"When did he die?" Apollo asked in a gentle voice.
Koren's eyes narrowed. "In that battle with the Cylons. We was calling for help but somebody said, there's no help now for anybody by the order of Commander Apollo."
"I never ordered that," Apollo said, his eyes wide.
Cassi interrupted, looking up at Apollo. "Yes, you did," she said. "We have been under such orders since Kobol," Cassi said. "There aren't enough of us to go around—you see what sickbay's like," she added.
Apollo surveyed the scene, registering the chaos for the first time. He'd grown so accustomed to it that he hadn't even thought about it when he went to see the boy. There were groaning patients on every bed and even emergency gurneys. Some were settled in chairs that seemed better than others. The other medtechs were rushing around; angry, hurt, and sick voices cried out.
There was a big difference between making that choice, and seeing the results, Apollo thought. His heart shrank.
Apollo took a deep breath. He turned to Koren. "I had no choice," he said.
"I don't understand," Koren said. "He was only six yahrens. He was my best friend." Koren's eyes filled with tears. "And he just took a deep breath and then he died!"
"I'm so sorry," Apollo said. He thought he should touch the boy, comfort him somehow, but he didn't know what to do or how to do it.
"He just died," Koren said, now sobbing.
Impulsively, Apollo took the boy's hand. "Listen, Koren," Apollo said. "I—we—none of us wanted anybody to die. Not your brother, not anybody else. But we were in the middle of the battle and we didn't have enough doctors or healers like Cassi to treat the people who were wounded. It also wasn't safe for people to go from ship to ship. If we took a chance like that, we could lose the healers we have."
Sniffing, Koren looked up at Apollo. "We prayed for a healer," he said. "But nobody came."
"I'm sorry," Apollo said, feeling the regret deep in his heart. "That must have been horrible for your father. And for you."
"He needs his rest," Cassi said, looking up at Apollo.
Apollo nodded. "Koren, I know you need to rest, but I'd like to ask you some questions."
"My dad says you don't care about anybody but yourself," Koren replied.
"Apollo does," Cassi said, squeezing Koren's hand.
"You trust me, don't you, Koren?"
The boy nodded.
"Apollo would never do anything wrong," Cassi continued, looking up at Apollo again. Apollo felt the irony of the statement, although there was no irony in Cassi's voice. He had the feeling once more that there was something that Cassi wanted to say to him—something that she was holding back. She looked back down at the injured boy and stroked his forehead gently. "You should tell Apollo the truth. He's my friend, and he's your friend, too."
"Okay," Koren said, his voice full of uncertainty and his face darkened by fear.
Apollo's heart went out to the child. He was so young. Lords of Kobol, these were the people Apollo was sworn to defend and protect!
"Koren," Apollo said, making his voice as gentle as possible, "What does your father say? Why is he rebelling against the Galactica? And why, Koren, why would he plant a bomb?"
"He just wants food and medicine," Koren said. "Doctors. He doesn't want anybody else to die."
"But if that bomb goes off, a lot of innocent people will die," Apollo said.
Koren grimaced. "He doesn't want that. He just doesn't trust you, because of…"
"Your brother dying?" Apollo asked.
Koren nodded. Then his face hardened. "My dad says that you highborn people don't care nothing about anybody else."
"I do care," Apollo said.
"My dad's got a lot of men, and guns! A ship came with them," Koren said, crossing his arms. "You can't beat us."
Apollo watched the boy move his lips as he figured silently. He seemed very bright, but without much education. What had the fleet come to?
"Two hundred guns!" Koren said.
"That's a lot," Apollo said.
So, they were short on food; none of the food that Apollo had ordered to be given to them had gotten there. And missing fuel, too—but there were guns?
"What does your father intend to do with these guns?"
Koren shrugged. "He gave some away and put the others someplace. He doesn't like guns," he added.
"He doesn't?" Apollo was amazed. The rebel leader who could terrorize with a bomb, but who didn't like guns?
