by Skyler Andra
“Autumn… you know what’s in you, don’t you?” His words were careful, gentle, but layered with steel. If I’d been thinking about trying to deny what was going on, that tone told me that he wasn’t going to let me do that.
“I–I’ve had dreams,” I admitted, trying to piece everything together after shock had smashed everything to bits. “Walking in a garden. Things like that. And strange ones. Places I’ve never been before, things that feel real, too real.”
I started to tell him about the rest—the strange edges of the dreams where things went from gardens to something darker, a wintery night that never ended, but then another thought occurred to me.
“So… you’re an avatar?” I asked. “I mean, I’ve never heard of anyone just walking around calling themselves Ares or Athena.”
“It is different for every god and avatar,” he explained. “Some relationships are fraught and some are more congenial. Some are antagonistic, while others are tenuous. Your relationship with Persephone can take many forms.”
“My relationship with–?”
“She’s waking up,” he said, suddenly, sparking a terror within me. It was as scalding as the desert sun, but also as heavy as a weight being dropped on my shoulders.
“No,” I protested, taking a few steps back from him. “No! That’s not… that’s not me. I don’t want that.”
He frowned. “It’s within in you. She’s a part of you.”
From his look, I could tell he wanted to say more, but the plants woke up at my fear and cut him off. They wound around his legs and arms, bringing him to a halt. He released a harsh breath. A dark trickle of blood flowed down his arm where the rose thorns had sliced him.
“Don’t say that!” I cried. Hades, still and trapped by the flowers, lifted his eyebrows with a helplessness that made me want to weep. “I don’t want that!”
“You are still you,” he promised, his tone low and urgent. “I swear this to you. Your own spirit will always be a factor. You will not be overwhelmed and made into something else nor will everything that you are be cleared away to make room for something alien. That won’t happen.”
“How do you know?” I demanded. “You just told me that everyone is different. What if I’m one of the ones who does have that happen? This is my life, my body! I’m not going to give it away just because some goddess woke up from a six-hundred-year nap!”
“You won’t because I know you,” he assured quietly. “You’ll still be yourself. It is just that sometimes you will be yourself and a little more.”
Hades gestured at the plants around him as well as he could. I figured he could have broken away from their grasp if he tried, but then he would have torn them, and the roses in turn would rip his arm to shreds if he did.
“Your defenders here. You couldn’t do that before, could you?”
“No.”
“And yet you did it without thought. It is just another part of you, something that has been dormant in you for some time. It’s all right, Autumn. I am here for you. I will not let you go through this alone.”
I swallowed, took a deep breath, and forced my breathing back to an even pattern. The flowers, this time responding to my calm, let go of him and relaxed back into a strange grove of beautiful blooms. He stepped toward me gingerly, wrapping me in his arms. I let him as I pressed my forehead against his chest until another thought occurred to me.
“And–” I swallowed the words clogging my throat. “This is why you’re with me?”
“No,” he immediately denied. He did it so quickly that I knew he must have expected the question. Well, that was fine. Everyone was allowed to ponder, but I also needed the truth. I didn’t want him pursuing something with me only to dump me once the goddess returned.
“You’re Hades,” I reminded him. “And you and Persephone were married.”
He was frozen so long that I looked up at him. I might have expected him to be indignant or nervous, or even angry or upset. Instead, a kind of strange emotional vagueness settled across his features and it startled me, almost as if he were trying to grasp at something he had forgotten. As I studied him, he shook it off, offering me a slight smile.
“My relationship with her was a long time ago,” he said with a thin smile. “She chose to leave. We are different people now. You and I get to determine what we mean to each other. No one else.”
It was the right thing to say. I let go of a deep breath. God, I needed to hear how we weren’t just puppets for some greater shadows behind us. I hated the thought of being something other than myself, or that the powerful feelings I’d discovered for Hades were based on something that came from beyond my control.
“I don’t know if I can think about this anymore right now,” I admitted. “That doesn’t mean I get to stop thinking about it, I know, just… this is a lot.”
Hades nodded, dropping a surprisingly quick and gentle kiss on the crown of my head. “I understand. Let me know if your dreams become disturbing to you, or if you have any questions. I can give you answers, or I can find you people who will.”
I nodded and then mustered a slight grin from the sunny part of myself that I’d lost for a moment. “Thanks. And hey, was that our first fight?”
He frowned at me. “I don’t think so. Learning about who you are and needing time to deal with it doesn’t really turn into a fight.”
“Whatever.” I nudged him in the side. “But if we had a fight, that means we can have loud, messy make-up sex.” I waggled my eyebrows at him.
He offered me that crooked smile again, the one that made him so human to me and told me how underneath all the god stuff was someone who could fall in love. “Appealing. I will take it under advisement.”
Well, I hoped he took it under serious advisement because later I wanted to do what we’d done again and again. I craved to feel him on top of me so I could forget all about this god and avatar business for the moment.
He glanced around. The garden had darkened from the moon’s descent, and a chill hung the air that hadn’t been there before.
