[It’s] about three years since I made the decision to get involved in volunteer activities to try to enhance my chances of meeting somebody. That was a tough decision for me. I wondered, Am I only doing it because of the interest? If so, is that right? Is that good? I finally came to the conclusion that if I’m doing some net benefit to people, if it’s not just me going in and gawking and doing dumb things, if good things are actually happening, then it’s probably okay. We can deal with the other problems later. I’ve firmed that [belief] up a little now. I think there are a lot of people out there who have this interest [but] who don’t do anything positive with it—they just sit and dream about it, or follow women around with cameras and binoculars, that sort of thing.
At times it’s seemed like a relationship [will never] happen; the few times that it seemed possible, the failures have been quite frustrating. The first woman amputee that I actually asked out on a date seemed interested at the time but later canceled. I found that very difficult because it felt like, “Oh, gosh; you’ve got this one chance—you better not blow it!” I don’t trust that response [in myself] anymore. [It’s] really dangerous for that to set in; [it] leads to going out and finding somebody whose single characteristic is having a stump instead of all four limbs. That’s not good enough. I really need somebody who I can click with on a whole lot of levels. So while I’m pursuing this a little more actively, actually winding up with an amputee is becoming a little less important. The main thing is it’s got to be a person I have a good rapport with and things in common with, things that I find interesting in a whole lot of other ways.
I have romantically pursued a couple of amputee women, but it’s never gone much beyond a date or two. So I’m still wondering what it really is like. There’s a sense of intrigue and wonder: Uh-oh, what’s underneath the skirt; what’s inside that empty pant leg or empty sleeve? What does the stump actually look like, feel like; what would it be like, touching me in various ways? That sense of mystery seems to be a strong part of it, [as well as] the visual appeal of somebody walking along with crutches or hopping to get around.
[A sexual relationship] would probably be a lot of good old-fashioned vanilla sex, but there would be some sexual aspects to the stump touching parts of me and various things—masturbation, [other] things—to experiment with. Contact between the stump and my genitals would be very interesting. But the vast majority would be very vanilla to most people.
I’m not sure how far back it goes, but I can’t really remember a time in my life when [I wasn’t attracted to amputees]. It goes back to play fantasies when I was six or seven. There was a friend that I met, a fellow who was born without legs, and that may have given me the idea. I don’t remember when it occurred to me that this is strange and different, but that’s a theme through part of my life. It’s something that I guess I’m bringing back into myself with me. It makes a better part of me now than it did 10 years ago. Let’s say I’m walking along the street and a pretty woman with one leg comes by on crutches. I don’t know if I’d want to trade that kick for the feeling of being just like everybody else. And then is there anybody out there who’s really just like everybody else? I don’t know that there’s all that many people out there who are really “normal.”
I’ve wondered if it’s some kind of a “Oh, poor thing; let me help you” reaction. I don’t think [so]. I want a strong, equal partner, but at the time when my sexual interest was developing, that wasn’t necessarily the way I [felt]. Maybe there’s something there from then. [As if], “Maybe I’m not good enough to get a real woman; maybe I can get an amputee.” I don’t know that it is. It’s a theme [in] one book that I read, but I don’t know that I believe that’s really behind it. And if it [were], that’s a long ways in the past.
I always expected [people to say], “Oh, my God! You must be a pervert! Get away from me!” I haven’t found it to be the case. I think that a lot of women amputees have run across this a whole lot before I meet them. Most of the time when the subject does come up and I actually talk about it, people are neutral. A couple of people have made use of the Amputees Services Association in Chicago, the umbrella support group. I think that [it all depends on] the personality of the person involved and whether sex is a real good thing for her or a big landmine full of problems. And then there’s her past history with other fetishists. It’s dependent on a bunch of things outside of my control. But I’ve been surprised at how positive the response has been. Most people seem to react best to an honest admission, like, “Look, I’m interested in you, you’re neat, and by the way, I think your stump is cute.” I think that works a whole lot better than not talking about it. [Some amputees are] definitely aware of the attraction and kind of like it. I’ve gotten to the point where I can actually talk to some people about this issue, absolutely something I couldn’t imagine doing two years ago. [But] I never thought that therapy was appropriate. Therapy is like: Something is broken. I don’t believe that anymore. [I’m] not like other people, but I’m not in this to do anything that I consider harmful or negative. I have different interests in a couple areas [other] than the rank and file. I have a large collection of music; I’ve got about 400 CDs and about 500 record albums. I’m always expanding and exploring. Music seems like such a big adventure. I go to plays, to live music performances, to a lot of cultural things.
There’s a magazine called Fascination, which deals with the interest in female amputees and in amputees in general. They’re not sexist; they’re just overwhelmed by males who are interested in females. It’s composed partly of letters from “devotees,” the generic term for people who are interested in amputees. [There are] fictional stories and real-life encounters and editorial comments on various aspects of amputees and society. There are also real-life testimonials from people on either the male-seeking-amputee side or the amputee-being-sought side. The magazine is published by a woman amputee in Chicago. They have gatherings once a year, where they get together to just explore and talk. There’s a couple of structured events where you gather in a room and a group discussion is led by some of the longer-term members. A lot of it is socializing, talking [to] and meeting different people. It reminds you that you’re not the only one. It really gives you some idea that this is what it’s like for other people. That’s something that a whole lot of devotees never have.
