by Hamel, B. B.
“Yes,” she whispered. “I can do it.”
“Get yourself together, go pay for the drinks, then leave. Walk back to the apartment. I’ll give you the key.”
“What about you?”
“I’ll follow soon,” I said. “Be ready to let me up when I come back. It might not be for a while.”
“Ewan—”
“Do what I’m asking you,” I said. “Clean up. Pay for the drink. Walk back to the apartment. Understand?”
“I understand,” she said.
“Good.” I turned away and walked to the bathroom door. “I’ll give you a minute.”
“No,” she said quickly, “stay in here, please.”
I hesitated, but nodded. She stared at me with her mouth hanging open, and I still wanted her more than anything, but I knew I had a long night ahead of me. It wasn’t easy, getting rid of a body.
She splashed water on her face and used a paper towel to staunch the bleeding. She fixed her hair and her clothes the best she could, and when she was done, she looked almost presentable.
I gave her cash and my key. If she wanted, she could take everything I owned back at my place and disappear. I was trusting her not to do that, and I wondered if she even realized.
“You can do this,” I said, and squeezed her fingers in mine. “Pay for the drinks and walk back home.”
“I can do this,” she said.
I pulled her to me and kissed her cheek, lingering for a second too long, before I let her go.
She left, walking fast.
I waited for a few minutes. My dead friend Jonathan still lay in the toilet bowl. I wondered how fucked up Tara would be now, after watching me murder a man by drowning him like that. Poor girl didn’t know what she was getting into, but now she saw the real me. Sooner or later, she’d have to understand.
I was a monster. I was a killer.
And maybe, in some broken part of her, she liked that.
After ten minutes, I went back out into the main room, signaled at the Valentino guys there, and dragged them into my mess.
10
Tara
I sank back into a blazing hot bath and closed my eyes. I tried not to think about Ewan kneeling on top of that struggling Healy man, the guy’s head shoved into the toilet bowl, his legs and arms flailing wildly. I tried to push Ewan’s almost gleeful look from my mind, but it kept coming back, over and over.
Ewan killed him, right there in the bathroom, drowned him in a toilet. And then he kissed me.
I touched my mouth. I still felt numb from where he’d bitten my lower lip. I’d never been kissed like that before, like I was a prize, like I was something he’d always wanted but never been allowed to have before. I caught him looking at me like that all the time, and I knew what he wanted from me, but I never thought I’d actually give it to him.
Until I watched him kill a man. And then I couldn’t help myself.
“I’m fucked up and broken,” I whispered to nobody. The empty bathroom judged me. The memory of my father judged me. I felt like I was going insane.
I still didn’t fully understand what happened. I went into that bathroom, and when I went to wash my hands, the Healy man came inside. I started to shout, but he held up his hands and said, “It’s okay. I’m Jonathan, I’m with the Healy family.”
I listened to him. He told me the Healys wanted to take me away and to protect me. Because of my father’s loyal service and good business, they thought I was worth saving from the Valentinos. They knew that Don Valentino wanted me to marry Ewan, and the head of the Healy family was willing to do what it took to get me out. All I had to do was follow Jonathan, and I could get away.
That was my chance to escape. Right there in that bathroom. I could’ve followed him and Ewan never would’ve found me. Hell, I think he would’ve let me go if he caught it happening.
Instead, when Jonathan came near me, I fought him.
It was stupid. I wasn’t thinking. But as soon as I realized I didn’t have a choice, I started clawing and hitting like my life depended on it. He slammed my face against the mirror, which is probably what broke it, then tried to pull me through the window. He would’ve gotten away with it, if Ewan hadn’t shown up.
I let out a stupid, ugly sob. It ripped from my throat and the tears rolled into the hot bathwater. Ewan drowned that man, drowned him in the toilet of some random dive bar, and I stood there, watching it happen. I could’ve tried harder to stop him, but I didn’t.
Some sick part of me wanted to see it happen.
