“He’s looking at you right now,” Hayden says, a little too loudly. “If you two aren’t doing it yet, you will be soon.”
“Shh,” I say, not bothered by her comment whatsoever.
Tony approaches us and I leave them alone to wander through the cabin, finding myself a White Claw to sip on. I talk to Hannah, Jake’s girlfriend, and she tells me all about the art school she’s at and how much she loves it. Jake joins us at one point, slinging his arm around her shoulders and tugging her in close, pressing his lips to her forehead in the sweetest gesture. I quietly swoon, watching the two of them, and I suddenly feel…
Lonely.
I want that, I think to myself after I walk away from them. I think I’m finally ready. I want to be with one guy and no one else. Could that be Caleb?
The thought is scary…yet not. I can imagine myself with Caleb. We already spend a lot of time together. We’re definitely compatible. Would it be so awful to take the next step? Or would it be a giant mistake, trusting this man with my heart when he’ll most likely throw it aside once he’s done with me?
I take a big chug from my drink, the alcohol coursing down my throat and racing through my veins. I can literally feel it, and in that moment, I decide to drain the can. Screw nursing the drink for the night. I want another one.
I need another one.
In search of more to drink, I go to the kitchen to find Eli and Caleb arguing about something involving football. I grab another White Claw out of the fridge and shut the door, turning to find Caleb standing directly in front of me, Eli long gone.
“What are you up to?” he asks, his voice extra deep and extra sexy.
Swallowing hard, I lift my head to meet his gaze. He’s watching me so carefully, it makes me feel uneasy, but not in a bad way.
No, more like in a I think this guy wants me way.
“Just getting another drink,” I tell him, keeping my voice light and airy. As if I don’t have a care in the world. “What are you up to?”
“Pissing Eli off.” He grins. “It’s one of my favorite things to do.”
“I heard the two of you arguing.” I pop the tab on the White Claw can before taking a giant sip.
“It was all in good fun. I just like getting a rise out of him.” Caleb shrugs one shoulder, his gaze locked on the spot where I drink from the can. “What flavor is that?”
I check the can. “Watermelon.”
“Can I try?”
I hand the can to him. “Sure.”
His fingers graze mine as he takes it from me, sending a shiver down my spine. I know he did that on purpose. The air between us immediately becomes charged with electricity. I watch as he drinks from the can, noting the movement of his throat when he swallows.
Makes me think of that dude I hung out with for a little while last year, with the giant Adam’s apple. Franz. Nice guy. From Germany. Very proper and polite. Nothing like the guy standing in front of me.
“Delicious,” he says, licking his lips as he hands the can back over to me. “Thanks for sharing.”
I shake the can, realizing he drank quite a bit. “You should just keep it. You already drank most of it.” I thrust it back in his direction.
“You don’t want to share?” He raises a brow.
“Oh, is that what we’re doing now? Sharing?”
“We’ve shared a lot of things this summer,” he says. He makes it sound so simple. “We’ve spent a lot of time together too.”
“We have,” I agree.
“I’m starting to think you haven’t put me in the friend zone at all,” he says easily, as if we’re just having a regular conversation, though it’s anything but. “More like you’ve been treating me like a boyfriend.”
My mouth pops open and to fill it, I bring the can back to my lips, draining the rest of my drink in a few swallows.
“Don’t got anything to say about that?” he asks after I still haven’t responded.
His voice is deceptively soft, but his gaze is sharp. This is totally unlike Caleb. He’s normally easygoing and casual. Laughing and joking and always saying something inappropriate.
This version of Caleb? Is making me nervous.
“What do you mean?” I ask.
“We’ve been hanging out a lot,” he says, taking the now empty can from me and setting it on the counter behind him. “All summer. We’re friends, right, Gracie?”
I nod, unable to look away from him. Wondering what sort of spell he’s trying to place on me. He’s acting different. All traces of good-time Caleb are long gone.
