My immediate reaction was selfish. I was relieved that any potential contender for Toby’s affections was now out of the running. I toyed with the salt pot as I spoke. “Does that upset you that he’s leaving? I think it’s a great compliment that he thinks you can run the place on your own.”
Toby sat back and took a shuddering sigh. “When he told me earlier, it sort of caused a reaction I don’t think I should have had.”
My heart sank even deeper into my stomach. “What kind of reaction?” I tried to keep it casual, but I was wondering where this was going.
“As if he meant more to me than just being my boss and my friend.” His voice was quiet.
I swallowed. “You mean feelings for him as a—” I couldn’t get the words out. “—lover, a partner?”
He nodded. His fingers picked up the pepper pot, and he turned it around and around as he sat there, staring at the table. “I got a little excited too, the one time he came into my room and we got a bit too close.” My eyes widened, and he hastened to qualify his statement. “I think it was because I was just really horny, and he was there, and, well, it just happened. It had never happened before, and it hasn’t happened again.” He grinned slightly. “I have you for that now.”
“Oh.” I didn’t know what else to say. “I didn’t think you had feelings for him.” I heard the acid in my tone.
He shook his head. “Rain, I was pretty surprised myself. I’ve never felt that way about him before. But when he told me he was leaving me, something happened.” He swallowed. “I got a bit needy, and he latched onto it, but I didn’t want to pursue anything until I’d had a chance to process it. Then you and I had one of our sessions in the shed.” He shrugged those elegant shoulders. “I knew then that I was just being stupid about it. I can’t have the feelings I have for you and feel like that about him. I think it’s just the fact he’s been such a good friend, and I care for him, and I’ll miss him, but—” He sighed. “—I wanted you to know about it. I don’t want anything between us.”
I stood up and paced around the room as he watched, his eyes worried. The fact he’d admitted to having “feelings” for me both scared and delighted me. I wasn’t sure which emotion was the more prevalent. So, like the complete bastard I was when I was unsure, I went on the attack. “So you confess you have feelings for me and another man, and I’m supposed to accept that? Take you to bed and fuck you even though you might ‘like’ someone else? Well, that’s a great start, isn’t it?” The fury in my voice even surprised me. Toby is mine alone.
He stood up angrily. “Rain, don’t be an idiot. You’re not listening. I’m telling you how I felt then and that I don’t think it means anything but that I wanted you to know. That’s how I do things. I’m not emotionally retarded.”
“Like me, you mean?” I spat. “Great, now I’m some emotionally challenged wanker too. I’m so glad I had you to tell me that.” Sheba was lying in front of the fireplace, and at my angry tone, she chuffed quietly.
Toby looked gobsmacked at my reaction. “Rain, that wasn’t what I was saying.”
I waved a hand at him. “Then where the hell do you get off saying that sort of thing? You don’t even know me, Toby.” My voice was scathing. I immediately wanted to turn the clock back and take back all my confrontational words, but it was too late for that.
God, I was such an arsehole. This was Toby I was hurting, for God’s sake.
Toby sighed, his face angry. “I know you were hurt in the past, but you keep it all bottled up inside and don’t let people get close. I thought being invited to your place tonight was a bit of a breakthrough, but I was obviously wrong.” His tone was biting. “I thought we could try to open up a little and tell each other stuff about what was on our minds. Again, I was wrong. I’m sorry I tried to have an adult conversation rather than just sucking you, jerking you off, or letting you fuck me on a haystack.” He picked up his jacket that was slung over the back of his chair. “This was a mistake. I shouldn’t have come here.”
He walked over to the door, opened it, and disappeared outside. His bag still lay on the floor. I paced around for a while, trying to get my head around what he’d just said.
“Christ, Sheba, what the hell do I do now?” I looked at my dog, who stared at me with bright, wise eyes. “Was I just being a prick? Did I overreact? Shit, this relationship stuff is too bloody hard.” I thought the answers to my last two questions were probably a resounding yes in hindsight. My gut thought so too, and from the look on Sheba’s face, she agreed. I thought she looked vaguely disapproving. I waved my hands in the air in resignation. One thing I had always been was man enough to say I was sorry. It didn’t always work, but the least I could do was try.