I didn’t know how long I was in that tub. One second, I was staring at the ceiling, and the next I heard the door buzzer screaming. I climbed out, the water tepid at best, and wrapped a towel around my body. I trailed water out into the living room and buzzed him inside.
He came up a few minutes later, looking exhausted. He had on different clothes. I stood there, naked, soaked, barely covered by a towel, and I knew I should’ve gone into my room and locked the door. That would’ve been the safe thing, the smart thing.
And yet I kept thinking about that kiss, and the way he made my body feel, his hand on my ass, his other hand in my hair.
He stepped toward me. “You okay?” he asked.
“I think so,” I said. “Are you? Is everything—?”
He nodded once. “Taken care of.” His eyes moved from my lips down along my chest, down to my legs. “You took a bath.”
“Yeah,” I said. “I think I fell asleep.”
He came closer. I didn’t move. I felt rooted to the spot. “You could’ve gotten dressed,” he said. “But you didn’t want to, did you?”
“I don’t know what I want,” I whispered.
“You do.” He reached out and moved my hand from the towel. A weak knot held it up above my breasts. “You kissed me back.”
“I was in shock. I think I still am.”
“Maybe,” he said, tilting his head, staring into my eyes. “All you have to do is ask me to stop. I’ll stop for you, Tara. But only if you tell me to.”
I bit my lip hard as he slowly unraveled the towel. It fell down to the floor and I stood there, cold and wet and naked before him, so exposed, so vulnerable. Ewan was big, enormous, and he could do whatever he wanted with me. I should’ve been terrified.
I was more excited than I’d ever been in my life.
He ran his fingers up my spine. His other hand touched my hip bones, then moved up my abs, and cupped my breasts. I let out a soft, supple moan as he teased my nipples, then moved his fingers up my throat to my lips. He slid them into my mouth and I sucked them gently, rolling my tongue around. He pulled them back out and his eyes were burning with desire.
When he kissed me, it felt like a firework exploded in my mind. He lifted me up off my feet, wrapping my legs around his waist, hands gripping my ass. He was impatient, but he carried me back to his bedroom as we kissed. He bumped against the wall, and he didn’t quite make it before he pinned me against the wall in the hallway. I unbuckled his belt, got the strange jeans off that didn’t smell like him while he took off the navy button-down. His torso was covered in thick ripples of muscle and colorful tattoos and I kissed his chest, then his lips, as his hand grabbed my hair.
I slipped both hands down into his boxer briefs and gripped his thick cock. I sucked in a shocked breath as he growled his pleasure. His fingers moved between my legs, my soaking wet slit dripping down my thighs. He teased me in wild, slow strokes and I nearly lost it right there, except he slowed me, brought me back down, and pulled me into the bedroom.
I got a quick glimpse of the furniture: dresser, nightstand, chair in the corner, and an enormous bed. The room was immaculately neat. He pushed me down onto the sheets and pulled me to the edge before spreading me legs wide.
I’d never felt so naked before as he ran his tongue along my slit, licking me wildly, lapping me up with abandon. I moaned and writhed and rolled my hips and let him take me with his mouth until I felt it, right there on the edge.
/>
I begged him. I’d never begged before, but I begged him. “Fuck me, Ewan,” I whispered.
“That’s what I wanted to hear,” he said and pushed me back down. My legs opened for him, and he pressed himself against me, before sliding deep inside.
My back arched as his tongue rolled around a nipple. I gasped and my breasts shook as he fucked me slowly at first.
“From the first time I saw you, I wanted this,” he whispered in my ear. “And you can’t understand how much I need it. You kissed me in that bathroom, even after seeing what I am.”
“What are you?” I asked, digging my fingers into his muscular back as pleasure, pleasure, pleasure rocketed down my spine with each gorgeous thrust.
“A monster,” he growled. “A killer. And you still want to come into my bed.”
“Yes,” I gasped as he bit my lip, then my shoulder, then my nipples. “I don’t care what you are,” I moaned, as the pleasure kept building, faster and faster. “I don’t care what you think.”