“Would you have any objections to leaving now?” he asked.
“Actually, no, but… could we go to my home?” I replied.
“Of course.”
And he made it so.
Chapter 21
Autumn
I knew that I’d made a stupid mistake when we appeared in the hallway outside my studio apartment. Besides the fact I swayed on my feet and felt ill, I’d forgotten about the ugly brown water stain on the wall that stood out like a sore thumb. Or the skunky scent of my neighbor’s weed that clouded the hallway. Someone three doors down boxed my ears with Lou Bega.
Mortified, I winced and closed my eyes for a second. “Um, maybe this isn’t such a good idea. We should go back to your palace.”
I thought for sure that Hades would agree with me and snap those sexy fingers of his to transport us to his palace, but instead he placed a hand on my door.
“No, I’d love to see your place. Unless you’re not comfortable with me here?”
Junipers!
“You live in a magical palace,” I said rhetorically. “I live in a five-hundred-dollar studio directly above the dumpster. I guess I’m concerned that you aren’t going to be too comfortable.”
He was a god, after all, surrounded daily by marble, fluffy pillows, the finest silks, and everything inlaid with gold and jewels. Whereas my apartment was barely larger than a shoebox.
“Let me decide that.” His voice held that edge of command I liked, and I relaxed as he magicked my purse from somewhere.
Hades didn’t do things for my benefit. I couldn’t force him to do anything he didn’t want to do. Everything he did was because he wanted to, and that included being with me, I reminded myself. That provided some comfort.
I sighed, grabbing my keys to unlock the deadbolt. My apartment gave off the slightly musty smell that came from being unoccupied for a few days. Quickly, I went to my kitchen bench and lit a pineapple and
coconut scented candle to replace the odor.
Hades looked around with a curious expression, his wide eyes absorbing everything, his mouth slightly agape, and suddenly I beheld my place for the first time through his eyes. Thank God I had cleaned it before I left. But then again, it didn’t take that long to clean such a small space. He mused and pointed at the clutter of green plants on just about every surface.
I clutched one hand with my other. A tattered brocade comforter that I found at a yard sale covered the bed, along with a pile of mismatched pillows stacked something like a couch. Beside my bed rested a small bookshelf. In front of that, a rug that someone else had thrown out covered the stained floor. That was pretty much all my furniture because I didn’t have the space so I used my bed as a sofa.
“Look, I know it’s not much, but–” I started.
“Shush.” A distracted look passed over Hades’ face, something almost awed as he nodded slowly and tilted his head to inspect posters, plants, and every pillow around the room. In my apartment, he looked more like a person than some all-powerful god, and I couldn’t take my eyes off how gorgeous he was moving through my space in the faint dawn light.
My place was cozy for one person. With two, it verged on crowded, but it didn’t feel that way to me. Having him in my space felt strangely right. Everything I had accumulated might not add up to much, but it was mine, and the shame and nervousness that I initially felt simply vanished as I sat back on the bed to watch him.
“I like it,” he finally said, and I laughed at the faint note of surprise in his voice.
“I hope so,” I replied, relief streaming through me. “I like it too. I know it’s not a palace, but it’s mine.”
Hades stroked one of my many potted plants and I pulled out a special pun just for him.
“Did you hear about the lazy flower?”
“Not again. You torture me with these.”
“I know.” I smiled. “He got a kick in the bud!” I patted the side of the bed. “Come here.”
Just a few days with him had changed me enough to where the dawn now indicated that I should be sleepy instead of awake. It occurred to me that it would be a pain getting back on a regular sleep schedule for when I returned to work at Pearl’s, or opened up my own little shop.
He stood at the side of my bed for a few seconds, but with a soft laugh I pulled him in.
“When this is all over,” he said with a sudden seriousness, “When we have collected all of the errant dead, we should discuss what will come next for us.”
“Wow,” I teased, using humor to diffuse a tense question. “We’re already getting that serious.”
He teasingly bit me on the neck for that.
“Because I’m Persephone?” I had to know. Things in that regard were still a little fuzzy. And I felt like he had more to tell me.
“Because you are you, with all that entails.” He reached up to lay a gentle hand on my head, smoothing back my hair, causing me to lean against him with a blissful sigh. “She is a part of you. She always has been. You cannot deny it, you know. I think that if you look deep within yourself, you won’t even want to.”
Part of me knew that he was right, but I wasn’t ready to admit it yet.
“I think I’m going to need some time on that one, boss,” I deflected quietly, fingering the button of his suit.
Although he smiled, I wondered if it contained some strange, twisted ancient grief that he didn’t want to tell me about. If it did, I decided that it would come out sooner or later. He’d lived far longer than I had. I could deal with a few skeletons in the closet, at least for a little while. It wasn’t like my life didn’t have them. Just so long as said skeletons didn’t return to make trouble down the track.
I started to speak, but a long yawn cut me off. When it finished, I asked, “Can we sleep here tonight? Tomorrow night we can take a turn at your palace of wonders.”
