“Christ, Toby, shut up,” I said as he panted. “You’ll scare the bloody animals to death.” I pressed that sensitive spot again, and he melted in my arms. He stared at me, his eyes glazed, completely in the zone. I thought he was ready. God knows I was. How I hadn’t come by now I’d never know. It was taking all my self-control to pace myself. I took the condom packet, splitting it open, and rolled the condom over my very anxious and eagerly awaiting cock. Toby watched me with swollen lips and emerald eyes that looked as if they wanted to rape me there and then.
“Don’t hold back,” he muttered fiercely. “I want to feel you inside, and I want it rough. I need this.”
I nodded, feeling as if all my prayers had been answered. I shivered.
“Are you cold? It is getting a bit chilly.” Toby reached up a hand and ran it along my arm.
I shivered again. “Not cold, no. It’s you. You’re doing this to me.” I laved my shaft with lube and moved over him. “Pull up your legs. I really need to feel you.” My voice was trembling as Toby moved, positioning his legs comfortably, and I pushed at his entrance, sliding in slightly, not wanting to hurt him. He growled.
“I told you, Rain, no Mr. Nice Guy. Just push in all the way. Now.”
I couldn’t argue with a demand like that, so I did as he asked. I slammed into him with the force of everything I’d been holding back, hearing us both grunt as my balls hit his arse, and then I drew out and slammed in again. He felt so right, so incredibly hot. He tightened his muscles around me as I thrust in and out, both of us finding a rhythm that suited, as his hands dug into my hips. I leaned in and kissed him on an in-thrust, grinding my mouth against his with a passion I didn’t think I’d ever felt before, even with Tommy. Toby kissed me back fiercely, his mouth doing more incredible things to my entire body.
“God, you feel incredible, Rain. Just keep going.”
And we did. The cool night air brushed against our skin, the hay scratched where the clothes had come loose, and small insects probably nipped at our flesh, but still we fucked on top of a haystack in the middle of a farmer’s field to the sound of “Smoke and Mirrors.” It was the most incredible feeling to be fifteen feet in the air, as the soft night breezes touched our skin and the incredible tightness around my cock that was Toby took my breath away.
He watched my face, his eyes never wavering, as if he was trying to imprint me like a baby duckling and its mother. I stared down into his eyes as he smiled at me gently and reached up to slide a hand through my hair.
“You feel good,” he whispered. “So good.” I moaned at the tenderness in his voice, kissing him fiercely. His incredible tongue reached into my mouth, slicking against my palate, causing me to push even harder into him. It was a medley of heat, wetness, smooth skin, and the sounds of flesh meeting flesh. Toby’s fingers gripped my hips, forcing me deeper as he shifted slightly to accommodate me. I felt heat flooding my groin and the familiar tingle in my backside and thighs.
Toby tightened around me one last time, and I gave a shout and emptied myself into the condom, my body shuddering with the intensity of my orgasm. My heart beat crazily, my balls virtually crept into my groin, and I tingled as if I’d been delivered a high-voltage shock, my skin prickling and tingling from the aftermath. I groaned loudly and collapsed on top of my warm man. His strong arms went around me, holding me in place. For a while, there was no noise other than the night birds and a rather strange beeping sound from somewhere underneath the clothes.
I frowned. “What’s that noise?”
Toby sighed drowsily as he buried his lips against my neck, nuzzling like a puppy. “It’s my phone. The battery’s gone flat.” He grinned. “You can only fuck so long to Gotye, you know.”
I rolled myself off him, careful not to overshoot the side and go hurtling fifteen feet to the ground. I nipped off the condom and tied a knot in it, then placed it on the shirt above his head to take later. Toby snuggled in as we lay on our backs, looking at the night sky. There were hundreds of stars out, bright, twinkling, and I sighed contentedly.
“Was this a good idea, then?” Toby asked softly. “Doing it on a haystack out in the middle of nowhere? I have to say I think it’s one of my best ones ever. That was incredible, Rain.”