“I consider you a friend,” he continues. “And I don’t make friends with women. Just ask my mom. She’ll confirm that little fact.”
I can’t help but laugh. “Right, like she said earlier.”
He nods. “That I even mention my mom to you makes this—you—different. I don’t do this sort of thing, you know.”
I frown. “Do what?”
“Hang out with girls on a regular basis. Tell my mom about them. You’re the first.” He reaches out, tucking a stray strand of hair behind my ear.
I shiver from his touch, mentally telling myself to calm down. “Isn’t it kind of nice, having a woman as a friend?”
“It’s more than nice, G. And I can’t help but think I want more than just friendship from you.” He takes a deep breath, a faint smile curling his perfect lips as he leans against the kitchen counter behind him. “But I always think that when it comes to you.”
I’m quiet, my voice leaving me. How do I answer him? What do I say?
“I call this the cock-block summer,” he continues, chuckling softly. “You’ve been throwing up blocks left and right. All summer long. I normally give up by now. Hell, I would’ve given up at the first block.”
I’m dying to ask him why he hasn’t given up on me, but I keep my mouth shut.
“But there’s something about you that I can’t give up on, G. No matter how hard I try.” He grabs my hand and pulls me into him, so I’m standing in between his spread feet. “I can’t quit you.”
“That sounds like a line from a cheesy country song,” I say, hating how shaky my voice sounds.
“Here’s the thing—I mean everything I’m saying. I don’t go shopping at the mall with chicks. I don’t commute with them to work. I don’t buy tampons for them at the store either,” he says with a faint grimace.
Oh right. He was at Walmart last week and I asked him to pick me up some tampons. It didn’t even faze him.
“That’s what friends do.”
He settles his hands on my waist, as if he’s testing me. Testing how they fit on my skin. As if he’s testing how we fit together. “So tired of the friend shit, G. You know it’s bullshit.”
“What do you want from me, Caleb?” I ask, my voice so soft, I almost can’t hear myself.
“You really want to know?” He raises a single brow, tipping his head forward, a lock of dark hair falling across his forehead.
Ugh. He’s so, so cute. Attractive. Sexy. I’ve been drawn to him since the first time I met him. Even when he was a complete dickhead screaming about the Bee Gees while hanging out of Tony’s car in front of Strummers. He still made me laugh.
And I’m a sucker for a guy who can make me laugh. It’s a total weakness of mine. There are way too many serious men out there. Shouldn’t life be fun?
I get the feeling that life would always be fun with Caleb.
“Yes,” I whisper. “Tell me.”
“This,” he whispers.
Just before he dips his head, his mouth landing on mine.
Fifteen
Caleb
The moment my mouth finds Gracie’s, I lose all sense of time and place. Which sounds stupid as hell, but it’s true. I feel like we’ve been racing toward this moment since the last time we kissed. That was weeks ago. A month ago. We’ve been spending time together almost daily since.
A lot of the time since we’ve been hanging out, I don’t think about how I’m goin
g to get her naked. I just bask in her presence and actually enjoy it.
Call me crazy, but I like her. A lot.
I like kissing her too.
The moment she pulls away from me, I can hear Eli laughing. I glance toward the kitchen entrance to find him standing there watching us, Ava next to him wearing a shocked expression while her stupid-ass boyfriend appears greatly amused.
“Finally, I actually catch you guys doing something,” he says as he strides into the kitchen with Ava by his side.
Gracie pulls away from me quickly, her cheeks turning pink. As if she’s embarrassed to be caught with me. “It was nothing.”
I’m immediately insulted. That kiss, while brief, was definitely something.
“Looked like something to me.” Eli’s gaze meets mine. I scowl at him, irritated. With myself for being such a baby and with Gracie for being so dismissive of what just happened between us.
As usual.
“Really,” I say to Gracie, my voice flat.
She sends me a defiant look, her lips thinning into a flat line. She says nothing.
Neither do I.
Fuck.