“Because you want me to fuck you,” he whispered, his voice a rumbling groan in my ear. “You want this pleasure more than you realized. You need a man like me, a man that can take your body and keep it.”
“Yes,” I gasped, arching my back, and he kept going, faster and faster, and god, it was horrible and beautiful and waves and waves of excited intensity rippled through my skin. He bit my lip and held my hips and fucked me, my body rocking, and I couldn’t take any more.
I came in a burst of bright light. My moans escaped my lips and I had no control anymore. I didn’t want control. I wanted him, deep between my legs, over and over again. I came along his length and when I was done, when I was nothing more than a puddle of pleasure, putty for his play, he lay back on the sheets and stroked himself.
I took him in my mouth then and sucked his shaft until he came deep between my lips.
We lay tangled beside each other for a while. The night stretched out behind me like gossamer. I could barely keep hold of it. I saw flashes of the Healy man dying in the toilet, or Ewan kissing me, or Ewan coming home to pull my towel off. It all felt blurred and strange, and the only thing real was him, the hulking man beside me.
He pulled me close and held me. I shivered when he kissed my ear and whispered, “I’ll let you go, you know.”
“Don’t say that.”
“It’s the truth.” His eyes met mine, and I knew he wasn’t lying. “If you want to go, I’ll let you.”
“Don’t make me say it.” I buried my face in his chest.
But he pulled me back up toward him and kissed my lips. “I need to hear it.”
“I want to stay,” I whispered, almost choking it out.
“Good,” he said. “Because I’m not done with you.”
And he kissed me again, slow and long, taking his time. He began to stir a few moments later, and he pinned me down onto my back and spread my legs, and I knew I’d made the worst mistake of my life, or maybe the best decision possible, and it didn’t matter, nothing mattered but him, his lips, his cock, my body, and the pleasure that crackled in the air between us.
11
Ewan
The park buzzed around me. Families moved together in small groups along the blacktop and couples lounged on blankets in the sun. A small boy in blue shorts and a t-shirt with dinosaurs skittered past, his knees covered in scabs and bruises, laughing as his sister in pink and green chased him with a bubble gun. I stretched my legs out and tilted my chin up toward the sunlight that dipped through the trees, dappling the ground.
I felt good. Last night I killed a man in a toilet bowl then spent hours fucking Tara until she passed out with exhaustion. This morning, she was distant and a little cagey, but I wasn’t surprised. She did yoga, drank coffee, and didn’t seem surprised when I told her I had some errands to run, and to sit tight.
I worried I pushed things too fast. She wanted it as much as I did, that much was obvious—when she came out in that towel and stared at me with her mouth hanging open, water dripping down onto the floor beneath her, I knew she wanted to me to rip her to pieces. I gave her what she needed and left her body aching and quivering with pleasure, and yet I was afraid that the trauma she went through in that bathroom, watching a man die for the first time, getting attacked, I worried it would leave a lasting scar.
Not that it would stop me from taking my pleasure from her. No, last night was the first time, and it wouldn’t be the last. There was so much more I wanted from her, and so much more I’d have.
Dean appeared at the far end of the park and ambled toward me in a pair of tight joggers, sneakers, and an expensive-looking sweater. His hair was pushed back, and dark sunglasses obscured his eyes. He sat down with a sigh and crossed his legs. I didn’t look at him, and he put an arm along the back of the bench, scanning the people nearby.
“Heard you had an interesting night last night,” he said.
“Healys came for Tara,” I said.
Dean grunted. “Did you have to kill him?”
I ground my teeth. “He hurt Tara. That was his mistake.”
“Still.” Dean made a face. “Drowned him in a toilet? That’s pretty intense, even for you.”
“It was more convenient than anything else.” I looked at him. “What’s the word from your father?”
He waved a hand. “He’s not mad, if you’re worried about that,” Dean said. “Obviously, he doesn’t want you running around town murdering anyone you feel like, but this was a special occasion.”