I kissed his nose. “Baby, this was a great idea.” I brushed a loose curl of hair from his eyes. “And thank you for letting me, you know, be on top. I appreciate that.”
Toby shifted to his side and propped himself up on an elbow to look at me. “What happened?” he asked softly. “Only tell me if you want to. I’m not prying. I just thought you might like to talk about it.”
I hadn’t talked to anyone, not even Lucas, about what I’d experienced seven months ago. It was a pretty sordid mess, and the less I thought about it, the better it would be.
“Just a party that went wrong,” I said curtly. I wasn’t ready to tell that sorry story yet. I was still too ashamed.
He nodded. There was silence for a while; then he spoke again. “Did I ever tell you I was a foster-care kid?”
I looked at him in surprise. “No, you didn’t. But then we haven’t really had the chance to talk much. Why were you in foster care?”
He lay on his back, his eyes raised to the sky above. “My dad died when I was born, and my mum brought me up. When I was ten, she got pneumonia and died. We were already living in sheltered accommodation, so they put me into foster care. I had no other family.” His voice was matter-of-fact, no self-pity at all in it. I felt a surge of sadness for him.
“Hell, Toby. My mom and dad have since moved back to Durban for the warmer weather, but we still keep in touch. I have an older brother, Nick, in Cape Town. I can’t imagine what it’s like not to have a family. Do you remember your mum at all?”
He nodded, gazing up into the starlit sky. “I remember some stuff. Her name was Claire. She was a little woman, all skin and bones, but she could hug well enough.” He smiled. “I fell over and skinned my knee badly once when I was just a toddler, and she scolded the pavement and gave me a big hug that made me feel safe. She looked after me as best as she could. We always had food on the table and a place to stay, even if it was council housing and crowded shelters. Then she died.” I heard the sudden flatness in his voice, and I shivered. “She got a cold, didn’t look after herself, and she ended up in hospital. I was there when she died. They had to pull me away from her body because I just wouldn’t let go. She was all I had left.”
I sat up, shocked. “Jesus, you were just a kid.” My heart filled with compassion for this little boy who’d watched his mother die. I couldn’t even imagine the anguish that must have caused. I reached out, taking his hand, stroking it gently.
He shrugged. “I went into care, bounced around a bit until I was fifteen.” Toby’s voice was distant. “I couldn’t seem to settle down with any one family. I think I had about five. Then I ran away.”
Again I felt shock surge through my body. “Hell, Toby, how did you survive?” I was dreading the answer.
He shrugged. “I was a pretty streetwise kid. I got myself a job at a bar washing glasses, doing the dirty work, and managed to make a little money.”
“Where did you live?” I asked curiously.
His face tightened. “I lived in the pub, with the owner.” His tone didn’t lend itself to any more questions. It was a warning, a sort of “stay away from this one.” I had a sinking feeling I knew exactly what the rent had been. I felt sick at the thought.
“When I was seventeen, I had enough money to put myself through hotel school, something I’d always wanted to do. I came out of there with a diploma, managed to find a job as a busboy, and from there I just kept studying and working my way up. Then I met Simon four years ago.” His voice changed when he spoke of Simon. I felt a flush of discomfort. I knew Simon was crazy about Toby. It was in the things he said, the way he looked at him, the warmth in his face whenever he saw him pass by. Toby knew something was up, but Simon was his hero, and the thought seemed to di
sconcert him.
“He took a chance on me, and now… here I am.” His voice trailed off, and I pulled him to me and kissed him. He submitted willingly, those beautiful lips of his opening up and letting me in. When I’d finished ravaging his mouth, I drew him to me, and we lay together, side by side, gazing up into the sky. After a while, he lifted himself up on one elbow and smiled at me. “I’m glad you’re here with me, Rain, on top of this haystack. It feels good. I really enjoyed tonight, especially the sex bit. It was definitely about time.”
I grinned at him. “Yeah, the sex was definitely way overdue.” A random thought flitted through my mind, and I frowned. “Toby, this might sound like a stupid question, but if you were only ten when you were on your own—when did you find out you liked men, not women? And who helped you through it?”