With a glare, I turn away from her and exit the kitchen, determined to find someone else to talk to. Preferably a girl. Someone I don’t know who I can flirt with for a while, though I have no plans on doing anything with a random chick tonight beyond talking to her.
I move through the small crowd, chatting with all sorts of people, most of them I know or at least remember their faces from high school. None of the women in this place interest me. They’re pretty and they’re giving me flirtatious vibes, but I’m not responding. I smile and bow out, every single time.
I’m about an hour in of constantly moving like a shark underwater when Eli calls me over to where he’s at, sitting with Ava. He leaves her with a brief kiss and a murmured, “I’ll be right back,” before he comes to stand by me.
“Let’s grab a beer and chat,” he says.
I follow him into the kitchen, where we grab beers and head outside. I don’t know what kind of speech he has planned, but I steel myself as I follow him out on the back porch. The air is cool, the scent of pine lingering in the breeze. It’s a scent that always makes me think of home, and while I don’t necessarily want to return to my hometown to live any time soon, I know I will miss it when I’m well and truly gone.
“What did you want to talk about?” I ask Eli after about a minute of silence.
He watches me carefully. “You’re falling for her.”
“Who?” I frown, immediately knowing who he’s talking about. “Oh, you mean Gracie? Nah. I’m just trying to get in her panties, but she keeps those things on lock.”
I think of her earlier in the dressing room. How she hid from me at first, but then eventually gave up. I looked my fill, eager to touch her. That one caress on her ass was about as far as I dared to take it, and her skin was like silk. Smooth and soft.
What I really wanted to do was take a handful of her ass and squeeze. Pull her into me and let her feel what she does to me just by looking at her.
But I used restraint. I was respectful.
“I don’t believe you,” Eli says. “Trust me, I know what it’s like to want a girl. To fall for one, and feel all confused and shit. It fucks with your head and your dick.”
“My head isn’t involved in this. I’m not interested in her,” I say firmly before I take a swig of beer. “Not like that.”
“You kissed her in the kitchen. In front of everyone. Then you looked hurt when she called it nothing.” He points at me. Eli’s always pointing, the fucker. “I call that feeling something.”
I glare at him. “Why are you trying to make this happen?”
“I’m not trying to make anything happen. I’m trying to have a man to man with you and reassure you that it’s okay to admit your feelings. It’s okay to want a relationship, my friend. Your life isn’t going to end if you have to fuck the same pussy every night,” Eli explains.
“If Ava heard you say that…” I arch a brow.
“She won’t. That’s the beauty of this conversation. It’s just between us. And besides, I’m trying to get on your level, so you understand what I’m saying.” Eli grins.
I don’t think this conversation is a laughing matter. “Being with one woman goes against everything I’ve been taught.”
Not that anyone actually taught me this. I just assumed it was the right path to take until I was expected to settle down. Live it up, play around, have a good time. That’s been my plan since I first discovered girls.
“And who exactly taught you this again? Because if you ask me, it’s nothing but a bunch of horseshit.” Eli smiles, and I can tell he’s trying to put on his Mr. Convincing act. “Come on, what’s the big deal? You and Gracie like each other. You seem compatible.”
“She hates me,” I mutter, though I know it’s not true. “She’s not interested in me like that.” I also know that’s not true either.
“She doesn’t hate you. That’s all sexual tension,” Eli says, like it’s no big deal. “Ava and I were the same way, you know. She didn’t like me. I was obsessed with her. All I could think about was getting a taste of that. A piece of that. It was never really about getting back at her brother, no matter what all you assholes thought.”
“Really?” I never believed that. I always figured Eli went after Ava because he wanted to piss off Jake—and fell in love with her in the process. “I thought you were just fucking with her because she’s a Callahan.”
“Her being a Callahan was the worst part. Felt like our chance was cursed from the beginning. But we made it work. We’re still making it work, even though sometimes it’s a struggle.” Eli’s expression darkens and he takes another drink from his beer.
“What do you mean?” I ask with a frown. “I thought you two were all cozy since she’s home for the summer.”