"No," Koren said. "He says we need food and medicine, not guns. But he also said," and Koren looked hard at Apollo, "that if we don't get it, we'll have to do whatever's necessary." The little warlike face glared up at Apollo.
Apollo nodded. "I've heard this type of thinking before," he said. Everything was filtered through the loving eyes of this rebel's son.
"I was fighting!" Koren said proudly. "I'm not afraid of you."
. "I know," Apollo said. Athena had told him of the boy's boldness, and also told him how Jinkrat hadn't approved of Koren's military adventure.
"The others ran away. They won't the next time," Koren said.
"But you stayed," Apollo said. "That means you are brave."
Suddenly Koren grinned. "You think so?" he asked. As tough as he was, he was still a child.
Apollo nodded. "Yes, I know so," he told the boy. Koren suddenly shuddered in pain and his face grew pale.
"He needs to rest now," Cassi said. "There'll be time for more questions later."
Cassi was right, Apollo realized. The boy could barely keep his eyes open. It was understandable, after being wounded, and going without food and probably decent rest the way he had.
"You're right," Apollo told Cassi. "Rest and be strong," he told Koren, putting his hand briefly on the boy's shoulder and smiling down at him. "That way you'll be at full strength to return to your father. Don't worry, Koren. Everything will work out."
Apollo said a silent prayer in the hope that he spoke the truth.
"Just sleep now," Cassi said. Both she and Apollo could see that Koren was past hearing them. His eyes were shut and his thin, pale face was relaxed in a child's contented sleep.
Apollo smiled at Cassi. "You always had a gift with children,"' he told her.
But instead of smiling back, she turned away.
Apollo couldn't dream of what was the matter with Cassi. She was always cheerful; nothing seemed to bother her.
"We need to talk," she said, turning back to him.
There was no doubt that something was really wrong now.
"All right," Apollo said, and for some reason that he didn't understand, his heart began to pound.
"Let's go outside," Cassi said. "I don't want to disturb him," she said looking back at the sleeping Koren.
Apollo reached for Cassi's hand, but she drew away, walking in front of him, her shoulders stiff, as if she carried a heavy, but invisible burden beneath her medtech uniform.
"Do you want to go somewhere?" Apollo asked her, thinking that maybe a few moments of the little refreshment they still had available would be welcome.
"No!" she said sharply.
"Cassi, what's the matter?" Apollo asked. He'd never seen her like this.
"I know that…" she started to say. She paused a micron and looked up at him, brushing her soft golden hair from her eyes. Apollo saw that they were damp and wide with emotion. "I know that everything's falling apart right now," she went on. "And you don't need more on your shoulders, but I've got to…"
"Got to what, Cassi?" Apollo asked.
Was it something with Starbuck? Something with Starbuck and Athena—that was it. Or the boy, Koren? Had he said something else to her? Cassi knew something and was torn to pieces over it. He put his hand on Cassi's shoulder, and almost couldn't believe it when she touched his hand and moved it gently away.
"There's no other way for me to say it," she said.
As much as he liked Cassi, Apollo was at his wit's end with this strange conversation. "It"—wh
at was it?
"I'm pregnant, Apollo," she said.
Immediately, he looked down at her stomach, but it was perfectly slender and flat, as far as he could see.
He mentally thrashed himself—women like Cassi probably kept their figures a long time when they were pregnant. Who knew how far she was along?
"Cassi," he said, starting to stammer. And who could be the father? Starbuck and Cassi had finally parted after so many years. Now Starbuck was getting closer to Athena, but if he somehow had done it—Apollo's temper flared again. "If Starbuck…" he started to say.
"No," she said, holding up her hand and fighting back tears. "No, Apollo. I'm going to have your baby."
"If Starbuck…" Apollo repeated. The corridor seemed to spin around as her words finally sank in.
"My baby?" he said.
Cassi nodded. "That night we were together," she said softly.
"It wasn't…" Apollo said. And immediately wished he could have laser-sealed his lips together. The truth was, he couldn't remember doing anything with Cassi. But she obviously thought that he had.
