“Really?” she asked.
“Of course I do. Doesn’t she know that?”
“Have you told her?”
I thought about the question. Had I actually told Kennedy to her face that I loved her? I shook my head. Why was I such an idiot? “No,” I said quietly.
“Well, there you go then. Reed, I’ll do my best to get through to her. I promise. But you’re going to have to prove yourself to her. And right now, you’re going to have to give her some space. And get a divorce, dammit.”
No wonder Kennedy was so upset by the whole situation. I had no idea how badly she’d been hurt before. That was probably why she was having such a hard time leaving Trinity. Every day I could see how much it hurt her. For now, I was doing what Camille had suggested. I was giving Kennedy space. It was hard not to pick up the phone and beg for her to talk to me, especially since I knew that during the day, Trinity was at school, and she was alone. But I forced myself not to.
I was deep in thought when Warren came through the door.
“Whoa. You look depressed, man. What’s going on?” Warren said.
I sighed. “Want to go for coffee? I feel like these walls are caving in on me right now.”
“Yeah, sure. Let’s go. Going to have to be at the cafeteria downstairs, though. I can’t go any further. I have a patient coming in about forty minutes.”
“That works for me,” I said, and we both made our way downstairs. I grabbed us both a coffee and took it to the table where Warren was waiting for me. I took a sip and sighed.
“So, what’s going on?” he asked.
“Everything.”
“Uh oh. I thought things were going so well between you and Kennedy. Don’t tell me Angela is back on the scene? Although, I’m not surprised. It didn’t sound like she was ready to give up so soon.”
“Oh, she’s more than back on the scene,” I said and told him all about her visit after we’d come back from Disney World.
“What? You’re not divorced? Seriously?” he said in shock.
I stared at him. Warren was my best friend. I may not be much of a talker when it came to my personal life, but I still figured he would know.
“Didn’t you know that?” I said.
He shook his head. “Well no. I mean, you never told me. And you always refer to her as your ex-wife, so I just assumed. Dude, it’s been six years. Why haven’t you gotten a divorce?”
“I don’t know. I guess in the beginning I didn’t because I thought she was going to come back. I know it’s crazy to think that I would’ve taken her back after she walked out on me and Trinity, but I was so messed up from it all. I think I just figured we’d have a massive fight and then be able to talk it through. I envisioned us going for couples therapy and making her happy again. Argh, it’s so crazy thinking about that now, but that is honestly what I believed. And then . . . as time went by, I guess I just distanced myself from the whole thing, and I guess I forgot. Plus, I mean, I didn’t even know where she was—so how could I even serve the papers? I mean, in my mind we were no longer together. No paper was going to change the way I felt about her. I didn’t even think about it. Also, for a long time, I didn’t think about marriage again. I didn’t think it would matter because I simply never thought I would ever find someone I could love again.”
“And then you met Kennedy,” he said.
“And then I met Kennedy.”
“So, what happened? Is Kennedy still in the picture?”
“She’s there. I mean, she’s still looking after Trinity. But she’s given me a week of notice. She doesn’t want to leave Trinity, but she doesn’t want to be around me, either. Turns out she was hurt a lot many years ago by someone that had lied to her. I think she’s just angry that I never told her the truth. And I think a part of her thinks that I didn’t get a divorce because I was secretly hoping to get back together with Angela. The whole thing is a mess. I don’t know what I’m going to do without Kennedy. And not just for Trinity’s sake. But for my sake too. I was really starting to fall for her, man. And tomorrow is her last day. I can’t handle it. I don’t even know how I’m going to tell Trinity about it. I feel like I’m completely losing my mind. What should I do?” I asked.
Warren sighed. “Ah, man, this is a huge mess up,” he said. “I don’t know what to say. I think the only thing you can really do right now is to sort things out with Angela.”
“Angela? Shouldn’t I sort things out with Kennedy? I mean, she’s the one that I care about.”
“Yeah, but it’s because of Angela that you’re in this mess in the first place. No, focus on figuring things out with Angela. You can only fix things with Kennedy once you’ve done that.”