“We are. But she’s going back. I was hoping I could convince her to stay. Why can’t she just go to Fresno State? But she doesn’t want to leave her friends she’s made there. She likes it in San Diego.” Eli’s mouth twists, as if he just said a dirty word. “She was always dead set on leaving. Even after we got together, she warned me she would go to school somewhere else.”
“Why didn’t you follow her?”
“Because the Bulldog coaching staff persuaded me to come to Fresno State. And I’ve done great here—no complaints. I played under Ash Davis, and look at him now, kicking ass in the NFL. He taught me a lot during that one season. And I didn’t have the advantage of going to your high school and getting coached by Drew Callahan,” Eli says.
“He’s practically your father-in-law now.” I don’t want to hear a bunch of mopey, woe is me, you had a better shot than I did bullshit from Eli. The dude’s got it made.
“Yeah. He’s a good guy.” Eli smiles. “You know who else is a good guy? You are.” He points at me again. His mama must have never taught him that was rude. “Stop trying to act like a giant manwhore and go with your gut.”
“My gut is telling me to continue acting like a manwhore,” I tell him, my tone serious.
I mean, it sort of does. I don’t know what to do anymore. Be a manwhore and fuck everything in a skirt? Or calm down some and get a little more selective? That’s the route I thought I was taking. I’m not out to fuck every chick I meet anymore, but damn.
I’m starting to get real tired of just using my hand. I need some action from someone else, and I really want that someone else to be Gracie.
If she’s not interested though, I’ll move on.
I have to.
“Is it really though, Caleb? Because I see the way you watch Gracie,” Eli says.
“What do you mean?”
“You can’t take your eyes off of her. And don’t tell me when she said your kiss was nothing that it didn’t hurt. I saw the look on your face. Like you just got kicked in the balls,” Eli says.
Damn it, it did feel like she kicked me in
the balls when she said that. Girl is ruthless when she wants to be, and it feels like she’s constantly giving me a taste of my own medicine, which fucking sucks, let’s be real.
“I get the feeling that once we finally do it—” and hopefully we’re going to, “—I’ll be over this…whatever it is I’m feeling for her.”
“If you say so.” The doubt in his voice is one hundred percent maddening.
“I’m not interested in a relationship with her,” I say.
“Okay. Whatever.” Eli shrugs, polishing off his beer. “I need to go find my girl. Good talk.”
“Oh yeah. Great talk,” I tell him as he walks away, flipping me the bird the entire way until he disappears back into the cabin.
I slump against the porch railing, sipping on my beer, thinking. Something, admittedly I’ve never been real big on.
I don’t think. I just do. I’m impulsive and rash and reckless. Fearless. All words that have described me since I was a little kid. I speak out of turn and can’t shut up. I’m always too daring. I broke my right arm twice and my left wrist. I never say no to a dare, no matter how scary it is and most of the time, I’m not even scared.
Some people might think I’m stupid, but I’m not. I just flat-out don’t give a shit. I never really have. I’m all about living life in the moment, doing whatever I want. Being scared is for pussies. I’m young and free—free to be me. Damn, that sounds corny as fuck, but it’s true.
So why the fuck does Gracie scare the absolute shit out of me?
Eli makes getting into a relationship sound so easy when I know it’s not. My dad always told me not to fall too young, too hard. Get out there and make something of yourself first. Live your life and have fun doing it. Don’t let anyone, including yourself, hold you back.
I’ve made it my mission to do exactly that. No fear. No qualms. Just—do it. I should be the face of Nike, swear to God.
But did my father ever guide me on what exactly I should do with my life? What sort of career I might consider? What I should major in, in college? Nope. He left that all on me, telling me often that I don’t want to end up like him. He’s a tire salesman for the love of God. He manages the only chain tire store in my hometown, working that retail grind. That is the last thing I want to do, and he knows it. He encouraged me to go to college, to get an education.
The Junior (College Years Book 3) Page 14
