“What did I say?” he growled menacingly. “What did I fucking tell you?”
Nodding to one of his men, he tossed the knife up in the air. It flew, handle over blade, the short distance between the men, and the man caught it easily. Watching as the man headed toward the Jeep, I gasped for air, finding it hard to breathe, let alone speak with how tightly E had a grip on my throat.
“N-no,” I rasped. “Please… He’s not…mine.”
E’s grip on my throat loosened some. “What?” he shouted, his black eyes opening wide. His face was an angry shade of red, his nostrils flaring wildly as his features contorted with fury, and I wondered if I hadn’t just made things that much worse.
“He’s not mine!” I screamed hoarsely, watching as the man yanked open the passenger door, caught Alex before he could tumble to the ground, and shoved him back upright. “We’re not together, E! We never were!”
The man thrust his hand forward, sending the blade into Alex’s side. Howling in pain, blood spraying from the wound as the man pulled the blade free, Alex slumped to his side just as Leisel began to scream.
Using his hold on my throat, E pulled me to my feet and glared down at me. His chest heaving, he brought us nose to nose. “You were never with him?” he whispered darkly. “Never?”
Trembling with rage, I shook my head back and forth quickly. “Never,” I hissed. “He loves Leisel, you disgusting fuck!”
“Get them out of here!” E bellowed to his men, jerking his chin toward the Jeep. The same man who’d stabbed Alex slammed the passenger door closed, and E turned back to me. “I’ll deal with you later,” he said, his expression promising nothing but pain.
The thought of Leisel out there unprotected, of Alex injured and possibly dying, and me stuck behind this fence with this madman, spurred me into action. I couldn’t stay here, not with him, not without Leisel. Panic and pain driving me, I found myself reaching blindly for the gun holstered at E’s hip. Yanking it free, startling him enough to loosen his grip on me, I scrambled backward, firing instantly, aiming for E’s heart, his head, anything that would hurt him and stop this madness.
The first shot went wide, my panic enabling E to duck and dodge sideways, and he made a run for one of the broken vehicles. I kept shooting, shooting in all directions, causing his men to scatter.
Shouting sounded all around me as bullets cracked through the air, the noise and chaos bound to alert the rest of the camp that something was wrong. Knowing Leisel and I wouldn’t be able to fight off the entire camp, I ducked and ran for the Jeep, throwing open Leisel’s door as she scrambled out of my way and into the backseat. Pulling the door shut behind me, I slammed my foot down on the gas, and in a flurry of spinning tires and flying gravel, we shot off across the parking lot.
“Turn the gates back on!” E’s angry voice bellowed.
“Leisel!” I screamed, only to find her right next to me, wedged between me and Alex. I tossed her my gun. “The guard at the gate! You need to kill him before he turns the fences back on!”
Gripping the gun, she took hold of the roll bar above our heads and pulled herself upright. Though tears were pouring down her cheeks and her chin was trembling violently, she aimed and pulled the trigger, letting loose a flood of bullets. Her aim was off, not helped by the violent rocking of the quickly moving Jeep.
The guard must have realized his life was in danger, that we were going to hit the gates whether electricity was flowing through them or not, because I wasn’t stopping, not a chance in hell. Instead of attempting to turn them back on, he went running in the opposite direction. We flew past him and barreled straight toward the fence.
“Duck!” I screamed, pulling on Leisel just as we hit the gate, our tires spinning only slightly as the Jeep went headfirst into it. Groaning and creaking, the metal tore easily from the ground, the section we hit ripping away from the rest of it, then flying up and over our heads.
Gripping the steering wheel, I turned the Jeep in a wide, tire-squealing arc toward the road. As I spared a glance in my rearview mirror, I saw E running after us, his large form gradually growing smaller and smaller in the distance.
I looked across at Alex, at my poor Leisel cradling his head in her arms and sobbing. His blood was everywhere, covering him and Leisel, and the entire interior of the Jeep. The bitter tang of death hung thickly in the air all around us.
