by Alisa Grey
«Alex, unleash me. Please. Alex... I can’t breath».
«I won’t let go of you. And you won’t leave me».
He kissed me and then he had me. It was quick and I felt bad about it. He wanted my body and my soul. He was hurting me.
I didn’t want it to happen like that, so I tried to make him stop.
«Alex, stop. You’re hurting me».
He kept on anyway. He was moving quickly.
He wasn’t the kind of man that could take «No»for an answer. He came and relaxed onto my body. I started breathing again.
He was exhausted and I could feel that his heart was beating really fast.
«Didn’y you like it, Claire?», he whispered me.
I didn’t. It had been disgusting. I was shocked. My body was hurting and I was feeling bad. He had humiliated me.
«You’re mine, Claire. Like it or not. No one will have you, except for me».
It sounded like a warning. It was not love. I shut my eyes and remained silent.
When he fell asleep, I was still thinking about everything. I had made a mistake. I had married the wrong one. I should have waited a bit longer. I should have waited for someone I could share things with.
On the morning after, Alex was happy and charming. I was still hurting, though, and that reminded me of what had happened.
«What will you do today, Claire?»
«I’ll meet Lizzie».
He kissed my forehead and left. When Sam came to our room, I smiled. I didn’t want him to know what had happened.
«What’s the plan for today?»
I smiled.
«I just want to be with you. Then I’ll meet with Lizzie. That’s what I told Alex».
He stared at me. I was not a good actress, I knew that. We kept walking and got to the city centre. Then we took a narrow secondary street. No one was there. Sam stopped and looked at me.
«What’s wrong? You know you can tell me».
No, I couldn’t.
«Nothing. I’m just worried about our future». It was partially true. My main concern at the moment was surviving, though.
He looked me in the eyes and hugged me. As doing so, he hurt me and I jumped. He noticed he had hurt me and he took my arms. He carefully examined them, then he undressed part of my right arm. And he went pale.
«What happened to you?» He stared at me.
«It was just... an accident».
«I’m going to kill him with my bare hands».
He was angry and shocked, I could see that. He shut his eyes and took a deep breath. When he opened them, he had made a decision.
«Claire, I love you and I always will. But I must go away for a few days. I must go to Edinburgh. I must get some papers, because we will both need fake documents, you and I. And I need to take some money. I have inherited a certain amount of money and we’ll need it. We need to change our identities. Then I’ll go to Le Havre and buy tickets for us. We’ll sail to Nova Scotia. I have connections there. They’ll help us».
He had spoken fast. I could picture him thinking about our future at night, as I laid on the bed with Alex. He must have thought about that for days. He had it all perfectly planned out. I was happy and scared altogether. I didn’t want him to leave and I could feel that tears were coming out of my eyes. He hugged me.
«Claire, my beloved, I promise I’ll be back soon».
I started crying anyway. He kissed my hair and hugged me tighter. When I stopped crying, I met his eyes. He caressed my cheek and I kissed him. I was feeling better.
«Claire, please, be careful. Don’t let him suspect anything. Don’t provoke him. Promise you will not, Claire. I know him very well and I know he is not the kind of man who can take no for an answer. So, please...»
He closed his eyes. He was unable to finish. He shut his eyes and took a very deep breath.
We both calmed down and walked a bit more. I was not in the mood to meet Lizzie. I wanted to be with Sam.
«Please, Claire, stay with Renny and your father as much as you can while I’m not here. And pack your stuff. Don’t let Alex find out, though. Take care of yourself. I’ll think of the rest».
He was three years older than me, but he seemed so self-confident and responsible. He was always able to find the best solution, no matter what. I went to Lizzie’s, even if I was not really willing to.
When we got home at night, Sam waved me goodbye. I was sad and confused. I would be staying without him for two weeks. I smiled, though, and tried to act as a loving wife waiting for her husband to come home.
I changed my outfit and relaxed a bit. I started reading a book. When Alex got home, he found me reading. I smiled at him and hugged him. When he kissed me, I sensed that he was relaxed.
«How was your day?» Horrible, but thanks for asking.
«I had fun. I went shopping and then I met Lizzie».
«Poor Sam. Are you really planning on killing the poor boy?» and he smiled.
«Oh, no! It was Lizzie, the one who was planning on killing me. She didn’t stop talking for a while. Oh, by the way, Sam is going away for a few days. Did you know that?»
He laughed. «Is he escaping from you? So, why is he going away?»
«I don’t know actually».
He laughed again.
«Seeing you on a daily basis must be hard for him».
He laughed and laughed. At least he seemed to be in a much better state than the previous night.
Dinner went smoothly. I made an effort to be nice and kind, and so he did.
I was constantly thinking of Sam. I was looking forward to seeing him again. The days were long and boring without him. I didn’t go out often. I was always pretending I was glad to see Alex come home at night, but I was not. Making love to him was getting harder and harder.
I got the chance to talk to my father, though. And Edgar Taylor was murdered.