“Fine. I’ll go and apologize to him.” One of Sheba’s eyes seemed to wink at me in approval as I stormed over to the door and went outside. I couldn’t see Toby anywhere. I finally found him sitting on a giant rock at the side of the house, gazing out into the darkness. He looked at me as I came up and sat beside him.
His voice was curt when he spoke. “I’ve called a taxi. They’ll be here in half an hour. Then I’ll be out of your hair.”
“Toby, you didn’t have to do that. Don’t be so bloody stubborn.” But his jaw was set. His shoulders were taut, straining against the fabric as he hunched forward, his elbows on his knees. His hair feathered his face softly as the breeze lifted it and placed it gently back down against his skin, like a lover’s caress. He looked so lost and beautiful, and God, I didn’t know how to fix this. But I had to try. I had to tell him something to bring him back to me, share something with him even though it scared the crap out of me. I cleared my throat. I’d never told anyone this specific story before. It was the event of my life I was the most ashamed about.
“When Tommy left me, it was just before I was about to ask him to marry me. We’d lived together for two years. I’d bought the rings, booked the restaurant, and I wanted to make him my husband. Then he left me. I lost it. I went off the rails.” Toby shifted on the rock, still gazing out over the fields, but I knew he was listening.
“It hurt, a lot. I partied a lot, drank, did drugs. One night it was a friend’s party at some swanky bugger’s house in the middle of Knightsbridge.” I laughed harshly. “Everything was on tap. Drink, drugs, men—me.” I noticed his body tense at that word. Hell, but this was difficult. Toby didn’t push me. He just sat still and waited for me to carry on. I sighed, a ragged sigh out of my soul.
“I had one tablet too many and went up to one of the bedrooms with a guy. I just wanted to forget for a while. I got totally out of control. On the way up, I invited another two guys to the party.” Toby moved then, looking at me, and I thought he was going to touch me. But he didn’t. I looked down at the ground, my hands trembling at the memories of that night.
“I ended up being the bottom for all of them. They fucked me senseless, and I didn’t stop them. I don’t know if they used condoms. They sure as hell didn’t use too much lube, and I woke up the next morning with come all over me from God knows how many men and blood everywhere.” My voice choked up. I clenched my hands. I didn’t want to cry.
“Jesus, Rain.” Toby moved then, slipping off the rock to sit open legged behind me, pulling me back into his arms and settling me against his chest. His arms enfolded me in comfort, his hands on my chest, stroking it. My eyes prickled with tears.
“I was pretty badly torn, and I had to go the hospital and have treatment. I had to wait for the STD tests to come back too, and it killed me. It took months. But I was lucky. I was clean. It could have so much gone the other way. I guessed they didn’t want to catch anything either, so maybe they all used condoms. Either way, I was incredibly lucky.” My voice was flat. “I didn’t deserve to be so lucky. There are men out there who are responsible and still get diseases, and here I was being a slut, and I didn’t get anything.”
“You didn’t deserve that, Rain,” Toby whispered in my ear. “You made a mistake. No one deserves to
pay for that. Poor baby.” He kissed the side of my head softly.
I’d never met a man as forgiving as Toby. He seemed to bear no grudges, just went with the flow, acting on his emotions. “Lucas could see I was on the path for a meltdown. So, that’s when he told me to get my arse down here, and I did. I’ve never told anyone about this before, not even him. I’m too bloody ashamed. It eats away at me, makes me say things I shouldn’t. I’m sorry I went off at you for telling me how you felt.”
Toby’s hands caressed my front with slow, caring movements that made me feel so much better. “We all have stuff in our past we’re ashamed of, Rain. The secret is to let it go and focus on what you are now. Tommy was a bloody idiot to let you go. I don’t know what he was thinking.” His breath ghosted my ear. “And I think you’re just wonderful now, even if you are an emotionally challenged arsehole.”
I could hear the smile in his voice, and I pressed back tighter against his chest. “I’m sorry, Toby,” I whispered. “I didn’t mean to snap at you. I just get a little insecure sometimes.”
