by Ward, Penny
Jackson nods. He is so arrogant that it makes me want to punch him repeatedly.
“And thank you for the kind words, Laura,” Timothy turns to my mother and pauses.
The couple stares at each other with a beautiful gaze.
They are so lucky to have found each other.
“With Laura, I have been lucky enough to find someone that is loving, caring, kind, patient, affectionate, tender, enthusiastic, smart, witty, determined, maybe a little stubborn,” the crowd laughs, “Beautiful, pretty, energetic, a wonderful cook, a great listener, and someone that is maybe a little … cheeky.”
Everyone laughs again.
He is rocking this speech.
“And I am blessed to have a person as magical as you in my life. It is a miracle that a woman like you could fall in love with a man like me, but I am happy to play along. My only wish was that we had met earlier in my life. I wish I knew then what I know now. I wish that I were as wise in my thirties as I am today. What Laura has taught me, is that you have to take a chance in life. A person has to take a gamble and risk everything if they want to succeed in their personal life. I took a massive risk travelling to New York to meet a lady I had only talked to online. Laura doesn’t know this but I almost didn’t go.”
Mom smiles, “I’m glad you did.”
“I was about to cancel the trip when my son Jackson called. Now, Jackson and I only talk about once per year because of his work, so I had to explain the whole situation to him. And then I told him I was going to cancel the trip. But Jackson insisted that I didn’t. He said that I had to risk my heart. He said that if I wanted happiness, I had to be prepared to risk it all. And he was right. I risked my heart. I said yes to the trip. And the rest is history.”
Jackson said that?
What would he know about love? What would he know about risking his heart?
I bet he doesn’t even have a heart. I bet that he is a cold-blooded creature that is kept alive by one of those blood-pumping machines. And he probably read that quote in a magazine.
“Thank you Laura for making my life complete,” Timothy concludes his speech.
The crowd provides them a standing ovation as they kiss.
It is beautiful.
My eyes are full with tears.
This is a wedding full of love and emotion. Both these adults have experienced love and loss, and now they have found love again.
I couldn’t be prouder of my mother.
Clapping with everyone else, it is clear how popular this couple is.
But as the applause dies down, Jackson stands up, “Dad has asked me to say a few words as well.”
His perfectly fitted suit effortlessly shapes to his broad frame as he stands at the front of the room,
“For those of you who don’t know who I am, my name is Jackson Steele and I am the son of this great man. I am proud of you, Dad. You taught me a lot when I was growing up. You taught me determination, the value of hard work, how to manage employees, how to run a successful business and how to make money. But you never taught me how to manage my feelings… and that is because you did not understand yours. But… but since you have met Laura, I have never seen you happier with your life. You have found what is important. You have succeeded. And clearly, by the look in your eyes, that is what is important in life. I’m proud of you Dad.”
He pauses and looks around the room until he finds me.
“My personal life is a mess and when I met someone who is the most perfect, wonderful woman I have ever met, I ran away. When my heart was on the line, I got scared. It is easy to dish out advice but it is harder to follow it. I have met the most amazing woman and I threw away the chance at love.”
He stares straight at me. His crushing gaze lands upon me, and I tremble under his watch.
My mouth drops open.
The world stops spinning.
Don’t do that to me.
I want to punch you in the face, Jackson Steele…
I want to scream at you.
But his beautiful eyes rest upon me with tenderness.
He looks like he means it…
No!
Don’t fall for it. Don’t fall for his trap.
“Dad, I hope one day, you can teach me how to be successful in my life too…”
He continues to stare at me while the crowd applauses.
I can’t risk my heart.
It is worth too much…
Chapter 10
When the speeches finish at a wedding, it is a signal that the formalities are over and it is time to let your hair down. And this town knows how to let its hair down! The dance floor quickly fills with people who clearly haven’t danced in a long time.
Joanne pulls me aside as the wedding celebrations become louder and more rowdy.
“You know that he was talking about you,” she states.
“Who?” I pretend not to know what she is talking about.
“I’m talking about Jackson’s speech. He was talking about you. He was looking straight at you. It would take a fool to say that he wasn’t talking about you. That was a speech full of emotion and it felt real. Did you listen to what he said?”
“I heard what he said and I don’t believe it. It’s just another one of his games. He clearly likes to play games. Jackson would have realized that he has to spend another night in town because he has drank too much champagne to fly his helicopter home tonight, and there are no beds left here in the ranch, which means he is back in the hotel with me, or sleeping on the floor of his helicopter. I haven’t seen the inside of his chopper, but it wouldn’t be a comfortable place to sleep.”
“That was not what he was saying. There was anguish in Jackson’s eyes and I have never heard a more heart felt speech at a wedding. I know right now you are blinded by your anger but he was being honest. You heard what he said and you saw how he looked. You can’t deny that the speech was full of emotion.”
