“I’ll make sure she calls.” He stands taller, his shoulders back as he salutes her. Seeing him act goofy makes me smile, and he catches it, his gaze snagging on me. The warm smile he returns in my direction has me feeling all fuzzy inside.
A good kind of fuzz too. The sweet, adorable little kitten kind of fuzzy.
Hayden watches us, not saying a word until Caleb has disappeared into the kitchen. No doubt grabbing something for Tony.
“What the hell is going on between you two?” she whispers at me.
How do I explain this when I can’t explain it to myself? I don’t know the answer to that question. I honestly have no idea what Caleb and I are doing, but I’m enjoying it, strangely enough.
“I don’t know,” I say, deciding to be honest. I press my lips together to keep from saying anything else when he walks back into the living room with a clean plate in one hand and a jar of barbecue sauce in the other.
“Dinner’s almost ready,” Caleb announces as he pulls the slider open.
“Great! Tell Tony everything’s ready on my end,” Hayden calls to him just before he shuts the door, then she turns to me. “You act like you’re a couple.”
“We’re a couple of friends. That could turn into something more…maybe?”
There’s a gleam in Hayden’s eye. She likes what I’m saying, just like I knew she would.
“Still no sex?” She raises her brows.
“I’ve been a little under the weather in the vagina department, Hayden,” I remind her drolly. “It’s only been two days since I went to the emergency room.”
“Right. Of course. Does it hurt still?” Her eyes flash with concern.
“No. Not at all.” I sigh and grab a throw pillow, plucking at it absently. “There’s nothing to really report between Caleb and me. He’s been very supportive these last couple of days.”
“So supportive he’s even taking you camping,” she points out.
“Exactly. It should be fun. Even though I’ve never camped before in my life.” Trepidation streaks through me, but I push it aside. Caleb swore I would enjoy it, and I believe him. He also promised he’d do all the hard work and I’d reap the benefits. He just wants me to relax, he said. That’s the most important thing.
And that’s so sweet. It’s all I want too.
Caleb and Tony choose that moment to enter the apartment from outside, bringing with them the delicious smell of barbecued chicken along with corn on the cob. We all go into the kitchen and Hayden brings out a huge salad from the refrigerator, along with a variety of salad dressings, setting everything on the counter. We all grab a plate and serve ourselves before we settle in at the small table in the dining area off the kitchen.
“I feel very grown up right now,” I announce to the table before I start to dig into my meal.
“Same,” Hayden says with a laugh, her gaze only for Tony. He reaches toward her, grasping her hand in his. “Ever since we moved in, I feel like we’re playing house, living in this apartment together.”
“You guys playing house during the day and doctor at night?” Caleb asks, lifting his brows.
We all start complaining about how tacky and gross he is and he holds up his hands in front of him with a laugh.
“What would I be if I didn’t say something like that? I have to keep it consistent,” Caleb says jokingly.
I laugh along with Tony and Hayden, but I’m starting to see through this public persona Caleb maintains. Or maybe it’s more that he reveals his true self to me, versus the always joking, mostly crude front he gives everyone else.
Spending all this time with him lately is helping me see there’s more than meets the eye when it comes to Caleb. He actually has depth. He’s kind and thoughtful. He may tease me about what he wants from me, but it’s becoming rarer and rarer. What’s happening between us isn’t just about sex.
It’s becoming something—more.
We eat and chat, Tony and Caleb telling funny stories about when they were younger. How close they all were in high school, and how much they hated Eli Bennett.
“God, he was the worst. Remember those videos he’d post on his story every day?” Tony asks Caleb.
“Hell yeah, I do. That asshole would talk constant shit about me,” Caleb says irritably, shaking his head.
“What would he say?” I ask, curious.
“A bunch of bullshit.” Caleb scowls, making Tony laugh.
“Eli called him out on his playboy ways, which is hilarious considering Eli was pretty much the same way at his high school. Until he met Ava,” Tony explains. “And that caused a whole bunch of drama, considering Eli and Jake were mortal enemies.”
“And now you’re all friends,” I marvel.
“Well, we’re pretty close with Eli. And I guess Jake is close with him too, though I think he tolerates him more than anything else because Eli’s with his little sister,” Tony says. “Eli used to be—a lot.”
“And he’s not a lot now?” I ask pointedly, making Hayden nod in agreement.
“Oh, he’s still a lot, but being with Ava has calmed him down considerably. I could barely tolerate him back in the day,” Tony says.
“Now he’s your quarterback,” I say with a faint smile.
Both guys get a serious expression on their face. “Yeah, and we respect him for it. I think he’s going to take the team far,” Caleb says.
“Maybe not as far as Davis, but close,” Tony adds.
“You still have one more year after this too,” I remind them.
We talk more about football and how well Jake is doing at USC. All four of us help clean up around the kitchen and when we’ve moved the conversation into the living room, I can feel myself getting sleepier and sleepier, until I flat-out pass out from exhaustion.
Don’t think I’ve caught up on my sleep after the emergency room incident and being up half the night. Working all day on the dock in the sun zapped all my remaining energy.
