up pretty tight.”

  I finally got up the nerve and crossed the carpet to kneel between his knees. “I know. I can feel the pent up energy skimming over my skin like electricity.” My hands reached up to cup the curve of his strong jaw and tilt his face to look at me. “You have enough control, Brody. I'd be naked on that couch if you didn't.” I kissed him softly and whispered, “I trust you. I don't know why, but I do.”

  Brody kissed me again and rose to look out the French doors. “Just because you don't see the eyes doesn't mean the wolf's not right under the surface.” His hand rubbed the back of his neck and I realized that he did that whenever he was nervous. “Just gimme a bit of space, okay? I need some air, or something to eat - anything.”

  He stopped by the door and turned to look at me beseechingly. “Come with me. I have to get out of this room, Goldie. Your smell is everywhere in here and it's driving me nuts.”

  “It's okay, you go. I need to clean up anyway and now that you've brought my bag I can wear my own clothes instead of these borrowed ones.” I had turned, unable to watch him walk away. The pillow he'd had in his lap was cuddled to my chest as I listened to the door open. “You're not leaving, are you? I'll see you later?”

  “Yeah. I've found you and I'm never letting you out of my sight again.” His footsteps sounded on the hardwood outside the library and I knew he was gone, for now.

  “You are such a naïve idiot, Blondie. The wolf got a taste of you and he's never coming back. He couldn't even get the job done and jumped away in disgust when he realized what he was kissing. He doesn't want you; it's just another warm body to him.”

  Really not a good time to start this shit, Shade. Just leave me alone.

  Despite not wanting to believe anything the demon said, years of hearing it and being told I was unlovable made it difficult to shut out the doubt and insecurities that followed me upstairs and into the shower while I cleaned up.

  Remiele's spell book sat where I’d left it on my bed when I came out of the bathroom. I put the towel I'd been using for my hair down and flipped the book open to the bookmarked page. The title of the entry read Nephilim. My teeth worried at my lip while I debated whether I had the courage to do what the book advised.

  “You sat in a werewolf's lap and kissed him. You can do this.” Saying the words out loud didn't really make me believe them but it was a small comfort that I could even say them at all. I'd made my decision and now I had to suck it up and do it.

  Fourteen

  Rae and Valencia were sitting together on the wall that surrounded the gardens sharing a bottle of whiskey when I came out the abbey's back door later that night. I gave a soft chuckle at the patently drunken slurring of Rae's words as he told her to cut it out, he wasn't in the mood. The sound of boots crunching on the gravel around the wall reached my ears followed by Val's husky voice.

  “Yeah, it's been a bad night, which is why I came out looking for you. Thought you might want an ear to bend or maybe a partner to get shit faced with, but it's up to you really.”

  I watched from the shadows while the angel and the dhampyre shared the whisky and talked.

  “So you’re leaving us in the morning?”

  Val’s soft chuckle floated to me on the night air. “Yeah. An old friend called earlier and needs my help with a job he’s working on in Bora Bora.” A short silence filled the air. “I can’t pass up a chance to work on my tan and spend a few weeks on the beach.”

  Rae snorted and I pictured the sarcastic smirk I knew would be pasted on his lips. “Right. Like you’ve ever spent time working on your tan. You’re so pale you glow.”

  Liquid sloshed in the quiet of the night as one of them took a sip from the bottle and then Valencia spoke, “Do you think you'll be able to remain friends with Ardy now that her wolf is here? I saw them in the library earlier. There was some hot and heavy kissing going on.”

  Another sloshing of liquid followed. “I don't know. I'd like to think so. She hasn't got anyone but the few of us here to call friend - or even family, for that matter and Ardy needs that.” There was a long pause broken only by the sound of more whisky sloshed as they drank in silence. “I just wish I could help her and the whole Shade situation without mucking things up.”

  Had I needed a sign to tell me that now was the time to ask Rae for his help in ridding me of Shadekar, I couldn't have asked for a clearer one. I stepped out from the shadow of the abbey and moved closer to where Rae and Val sat. Both turned to look up when they heard my approach and I saw a deprecating smirk lift the corner of Rae's mouth.

  “Did no one ever tell you it's rude to eavesdrop, Ardy?”

