Whipping around, Evelyn raised her tear-filled eyes to mine. My gaze dropped to the leg she presented me with. Bending down and with shaking hands, she lifted the bloody material of her pants, revealing a crescent-shaped wound on her calf, the flesh between nearly torn completely away.
My breath left me in one rapid burst of air, my entire body seeming to deflate all at once. “No,” I whispered, shaking my head as tears filled my eyes. “No…no…” My thoughts spun and I raised my blade. “We’ll cut it off!” I cried. “Right now!”
Wide-eyed, Evelyn jerked away from me, taking several limping steps backward. “No,” she whispered. “No, we can’t…”
“We can!” I screamed. “Before it spreads!”
“And then what?” she screamed back, her full-bodied trembling growing worse. “We’re not doctors, Lei! I’ll bleed out or worse, it will get infected and I’ll die anyway!”
“There’s still a chance!” I protested, knowing if we did nothing there was no chance. “We can’t do nothing!”
“What good will I be to you with one leg, Leisel? And injured for who knows how long. I’ll attract infected everywhere we go. I’ll get us both killed and you know it!”
My mouth opened, but no sound came forth. I closed it, gritting my teeth together, tears burning hot paths down my suddenly cold cheeks. Turning away from her, I let my blade clatter to the floor as I squeezed my eyes shut and clenched my hands into tight fists.
“No!” I whispered, shaking my head. “No, God, please, no. Don’t do this, don’t do this to us. I can’t be without her. Please, please, God.”
“You have to go,” Evelyn said, her softly spoken, tear-filled words barely audible. “You have to get in the Jeep and just go. Go back to Purgatory, go back to Fredericksville, just go somewhere. Go, Leisel! You need to go!” she yelled, her voice strangled and pained.
I turned to face her, feeling horrified, shaky, desperate, sick to my stomach—a myriad of emotions, none of which I could pinpoint or focus on. “How dare you!” I cried. “How dare you even suggest that!”
“I want you to live,” she whispered, her eyes wide and red-rimmed as tears fell from them. Reaching for me, her fingers wrapped around my wrist, digging into my skin. Squeezing me, she shook my arm. “You need to keep going, Lei,” she pleaded. “For me, please, just keep going.”
I shook my head frantically, my pounding heart nearly bursting in my chest. “Never,” I spat through my tears. “I will never, ever leave you!”
“You have to,” she wailed. “You fucking have to!”
Taking a deep breath, I stepped forward and reached for her other hand. Threading my fingers through hers, I tugged her closer to me. “Let’s go back to the bed and breakfast,” I suggested, my voice shaking. “We’ll clean you up. We’ll think of something, Eve, we always think of something.”
Still crying, Evelyn lifted her eyes to meet mine. I could tell she wanted to say something else, to tell me what I already knew, that there was nothing to do, not for a bite from an infected. To tell me that this was all hopeless. That she was going to die and once she died, she would turn. But instead, she closed her mouth as more tears fell from her eyes, and she simply nodded.
Truth be told, I didn’t have a clue what I was going to do. There was only one thing I knew for certain—that I wouldn’t leave her here or anywhere, not now, not ever. Especially to die alone. Because without Evelyn it didn’t matter anymore, nothing mattered anymore. She was my everything, and there wasn’t anyplace else that I’d want to be but right here, with her.
I squeezed my eyes closed. There had to be a way out, there had to be, there was always a way out. Evelyn had proven that to me time and time again. We survived, that was what we did. This couldn’t be the end. Not now, not after everything.
But then, I opened my eyes and looked over at her, looked at my beautiful, strong friend with her ruined face, all bruised, bloody, and beaten down. Then my gaze fell to her leg.
She’d been bitten. And as the bitter realization of that truth finally sank deep inside me, it tore to shreds everything it touched on. There was no way out of this. There would be no surviving this. No matter what, Evelyn was going to die from the infection that was now burning its way inside her, eating away at every part of her that I loved, and taking away the very last thing that I had left, the only person I loved in this godforsaken world.