“Hey sleepyhead.” I’m nudged awake by the sound of Caleb’s voice. He’s tapping me on the shoulder incessantly and I swat his hand away, making him chuckle.
“What do you want from me?” I don’t open my eyes so I don’t have to look at him.
“It’s late, Grandma. Almost ten. We should head out.”
The grandma cracks need to stop but I don’t complain. He could be saying worse things. “You’re ready to go?”
“Yeah.” He starts tapping me once more, not too hard but enough to irritate. “I think they want to start playing doctor and we’re ruining the mood.”
“God, you’re so gross,” Hayden calls from wherever she’s sitting.
I crack open an eye to find Caleb sitting on the couch right next to me, his blue gaze meeting mine. “There you are.”
Groaning, I shut my eyes once more. “Can’t I just stay the night here?”
I feel really cozy. Someone threw a thin blanket over me and I could lie on this comfortable couch for the rest of the night, no problem.
“We have to go home and pack for tomorrow.” I feel him shift and I can tell he’s standing. “Come on. Let’s go.”
With a groan, I open my eyes once again and sit up, pushing my hair out of my face. “Fine, let’s go.”
We say our goodbyes to Tony and Hayden, who do seem awfully eager to get rid of us, and by the time we’re getting into my car—we left the truck at home because Caleb didn’t want to drive it, so I let him drive my car just now because I’m so tired—we’re both laughing at how quick our friends were to get us out of their apartment.
“I told you they wanted to play doctor,” Caleb says as he backs out of the parking space.
“I thought you were just joking,” I say, giggling as I remember the look on Hayden’s face when we walked out. “She practically slammed the door in our faces.”
“Maybe Tony’s barbecue chicken makes her horny.”
“Maybe they’re just always horny for each other.”
“They’ve been together what…
two years now almost?” When I nod, Caleb keeps talking. “Aren’t they sick of each other yet?”
“I don’t think so. They still act like they’re pretty into each other.” All of our friends who are in committed relationships do. It’s as if they’re all hot for each other twenty-four-seven.
“I thought that sort of thing faded,” Caleb says, suddenly sounding serious. “It’s half the reason I didn’t want to be in a relationship.”
“Same with me,” I admit.
“Though my dad just told me yesterday that he’s satisfied with his life,” Caleb says.
“You thought he wouldn’t be?”
“I didn’t know what to think. They’ve been married a long time and their life seems so…mundane. Boring, you know?”
“I do know,” I say with a nod. This is a common complaint for Caleb. He doesn’t want to be complacent.
“That’s what I was always running from before. I didn’t want to do the same old thing they did. It sounded…awful. But now I’m starting to realize I don’t think it’s so bad. He’s genuinely happy. Mom is happy too. They have a decent life,” he says as he readjusts his grip on the steering wheel. “They seem…content.”
He sounds surprised, but why wouldn’t they be content? Everyone has different expectations. Different wants and needs. His parents have been together for a long time and from what I’ve gleaned from Caleb’s remarks on his childhood years, he lived in a solid household. No drama, no fighting, no abuse.
“Here’s the thing, Caleb. You were so busy running from your supposed mundane life, but I never heard you come up with any ideas on how to change it, you know? Like, what were you going to do to make it different? Better?” I ask, curiously.
“I don’t know,” he says with a shrug. “Honestly I figured I’d end up exactly like my parents. Me working…wherever. I’d probably end up marrying a teacher. Oh.” He shoots me a stricken look while I gaze back at him mutely, feeling as if I just swallowed my tongue. “I only said that because my mom works for the school district. I didn’t mean anything by it. What I’m really trying to say is that I feel like I’m on the same path as my dad was, and before that always scared me. But now I’m starting to realize maybe it won’t be so bad.”
“Right. Of course. I know what you meant.” I nod, looking away from him, staring unseeingly out the passenger side window. His admission just now was…jarring. But not in a bad way.
More like in a, why are we wasting so much time dancing around each other when it’s pretty freaking clear that we’re totally into each other way? What exactly are we doing? Why aren’t we just going for it? We have never been afraid when it came to getting with someone before.
Like, ever.
Long term relationships? That’s different. But would it really be so bad, being with Caleb? I already spend an enormous amount of time with him, and it’s not a chore. Not even close. I like hanging out with him, talking with him, joking with him. The biggest thing I’m realizing?
I trust him. I trust him with my life. He takes care of me because he wants to. He just flat out cares about me. And I care about him, too. A lot.
Everyone’s right—we act like a couple. Yet we’ve only kissed a few times, and that’s it.
Why are we depriving ourselves? What the hell is wrong with us?
“Caleb,” I say after a few minutes of silence.
“Gracie,” he returns in the same tone.
“I like you.”
“I like you too,” he says warmly, and without any hesitation either, I mentally note.
“I think I…like you, like you.” I press my lips together, almost wishing I could take the words back.
But too late. They’re out there, floating between us, and for the quickest, most terrifying few seconds of my life, I’m scared he’s going to say he doesn’t feel the same way.
“You do?” he asks, sounding surprised.
He’s going to make me say more, isn’t he? Well, I’m the one who changed the direction of this conversation, so I guess I need to go further out on a limb.