“I hate to admit it, but I think you’re right. Although the last thing I want to do is see Angela again. I just wish she’d leave me alone. She left me alone for six years. I really don’t want to see her again. And neither does Trinity.”
“I know. But this is not going to go away on its own. Deal with Angela first, and then do your best to get Kennedy back.”
“Think I have a chance?” I asked.
“There’s always a chance.”
There’s always a chance. I let the words play around in my head as I finished up the day’s work and made my way back home. I needed to believe that a life with Kennedy was at least possible. I hated the idea that tomorrow was going to be her last day.
I got home and attempted to smile at Kennedy. She was sitting in the living room with Trinity, and the two of them were drawing. There’s always a chance, I said to myself again as I looked at her. I could see that Kennedy was trying hard to look happy for Trinity’s sake, but her sadness was overwhelmingly clear to me. I hated the fact that I had done that to her.
“Daddy!” Trinity yelled. “Come and see what we’ve been drawing,” she said and held up her paper in the air.
I walked over the table and admired their pictures. “They are incredible. You get better and better every day.” Then I looked at Kennedy. “Hey,” I said softly.
“Hey,” she said quietly back. “You’re home earlier than usual.” She kept her eyes on the pictures rather than on me.
“Yeah, I wanted to come home and see my girls.” I smiled at her and hoped that I had said the right thing.
She seemed to consider it for a moment but didn’t answer back. I wasn’t sure what was worse—the wrong answer, or complete silence. Her unspoken words seemed to linger in the air.
“Daddy, I’m so glad you’re home early today because usually I’m sleeping when you come home. Now we can all have dinner together again just like we used to. Kennedy made the most delicious chicken curry tonight, but she didn’t put any spices in it because she knows I don’t like things that are hot. And I told her that you don’t, either. But I tasted it, and it is delicious. And it smells so good. Like a restaurant. I tried to learn how to make it, but I couldn’t keep up.”
I smiled. “Chicken curry? That sounds amazing. I can’t wait. And I could do with a glass of wine. Trin, would you like a glass?”
She giggled. “No!”
“Okay, how about some whiskey, then?”
“NO!”
“Juice?”
“Yes please.”
“Uh, Ken, would you like some wine? I’ll dish up too and we can all sit together.”
She shook her head. “I’m so sorry, but I have to get home.”
“Ah, why?” Trinity said.
“I forgot to feed Merlot before I left,” she said, and I knew she was lying. “And that cat sure gets grumpy when he hasn’t had anything to eat. I’m so sorry, but I hope you guys eat lots and lots,” she said to Trinity.
“We will! Daddy, you can put me to bed tonight then,” Trinity said. “And I can tell you all about school.”
I forced myself to smile. “Sounds great. Let me walk Kennedy out and then we can sit together.”
“No, no. Don’t worry. I know the way out. You can dish up for Trinity. I’ll see you both
tomorrow,” she said and then walked out.
I pulled my eye away from the closed door and looked at Trinity. “Okay, how about we have some food and you can tell me all about your day. Can you clear the table while I dish up?” I asked.
I spent the rest of the night ignoring the sadness that had descended upon me. Instead, I focused on Trinity. I listened to her tell me about her day, and I sat and drew some pictures with her. Then I tucked her in bed and told her that I loved her. Right now, she was the only woman in my life that hadn’t left me.
Chapter Thirty-Two
Kennedy
“Hey, Cam.”
“Ken? Is everything okay?” Camille asked.
It wasn’t like me to call her so early.
“Sorry, were you sleeping?”
“No, I’m actually already at work. I got here about five minutes ago. I have a wedding this weekend, so I needed to finalize a few things. You know what it’s like here. It’s always crazy the day before. Is everything okay?”
I sighed. “It’s Friday,” I said.
“Ah, your last day of work.”
“Yeah. I just . . . I just needed someone to talk to.”
