After the game ended, she waited outside the locker room, down the block from the field. Being this was the first time she’d been with the families of the players in this environment, she felt almost like she didn’t fit in. A smile crossed her face when Traci, Linc’s wife, plodded across the grass with two smiling tow-headed boys—one in each hand. Approaching, the pretty blonde gave Pax a big hug hello. “Girl! I didn’t know you had a voice on you! Seb mentioned to Linc that he hoped to set something up for you to sing… Wow! What a treat!”
Paxson blushed from the praise, but secretly reveled in it. “Thanks. I almost killed him when he told me what he had done. But I am glad it turned out well. It’s a hurdle for me to overcome, but I guess he’s pretty good at motivation.”
Traci laughed, hugging her one more time.
Chatting together while Traci’s boys played in a grassy area near the sidewalk, Pax learned Traci and her sons were leaving tomorrow. She hated they hadn’t gotten more time to visit.
Using her hand to shield the sun from her eyes, Traci checked on her sons across the sidewalk. “We have to get together when the boys get back in town. Maybe after opening game? I’ll find a sitter for the kids, and we can go to a nice restaurant.”
“I’ll check with Seb, but I’m sure he’d be happy to do it.”
“I’ll hold you to that. I’m putting it on the calendar, in pen.”
They were still laughing when the players came out of the locker room area. Seb pulled Pax into his arms spinning her around. “I told you, didn’t I? You just needed to have a little faith in yourself.”
“Okay. I guess you were right. I am glad you pretty much forced me into doing it. But remember, this is not an open invitation for you to do it again without asking, okay?”
Sebastian smiled as he put her down. “I got it. Don’t take Pax for granted. Check.” As he pulled her close again for another bear hug, Paxson soaked up his affection and encouragement.
Chapter Thirty-One
The next two days they spent relaxing at the beach and attending games at the ball park. Paxson thoroughly enjoyed being not only with Seb, but also Rangy. Seb’s excitement bubbled over when he introduced her to Carter Manning, the young man he’d taken under his wing. Pax instantly saw the connection between them, knowing by spending time with the young man, Seb’s heart could begin to heal from the tragedy of his past.
Sorry to see her short visit come to a close, Pax concentrated on the fact that in only three weeks, Seb would be back in St. Louis for the opening game of the season. Of course, it also meant starting up a schedule of him only being in the city for a few days at a time, with road trips sprinkled throughout the coming months. His passion for the game drove him, and if she wanted him in her life, she would have to learn to deal with it. She also knew if he wanted to stay in her life, he would have to understand her passion, being a follower of Christ.
Their last evening together, Paxson felt uneasy. Sitting on the couch in her rented condo, she stared at her duffle bag on the floor. Tucked away in the bag, she’d hidden a gift for Seb. Her desire to give it to him waned with every moment. She didn’t want to ruin their short time together.
Since their few weeks apart, Pax’s desires to talk about spiritual matters with Seb increased. For some reason, the start of baseball season sparked the realization she couldn’t remain in the relationship for much longer. They’d been together five months, and although Seb went to church with her sporadically, Pax didn’t think he’d made any progress in seeing things from a spiritual point of view.
From talking to Rangy, Linc, and Traci, she knew he kept away from the women and the bars. Happy to hear this, she still doubted whether his motivation came out of a respect for God as well. She needed to ask him about things and deal with the consequences of his answers.
Dear Lord. I don’t know why, but this night, this dinner with Seb seems like it has to be a decision point between us. As wonderful as the past few days have been, I know I need to be concentrating on living my life for You. In doing that, I have to figure out where Seb fits into all of this, knowing the answer may be in telling him goodbye. Give me the strength to make the right choice.
Pax walked over from her condo, a wrapped box in her hand, and knocked on his front door. Opening it with a tired smile on his face, Seb’s hair was tousled; apparently he’d been asleep when she knocked. “Bash! I’m sorry I woke you.”
Ushering her in the condo, he allayed her worries. “Oh no, it’s okay. I needed to get up. Let me order the food, and it’ll be here in twenty minutes or so. Chinese is okay, right?”
Answering in the affirmative, she sat on the couch, unsure of what to do with the box in her hand. She didn’t want to stow it away from view, but her nerves got the best of her, and she started to stuff it under the couch when she heard his voice. “Food will be in here in thirty…what’s in the box?”
Swallowing hard, she looked up. “I brought this for you. I’ve been thinking about giving it to you for a while, and well, I decided today seemed the day to do it. I hope you will take it in the spirit it is given.”
“Well, now you have my curiosity piqued.” Sitting down beside her, she hesitated before presenting him with the gift.
Carefully peeling off the wrapping he found a plain box sealed together with a piece of tape on each end. Undoing the tape he lifted off the cover and unwrapped the tissue paper covering the gift. “Oh, wow. This was…unexpected.”
Paxson’s heart sank. His reaction confirmed her fears. “I know it isn’t anything you have ever asked for, but I felt it was the right time to present it. I got it a while ago and never got up the nerve to give it to you. I actually planned to give it to you before you left for Spring Training, but I chickened out and kept it in the car at the airport. But like I said, I hope you take it knowing I didn’t give it to you without much thought beforehand.”