He shifted slightly. “I can understand that. But I’m not going anywhere. And if we’re going to do this, you need to know I tend to say what’s on my mind most of the time.” His tongue made a slow, wet trail down my earlobe, causing all manner of decadent sensations in my body. “And now the only thing I have on my mind is how much I want you to take me to bed and fuck me senseless.”
I shuddered at the way he uttered those words. I groaned, shifting to push him back against the hard, cold ground, lying on top of him, finding his mouth once again and claiming it. His hands grasped my backside, and we tussled on the ground for what seemed like ages. Hands grasped whatever they could find, cocks rubbed together as if desperate to break free of their restrictive clothing. The warm, male scent of Toby assaulted my senses and drove me wild.
Until the headlights of a car hit our eyes. It was the taxi, arriving to the sight of two men making out passionately on the ground. We shot to our feet, rearranging our clothing and pulling up zips as the driver got out of the car. He was about fifty, a big man, built like a rugby player, with a shaved head and tattoos all down his arms. He was broad, bulky, and had a very amused smile on his face as he walked toward us. Both Toby and I tensed. Some guys might take exception to what they’d just seen.
“Evening, chaps,” he called out. “Someone called for a taxi?” His voice was friendly, and we both relaxed.
“Erm, yes, that would have been me,” said Toby. “I don’t think I need one anymore, but I’ll pay for the drive out here anyway. Just let me get my wallet. It’s in my bag.” He gave me an embarrassed look and scarpered inside.
“Nice night,” the driver commented conversationally. “Looks like you two fellows were enjoying the evening.”
My face heated up. “Yeah, we were just….” My voice trailed off, and he chuckled.
“No need to explain to me what you two were doing. Me and my boyfriend make out all the time outside.” My mouth dropped open, and he smiled.
“I like being at one with nature. So does Barry. And we like being at one with nature together, if you get my drift.” He winked at me, and I realized my mouth was still hanging open. I shut it as Toby came out with his wallet.
He muttered uncomfortably, “I’m sorry you drove all the way here for nothing. Tell me what I owe you.”
“Just a tenner, mate, seeing as how you provided me with a free floor show. Most entertaining it was. I was parked down the road with my lights off for a while just watching.”
Both of our mouths fell open.
The taxi driver laughed loudly. “A man likes a bit of real-live hot young man entertainment. I should have let you boys get it on a little more, but Barry’s cooked dinner, and I need to get off home.”
He plucked the ten-pound note from Toby’s outstretched hand and winked again. “Next time you boys are in Leicester, come on over to Celts. Barry and I are there a lot of the time. Swing by and say hello. Barry likes a change too.” He waved saucily, getting back into his taxi. We both watched in sheer disbelief as he reversed and sped back down the dirt road to the main route.
Toby turned to me, his eyes wide. “Christ, did we just get invited to a gay sauna for a foursome with that guy and his boyfriend?”
I laughed at the look of horror on his face. This was priceless. The evening had just got a little lighter in mood. “We did. And I’d have to ask how you know about said gay sauna. You don’t strike me as the type.”
He looked discomfited. “I’ve been there once. I didn’t really enjoy it. Too many men hitting on me, and I felt a little vulnerable with my arse only being covered in a towel.” He cocked his head. “Have you been there?”
I nodded. “A few times. It’s not so bad. And I can see why guys would hit on you. You dressed just in a towel with that saucy bum under it and that incredibly sexy body would be enough to make the most discerning of men rock hard. Just like you do to me.”
We looked at each other, and I had never wanted a man more than I did right then.
Chapter 9
Toby
I SAW sheer greed in Rain’s eyes, and my mouth went dry. The evening had started out promisingly, gone completely wrong, and ended up being an emotional roller coaster. The man swung from hot to cold and gave off mixed signals that confused the hell out of me. I was horrified at what Rain had experienced. I understood his reluctance to allow a man to penetrate him. I guessed that if I wanted to continue this relationship my desire to be inside him would have to be forgotten. It was a disappointment but something I’d have to put up with. The taxi driver had been the icing on the cake. When I’d first seen him, I’d been a little worried about what his reaction would be to two guys dry humping each other in plain sight. But it just went to prove appearances were deceptive.