My advice [to others] is, “Please—try to let yourself be what you are, and try to find positive ways of expressing that.” [That’s] a central [problem for] all of the other amputee fetishists I’ve dealt with: “My God, this is so weird! This must be wrong! This must be something I have to suppress and not let be a part of me!” I’ve met people who are married and in good relationships. [Yet] they’re really frustrated because they can’t shake this interest, and it is hurting their relationships. I think they’ve been trying to push down this thing that won’t be pushed down. It is part of them, and they can’t really tear themselves away from it. If people could express themselves, I think we’d have a lot fewer strange, frustrated people wandering around.
Twenty
DRESSING FOR PLEASURE*
I would like you to wear drawers with three or four frills one over the other at the knees and up the thighs and great crimson bows in them, I mean not schoolgirl’s drawers with a thin shabby lace border, tight round the legs and so thin that the flesh shows between them but women’s (or if you prefer the word, ladies’) drawers with a full loose bottom and wide legs, all frills and lace and ribbons, and heavy with perfume.
—JAMES JOYCE1
Clothing is a critical aspect of how we present ourselves to and identify ourselves in the world. Whether we select an iconoclastic style or one that conforms to our social milieu, clothing expresses who we think we are and who we would like to be. If the mind and body comprise the book of our lives, our garb is that book’s cover, by which—for better or worse—we are often judged.
D&Sers are frequently passionate about presenting the body in flamboyant and exot
ically erotic ways. Their dress transforms them into their personal ideals of wondrous and romantic—or, conversely, sinister and powerful—creatures. It may enhance their individual sensuality. It may even cause direct sexual arousal. D&Sers typically enjoy dressing in clothes that evoke their sensual realities.
In this chapter we hear from a number of our interviewees on the allure of exotic clothing:
• Marie-Constance owns Constance Enterprises, a mail-order company with a retail store specializing in fetish fashions, and she founded the annual Dressing for Pleasure fashion show and gala ball. She is in her 50s and lives in New Jersey with her business partner and life-partner, John. She has three grown children.
• Lindsay is 38 years old. A visual artist, she has worked in word processing and as a legal secretary, a masseuse, a housepainter, a bartender, and a professional photographer. She lives with her life-partner, Max (profiled in Chapter 7).
• Allen is 46 years old and has been married for over 20 years. He works in advertising.
• Phil T. is 34 years old and is married with children. He has a background in communications.
WHAT IS DRESSING FOR PLEASURE?
Dressing for pleasure is a complete sensory experience. Most people can understand the satisfaction of wearing an expensive suit, a silk blouse, or even a comfortable pair of blue jeans, but to many D&Sers exotic clothes heighten overall erotic sensual awareness. The heightening of that awareness is, indeed, the primary purpose of exotic dressing. It involves the visual, the tactile and the olfactory. And there are those who love sounds—the swish of lace or the squeak of rubber. To dress for pleasure is to surround oneself with sensual stimuli. The specific pleasures are individual; for example, leather clothing may confer a sense of personal power to dominants; to submissives, such dress may signal vulnerability; for some, it is simply a playful interest.
For many D&Sers dress is an intrinsic aspect of the person’s erotic fantasy. Just as body modification may bring an individual’s interiorized reality to the surface, so dressing achieves the same affect but through temporary means.
The erotic interest in fabrics and garments is well recorded. Nineteenth Century sex researchers found an abundance of individuals who eroticized silk, satin, fur, hair (including girls’ pigtails), wigs, rubber, linen, and so on. Similarly, specific articles of clothing—such as aprons, petticoats, pants, skirts, chemises, corsets, and gloves—have frequently been the focus of a fetishist’s lust.
Taffeta excites her most of all, since it is of finest silk. She has less of a passion for satin than for silk. She did not, however, go in for heavy silk things, because she felt that these would excite her too greatly. She would like to sleep in silks but thinks that this is not nice for a decent woman. She says she would be unable to sleep if she ever put such goods on. She would be so fired with passion that she would have to get up constantly and cool herself off with water.
—WILHELM STEKEL2
WHO DOES IT?
Most D&Sers wear some form of exotic clothing, at least to parties and events. Clothing is an important way of identifying with the group; it helps D&Sers to recognize those with common interests and, in itself, is aesthetically pleasing. Generally, the people with the most extensive collections of fetish clothing are well-to-do: Custom latex clothing, tailored leather, and corsets are expensive. Some Americans order directly from England; Germany and the Netherlands also offer an array of latex and fetish options. Since so many chic designers (most notably Gianni Versace who, in 1992, dressed high-fashion models in so-called bondage dresses) have borrowed their inspiration from the European fetish industries, imitations have become trendy and available to all.
Parties for fetish-wear enthusiasts originated in Europe. Attendance at these events was prohibitively expensive.