Taking the black leather Bible out of the box and tissue paper, Seb fingered over his name engraved in gold on the front. He opened the pages, finding some of them stuck together from the silver finish on the edge of the pages.
“I don’t take this lightly at all, Pax. I know a gift like this means a lot to you. I just don’t know if I’m ready to try and figure out everything that’s in this. I still am unsure about a lot of things.”
“I know. I just thought at least you should have a Bible on hand if you ever decided to study further. And if you have any questions on what’s in there, I will try to help you as much as I can.”
Reaching over, he took her hand. “Thank you, Pax. I appreciate you thinking of me and wanting to help me out.”
Although relieved he hadn’t rejected it altogether, she had hoped he would be more willing to study with her. Feeling somewhat heartbroken, she sighed. If he was determined to remain stagnant in his spiritual life, then she needed to move on. The thought of being without him covered her heart in darkness.
Chapter Thirty-Two
Almost three weeks to the day of her return to St. Louis, Sebastian returned as well. Pax could see Seb’s spirits were high as he exited the airport where she waited with the car.
“Hey there fella, looking for a ride?”
“I sure am. You heading where I’m going?”
“I could be… Where you thinking of going?”
Dropping his bags, he spun her around in circles. “Anywhere with you, beautiful!”
“My, you are in a good mood!”
After stowing his luggage in the trunk, he closed the lid and smiled. “What’s there not to be happy about? The team did well in the spring games. I’m in the best shape of my life. The one-on-one instruction with Carter seemed to be pretty beneficial. Even though he didn’t make the squad, I think it’s only a matter of time before he’ll be up in the big leagues, in a utility position at least. It’s hard not to be happy when maybe you can contribute to a guy’s dream coming true.”
She ran her fingers down his cheek. “I like seeing your smile, Bash.”
He rubbed her hand with his. “I know. I feel like it’s been in hiding for a while, but these days it’s hard to frown.”
****
Opening day of the baseball season always brought the city to life. Fans crowded the sidewalks outside the stadium, and the bright red color of the team uniforms and souvenirs made the whole downtown area of St. Louis look and feel electric.
Paxson navigated her way through the crowd to the seat Seb chose with the season ticket pack. Not surprised to discover she had a great seat right on the third base side, she could see right into the Cardinal dugout at the personnel milling about preparing everything for the start of the game. The weather couldn’t have been more beautiful, and Pax found the buzz in the air exhilarating.
Not long after her arrival, the sounds of the organist streamed from the speakers, and the back field gates opened. Appearing from behind the stadium, the world renowned Clydesdale horses stepped lively onto the field, in keeping with the long held tradition of Opening Days past. Behind them, convertible cars of every color and size lined up, each holding one or two players on the team. They slowly trekked around the warning track along the back field wall so the players could wave to all the fans.
Standing up, Pax joined the crowd in cheering and clapping as each player rounded the field. Eventually, she spied Seb in a cherry red Ford Mustang. The look on his face brought tears to her eyes. The sheer happiness he felt exploded from every feature. He waved at the crowd with great enthusiasm, and when he caught Pax’s eye, he blew her a kiss. She didn’t know she could feel this good at a baseball game.
After the official announcements, the players took to the field to warmup before the first pitch. Looking over the field at Seb she saw a big smile on his face. He joked and laughed, while he ran from first base out into the middle infield with Linc and Rangy by his side. Evidently, he thrived in this atmosphere. Pax clapped over and over with happiness for him.
Many of the people around her sported Seb’s jersey and she could hear them comment as they saw him on the field. She felt a surge of pride when they spoke in glowing terms about his play and the potential for the team.
Pax became completely enthralled once the game started. The crowd cheered loudly with each strike thrown by the Cardinals pitcher and every hit from their batters. By the bottom of the seventh inning, the Cards had a four-run lead over their opponents from Cincinnati, and the crowd stayed well involved in the game.
At the top of the eighth, the Reds’ top hitter came to the plate. He had been held hitless the entire game, and Pax knew he would be looking to knock one out of the park to redeem himself. A fastball came over the plate, and he swung with all his might connecting as the ball flew in the air Seb’s direction. Standing, Pax clapped, expecting a routine out. Seb casually waited on the ball to come toward him and ran backwards in order to track it down when suddenly, his cleat caught on a rough patch in the field. He twisted his body in an attempt to right himself but landed on the ground as the ball sailed over his head. He reached toward his leg, grabbing his knee in agony. While Seb writhed on the field, Linc raced over to grab the ball and throw it back into the field of play before hurrying over to Sebastian.
Paxson’s heart jumped into her throat. She couldn’t believe this could be happening, and immediately she prayed for Seb’s injury to be nothing serious. Surely he would be up and on his feet in just a minute. Linc frantically waved his arms for the trainer and manager to come out. Stifling her desire to run out on the field herself, she continued to stand with her hands in front of her face praying with each breath.