Feeling sick, shaking from head to toe, I forced my body to move. Picking up our weapons, I handed Evelyn her gun and she took it from me, staring down numbly at it like she had no idea what it was or what to do with it. I tucked mine into my pants and sheathed my blade with shaking hands, then once again I grabbed her hand and turned us toward the exit doors, pushing blindly through them, not seeing what I was passing by.
My only thoughts were on getting her back to the bed and breakfast, getting her back to our room, cleaned up and tucked in bed. Whatever happened next would happen, but I wasn’t going to think on that yet. Because I couldn’t. If I thought about it, I’d lose it. And I couldn’t lose it, not now, not when Evelyn needed me the most.
“Always together, Eve,” I mumbled as I continued to half carry her through the market. “Always.”
As we stepped through the broken entranceway, the streets were quiet, seemingly even more so than before, as if the entire town had stilled along with my heart, everything frozen in fear of the doom to come.
We walked slowly down the walkway, Evelyn leaning lightly on me as she limped along. Needing to focus, I tried not to get lost inside my thoughts, tried to stay alert to our surroundings. Yet I couldn’t help but think of Thomas and Shawn. How long had they lived after being bitten?
Thomas had been ravaged, bites covering both his arms, his stomach, and his back, large chunks of skin and muscle having been torn from him, and he’d perished rather quickly as a result. But Shawn, just as Evelyn, had been bitten only once, and had lasted three days.
Three days…that was more than likely all the time Evelyn had left. And, God help me, it wasn’t nearly enough time for me. Not even close.
• • •
“Lei… Stop fussing.”
Propped up in bed, the bite on her leg now cleaned and bandaged with gauze I’d pilfered from the first aid kit I’d been lucky enough to find in the bed and breakfast’s office, Evelyn wearily waved me away from her. “Just come sit beside me,” she said.
I glanced down at her calf, blood already seeping through the fresh bandage, and shook my head. I couldn’t just sit, just do nothing. If I did, I knew I was going to lose what little sanity I pulled together while taking care of her. Without that, the edge of the cliff I was precariously hanging on to would crumble, and I would free-fall into a pit of sorrow and grief.
“Leisel?”
I looked up into her bloodshot eyes, noting how flushed she appeared, and the sweat glistening all over her body, all reminiscent of anyone I’d ever watched die from the infection. Swallowing hard, I attempted to school my features, not wanting to give Evelyn the added burden of my own fears, not when she had enough of her own to contend with.
“Please come sit with me,” she said, her voice small and afraid. “Please, Lei.”
Swallowing again, I nodded quickly and stood, uselessly smoothing the wrinkles in my clothing. Slipping my bottom lip beneath my teeth, I kept my eyes wide and trained on the floor as I slowly made my way to the other side of the bed. I wanted to cry, I wanted to cry my heart out, but I fought the welling emotion inside me, knowing that it would be selfish of me to lose myself.
“Are you thirsty?” I asked as I climbed into bed beside her, careful not to bump against her injured leg. “Hungry, tired, cold—”
“Stop it, Lei,” she said, inching herself closer to me.
Her bare arm brushed against mine, her skin a sweaty, sticky, veritable furnace of heat. I couldn’t remember if Shawn’s fever had progressed this quickly, but I didn’t think it had. I remembered him acting normally for a good twenty-
four hours before the symptoms began to show. The second day, he’d been riddled with fever, the bloody pustules beginning to form, yet he’d still been coherent. On the third day, he’d fallen into an agitated sleep before slipping away entirely.
It had only been a few hours since Evelyn had been bitten. What did this mean? Would I not even get three horribly lacking days with her?
“It hurts,” Evelyn whispered, letting her head fall against my shoulder. “It’s almost as if I can feel it spreading. At first it was just the bite that hurt, but now it’s my entire leg and my hip too.”
I didn’t know what to say or do, so instead of speaking I leaned my cheek on top of her head and squeezed my eyes closed, cursing silently when an errant tear slipped free.