Cassi's eyes widened. "I haven't been with anyone else in yahrens," she said. "It's you and only you, Apollo." She looked down at her flat stomach and Apollo wished that he could,— have fallen through the floor.
"Cassi," he said, holding out his hand awkwardly to her.
She looked back at him, eyes blazing and face filled with pride.
"I guess I'm just… surprised," he said. "I need some time. This is all so… unexpected." Apollo—how could you sound like such a fool? But he didn't remember a thing. They had both had too much to drink. Apollo's head was spinning. Cassi was going to have a baby. And he—Apollo—was the father!
"I understand," Cassi said quietly. "I care about you, Apollo. I've done a lot of thinking. This child needs two loving parents. Even though I don't know if we'll make it out of here or not, I think that I could… have feelings for you," she said softly.
"I care about you too," Apollo blurted. "But I just need some time to think." Suddenly, Apollo felt more awkward and immature than the boy who lay on the bed in sickbay.
"It's okay," Cassi said. "I don't expect you to say anything right away." She tried to smile bravely at him, but there wasn't much joy in her face.
All at once, Apollo could only think of getting away. He had to somehow work this out in his mind. In just a few words, Cassi had swept all the troubles of the Galactica from his mind, even the bomb search, and all he could think of was that simple phrase: "I'm going to have a baby. Your baby."
Now, he was going to be a father—a real one this time.
"I need some time to think," he repeated. He found himself retreating down the corridor. Cassi took a few steps after him, then she seemed to realize that there wasn't anything more she could say, and nothing else for her to do but wait. He hoped that she didn't hate him. How did he know what she felt? He didn't know anything, and it was like the whole world had suddenly turned upside down. He had the burden of the whole fleet on his shoulders—and now a baby!
He had to talk this over with someone. Suddenly he had a glimpse of Starbuck's feelings toward his daughter Dalton. Cassi's feelings. Of course Apollo loved Boxey—now all grown up and called Troy—but it just wasn't the same. Cassi—pregnant! And with Apollo's baby!
Who could Apollo turn to? Someone who cared, and who'd listen without judging.
As he stumbled away from Cassi and the sick bay, it came to him. Sheba. She'd understand. She'd know what was best, and even tell him how he could talk to Cassi. Apollo set out in search of Sheba, hoping that she wasn't out with the other Vipers on patrol. Maybe, Lords of Kobol willing, Sheba would be on rest cycle. And Apollo could find her.
Sheba had just returned from patrol, searching for the lost Vipers. Apollo met her in the corridor near the launch bay.
He walked along beside her without saying much at first. Soon, they reached Sheba's quarters.
Sheba seemed subdued, but didn't act surprised when Apollo told her Cassiopeia's news.
"What are you going to do?" she asked Apollo, her slender, lovely face almost without expression.
"I don't know, Sheba," Apollo said. And that was the truth.
"Well," Sheba said quietly. "You know what your duty is. You have other concerns now as well, Apollo."
"I've had enough of duty!" Apollo cried. He immediately regretted it.
"That's a choice you made a long time ago," Sheba said, putting her hand on his.
Apollo thought that he detected tension in her voice, but he decided it was just because Sheba was anxious for him.
"I mean, I have feelings for Cassi. But I'm just not sure," Apollo continued.
"What kind of feelings?" Sheba asked. "Duty? You like her?"
"Yes, I like her," Apollo replied. "Maybe, maybe more than like. I just never thought that anything could develop. I mean, since Serina…"
"Since Serina," Sheba said in a low, angry tone, and Apollo couldn't mistake the expression on her face then for friendly concern and support. Sheba was acting angry—and jealous. Jealous of both Serina and Cassi.
He almost slapped his forehead, he was so angry at himself. How could he have taken it for granted that Sheba was just his friend? She wasn't acting like "just a friend." Not at all.
"Sheba, you're one of my closest friends," Apollo said. "I thought…"
"What did you think?" Sheba said, still keeping her voice low, but it dripped with anger all the same. "Did you think the same way as you did that night, when you slept with Cassi?"
