by Lynn Hagen
“Get back here,” the elf shouted as he gave chase. “If you screw my deal up, you’re going to be shimmered to the moon!” Kamiko spotted Takeo. He had swords in his hands, battling the creature with an impressive fierceness. Kamiko swallowed hard as the thing disarmed his mate and then tossed him twenty feet away. Takeo jumped to his feet, ready to run back in until he spotted Kamiko.
“You must go, little flower,” Takeo said as he ran to Kamiko and cupped his face. “You can’t be here.”
“You can’t either,” Kamiko cried as he wrapped his arms around his warrior. “I won’t leave you.”
He whimpered helplessly when Takeo pulled Kamiko’s arms from around his waist, setting him aside. “I must fight. You must hide.”
“That’s what a coward does. I’m not a coward, Takeo!” Kamiko surprised himself when he yelled the words into Takeo’s face. He’d never raised his voice before, but desperate times called for desperate measures. He wasn’t taking the coward’s way out.
“You will never be a coward in my eyes,” Takeo said before taking a step back, nodding at something behind Kamiko. He spun around to see the elf standing there.
“No!” Kamiko cried as the elf grabbed his arm. Just as they shimmered out, Kamiko saw the creature grab Takeo around the waist with one large hand and pull him away. Another warrior distracted Crypt and the creature dropped Takeo. His mate rolled away, grabbed his swords, and fought with the same stone-cold precision as before.
“Take me back!” Kamiko said as he began to punch the elf on his chest. “Take me back, now!”
“I can’t,” the elf growled as he pulled Kamiko along. “If I screw this up, I’ll never see my brother again.” Kamiko yanked his arm free and stared at the elf. “What does your brother have to do with this?” The elf sighed as he began to walk, Kamiko running to catch up.
“Marino has my brother locked away somewhere. As long as I play nicely with him, Marino promised he wouldn’t hurt him. He uses me as his little toy, and I fucking hate it!” Kamiko knew all too well what it was like to be used for sex. It was a degradation he wouldn’t wish upon anyone. Losing the freedom of choice was the worst feeling in the world. Kamiko had spent years trying to recover from his ordeal until Takeo came along to help him, and then Chey healed him.
The grey wolf was the one to heal him, but Kamiko knew in his heart that Takeo was the one to heal his soul. He gave Kamiko a reason to look forward to living. Takeo was his everything, and he was battling a creature so large that Kamiko feared for his warrior’s life.
“Is that the deal you made with Panahasi?” Kamiko asked. “That he would help you with your brother if you helped me?” The elf nodded.
“Then let’s go somewhere safe.” Kamiko hated to say those words when all he wanted was Takeo. But if it were his brother, Kamiko would do whatever it took to free him. He might be an only child, but he knew what it felt like to fear for the one he loved. He was in fear for Takeo at this very moment.
“Oh shit!” the elf squeaked right before he grabbed Kamiko and they shimmered out. He wasn’t sure what that was about, but Kamiko was tired of feeling like he was going to lose his lunch.
There had to be a better way to travel.
Tired, thirsty, and feeling pain in every part of his body, Takeo almost fell on his bed. Crypt had gotten away, even after all ten warriors and their leader had surrounded the nasty bastard and fought to kill him. They had no choice. Crypt left them no choice.
But he had still gotten away.
It felt like the battle had lasted a lifetime. Donnchadh, Deandre, and Einarr suffered multiple broken bones, and Cadeym was unconscious. Takeo felt like he’d been run over, the vehicle backing up and then running him over again.
He needed a hot shower desperately…and maybe an ice pack or two. But what Takeo needed this very second was his mate. Walking into the living room, Takeo saw that it was empty.
It slowly dawned on him that he had no clue where the elf had taken Kamiko. Locking his jaw, Takeo left his place and headed to Panahasi’s. The leader had arranged for Kamiko’s transportation, so he was holding him responsible for his mate’s well-being.
If that elf hurt Kamiko, Takeo was going to remove his pointy ears, slowly. He walked into the leader’s living room, the only place a demon was allowed to enter unannounced without having his head removed.
Panahasi had made it clear eons ago that he liked his privacy.
None of them wanted to test that. The leader was sitting at the bar, sipping his whiskey as he read the paper. How could he look so calm after such a bloody battle? Takeo would never in a million years understand Panahasi.
“I can’t find my mate,” Takeo stated as he stopped in front of the demon.
Panahasi set his tumbler down, folded his newspaper, and then called out, “Keegan!”
The elf appeared a moment later, laughing with Kamiko. For some odd reason, this ignited Takeo’s anger. Maybe it was the fact that Kamiko looked so at ease while he’d been worried sick.