John and I had been attending a latex fashion show in Switzerland since 1982. Every time we’d come home, someone in the Scene would say, “Not everyone can go to Europe.” I [agreed], but at that time, I was still busy in the medical industry. I was not involved in this at all, except on a personal level. After I started Constance Enterprises, I thought, Someone should hold such an event in the United States. I have a mailing list; I’ve met people in Switzerland from the United States who shared the interest in dressing for pleasure and wearing latex and leather or PVC. We’ve had [private] parties in Texas and California. Why shouldn’t I put together a fashion show and dinner dance where people can dress and spend a weekend together? This way people with the same fetish can meet and network.
—MARIE-CONSTANCE
Hundreds of people fly to New York to congregate at the annual Dressing for Pleasure gala, where ordinary standards of dress are left at the sidewalk and fanciful, fantastic frippery is de rigueur. Fabrics and garments whose names have long since faded from the vocabulary of most shoppers—crinoline, tulle, crepe, corsets, button-up boots, veils—are donned, and fetish clothing, such as suits or dresses of body-hugging rubber in brilliant colors and daring designs, take center stage.
Fetish dressers’ creativity is limitless. Whether they are rubber enthusiasts snugly enveloped by hooded latex suits; dominatrices garbed in authentic Victorian regalia; or transvestites who pull out all the stops on the frilled, flounced outfits of their dreams, all seek to escape the mundane and transform themselves into fantasy objects.
Whereas in mainstream society flamboyant clothing is often the unchallenged domain of women, men in D&S are equally likely to wear unusual or fetishistic outfits for personal or public enjoyment. A significant number of people, particularly gay men, enjoy dressing in military or police uniforms. Some leather fraternities, in fact, are known as uniform clubs whose members design a club-specific uniform. Perhaps the most fanciful outfits of all, however, are worn by male-to-female cross-dressers, many of whom do not hesitate to live out their erotic fantasies by affecting a complete transformation.
WHAT DO THEY WEAR?
Of all the materials used by D&Sers, leather is the most ubiquitous. The interest in black leather probably originated in the biker subculture, where leather was preferred for practical reasons. Leather provides protection from the environment and is a kind of lightweight, affordable, and flexible armor in case of falls. Its color and ruggedness—and the reputation of those who wore it—suggests menace and defiance. The biker subculture was an early model for gay leathermen, just as gay leather culture has been a model for heterosexual D&Sers. And leather has become to the D&Ser what the blue suit is to the IBM executive: a symbol of group affiliation and a statement about the person wearing it.
While leather may be important functionally to bikers, it doesn’t necessarily serve an explicitly erotic function for them. When leather was co-opted by the D&S subculture, the material became linked with forbidden eroticism.
I love black leather. I think I have a little bit of a fetish for it. I don’t have any objects or activities that I absolutely need to get off on, but I love the smell of leather, I love its feel, I love the sense of power and danger associated with it, and I like leather clothing, leather paddles.
—BAMBI BOTTOM
An extraordinary variety of D&S equipment and clothing is crafted from leather. Because of shifts in fashion over the years, however, black leather and other fetish gear have lost much of their symbolic meaning.
There’s a club in Chicago [which] is probably one of the most D&S-like places, as far as atmosphere is concerned. I’ve seen women there—generally young, in their early 20s—who will wear a chain or a very hot, kinky outfit. I’ll [ask], “Is this an expression of one of your fantasies or desires?” And they’ll say, “What?” I’ll say, “What you’re wearing is a personification of something that’s special to a lot of people, and I was just wondering if you are interested in that?” And [they’ll say], “What?” All they’re doing is making fashion statements.
—MICHAEL V.
The wearing of leather has become so thoroughly diffused throughout American fashion culture that a 199
2 Neiman-Marcus catalogue offered a high-priced designer version of the biker’s jacket. Perhaps upscale consumers are discovering what D&Sers already know: that it can be exciting—intellectually if not sexually—to wear something that suggests a darker, untamed aspect of one’s psyche.
Whether leather fetishists would have had the fetish had they not first known about leather’s link to kinky sexuality is impossible to ascertain. Like all fetishes, leather fetishism is a phenomenon of its age. However the desire was first formed, many D&Sers—male and female—are directly aroused by leather.
I’m a leather fetishist. I knew that that was true when I was in a punk fashion store in the chic part of Los Angeles. I’m eternally grateful to punk fashion because it made lots of leather and accessories easily available to us perverts! This store had a large rack of leather wristbands and gauntlets. I was looking at the stuff and felt myself becoming sexually aroused just from looking at it. I knew what a fetish was, and I knew that that’s what was going on for me.
—GENEVIEVE REYNOLDS
For the pleasure-dressing aficionado, however, the wearing of leather may be, if not exactly trite, certainly not wildly original. While it is common to see leather clothing at D&S parties and events, many who dress for pleasure prefer more extraordinary confections. Close behind leather in popularity is rubber or latex. England is particularly known for its active cottage industry in rubber garments. Foreign designers have used rubber to create high-fashion clothing which can pass as evening wear, moving the fetish from the bedroom to the sophisticated soiree.
Different Loving Page 49