“Promise me, Lei,” she said, her voice strained with emotion. “Promise me you won’t let me turn. That you’ll kill me before I become dangerous.”
“Shh!” I whispered, turning my body so I could wrap my arm around her middle and bury my face in her neck. “Stop it, Eve! We have time. We don’t need to talk about this.”
“We do,” she protested, trying to free herself from me, but I only clung tighter to her, refusing to let her go, in more ways than one. “If you let me turn, Lei, I could hurt you, and you can’t do that to me. If I hurt you, I’ll have failed. I promised—”
“Please,” I begged as more tears leaked free, my resolve to stay strong slipping away. “I can’t talk about this, not yet. Please, Eve, please don’t make me.”
Letting out a heavy sigh, Evelyn’s body went limp in my hold. “Okay,” she said softly, sinking into my embrace. Her hand found my back, her grip on my shirt fisting tightly to the material.
“I love you,” she whispered. “And I’m glad it was me who was bitten and not you.”
Ever the protector, my protector, was Evelyn. Always putting me before herself, doing whatever was necessary to keep me alive and safe. If there was ever a time that I needed to be strong, it was now. To show her the same love she’d always shown me.
“I’ll do it,” I choked out. “I won’t let you turn, I promise you.”
Chapter Forty-Four
Evelyn
“Do you remember that pretty yellow sundress Shawn bought me for our wedding anniversary?” I asked, then coughed pitifully. Phlegm and blood were building in my chest, clogging my airways and making my breathing sound ragged and crackly while Leisel hummed in my arms, acknowledging my words. “I loved that dress. I wish I still had it,” I said softly, my eyes glazing over as I let my thoughts drift back.
I didn’t know where the memory had come from, but the image of wearing it, of feeling Shawn’s hands wrapped tightly around my waist as we danced, the swish of the soft material on my bare legs…it was almost as if I were there, back at the small bar where we’d celebrated our marriage. I was back in the past when everything in the world was right and good. I could almost hear the music playing, the sound of the acoustic guitar in the background, a gentle strumming, of skin moving down metal as fingers ran along the strings.
“Eve?” Leisel asked, her voice a quiet echo of its true self.
The world was blurry as I drifted along on a cloud of numbness. The excruciating pain that had gripped hold of every part of me had since been replaced as my nerve endings began to die. I could feel them, dying an individual death one by one as the numbness spread further throughout my body. The numbness was a blessing, a small reprieve for such a painful and ugly way to go.
Leisel’s hands were on my shoulders, I could sense them, feel her slender fingers pressing gently into my hot flesh. And I was trying, trying so hard to focus on her, struggling to see her face instead of the blur that it now was. Because I wanted to see her one last time. I needed to.
“Eve! No, not yet! I’m not ready!”
She was screaming at me, shaking me now, the soft vibrations of her words dancing across my fevered skin. I was still trying, dear God, I was trying with all my remaining strength to pull back from the impending darkness, to give her more time. Just a few more hours, minutes even. Because this was all happening much too quickly. For her, and for me.
But there was no stopping the infection. It spread like hot acid, burning through my body, infesting and infecting every part of me. I could sense myself slip away, everything that I was and have ever been, and it was terrifying. More terrifying than anything else I’d ever experienced before, and far more terrifying than I had ever thought dying would be.
“Leisel,” I managed to say before choking on the phlegm again. My vision momentarily cleared and I could see her face move closer, but the sight of her was heartbreaking.
“I’m so sorry.” I sobbed, relinquishing myself to my self-pity, and lifted a hand to her damp cheek.
“I remember,” she replied, her voice hoarse. “I remember the dress.” Pulling me up and into her arms, she brought me closer until her face was in the crook of my neck.
I knew she was crying, that her tears should be hot and wet against my skin, but I couldn’t feel them. All I could feel was the raging panic that barreled through me as my body became something else, something evil and cruel, something that would hurt Leisel without question. The mere thought of me hurting her panicked me, leaving me dizzy and breathless with fear.