  “They did.” I toed the ground with the tip of my boot. Asking him for anything stuck in my craw, but I had no choice. He was the only solution I could come up with. “I came out to ask you a favor, Rae. Hear me out?”

  Shade gave a piercing howl of protest inside my head. Didn't take him long to figure out what I was up to once he put all the thoughts buzzing through my head in order. I was about to ask Azrael to give him his walking papers and my demon was none too happy with the decision.

  Rae rose to face me. The silvery light of the moon turned his black hair into a dark halo around his head and I couldn't help but smile at the irony of it. A quick glance at the look on Rae's face wiped the smile away. “Sure, what do you want then?”

  I gave my request a second thought but decided that I'd gone this far, might as well finish what I'd started. “You know I have a demon. I need it, him, removed. Do you know what I need to have in order to get rid of him, Rae?”

  He threw the empty bottle against the stone wall and cursed a blue streak. Shade cackled gleefully. Angel blood was the key to my release from the constant torment Shadekar kept up inside my head. “Why me? Why now, Ardy?”

  “I want a life, Rae. A normal life like everyone else gets and the only things keeping me from that are the demon inside me and a few drops of your blood.” I watched the play of emotions on his face range from sadness to uncertainty to something else that sent a chill down my spine. Greed. “A small prick of your thumb, a couple of drops of the red stuff and voila, demon free Ardy. Easy peasy, lemon squeezy.”

  Shade's anger was rising to a boil as he watched Rae's face through my eyes. He saw the indecision on the angel's face and my eyes flashed black for a moment before I was able to slap a lid down on the bastard that lived under my skin and waited for Rae to decide. My co-pilot was happy where he was and really didn't want to go back to the Kentucky Fried Hell he'd been summoned from.

  Valencia rose from her perch on the wall and moved to Azrael's side. “She's right, Rae. What does a few drops of blood matter in the grand scheme of things? You could give your friend, our friend, a normal life. Well, as normal as someone like Ardeur can have, but still, she would be free of Shade and you've seen the messed up shit he can do to her.”

  I had never spent much time with Valencia before and reassessed my opinion of her. It looked like there might be some smarts behind all that pretty. The half-pyre was earning credit in my books as she talked to Rae and tried to make him see how saving me from an eternity of Shade's torment was a good thing.

  “You know what Val says makes sense. I've been fighting Shade for thirteen years, Rae, and I'm afraid I won't be able to keep it up much longer. You've seen how he's begun to slip through my defenses more and more lat
ely. Please, help me?”

  The drunken haze in Rae's eyes had cleared when I'd asked him my favor and he fixed his unwavering eyes on me. “Do you know what will happen if I do his? You understand we will be linked forever? Oh, and another thing - where is Shade going to go after he leaves you? That jackass is going to need a new home once he's bounced from your body. Did you think of that one?”

  My answer took all of two seconds to come back at him. I blinked up at him from my much lower vantage point and met his eyes with my own darker blue ones.

  “Um, yeah. I absolutely can live with that if it gets the prick out of me. Do you know how annoying this little shit is? I mean, really? Yap, yap, yap. Twenty-four-seven. Non-stop, all-demon-all-the-time channel.” I shrugged and answered the second part of his question. “As for where he goes when he's out? Not. My. Problem. Don't give a flying shit where the mofo ends up as long as his ass isn't in mine.”

  Valencia's husky laugh drew both of our attention to her with matching questioning expressions. “Don't worry about Shade. His ass is mine when he shows.” She flipped a dagger out of her boot and held it up for us to see as Val explained that she had once known a sorceress who was very creative with demonic and holy artifacts. They'd become close friends and the sorceress had gifted Valencia with the dagger, created and blessed by Mongolian monks, for her birthday. “Takes the demon stain right out.”

  “Nice.” I laughed and grinned hugely at Valencia. If we both survived this, she was so becoming my new best friend.

  Rae echoed my laugh and ran his hands through the mess of his short hair. He looked over at Val and grinned. “You have an answer for everything, hm? Well then, let's get this done so I can get back to drinking myself stupid.”

  My face lit up like a kid on Christmas morning. For someone who'd never really had one, I didn't have any experience to compare it to but if anyone had asked me what I wanted under my tree, this would have been it.