Apollo felt himself sinking down into a black hole—a bottomless pit from which he could never escape.
First Cassi, now Sheba. He was having the worst sectare of his life. Why, with all the disaster the Galactica was facing, was he putting his foot in his mouth? Over and over again.
"I just don't know what to do," Apollo said. Sheba's face softened. Well, maybe he was doing a little better, he told himself.
"I guess I can understand," Sheba said. "You weren't expecting this."
Apollo shook his head.
Sheba turned away for a moment, and Apollo saw her run her hand through her long, silky hair. She threw her head back and sighed, then turned back.
"I wasn't expecting that my father would have to ram the Pegasus into that basestar," she said. "I'm not the right person for you to ask, Apollo," she said. And her voice wasn't angry any more, but it was still full of emotion.
"I'm sorry," Apollo told her. "I should have realized."
"And so should I," Sheba said. "I'm not the person for you to ask, Apollo. I can never be." And there were tears in her wide eyes—those warrior eyes that had seen so many battles and so much blood spilled, even to that of her father's blood, Commander Cain.
"Sheba."
"I don't know anything about babies, Apollo," she added as she stood to leave, fighting back the tears. "You won't ever hear about something like that from me. Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got a Viper to pilot." And with that, Sheba left, leaving Apollo alone in her own quarters with his confusion and doubt, feeling like something Boxey's daggit would have chewed on during the old sectares.
The old sectares. Well, there was no going back now, not for Cassi, not for Sheba, not for Starbuck, and especially not for Apollo.
He thought about following Sheba, but he knew from long experience that there was nothing he could say to her. And once again, wondered how he could be such a damned fool.
Everything could change in a micron! Cassi's baby—Sheba had spoken of duty. Apollo didn't know if he could save a single person in the fleet any longer, least of all this tiny new life.
Apollo forced himself to leave. There'd been enough reflection and talk. All he could do was turn this trouble over to the Lords of Kobol. Right now, everybody else needed him, and his own troubles would have to wait.
Suddenly, he realized what he had to do. The boy, Koren—he'd said that a ship had arrived carrying weapons for the rebels. And
there was only one place that ship could have come from: the Galactica itself.
Felgercarb! They had to find out who the spy was on Galactica. Jinkrat couldn't have done all of that on his own. Apollo ran for the bridge.
President Tigh's face was bright with one of his rare, genuine smiles. "I have the best news of all for you, Apollo," he said with true pleasure.
"What?" Apollo said, almost laughing along with Tigh's clear enjoyment.
"We have detected a transport barge—and it seems to be carrying some… interesting cargo."
"What?" Apollo asked.
"A great deal of excess fuel, and… food."
"That's where the fuel went! Whose barge is—"
"It's one of ours," Tigh said, shaking his head. "Believe me, we gave no such orders. It's rogue."
"Launch Vipers. Bring that ship back with an escort!" Apollo commanded.
Now they'd find all the answers. That crew could be questioned, and the fuel and food retrieved. Thank the Lords of Kobol!
"Sheba's already on it," Tigh said.
"Fantastic!" Apollo said, his heart filling with hope again. "We're not finished yet," he told Tigh, clapping him on the shoulder, grinning. "Inform me as soon as Sheba's patrol arrives from Battlestar Galactica its escort duty. I want to speak with that crew before we go to the Council and let them know the truth."
"My pleasure," Tigh said. And from the set of his strong jaw, Apollo could tell that Tigh really meant it.
Striding down the hall near the launch bay, it was a different scene. For once, Starbuck didn't have much to say. Athena, matching his strides easily, struggled to keep up some kind of conversation with much less ease. She had stayed on Galactica for a few centons. And she wanted to talk to Starbuck.
"This is the first good news we've had in a while," Athena said, smiling. "It could even give us the lead we need to find those explosives. That'll put a stop to this rebellion."
"Yeah," Starbuck said, his face turned away.
Athena didn't have to see Starbuck's face to know what kind of expression was on it.
"This will put a stop to everything," she said. "So much for those rebels."
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