“You want me to talk you out of it? Because I will. You know how I feel about the whole thing. I would love for you to stay. He’s a good man, and she’s a lovely girl. I don’t think any harm was meant by it, Ken.”
“Did he call you?” I asked suddenly. I wasn’t sure why the idea was only coming to me now. Camille had called me out of the blue the one day to tell me that I should reconsider my feelings for Reed. I had just figured she was trying to be a friend to me.
“Yeah,” she said. “Sorry I didn’t tell you before.”
“He actually called you?”
“Don’t be mad at him, Ken. He has no idea what to do, and he knows how close the two of us are.”
“I’m not mad. I’m just . . .”
“Sad,” she finished for me.
“Yeah. I’m just sad. Anyway, I actually don’t have much to say. I just wanted to hear your voice before going into work. But I better get going. I’m taking Trin to school this morning. She has a half day today, so I don’t have much time alone. I’m going to tell her when she’s back from school.”
“Does Reed know that you’re going to tell her?”
“I assume so,” I said. “I mean, I haven’t spoken to him, but he knows it’s my last day. He hasn’t told Trinity himself, but that’s because I think he’s hoping I’ll change my mind.”
“Well, if you need anyone to talk to at any time, just call me. It doesn’t matter how busy I am. I will drop everything to talk to you. Okay?”
I smiled. “I can always count on you, Cam. I love you.”
“I love you too. Be good to yourself okay?”
“I will.”
I put the phone down and made my way to Reed’s house. My heart broke the moment I opened the door. Trinity had a stack of pancakes on the table waiting for me.
“Yay! We still have time,” she said.
“Time? For what?”
“Daddy and I made pancakes for you. We only have to leave in twenty minutes but we can all enjoy these pancakes together. And they’re delicious. Daddy cheated a little and put chocolate chip cookies in them.”
I smiled. “Chocolate chip cookies? Wow, you guys are getting good at this. Well, thank you, Trin. That sounds delicious,” I said as I took a seat.
Reed quickly stood up. “Uh, I think I need to get to work, actually. I didn’t realize the time.”
“Ah, but you said you would eat the pancakes with me. You haven’t even had one yet,” Trinity moaned.
“I . . . .”
“Stay,” I said.
He looked at me. “Are you sure?”
I nodded. “Yeah.”
For twenty minutes, it felt like our life might be back to normal. I knew that it was the last time I was ever going to feel that way with this family, so I made the most of it. Reed and I chatted with Trinity and laughed at all her jokes. We didn’t look at each other but instead focused all our attention on her. It was nice and sad all at the same time
“Okay, go brush your teeth young lady,” Reed said to Trinity. “It’s almost time for school. And give me a kiss goodbye.”
“Bye, Daddy,” she said and kissed him on the cheek. Then she ran upstairs to brush her teeth.
“Well, I better get going,” Reed said. “Have a great day, Ken.”
“Thank you. Uh, you too,” I said. I watched as Reed walked to the door, and as he got there, I stopped him. “Reed,” I said.
“Yeah?” He turned around.
“I’m going to tell her today,” I said.
He nodded sadly. “Good luck. Call me if you need me, okay?”
“Okay.”
Moments later, Trinity came bounding the stairs. She seemed to be in an overly excited mood, which only made me feel a million times worse for the fact that I was going to burst her bubble only hours later.
“It’s a half day today,” she said. “Which means we have extra time to play. I’m so excited. Can we draw all afternoon? And can we have a milkshake treat? That will be so nice. Won’t that be nice?” she said.
“That would be wonderful,” I said and held back the tears.
Once I had dropped Trinity off at school, I spent the morning at the park. I walked for about two hours, just thinking about my life and what I was going to say to Trinity. I wasn’t sure I had the guts to speak to her, but I knew it was something I had to do. After all, both her mother and Linda had walked away from her without giving her an explanation. If I did the same thing, she would be scarred for life. I knew I had to talk to her, but I also had to let her know that I would always be her friend. That was going to be the most important part of the conversation. Perhaps we could even come up with play dates each week. Maybe she’d be more understanding than I gave her credit for.