When the team asked for the medical cart to be driven in from behind the fence, Pax couldn’t stand it any longer. She knew she needed to get to the locker room area if at all possible. She grabbed her purse and hurried up the steps, darting around the people who stood dazed at the events on the field.
Reaching the area blocked off from fans, she saw a security guard who Seb introduced her to before the game. “Roger! Roger! It’s Paxson Taylor… I’m a friend of Sebastian’s. Please will you let me in?”
Hearing her voice and then seeing her face, he ran forward and pulled her in his direction. Opening the door which led to the locker room area, he pointed. “He should be down there in just a second, Ms. Taylor. Go to the right, when you get to the end of the hall. Follow the noise. You’ll get to him there.”
“Thank you, Roger.” She ran down the hall.
Approaching the inner sanctum of the stadium, she passed several security guards, and heard Roger’s voice come through their walkie talkies telling them to let her pass. The look of concern on each of their faces did nothing for her diminishing hope of Seb being okay.
Reaching the training area, she held back a sob. Seb lay on a table, his handsome face scrunched in pain as periodic moans escaped his lips while the team doctor manipulated his knee. Covering her mouth with her hand, she stifled a sob.
“Seb. I think you’ve tore it up, son. We won’t know for sure until we get an MRI, but from the pain you’re describing and the way it feels, I think you have probably torn the MCL and the ACL. I am so sorry.”
Paxson’s heart broke. Seb lay silently, his arm flung up covering his face.
“Bash.”
His eyes pierced hers. “Pax. Just leave, okay? I… I just need you to leave.” He turned from her.
Pax jumped like she’d been slapped. “Okay, Bash…Whatever you want. I’ll check on you later.”
She slowly walked backwards away from the training room, then ran out the door and out of the stadium.
Chapter Thirty-Three
Sebastian’s couldn’t believe it. “Are you telling me what I think you are, doc?”
“The MRI confirms it, Seb. Your knee’s in bad shape and I want to get your surgery scheduled as soon as possible.”
Seb hung his head. It only took a few hours for his worst fears to be realized. Seb knew the recovery time for an injury like his could take anywhere from four to six months. Some friends who suffered the same type of injury missed the entire season, and sometimes it cost them their career.
“I know this is not the news you were hoping for Seb, but you’re strong and healthy. If I know you, you’ll bounce back ready for next season. I’ll give you a minute to process everything.” The doctor patted him on the back and slipped out of the room.
Devastation poured over Seb as he processed the news that he couldn’t play ball this season. Second only to the death of his children, it was the hardest news he had ever received.
****
The team flew in one of the most renowned orthopedic doctors in the country to perform the operation. Even knowing he had the top doctor on the job could not alleviate Sebastian’s depressed state. First God had taken his family, and now he took his career. Seb didn’t know if he could handle anything else.
Unable to bear the thought of being surrounded by believers, he could not bring himself to call Paxson. He knew she would be supportive and encouraging, but Seb’s only desire was to be alone. He knew he hurt her, but he didn’t care at the moment. Working out and playing ball had been one of the few distractions he found from the constant pain of missing his girls. Now he didn’t have that anymore, the pain of it all sent him on a downward spiral of discontent.
In only a few short weeks after the surgery, he went to physical therapy pushing himself beyond his limits. He needed to get back on the field as soon as possible. The therapists appreciated his dedication but also tried to remind him he wasn’t as young as he used to be. Such an invasive surgery on a 34-year-old body would take time to get over. Sebastian didn’t want to hear it and kept pressing on.
Four weeks post-surgery, while in his home office going over paperwork, he noticed the folder Pax put together for him on the LLS account. Seeing it brought back memories of the past few months and the time he spent with her. He knew he should call her or at least call Michael and figure out what their new plan was since his injury put him out of com
mission sports-wise.
Picking up the phone, he called the number he knew by heart.
“Leukemia and Lymphoma Society, this is Tori.”
“Hey Tor, its Seb.”
“Sebastian! I’m so glad to hear from you. We have all been worried sick since we hadn’t heard how you were. So… how are you?”
“I’m getting around. Therapy’s a bear but I’m getting through it.”
“I’m so sorry about your injury. If there’s anything we can do, please don’t hesitate to call. I’ll put you through to Pax.”
“Actually Tori, is Michael available?”
“Michael? Pax is here. Are you sure you don’t want to speak to her?”
“No. Michael will be fine.”
“I’ll put you right through. I hope your recovery goes quickly, Seb. We miss seeing you around here.”
****
Walking through the lobby, she heard Tori answer the phone and Pax paused when Tori mentioned Seb’s name. Her heart leapt at finally getting the opportunity to speak with him. It had been a month since his accident, and she feared what might happen if he went through this all alone. Pax didn’t understand why he’d shut her out, but she figured he would call when he felt ready.
Upon hearing Tori ask Seb if he really wanted to speak to Michael instead of her, she closed her eyes and placed her hand to her mouth, as sorrow bubbled within her. Hurrying back toward her office, she shut the door, her legs crumbling beneath her. Sliding down the door, she wrapped herself into a ball. Putting her hands in her face, she wept bitterly.
Just a Little Faith Page 16