“Rain, let’s go inside, get a drink, and just cuddle for a minute. Can you keep it in your pants long enough to do that?”
“Cuddle?” His tone was incredulous. I nodded firmly.
“Yes. Cuddle.” I made my way back to the house, hearing him muttering behind me. I grinned. It would do him good to have to control himself for a change. The dog wagged her tail as we went in but didn’t bother to move from the spot she’d been in when I left. After finding wineglasses and a half-opened bottle of wine in the fridge, I poured two glasses and went to sit on the large black fabric sofa along the wall under the window of the lounge. I put the glasses on the little center table, patting the seat next to me. Rain simply stood watching me, a slight frown on his face.
“Come over here. We need to talk.” He frowned deeper at that but came over, curling up next to me, his legs tucked underneath him. I pulled him into me, wrapping my arm around his shoulder. He stiffened when I made my grip firmer, then grumbled and relaxed into my side. His black hair tickled my neck, and the top of his head was just under my jaw. I kissed it, smelling the scent of apple on his hair. The man loved his fruity essences. He also didn’t look too used to being cuddled like this. I grinned to myself. I’d obviously just invaded his comfort zone.
“Let’s recap the evening, shall we, so we know where we both are. The feelings I have for Simon are just purely friendship. I am not attracted to him sexually, well, maybe just that one time when I was so bloody desperate. But now that would be you. Definitely you.”
Rain shifted in my arms, his hand gently trailing its way up my thigh. The man was bloody insatiable. I took a deep breath, my own cock clamoring for his attention.
“You were let down by your very stupid boyfriend, who decided, in a state of sheer insanity in my opinion, to leave you. He’s obviously a loony without any taste whatsoever. I hope he gets the clap.”
Rain’s deep chuckle echoed against my chest at those words. His hand moved higher. I took another deep, ragged breath.
“You had a bad experience, and I’m glad you told me. It was a terrible thing to go through, but I don’t think any less of you for it. So stop feeling so angsty about
it. Shit happens.”
His hand brushed my groin, and my cock leapt like a salmon. “I understand your reluctance to bottom, based on said bad experience. That’s fine with me. We’ll find another way around that. We’ll just have to get creative.”
He looked up at me. “I didn’t say never, Toby. It’s just going to take some time.”
I was relieved at his words. “There’s no rush. We’ll just take it one day at a time. When you’re ready, you let me know. Now, is that it? Have we got all the baggage out of the way?”
He nodded, his hair falling over his eyes. He reached up and caressed my cheek. “Are we done cuddling? Can I fuck you now?”
My innards rocked around in my stomach like pinballs, and my cock was definitely screaming a resounding “Yes, yes!” It was a bit of a slut when it came to Rain, and for the past two weeks, it hadn’t known how to say no. It wasn’t going to do it now either, from the feel of it. He could see my yes in my eyes. He leapt off the couch, grabbed my hand, and dragged me across the lounge into the narrow hallway. I thought we were on our way to the bedroom, but I was wrong. Instead he pushed open a door, and we entered one of the most luxurious bathrooms I’d ever seen, and I’d seen a few in my time in hotels.
It was a large, airy room, with wall-to-wall deep-cream tiles, a huge wet room in one corner with large glass doors, and the usual sink and toilet. It was tastefully decorated in splashes of red and cream, giving the whole place a vibrant, opulent feel. But what it made it spectacular was the open ceiling, a series of skylights that brought the outside inside. I saw the stars through the glass above my head. I sucked in a gasp of awe.
“God, this is an incredible place, Rain. You’d never think it from the outside.”
He grinned proudly. “The previous owner was a bit of a fanatic about bathrooms, and he had this designed specially. It’s one of the reasons I rent this place, apart from the barn.” He smiled sexily. “And the wet room of course. Plenty of space for two people to fit in there. So take your clothes off, Prentiss. I want to see you wet. In every sense of the word.”
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