“Weddings can do that to people. They make people full of repressed emotions and it all flows out after a few drinks. He’ll wake up tomorrow morning the same man he was yesterday – a bastard. And that is what he will always be. Mighty good looking but a bastard. He will never change his ways.”
“I think you’re wrong. I think everyone experiences one moment in their life where they realize they were on the wrong track. I think today Jackson realized that no matter how much money he has, and no matter how successful he is in business, he will only be happy if he sorts out his personal life. Today is the day he realizes what life is about. And right now, he thinks that life is about you.”
“I don’t want to be his experiment Joanne. I don’t want to be the person he uses while he tries to understand what is going on in his head. I don’t want to be his attempt at love because I deserve better than that.”
“What do you want then?”
She stares at me with eyes that know the truth.
Joanne always knows what I want before I know it.
“What do you think?” I ask her.
“I think he is everything you’re not. And I think it excites you. I think you’re scared because he hurt you once but he has just admitted that was a mistake,” she pauses before she looks directly into my eyes, “Don’t miss your chance at love. You have to risk it all to have the happiness your mother and Timothy have. Don’t miss your chance, Rachael.”
I shake my head.
Joanne and I often talked long into the night about love when we were growing up.
We both concluded that we were only likely to receive a few chances at love in our lifetimes and they will come to us when we least expect them.
“You think this is one of my chances?”
I ask the question to Joanne but it is more of a question to myself than her.
Deep down, I know she is right.
I know this is my chance.
Am I brave enough to take it?
Joanne rests her hand on my shoulder, “You may not be ready for it, but don’t let it slip away. Take the
risk.”
Damn.
“I am still trying to find myself after my last boyfriend, Joanne. That was enough of a disaster. I don’t think I can take it again.”
“You can. Be brave.”
Whether it is all the emotion of the day, the amount of wine I have drunk or the decision that rests before me – but tears well up in my eyes.
“What do I do?” I ask Joanne.
“That’s up to you. It’s up to you to understand your feelings and try to land the man. He clearly wants you. He clearly experienced the emotions that you experienced last night. He said that to you and now he has left the ball in your court. It’s your decision what happens next.”
“How would it even work?” I ask as my mind goes into planning mode, “He’s a billionaire in New York. I don’t want to be hanging around in those circles. I don’t want to be a billionaire’s housewife while he goes off on business trips around the world. He would probably want me to quit my job and I don’t think I could handle that life.”
“You’re making excuses and you’re thinking about this too much. You’ve gone back into your safe little planning mode. Don’t do that,” she stares at me, “Take a risk.”
“Take a risk?” I repeat softly.
I’m not convinced I have the courage to do that…
Chapter 11
The celebrations continue well into the night and a lot of alcohol is consumed. There is much laughing, dancing and joyous chatter as the celebrations continue. This is a wedding that I will happily watch the video for.
Mom is having an amazing time. The smile on her face doesn’t leave all day and I have never seen anyone as happy. She is glowing with love.
I spend the evening dancing with some of the locals, talking with some of Mom’s new friends and laughing with Timothy’s family. It is an interesting collection of people – some people work for Timothy, some bake with Mom and others haven’t seen each other in ten years.
Timothy’s family is lovely. They are all very successful people but they are calm and friendly. There is clearly a lot of money here but nobody flaunts it.
Except for Jackson.
He is the most successful of his family and they all talk about him with pride. He is the boy that left the farming community and made it big in the city.
His family adores him.
As hard as I try to ignore it, the ever-present large frame of Jackson is always in my view.
He is hard to miss.
He is tall, handsome and very well dressed.
Plus he has every woman in town falling over him.
I’m sure he would like to sleep with all of them. He wouldn’t be worried about his reputation out here. As long as he doesn’t bring them back to my hotel, I’m fine with that.
Well, not really, but that is what I tell myself.
After many drinks the night draws to a close and everyone catches a lift back into town on the back of the local’s pick-up trucks. I awkwardly hitch my dress up and climb into a truck with some other locals, and they kindly drop me off at the hotel.
It is going to feel strange sleeping in the bed where Jackson and I spent an amazing night together, but I’m sure he has found another bed to sleep in.
I’m sure he has found the prettiest girl in town and gone back to her house.
And then he will be out of here in his helicopter first thing tomorrow morning. I bet that he won’t even have the decency to say goodbye to me.
Well, that’s just fine. I hope I never see that smug face again.
Why are all good-looking men bastards?
Is it because they have women falling at their feet their whole lives?
Does that make them feel like they can treat all women with complete disrespect?
I hope I never see that handsome face again. I imagine if I see his face in the newspaper, I will cut it out and throw it in the bin.
Then set fire to it.
And then throw it in the river.
That is how that bastard made me feel.
But as I enter the hotel hallway...