I grunted a laugh. He made it sound like it was a wedding or an anniversary, instead of an ambush. “They’re going to keep coming,” I said after a short silence as a couple of young guys in boat shoes ambled past drinking coffee and looking hungover. “I think they’re following me.”
“That’s their mistake then,” Dean said. “What is it about this girl, anyway? She’s pretty and all, but I don’t get it.”
I didn’t answer that and stared over at the trees as the wind moved through their branches. I knew why I wanted her and what she made me feel, but I didn’t totally get why Colm Healy would insist on taking her away from me. He knew my reputation, and he knew it wouldn’t be easy, and yet he sent one of his soldiers to take what was mine.
All for Tara. She had nothing to do with her father’s business as far as I could tell, so it didn’t make all that much sense, unless Colm didn’t really give a fuck about her at all. The war was simmering below the surface, and this could simply be another attempt at making the Valentino family look weak. Colm wanted to move his family into our territory, but first he had to make the local guys, the street-level drug pushers and thugs and thieves, think that the Healy family could protect them better than the Valentino family could. It was a matter of showing strength and making them think the Valentinos would lose in a fight.
We wouldn’t, but maybe he thought if he could take Tara away from one of the Valentinos’ strongest killers, then maybe that would prove that his family had more guts and strength than the city realized.
Even still, it was a bad gamble, and one young solder already paid for it.
“I’m not sure you need to understand,” I said. “All I know is, your father wants me to marry her, and Colm Healy wants to steal her away. I’m in the middle of this shit, and I don’t like it.”
“It won’t last forever,” he said, and took off the sunglasses. He looked tired, with thick bags beneath his eyes. “The Healys will get bored and move on. And my father will accept that you’re as loyal at they come.”
I let out a long sigh and leaned my head back. “Remember when your dad said he’d pay for my college, if I wanted to go?”
“I haven’t thought about that in a long time,” Dean said, sounding amused. “You had good grades in school, right?”
“Yeah, I did. I applied to a few places. Did I ever tell you that?”
“No, you didn’t,” he said, sounding surprised. “Did you get in anywhere?”
“Temple,” I
said. “Penn State. West Chester, Kutztown, and Pittsburgh.”
“Holy shit,” he said and laughed. “What the fuck were you thinking, staying here? You could’ve gotten out, man.”
“This was all I knew,” I said, not looking at him. He was like a brother to me back then, and still was in a lot of ways, but we’d grown apart over the years. We were still close, but not like we were back then.
I couldn’t imagine leaving the Valentino family, not when I was finally coming into my own. But maybe I should have.
“Yeah, well, you’re deep in it now, my friend. If you want my advice, I think you should marry the girl.” He leaned forward, turning the sunglasses by the arm between his fingers. “You seem like you like her for some reason, and she hasn’t tried to kill you yet, so you’re like the perfect match. Marry her, make my dad happy, and let’s finish this stupid war with the Healys so we can go back to getting rich.”
“Tempting,” I said sincerely. “But I won’t force her.”
“Yeah, I know, your code.” He stretched his back and neck. “Don’t worry about that body, that’s been taken care of. Just keep your eyes open for a while, all right?”
“All right. If that dead soldier causes trouble, I’ll clean up the mess.”
“I know you will.” Dean stood up and looked around. “I like this park. I never come out here, but it’s nice. It’s like a fucking family place and shit.”
“Exactly,” I said, and nodded as he waved and walked off. I waited for him to be gone, out of sight around the corner, before I got back up and strolled slowly to my apartment.
Tara stood in the kitchen staring off into space. She was drinking more coffee, and wore a burgundy crop top and a pair of high-waisted yoga pants. Her hair spilled down around her shoulders and I fought the urge to walk up and kiss her on the neck, to put my hands on her breasts, to slip my fingers between her legs. What happened last night was good, but I didn’t think we were ready for more, not yet at least.