The now-familiar scent that seemed to follow us everywhere.
Chapter Thirty-Nine
Leisel
“Help me with him!” I cried, unable to bear Alex’s weight as he began falling from the open door of the Jeep. Evelyn rushed around the vehicle to my side, and lifted up Alex’s arm, slinging it across her shoulders. I did the same, and together we managed to pull him somewhat upright.
“I’m sorry,” he mumbled, blood and spit spraying from his lips. “I’m sorry…Lei…”
We’d driven as long as we could, until it had become clear that Alex was losing far too much blood, and we had to stop to try to dress the wound. There had been nothing for miles, just long, empty stretches of wheat fields and overgrown grass. Finally we came to the edge of a small town, where we happened on the shell of a gas station and an old rundown motel situated behind it.
I waited in the Jeep with Alex as Evelyn checked the place out, finding that the rooms had been picked clean long ago. There was no furniture remaining, and the structure was full of rats and insects, but thankfully free from infected.
Using her shoulder to push the already open door even farther open, Evelyn helped me settle Alex onto the dirty carpet. I kicked several cockroaches out of my way before dropping to my knees beside him.
“We shouldn’t stop here,” Evelyn said, her eyes darting toward the open door. “What if they’re following us? We can’t be all that far, only a couple miles at best.”
I shook my head, unconcerned if they found us, only caring about Alex. He wasn’t going to make it, not if we didn’t treat the wound. “Let them come,” I said bitterly.
Evelyn looked uncertain, but she didn’t voice her feelings. “I’m going to see what’s in the Jeep,” she said, turning away. “See if there’s anything we can use for him.”
As she hurried out, I gingerly lifted Alex’s blood-soaked T-shirt away from his skin. On his bruised and battered abdomen, the small wound was still bleeding profusely. Beneath the blood covering nearly every inch of him, his tanned skin had turned a sickly shade of gray, growing cold to the touch, and his breathing was beginning to slow.
“Oh God,” I whispered, my eyes blurring with tears. “Oh God, not again, not again, please, God, not again.”
Alex’s one good eye opened, focusing on me as he tried to raise his arm. He couldn’t seem to manage enough strength to do so, so I gripped his hand and brought it to my face.
“I’m so sorry,” I sobbed, my tears falling faster, spilling onto his chest. “I’m so sorry, Alex, I’m so sorry.”
“Lei…” he croaked, attempting to turn his head. “You don’t… nothing to be sorry… for…”
“Don’t try to talk,” I mumbled, brushing my hand over his hair, pushing the fallen strands from his eyes. “We’re going to get you better, you’re going to get better, and everything will be fine.”
A single tear that had welled in the corner of his eye slid free down the side of his broken nose. I bent forward and kissed it away, softly kissing his battered cheek, his bloodied chin, and then finally, brushing my lips across his.
I hardly knew him, yet losing him was every bit as painful as losing Thomas was. Alex, the hope he’d given me, the unexpected love, it had brightened my ever-darkening world. Now that small slice of sun that had only just begun to peek through the dark clouds was dimming, fizzling out, leaving me like everything else had.
And it was all my fault. Another consequence. He saved me and because of that, he was dying.
“Worth…it,” he struggled to whisper, his breath coming in short puffs against my lips. “You were�
��worth it.”
Pulling away from him as more tears formed, clouding my vision, I shook my head, knowing full well I wasn’t worth it, I wasn’t worth this much death and destruction. No one was worth this. “I love you,” I cried softly. “I love you, Alex.”
I did love him in the sense that he held a place in my heart, one that was solely and irrevocably his and his alone. It might have been a different type of love than what I felt for Thomas or the way I loved Evelyn, but it was love nonetheless.
He tried to smile, wincing as he did. “Take…care…of…” He trailed off, his one eye closing.
Frantic, I dropped his arm and leaned forward, pressing my face against his, searching for his breath. Placing my hand over his heart, I waited breathlessly for it to thump, and sighed in relief when I felt it. Although his breaths were shallow and his heartbeat slow, he was still breathing, and his heart still beat.