Damn.
Jackson’s tall, broad frame is waiting for me.
What is he doing here? Couldn’t he find another woman to go home with?
Or did all the other women see through his charming act and figure out that he is a prick.
“Hi,” he states as I go to open the hotel room door.
I don’t reply.
“Did you hear my speech?” he asks.
“Of course I did,” I roll my eyes.
This time, I am able to force the hotel door open by myself but Jackson follows me into the bedroom.
“Didn’t you organize another place to stay?” I snap at him.
“No,” he shakes his head.
“You’re not staying here,” I reply bluntly.
He stares at me for a while before replying, “I am sorry that I left without saying goodbye this morning.”
He wheels his black bag back into the room with confidence.
“I don’t think so,” I state, looking at his bag.
He raises his eyebrows to me.
I don’t think he is used to being told no.
“Why not?”
“Why not?” I fume, “I am not some piece of meat that you can sleep with and toss aside. I am not a brainless bimbo – I am a grown woman! I’m surprised you didn’t leave a fistful of dollars on the bedroom table when you left. I’m sure that’s what you’re used to doing.”
He looks stunned that a woman could talk to him like that.
“I am not one of the models that fall all over you,” I continue loudly, “I am a woman that needs to be treated with respect. How dare you leave me here this morning without saying goodbye!”
He stares at me after I have shouted my rage at him.
“I’m sorry?”
“Is that a question? Because it doesn’t sound like an apology.”
“I’m not sure. I think I was asking if that is the right thing to say.”
“The right thing to say would be how you feel.”
“I feel like you are the most amazing person I have ever met,” he states coldly.
“Really?” I am still angry.
“Really… I have never felt this amount of chemistry with anyone before. I feel like you know what I’m feeling. I… I don’t know how to explain it but you and I have something. I don’t know what that something is, but I like it.”
I don’t respond.
I don’t know how too.
I want to be angry. I want to be mad.
I want to hate him…
But I am struggling.
He is too attractive to hate…
And he is right.
There is something between us.
Something unexplainable.
“My personal life is a mess,” he continues, “My whole world is a mess. I have nobody I can call a friend and I have never had a relationship with a woman that has lasted more than two weeks.”
He looks to the ground,
“Rachael, I have always felt like there was a hole in my life but I have never been able to explain it. Even after celebrating a big business win, I feel empty… and I have never understood why. But after seeing my father today, I realized what my life is missing. I realized that life is about more than just business. I realized that I need someone.”
I resist him.
“I am not a fix that you can apply to your life. I am not someone that will be your girl and everything is fine. I am more than that. I am my own woman. I am not ‘someone’,” I state.
“That is not what I meant.”
“What did you mean?”
“I need you. Not someone. I need you. I can’t explain it but I need you. Last night, for the first time in my life, I didn’t feel like I was empty. I woke up this morning and I felt… I felt complete. And that scared me.”
“That’s not good enough for me. It really hurt when you left this morning. I couldn’t believe that someone
would do that. I thought we connected last night, but then I woke up and you were gone. How could I feel anything but cheap?”
“I’m really sorry,” he replies, and I think he means it, “But I got frightened. I have never felt like that with another person. Nobody has ever made me feel like that. You touched me in places I have never been touched before, and I’m not talking physically. I felt something deeper… and that frightened me.”
I stare at him.
I don’t know what to say.
“I am really sorry,” he keeps going, “I don’t know what more I can say. I don’t know how to tell you what I’m feeling. If I could reverse what I did this morning, I would. I would have stayed this morning. I woke up and looked at you for an hour. I studied every part of you. And I wanted to stay… but I… I am sorry.”
“You can’t have been that sorry because you didn’t even acknowledge me at the wedding! You didn’t even say hello!”
He shakes his head, “I was so nervous that I couldn’t speak. I knew you were supposed to be sitting next to me, and I kept saying to myself that I would come up with a great excuse about why I left this morning. But when you sat down… I froze. I knew what I did was cowardly, and I was scared that I hurt you.”
I don’t respond.
“I have travelled the world,” Jackson continues, “And I’ve met kings, queens, princes and presidents. But nobody has made me feel the way you did. Nobody has taken my heart like you took mine last night.”
“What do you want from me?” I am direct.
“Tell me to leave.”
It’s a challenge.
I really don’t want him to leave and he knows that. He knows my self-control is weak. He hurt me but I am not that strong-willed.
I can’t resist him…
Jackson’s tall broad frame stands in front of me, waiting for a request to leave.
Damn.
I was not prepared for this.
I expected I would come here tonight and lie down to sleep. I was not prepared for this attack.
And maybe if I was, I would be stronger.
Maybe if I knew he was going to be here, I could have built my confidence and prepared my response to him.
I have to think of something else to say. I have to let him know exactly how I feel.