CHAPTER 7
NO ONE LIKE DAD
It was September the 17th. On the afternoon, the sky became cloudy. It looked like it was going to rain cats and dogs.
It had been eleven days since Sam had left.
When it started raining, heavy drops began falling onto the windows. It was noisy. Lightnings and thunders kept coming from the sky.
I was not in the mood to do anything, except lay on the sofa and enjoy the warmth of the fireplace.
I was reading a book when Alex entered the room. He was really wet. Water kept falling down from his clothes. I didn’t seem to be okay. He was breathing heavily and he seemed shocked.
«Alex, what’s wrong?»
He looked at me.
«Edgar Taylor has been murdered».
I was speechless. I thought of Agnes. She was so young and so sweet. Alex went up to our room. He probably wanted to change his clothes.
I waited for him, but then I decided to follow him upstairs.
His clothes were on the floor and he was having a bath. It looked like he had calmed down. He turned to me and told me to approach.
I sat on the edge of the bath and looked at him. I caressed his face. He remained silent. He closed his eyes and held my hand. I had met Mr Taylor just once. I was not friends with him, but Alex, he was close to him. They had known each other for a long time and they had always been close. Edgar Taylor had been sort of his best friend, I believed.
Alex opened his eyes.
«They found him in the street. He was not far from his house. He was covered in blood. He had been stabbed several times».
Alex was exhausted. I kept on caressing his hair. He stood up and I helped him dry himself. He hugged me and kissed my hair: «I love you, Claire».
I hugged him back. I was not used to seeing him in such a state. He was fragile. I held his hand and took him to the bed. We hugged throughout the whole night. When we woke up, he told me we needed to go see Agnes.
We had breakfast and left. We got to the Taylors’ and saw that the house was already packed with people.
Agnes was sit
ting on the sofa. She was pale and didn’t seem to breathe. She was always shaking her head when someone asked her if she was feeling okay. She didn’t seem to understand anything that was happening around her. She was so small. Her green eyes were asking for pity. I immediately thought of Sam. How could I survive without him? I had not heard from him in days. I tried to cheer Agnes up.
She kept shaking her head. Her eyes were totally empty. I was sure she was going to feel much worse, anyway. The real pain was still to hit her.
After four days, I met my father and told him about Sam.
Edgar Taylor’s death was a major issue by then. Scotland Yard had investigated about that but the murderer had not been identified. Two more murders took place.
London was always dealing with crimes and murders, but when someone like Mr Taylor died, it was always a shock. Alex was feeling really bad and he was always checking on the police.
I once had to deal with a journalist. He was from the Manchester Guardian and he asked me many questions. I was not able to answer, though, and really didn’t want to anyway.
It was fifteen days since Sam had left. I was starting to panic. I missed him really bad and wanted him to come home. It was then that I got the chance to talk to dad.
«Claire, I can see you’re upset. What’s wrong?»
«Alex, dear, I need to meet my family. I miss my brother so much and I need to see my father».
«Of course, dear. I’ll take you. I’ll come pick you up tonight. Will that do?»
When I got home, I was shaking.
I had prepared a speech. But I was way too tense to keep it in mind. I thought of Sam and took a deep breath.
«Dad, Renny... where are you guys?»
Dad shouted: «Claire, dear! Come this way!»
He was a short man, shorter than me, but he used to make me feel like a little girl. He spoiled me and loved me much.
I entered the studio. Renny looked at me. He was having fun. Of course he was! He was thinking of my upcoming speech... Dad was sitting at his desk. That desk had a story: it had come with my dad from somewhere very far.
I noticed that dad’s hair had become grey. He was still full of energy, though. He was a self-made man and I was proud of him. He had met my mother when he was still poor. They had fallen in love at once; it was love at first sight and it still lasted, even after my mom’s death. I was pretty sure dad had never really approved of Alex. My marriage had been very quick and, even if I had mistaken it for the love of my life, I was sure he had not. I hugged him and felt glad I had him in my life.
«I love you, dad.»
«I love you too, dear.» He looked at me and I felt as if he already knew. I was sure Renny had not told him anything, though.
«Dad... I need to talk to you.»
He hugged me and I took a deep breath.
«I made a mistake, dad».
«Alex is not the right man for you, right?», he said.
I looked at him. «Right».
He smiled at me. «So, what will you do?»
That was a fairly good question.
«Well, ehm...»
He looked at me.
«Claire, just tell me».
I looked at Renny. I needed him to help me. But dad hugged me.
«Claire, just tell me. You don’t need to seek for your brother’s help. Just tell me. I know Renny knows, as he always does. Just look me in the eyes and tell me».
He caressed my cheek. «What’s wrong, dear?»
I took a deep breath and spoke.
«I want to break up with Alex. I’ll go live in Nova Scotia with Sam».
He looked at me.
«What’s this all about?»
He screamed.
«I want to be with Sam».
«Why in Nova Scotia? We’ll talk about Sam later. Now tell me about Nova Scotia».
He was angry, I could see that. I started crying. Dad handed me a handkerchief and Renny helped me to get to the sofa.