My own heart pounding furiously, I fell back on my ankles. I wanted to scream. I wanted to beat my fists on the floor, beat them against my face and my thighs and just scream and scream and scream and scream. It wasn’t fair, it wasn’t fucking fair. Everything good left in this world was going to be eventually snuffed out altogether, one by one, and not by the infected but at the hands of the selfish, greedy people who’d taken control, who’d turned a worldwide devastation into their own personal playground. Soon there would be nothing decent remaining, only sin or sacrifice, and my only solace was the hope that eventually they’d all kill each other off.
“Move, Lei!” Evelyn shouted, rushing back into the room with her arms full.
Setting down Alex’s hand, I scrambled to his other side while she dropped the bundle she was carrying and began to sort through it.
“There’s nothing to clean the wound with,” she muttered. “Nothing to stitch it with either. I’m going to wrap it as tightly as I can and then bandage it, okay?”
Still crying, I nodded. “What can I do? How can I help?”
She paused in her sorting and looked up at me, her wild eyes suddenly growing soft and sad. Opening her mouth, no sound came out, and she closed it, then licked her lips. As she shook her head slowly, tears began to gather in her eyes. “This is my fault,” she said, choking over her words. “This is my fault, all my fault, Lei! It’s all my fault!”
She was shaking now, trembling so violently that I stood up, stepping over Alex to drop down beside her. Pulling her quivering body into my arms, I could feel how cold she was despite the heat, nearly as cold as Alex.
“No,” I whispered fiercely. “No! Not one single thing that has happened has been your fault! All you’ve done was fight for us, for me. The actions of others is not your fault, Eve, do you hear me? It’s not your fault!”
Pulling away from her, I took her battered face gently in my hands. “Now, please,” I begged her. “Please help me save him.”
Pressing her lips together, Evelyn squeezed her eyes shut and curled her hands into fists, then shook her head. Reopening her eyes, she swiped the tears from her cheeks and pointed to a pile of clothing. “Help me rip it,” she said, her voice sounding stronger. “We need long, thin pieces to tie around him.”
Forgetting our grief and our regrets, we busied ourselves with the task at hand, knowing the only thing that mattered at the moment was to try to do something to help Alex. After tearing the clothing into strips and tying them tightly around his abdomen, we continued to bandage him with the remaining suitable articles of clothing. When we were finished, we made a bed of sorts for him using scraps of material for a pillow and his jacket as a blanket.
Afterward, when Evelyn had gone to check the area for threats, I lay down beside him, taking his hand in mine and holding it to my heart. Humming softly, I began to pray. Who or what I was praying to, I no longer knew.
But in the end, all our efforts were wasted. Alex died as the sun was setting, while rays of gold and yellow streamed in through the window, touching every inch of his body. Appearing as if he were glowing, he took his last shuddering breath before going still.
“Thank you,” I whispered, kissing his cold lips with my own trembling ones as my tears fell on his cheeks, making it look as if he were crying in his sleep. “Th-thank you for everything.”
• • •
“Where should we go?” Evelyn asked, her head against the wall, her eyes on the window as she watched the fat and full moon hanging low in the night sky. “Should we still head south? Or west, maybe?”
Seated beside her, my back against the same wall with Alex’s head in my lap, I ran my hand through his hair, much like I’d been doing all night. “Does it matter?” I asked.
“No,” she answered, sounding listless and far away. “It doesn’t.”
“I wish we could bury him,” I mused, still running my hand through his hair. “Instead of having to just leave him in here.”
Several rather bold rats had already begun sniffing around his body, not seeming to mind when I would kick them away. They were waiting, I guessed, for us to leave him here so they could have their meal.
“We could try,” Evelyn offered, still staring out the window. “Maybe I could find some rocks for us to dig with.”
“That sounds good,” I whispered, trailing my knuckles down Alex’s scruffy cheek. “We should do that.”