I had been lucky. When I came out at the age of fourteen after years of jacking off to pictures of sexy male film stars and a boy in my class called Teddy Mayhew, who’d been blond and built like a wrestler, my parents had understood. They’d been shocked but supportive. My older brother, Nick, had been my champion in school, sorting out any bullies and making sure he protected me as best he could from taunts and sly suggestions from others. It had been a bit of a trial, but I’d weathered it. But as a ten-year-old being batted from foster home to foster home, without any family structure at all, I wondered how Toby had coped with it all.
Toby’s face grew guarded. “I knew from when I was about twelve that I was gay. I’d never liked girls in a sexual way, but boys gave me a thrill I couldn’t ignore. I knew what it meant—I’d been around the street kids and in the foster system enough to know.” He sat up, looking out into the darkness, his hair stirring gently in the warm breeze. “One night, when I was fourteen, in one of the foster homes I was in, I found one of the other kids, Ben, wanking off in the room we shared with two others. They’d slipped out to buy smokes somewhere, so we were alone. I watched him. He knew I was watching him too, and he liked it. He even put on a bit of a show, and before I knew it, I’d come in my pants too.” He heaved a deep sigh. “Ben was sixteen. He took me under his wing and made sure I knew who I was. He was my first real relationship, even though it only lasted two months before he signed up to join the army.”
His eyes were distant. “We never fucked, though. He wouldn’t do that. He said I was too young. So it was just mutual blowjobs and hand action. But he taught me about safe sex and how to look after myself. I’ll always be grateful for that.”
I found I couldn’t speak. In the past two weeks of getting to know Toby a little better, I had known I was getting in much deeper than I wanted to be. Hell, from the moment I’d first kissed him in the lost property room, I’d been under his spell. He was watching me carefully, as if gauging my reaction to his story. I pulled him closer, kissing the top of his head.
“Thanks for sharing that with me. I can’t believe you had to go through all that on your own. It makes my life seem privileged by comparison. All I know is you turned out to be one incredibly sexy, fine human being.”
He relaxed against me, and I felt his lips on my chest as he kissed my chilling skin. I lay for a while, digesting everything he’d told me, a lump forming in my throat. It was all getting a little overwhelming and too emotional too soon for me. Leaning over, I kissed him hard on the mouth, then stood up, stretching. “It’s getting chilly. Come on, get your lazy arse up, and let’s get home. I have a dog waiting for me who’s probably starving while her master makes out with a sexy stud, and I know you need to be up early to do what you do so well.”
I picked up my clothes and the used condom and leapt down the hay bales to the bottom of the stack. Toby followed me a moment later, his face a little set about my sudden departure when he’d been spilling his guts out. He’d probably thought it would encourage me to spill my own beans about the time I’d been—well, that time. But I wasn’t ready for that yet.
We dressed, got into the car, and were soon driving back to the hotel. My car was parked there, and I still had to drive home to my cottage. Toby was quiet on the way home. I didn’t have much more to say that wouldn’t make me feel more emotional, so I was quiet too. The silence was slightly uncomfortable. We pulled into the hotel parking lot and got out the car. Toby looked at me. He looked hurt, and I wanted to reassure him he’d done nothing wrong, it was just me being me, but I couldn’t manage that either.
He spoke softly. “Well, good night, Rain. Tonight was fun. Thanks.”
I nodded. “Any time. We’ll do it again soon.” I pulled him over for a deep kiss. His lips parted, but he wasn’t as invested in it as usual. Letting him go, I moved over to my van.
“See you tomorrow. Lucas and I will be here bright and early to make more noise and dust.” I waved, clambering into my vehicle. When I pulled out, Toby still stood looking after me.