“You looked beautiful in that dress, Eve,” she whispered. “Shawn always picked pretty dresses for you. He loved you so much.” Her words, laced with bitter sadness, trailed off as she began to cry harder.
“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry,” I cried again, unable to hear my own words properly, my eardrums feeling punctured and pained. “Forgive me. Please, please, forgive me.”
Abruptly Leisel pulled away from me, forcing me into an upright position and holding me there when my body wanted nothing more than to fall limply back onto the bed.
“You stop that right now, Evelyn. I love you and you have nothing to apologize for.” Through her waterfall of tears, she leaned forward and pressed a kiss to my forehead. “I’m going to be fine, I promise you. You don’t need to worry about me.”
“Promise me,” I said, my voice hoarse. “Promise me you’ll stay here where it’s safe. You can live here, Lei. You can survive here. Promise me you’ll stay.”
A fresh wave of tears cascaded down her cheeks, but she nodded through her tears and attempted a small smile. “I promise,” she whispered.
I tried to smile in return, not sure if I managed it since my muscles were no longer responding. But I wanted to smile at the sight of her face, so full of strength and determination, even shrouded in pain. Seeing her this way afforded me a small slice of hope for all that was happening—me dying and having to leave her here alone. It was freeing for me to know that Leisel was strong now, that she’d be able to survive without me.
I remembered Leisel going through each of the five stages of grief when she’d lost her Thomas. And now, with me, she’d done the same, having reached the final stage—acceptance of the situation at hand.
Her denial of the situation had come first, the denial that this was really happening, that I was truly dying and leaving her all alone in this world. Quickly following her denial, she’d become angry, furious even that I really was leaving her all alone. Because how could I do that to her? If I loved her, if Thomas had loved her, how the fuck could we all just keep dying and leaving her?
She’d yelled at me as if I had a choice in the matter, as if I were choosing to leave her. As if I could have somehow decided to stay. But I couldn’t choose; she’d known that. I was dying, and not only was I dying but I was becoming the very thing that I feared more than death itself. But I couldn’t—wouldn’t—be angry at her for her erratic emotions, because I actually was leaving her all alone. There was nothing I could do about it, and the guilt of that weighed on me heavily, eating away at me worse than any infection possibly could.
Next, she had pleaded with me to let her take my leg, to take both if she had to, as if that would have somehow helped. She’d offered
to take me back to Purgatory, thinking that maybe they would help us. Thank God, at the time I’d still been strong enough to laugh at that suggestion. No matter what happened, I would never go back there, and I would never allow Leisel to go back there either.
Because she deserved better than that place, she deserved so much more. She certainly deserved better than this world.
No matter how much she begged and pleaded, I wouldn’t relent. And so then the tears came, the sobs and the shrieking, and with them more guilt was piled onto my already aching and fracturing heart. How could I do this to her? She couldn’t do this without me. I’d die and then she’d die, and then what would have been the point? What had everyone fought and died for if neither of us was going to make it?
But now, looking into her eyes and seeing such steely determination within them, was like a gift from an unknown force. Not from God, because I no longer believed in God, but maybe something else, definitely something stronger than either of us.
There was no more fear or anger in her features, there was sadness and grief, but beyond that there was strength, and the cold, hard truth of what was coming.
This was it.
My final act.
Our final act.
Together.
“It’s time,” I whispered, my throat clogged and painfully tight. “I can’t—”
Interrupted by coughing, I choked on more blood and phlegm, feeling it splatter across my chin.
“I love you,” I said, trying again. “I’m…”
As my entire body went utterly lax, my words trailed off and my vision darkened. A coppery taste filled my mouth, and suddenly I was convulsing, my body violently thrashing in Leisel’s arms. Yet I couldn’t feel it, not in the sense that it was actually happening to me. It was more as if my body were no longer my own, as if I were no longer inside it but instead looking down at myself, seeing my own body jerking and shuddering, watching as Leisel attempted to hold me down, her sobs growing louder.
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