“I do. We hang out all the time. We work together, live together, and we just—fit, you know? I feel connected to you on a deeper level.” I roll my eyes and laugh nervously. “That sounded like some corny shit.”
“Nah,” he says, glancing over at me. “I have to agree. I uh…like you, like you too.”
His voice is deeper than normal. Lower. Extra sexy.
Oh. Shit.
“You feel connected to me?” My voice squeaks and I clear my throat, mentally telling myself to get a grip.
“G, I’ve felt connected to you since the first night I met you. I saw you and it was like my brain said, ‘you want that one,’” he admits. “And I feel like I’ve been chasing after you ever since.”
“You could’ve had me,” I murmur. “Many times over, if you would’ve said the right thing or made the right move, you could’ve totally had me.”
“Really?” He sounds doubtful. “I always got the sense you would’ve beat my ass if I tried anything.”
I laugh, my entire body relaxing at the realization that we’re on the same page. “We’ve kissed a couple of times.”
“Reluctantly.”
“Never reluctantly,” I correct. “I always wanted it.”
“Really?”
He sounds genuinely shocked. I think I make the playboy feel insecure, which was never my intention. I decide to be even more honest with him.
“After the Fourth of July I thought, ‘If this boy has sex the way he kisses, then it’s going to be good.’”
He’s quiet for a while. So am I. So quiet, I start to second-guess admitting that. Admitting anything to Caleb feels like a risk, and I start to get nauseous the longer he doesn’t say anything.
It’s absolute torture.
“I’m trying to come up with something to say that doesn’t offend you,” he finally admits. “Because all kinds of inappropriate things are rolling through my head right now.”
“Like what?” My curiosity rises, of course. “I won’t get offended.”
“Promise?”
“I promise,” I say swiftly, anticipation curling through me. I’m dying to hear what he has to say. I want to know.
Desperately.
Nineteen
Caleb
She’s blowing my mind with her confessions—especially because I feel the same exact way. And I’m terrified I’ll say something stupid and fuck it all up somehow. That’s how much she means to me, how much this entire moment means to me.
Normally I could give a shit. I’d just say what’s on my mind, consequences be damned. My big mouth has gotten me into plenty of trouble, yet it’s also snagged me some hot babes for a quick fuck.
But Gracie matters to me. She’s not some hot babe I want a quick fuck with. Though she is most definitely hot and just looking at her for a second too long gets my dick hard.
Yeah, that’s the crude side of me, and she appeals to it. As I’ve gotten to know her, I realize I value her as a friend too. I enjoy spending time with her. She makes me laugh. She makes me think. I want to help her. Taking her to the emergency room a couple of nights ago scared the shit out of me. I don’t want anything bad to happen to this girl.
I want to protect her at all costs.
“Don’t hold back,” she says. “Give me your worst. Lay it on me.”
I hesitate, annoyed with myself. I never hold back, but here I am. Afraid she’ll want to smack me or worse?
She’ll say never mind, and that’s the end of that.
“I think about having sex with you,” I admit, my voice so low I can barely hear myself. “A lot.”
“This doesn’t surprise me,” she says wryly and I feel like I have to defend myself.
“Not like how I did before, when we first met. And over the last couple of years. That was always about getting with you because you’re so hot, and I knew whatever happened between us would be explosive,” I say. “But now…�
�
More silence. I don’t quite know how to express myself. My feelings. And I’m not used to that.
“But now what?” she asks after I haven’t said anything.
“Now I want to know what you like. I want to take my time with you. I don’t want to rush into it because I want to savor every minute, every second.” I wince the moment the last sentence leaves me, because it sounds like a crock of shit.
But I’m being real right now. Probably the realest I’ve ever been.
“Caleb…” she starts, but I interrupt her.
“I know it sounds like a bunch of bullshit, but I’m being sincere. I fucking like you, Gracie. Probably too much. And it scares the hell out of me because I don’t want to mess this up, whatever it is that’s happening between us. You mean more to me than just about any other person in my life right now.” I’m digging into some deep shit, and I’m uncomfortable revealing it too, but fuck it. I need to get my feelings out. “I think about you all the time—you’re never out of my thoughts. I just want to see you happy when you’re sad, and I want to make you feel better when you’re not well. Driving to the emergency room was one of the scariest moments I’ve ever experienced in my life, because I didn’t know what was wrong with you, and I felt so out of control. I just wanted to fix it. Fix you.”
We’re getting closer to our apartment complex, thank God. I don’t think I can say much more without having to touch her. I could reach right out and put my hand on her leg, or her knee, but when I barely lift my hand away from the steering wheel, I see that it’s shaking.
Fuck me, this is…a lot.
Worse? She’s quiet, and I’m sure she’s just absorbing what I said, but damn. Now I’m nervous as hell and afraid I ruined everything by saying too much, though when do I not do that? Saying too much is normal for me.
“Your silence is killing me, G,” I whisper as I turn into our complex parking lot. “Say something.”
“Caleb…”
“Just don’t say anything bad. Don’t break my heart. I don’t think I could take it,” I rush out.
The Junior (College Years Book 3) Page 17