Chapter 7
Toby
I WATCHED the taillights of Rain’s car leave the parking lot, standing staring at them long after they’d disappeared. What the hell had happened? One minute we’d been close; the next the man’s mood had simply flicked to dark like a lightbulb being turned off. Had something I said put him off? Did he think less of me because of the stories I’d told him? Perhaps he’d heard the warning in my voice when I’d spoken about living with Ricky in the pub. Not one of the most palatable highlights of my life but something that had needed to be done if I’d wanted to survive. Maybe he thought I’d been some sort of rent boy.
“I was not a bloody rent boy,” I said out loud. It had been something I’d been trying to convince myself of since I was fifteen. The idea that Rain might think the same hurt badly. I turned and walked to the back door, drew out my key, and slipped it into the lock. I passed into the darkened kitchen, out into the hallway, and finally into the lobby. I ascended the stairs to my room still deep in thought. Showering quickly, I washed the night’s activities off my body, then crawled into bed under the cool, soft feather duvet.
I lay awake awhile trying to figure the evening out. It had been incredible, the sort of night I’d dreamed about having since I’d booted Trevor out of my life three months ago. The memories of Rain sucking me off and then fucking me so intimately were foremost in my mind. I stroked myself slowly as I thought about that. He might have gone cold, although the kiss in the parking lot when we got back indicated he still had some interest. I was very drawn to Rain Engel, definitely beyond just sex. I was determined he was going to let me in. He could play hard to get all he liked.
The following morning I was in the office looking over some projections for the next month when someone came in. Looking up, I saw Simon watching me carefully. Simon had been quieter and more reserved since seeing us in the bar together. Obviously what Tammy had told him about Rain and I had had an impact. I had to confess that, with Rain in my life, I’d barely given a second thought to my original attraction to Simon. I’d chalked it up to a temporary spell of insanity that I had thought I could get it on with my mentor and friend.
“Simon, good morning. You’ve been out and about a bit lately. We haven’t seen each other much.” I closed the file and leaned back to look at him. He looked tired.
He moved forward, pulling out the chair opposite the desk, and sat down. “I’ve been busy with the investors. That’s what I’ve come to talk to you about.”
“Sounds interesting. What’s up, then?”
His next words shocked me to the core. “I’m moving to Spain.” His words were quiet, his face watchful as he held my gaze.
My mouth dropped open. “Spain? You mean, moving for a holiday?”
He shook his head. “No, I’m going to live there for a while. I’ve been asked to oversee the building of another hotel in Cadiz. The investors want me to get involved. It just makes sense to move there temporarily. But it means that that leaves you 100 percent in charge of the day-to-day management of this hotel while I’m gone.”
I stared at him, the sense of loss at this declaration getting
deeper. “But I need you here. What will I do without you being around? I can’t run this on my own.”
He laughed. “Toby, you run this hotel anyway. Don’t make any mistake about that. You have for the last few years. You’re an incredibly talented manager, and I’m lucky to have you.” His voice faltered slightly. “And you don’t need me. You seem to have everything under control all on your own.” The double meaning of his words and his emphasis on the word “me” didn’t escape me, and with a flash of clarity, I knew everything Rain had told me about Simon having feelings for me was right.
“I’m going to be flying out to Cadiz the day after tomorrow to find what I need to get settled, and then I’ll come back and wind up here. I need to be out there in about two weeks’ time, if possible. The timelines for this new project are pretty tight.”
I didn’t know what to say. Although I’d never really considered Simon in “that” way other than the night he’d come to my hotel room, I realized I didn’t want to lose him. Simon had been my rock these past four years, and to have him abandon me like this was tantamount to losing a good friend. If the feelings in my heart were anything to go by, perhaps it had even been a little more. That realization rocked my world. I drew a deep breath, hurt rising from my stomach to my throat.
“So you’re just leaving me.” My voice was flat, and he looked at me in surprise.
“Toby, you’re more than capable of running this place. God, man, you’re better than me at it.”
“No. I mean you’re leaving me.” My voice choked up. I was so bloody confused at what I was feeling. How could I have the feelings for Rain that I did and yet feel so lost at the thought of this man no longer being part of my life?
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