After the park, I thought about going to visit Camille, but I knew she was busy today. She’d drop everything for me, which would only make me feel more guilty about the fact that I was taking her away from work. Instead, I went to a small café down the road, ordered some coffee and a muffin, and attempted to read a magazine. After I’d exhausted all the possible things to do for the day, I simply waited until it was time to get Trinity. My hands shook as I drove to her school, and when she climbed into the car with tales of her day, I felt a tear escape me. I quickly wiped it away before she could see.
We got home, and I told her that we needed to talk. I had to get it over with as soon as possible. I just couldn’t pretend any longer.
“Talk? Like girl time?” she said with excitement.
“Not really. I have something serious I want to talk to you about.”
She looked frightened. “What’s wrong?”
I sighed. It was now or never. “Trin, today is my last day here as your nanny.”
“Your last day? But why? Don’t you like it here? I thought you were happy to be my nanny.”
“Oh, Trin—I love being your nanny.”
“So, why are you leaving?”
“It’s hard to explain. But it’s between your dad and I. It has nothing to do with you. We thought that we could be a couple, but there’s too much going on right now. And it’s just better if we aren’t boyfriend and girlfriend.”
“But why?” she said again. “Don’t you love my dad?”
“I do. But your mom is back, and I think he needs to first sort things out with her. And I think that I just need a bit of space.”
“But my daddy doesn’t love my real mom anymore. He loves you. I know he does,” she said and started to cry.
“Ah, Trin. Please don’t cry. You have to understand that I’m only leaving because I don’t want to hurt you. But just because I can’t be your nanny anymore, it doesn’t mean that we can’t stay friends. I promised you that I would be in your life forever and I’m going to stick to that. You have to believe me. I was thinking that maybe we can ha
ve play dates together once a week. Won’t that be fun?”
She shook her head. “No, it won’t be the same. You were supposed to be my new mommy. Now you’re just going to leave me. Everyone leaves me. You’re lying to me.”
“I’m not leaving you, Trinity. I told you . . . I’m only going to stop being your nanny. That’s all. And it has nothing to do with you. It is only between me and your father. I promise you. You have to believe me. I’ll never stop being your friend.”
Trinity was sobbing now. Her little face was in her hands. She looked up at me, and the eye contact made me jolt.
“You will. I know you will. You will leave me just like everyone else. It’s not fair. You were supposed to be the one that stayed. It’s not fair. What is wrong with me? Why does everyone leave me?”
“There’s nothing wrong with you. Nothing at all.”
“My real mommy left without even saying goodbye to me. I was just a baby, and she made my daddy cry. I know because he told me. And then Linda left me too. And now you’re going to leave me. I hate you.”
“Don’t say that, Trin. Please,” I pleaded. “Please don’t say you hate me. I love you so much,” I said.
“I hate you.” She stood up and went running to her room. She slammed the door behind her.
I ran up the stairs and opened the door, but she screamed for me to leave her alone. I didn’t know what to do. I closed the door and listened to the sound of her sobbing. I wasn’t sure what I had thought would happen, but her reaction was definitely even worse than I had imagined it to be. I felt as if I had ripped her heart into pieces. I thought of all the times that I had been hurt as a child. I had promised myself that I would never do that to someone, and yet here I was doing exactly what I said I wouldn’t do. This was why I didn’t want to get close to anyone. This was why I would never get close to anyone ever again. I couldn’t handle this feeling. I stood there for a while, hoping that she would tell me to come back, but she didn’t. I suppose I didn’t blame her.
I went back downstairs and walked straight to the kitchen. I didn’t know what to do with myself, so I did the only thing that I could think of to get my mind off everything: I cooked. The fact that it was the last dinner that I was ever going to cook for Reed and Trinity kept coming into my head, and I kept trying to shove the thought away. I wasn’t sure that Trinity would even eat this meal. For a while, I had a feeling she wasn’t going to want anything to do with me.
Dirty Daddy (A Single Dad Romance) (The Maxwell Family) Page 19