I calmed down and told him everything about all those secrets, about Sam being so sweet and about my hopes for a better future. I wanted to start all over again.
In the end, I was feeling exhausted. But I was also feeling much better. Dad stood up and looked at me. He was thinking about something. He remained silent for a while, then he spoke.
«Claire, you must think about that. I don’t want you to go, but I can’t stop you. You will always have my support and love. You won’t be able to take much money with you, it’d be too risky. I’ll arrange things for you. You’ll find a certain amount of money waiting for you in Nova Scotia».
I started crying once again.
«Come on, Claire. Stop crying. I love you».
Renny and I said: «I love you too».
We both started laughing. We chattered and relaxed. When Alex came to pick me up, he found me and Lizzie sitting on the sofa. Dad had to meet someone, so Renny had left with him few minutes before. Lizzie and I had been drinking tea and eating scones.
«Claire, are you ready to go ho... oh, Lizzie! It’s nice to meet you».
Lizzie looked down on him. «Nice to meet you too. I haven’t been seeing much of you lately».
They had never liked each other. Alex had never liked any of my friends, actually.
«Let’s go, Claire».
Lizzie looked at me. She was wondering something like: «Do you really like him?»
«I’ll see you tomorrow, Lizzie», I said.
«We have prior commitments for tomorrow, Claire».
It was not true. But I didn’t reply. We got home. I couldn’t stand him anymore. He was moody and irritating.
Two days later, Sam was back.
It was late afternoon when Sam came up to my room. Alex was not home yet.
«Claire, my dear... you’re so beautiful. I missed you so much».
I was speechless. He seemed tired. Had he not been sleeping lately? His eyes were awkward.
«Oh, Sam, I missed you too... I did what... what we had planned on doing».
He took a deep breath. «We’ll leave from Le Havre in four days. I’ll tell you everything on the journey to Nova Scotia. Did you... did you say goodbye to your family? In two days we must leave for Le Havre».
That was it. We would be together. I was happy and... scared. I would leave my family.
«Yes, yes I did. I’ll write a letter for my dad».
He looked at me. I reached out and touched his chest. I was feeling much better now that he was with me.
«I just want to be with you. But I need to write to dad».
«Alright then».
We were both whispering. Then he left.
At dinner, I told Alex Sam had come home. He didn’t seem to care about that. I had written the letter and Sam delivered it to dad on the day after. That was it.
CHAPTER 8
LIFE IS MADE OF TRAVELS
“The most mysterious place you can discover is a man’s heart.”
Maruja Torres
We needed to do two things. Sam needed to tell Angus he had something to do outside London: this would give him the chance to go away for a few days. He would take my luggage with him and hide it somewhere. He would then deliver in secret my father’s reply to my letter to me. On the morning after, I would pretend to go shopping. I would tell Alex I also needed to borrow some books from the British Library and would join Sam instead.
We had it all worked out. When I finally joined Sam, at nine o’ clock in the morning, we hurried to the railway station. We needed to take the train first, then we would take a boat and then another train. We would therefore sail to North America. Sam provided me with fake papers to show to anyone who needed to check on our identity.
We were a young couple. We were the Campbells. It was a very popular name. We had second class tickets. We would stop in Halifax for a few days and look for an estate to buy.
I was happy, I loved him very much. He had had a good night’s sleep and he seemed much more relaxed than th
e previous week. When we met, we didn’t kiss. We were still being careful.
When we got on the train, I hugged him and he hugged me back. He kissed my hair every so often. I smiled at him. There was no need to talk.
When we got on the boat, I saw that my beloved country was becoming smaller and smaller. When it disappeared, I kissed Sam. He was the one and I didn’t care about anything else.
I felt the wind upon my skin. I felt like screaming, laughing and jumping. I held Sam’s hand and we looked each other in the eyes. Our dream was coming true.
«I love you, Claire. I love you so much. I always think of you... I don’t want to part from you ever again.»
I caressed his cheek. His lips were perfect and he was beautifully charming.
«I love you too. I don’t want to see... him... ever again.»
We got on the second train and I felt asleep upon Sam’s shoulder. We got to Le Havre and Sam led the way. It was noisy and the the air smelt bad.
It started raining but I didn’t notice, not until my clothes got completely wet. We got to the guest-house we were staying at. It was packed with sailors and... well, women. They were wearing provoking outfits and kept looking at Sam.
We got to our room and he shut the door behind us.
«I’m sorry, it’s not a very nice place. But no one will ever look for us here».
I sat on the bed. He was still standing on the doorway, his back against the door. I told him to sit next to me.
«Please, come here, Sam. The door’s shut. There’s nothing to be worried about. Come here... come on, help me get undressed. My clothes are terribly wet and I don’t want to catch a cold».
He turned red. I had provoked him.
«Don’t you want to help me? Come on... please... I’m too tired to take off my corset by myself...»
He looked at me. He was thinking about something. Things were becoming real. We had left London for good. We needed to rebuild our lives.