“You want to be home. Of course, but on one condition.” Oh, God, not another deal. Just what did he want to bargain for this time?
“What’s that?” I asked, raising an eyebrow.
He ran a finger along my collarbone, sending a zing of delight through my chest. “That we get out of our clothes and get under the covers.”
I laughed a little at his slightly disapproving tone. “How dare we wear clothes!”
I kissed him on the nose.
“I suppose I can handle that. But no funny business. I don’t want to give my neighbor a heart attack.”
He quirked his own brow back at me in a way that conveyed how he was considering punishing me for daring to raise that topic. Well, that had been my aim at least. Kinky little minx!
I flicked my fingers at him as if I ordered a servant to do my bidding. “You may undress me now.”
Now it was Hades’ turn to snort. “Imperious little thing. I fear I have created a monster.”
“Is that going to be a problem?”
“When the monster is as beautiful and sweet as you? Not at all.”
Charmer.
Just as long as he kept up those sweet words, we were all good.
Slowly, and without ever taking his eyes from me, he stripped to the skin.
“Yeah!” I clapped. “Do a little dance.”
I wasn’t sure if he would humor me, but wouldn’t it be fun for strict and rigid Hades if he did? Please, please, please!
To my surprise, he shimmied his hips slightly as he hung his clothes up on a hook by the door, then twirled in his underpants as he crossed back to the bed.
“Yeah!” I clapped again, encouraging him to loosen up more even though I liked him the way he was.
He crawled from the end of the bed all the way to me. With his typical fierceness, he stripped me out of my own clothing, this time taking care not to damage the green dress he had given me. I purred with pleasure when he left stray kisses on my shoulder or on my waist. Soon enough, we were naked and under the covers as he requested, and I sighed with delight. Enjoying the warmth and hardness of his body, I snuggled under his arm, resting my head on his chest. Tonight, we were content to just lie in each other’s arms.
Even though we had lain together before, this felt new in its own way. My body still glowed with the warmth of everything we had done together in the garden, but a strange normalcy came over me as we fell into a deep sleep together. This was what I was missing, I thought hazily. It felt beyond good to have his nude form cuddled up beside me, his breath in my ear.
I feel safe…
By now, my eyes felt as if they were weighted down with sandbags. I closed them, wondering what in the world my life might look like next week considering everything that had happened in this one as I slipped into another strange dream.
***
I loved parties, and this one was just as amazing. Under an open night sky, the air was so warm that it whispered of the very beginning of summer when the heat switched on, but the humidity hadn’t set in yet. In my hand I held a flagon of something sweet and fizzy. People kept offering me fruits and meats, but I didn’t care for any of it because I was waiting for someone.
We were all in an open field dotted with bonfires, and I knew the guest I waited for would come to celebrate with me, to be a part of the warmth that I’d brought to the land. From where I sat by the largest fire, I saw people kissing each other, sharing sweets and drinks, and dragging each other into the dark with shy giggles and loud laughs. My chest fluttered with the love all around us.
I strained my eyes against the darkness, hoping for a glimpse of the person I sought even if I couldn’t exactly say who that was until I saw him. But then I spotted him across the fire, and he looked the way he did at his home underground, far away and distant—a pale god with the stars in his eyes. Hades was and wasn’t a part of my world, and as he turned to leave, I knew that I couldn’t allow that.
I got up from my golden throne and followed him, laughing, because wasn’t that part of the fun? Plenty of our guests chased each other bet
ween the glows of fire, so many of whom catching their loved ones in their arms, and I couldn’t see why I should be any different.
His path led me around and around the flames, the flutter of his robes always beyond my grasp. I called to him, but he wouldn’t turn even when I ran as fast as I could to catch up.
Next time, I’ll make him take a turn at chasing me, I thought. Let’s see how he likes it then.
Slowly, the fun ebbed out of my pursuit. My feet hurt, my lungs were on fire, and smoke wafted all around us, concealing the white of his robe, the flash of his face as he turned his head to look at me. Still, he didn’t slow, and my happiness soon turned into something darker and angrier.
“Stop! You have to stop!” I called out after him.
Yet he didn’t, and the chase began in earnest. Our guests cleared away. The fires reduced to embers. The ground beneath my bare feet turned rocky and hurt my soft skin, but that was less important than catching him. At this point, I wanted an explanation more than I wanted a kiss, and that was saying something.
My breath came hard and sharp. I was a goddess and thus never intended to be a runner. If I didn’t reach out and catch him now I’d never be able to catch up with him at all. Drawing on one last burst of speed, I lunged for him and finally managed to snatch a large handful of his robe, making him stop. But still, he didn’t turn.
“What’s the matter?” I asked. “Why did you run away from me?”
At last he twisted to face me, but something changed in his face. While it still contained his usual beauty and power, it was a little more human and strained with fear. It felt utterly wrong. Hades couldn’t be afraid, could he?