We lapsed into silence, Evelyn’s gaze still on the moon, and mine on nothing in particular. While Evelyn continued to sniffle, I couldn’t seem to cry. It was as if my tears had all but dried up. It was about time, I thought wryly, that I stopped crying every other second.
“Lei?”
“Hmm?”
“Remember what you said to me at my wedding? Right before I was supposed to walk down the aisle?”
My lips attempted to turn upward, wanting to smile, yet I hadn’t the strength for it. “Yes,” I said. “I remember you were scared out of your mind, and so I told you to put your big-girl panties on and get your ass out there.”
“No,” she said. “After that, right before you were supposed to walk out there. You looked over your shoulder and smiled at me, remember what you said?”
“I remember.”
“You said, ‘If you don’t walk down that aisle and marry the best thing to ever happen to you, then I’m going to lose the best friend I’ve ever had. You can’t be best friends with your husband’s best friend’s ex-girlfriend, you know?’”
Evelyn rolled her head toward me, her blue eyes glistening with tears. “I didn’t want to lose the best friend I’d ever had,” she whispered. “So I put my big-girl panties on and walked down that aisle.”
I stared into her eyes and gave her the best smile I could muster. “I remember,” I said. “I also remember what you said to me when I found out I couldn’t have children.”
Evelyn’s eyes closed, more tears spilling out from beneath her lashes. “I said,” she replied hoarsely, “that I’d have babies for both of us.”
“And Thomas had asked if that meant he got to have sex with you, remember?”
Through her tears, Evelyn smirked. “He was only joking, but I’d never seen you so mad.”
I shrugged. “It wasn’t funny.”
“Lei, it was funny. Even Shawn thought it was funny.”
I shook my head. “It wasn’t funny.”
“It was.”
“No.” I cleared my throat and glanced down at Alex. Even with only the light of the moon, I could tell that his lips were now blue, his skin a waxy sort of white. Gently, I combed my fingers through his short beard before glancing back up at Evelyn. “In fact, I’m still annoyed with him for that.”
“He loved you. He would never have touched another woman.”
“That’s not the point.”
“You’re silly.”
“I know. And yet, you love me anyway.”
Reaching out, Evelyn placed her hand over mine, and together we ran our fingers through Alex’s hair.
“Thomas would have liked him,” she whispered.
Letting my head fall sideways onto her shoulder, I closed my eyes and let out a sigh. “I could’ve loved him, you know? Not like I loved Thomas, but…I really think I could have.”
Pressing a kiss to the top of my head, Evelyn inhaled slowly. “I know.”
“I love you, Eve.”
“I love you too, Lei.”
Chapter Forty
Evelyn
I’d been dreaming of Shawn. Nothing specific, just another ordinary day in our ordinary life together, lost in the daily humdrum. I dreamed of washing clothes and ironing them, vacuuming the throw rug in our living room, grocery shopping, the feel of his strong arms wrapped around me and the gentle kisses we’d shared. It had all seemed so vivid, so real, that when I awoke, still leaning back against the wall, slumped sideways over Leisel, I sobbed from the loss of the dream, the loss of Shawn, the loss of the woman I’d been.
The sight of the motel room only made my slap back to reality that much harsher—the filthy, blood-soaked carpet beneath me, the dirt-stained walls, the cracked and crumbling ceiling above, and the body of Alex, his once sun-kissed skin now mottled with the bruising appearance of rigor mortis. The smell in the room was awful, the stench of the dead always was, an unforgettable mixture of feces and urine amid the rancid smell of rotting meat. But beneath all the foulness there was always a hint of sweetness, a tinge of fragrant perfume, as if in death, underneath all its ugly glory, lay a sort of beauty trying to claw its way forth.
Worse were the twelve or so rats gathered around his ankles, chuffing and crackling noises coming from them as they chewed happily through his pants.
Pulling away from Leisel, I stood on shaky legs, kicking at them with all the strength I could muster. They squeaked loudly as they were flung across the room, one even going so far as to hiss at me while it scurried across the carpet, disappearing into the tiny bathroom.
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