“Where have you been?” He growled at his mate. He could hear a low rumbling coming from Panahasi. A warning. Takeo grabbed Kamiko’s hands and pulled him from Panahasi’s the old-fashioned way, through the door. He needed time to compose himself as they walked down to his apartment.
Once they cleared the doorway, Takeo slammed it as he tried to gain some small semblance of being in control. He wasn’t, though. A storm was brewing inside of him, and he could feel it coming to a head.
It had been different when they were just friends. Takeo took Kamiko as he was. But now that they were mated, he wasn’t sure how to act or what to say. His small mate seemed to have gone through some sort of metamorphic change.
“Why are you so angry, Takeo?”
“Why are you so damn happy?” He snapped the reply as he walked toward the kitchen. Takeo wasn’t sure what was wrong with him, but it felt as though he were coming unraveled. His fear had set something loose inside of him and Takeo was fighting to pull it back down. Kamiko was his, his to protect. The man was the first thing in Takeo’s life that truly belonged to him, and Takeo was feeling rage inside of him at the thought of losing the man. Seeing Kamiko smiling when all Takeo felt was worry and despair had snapped something inside of Takeo, and he wasn’t sure what to do to stop the feelings from welling to the surface.
“Excuse me?” Kamiko said with a touch of attitude in his voice.
“You and the elf seemed to be having a great time while I battled that beast, and then I come home and you aren’t here. It looked to me like you two hadn’t a care in the world.”
“Wonderful time?” Kamiko nearly shouted the words. “Are you fucking nuts? I damn near killed the guy because he took me away from you. You’re the one who wanted me to run like a coward!”
“I told you I would never think you a coward. You—”
“Hold the fuck up,” Kamiko snapped as he raised a hand to halt any further words from Takeo. “You may not look at me as a coward, but that’s how I felt. You’ve done nothing but snip at me since I got here. You don’t act like the same Takeo I remember.” Takeo slammed the palm of his hand into the wall as he growled.
“And you don’t act like the Kamiko I remember either. You’ve changed.”
“And so have you,” Kamiko said in a defeated voice. “Maybe this mating thing wasn’t meant for us.”
Takeo lashed out. His arm swung out freely as he knocked a small ceramic bowl from the shelf. It shattered on the floor as he fisted his hands at his sides. “Fate doesn’t make mistakes!”
“I want to go home.”
“You are home!”
Kamiko shook his head as he parroted Takeo, his fists curling in tightly. “No, I want to go back to Zeus’s pack!”
“Too bad. It isn’t safe for you to be anywhere but here.” Takeo stormed from the room, but not before he heard Kamiko shout.
“It’s not safe here either!”
His mate’s words cut him deep. Takeo close
d his eyes as he stood in the middle of his bedroom, feeling like the world’s biggest heel. He didn’t know where his anger was coming from or why he was angry in the first place.
His life might have been tough, with no one to call his own, but he had Kamiko now and he needed to start acting like he was blessed.
And he was. Kamiko was his everything. He sat on the side of the bed, covering his face with his hands as he wondered how he could have screwed things up this badly.
His whole life, all Takeo wanted was someone to love. Someone to call his. And he just threw it all away because he didn’t know how to handle being in love.
What a fucking joke.
He didn’t deserve Kamiko. The man had blossomed since being here, and Takeo had turned into an overbearing jackass. He wouldn’t blame his mate one bit if he refused to talk to Takeo or even forgive him for his childish manners.
No matter the reason behind his insecurities and fears, he had no right to lash out at the one man who was there for him. Kamiko had always been there for him.
At first it had been the need to make sure the human was safe, but Takeo had found himself going to Kamiko’s room when he was lonely, hurt, or just needed someone to talk to. The man had always made him feel better by the time he left.
And this was how Takeo repaid him.
Takeo rose from the bed, ready to do something he’d never done before in his life. He was ready to grovel at Kamiko’s feet.
Takeo’s heart seized in his chest when he walked into the living room and saw the open door.
Kamiko was gone.
Chapter Eleven
Wayland scratched his chin as he stared at Kamiko. “You want me to do what?”
“I want you to take me home.”
Wayland pointed toward the door. “It’s one flight up. If you need help, I can give you a map.”
Kamiko rolled his eyes as he flopped down on Wayland’s couch.
Wayland skirted the room, not wanting to get anywhere near Takeo’s mate. Takeo wasn’t right in the head, and he wasn’t about to piss the man off.
Normally he wouldn’t have given a shit, but he knew how Takeo felt about his mate. Being with Kamiko seemed to bring everything aggressive that Takeo possessed to the surface. Wayland knew how the warrior had grown up, and he didn’t want any part of this.
“Don’t be an ass. I know where Takeo lives.” Wayland snorted as he tucked his arms over his chest. “Then elaborate because I’m confused as hell.”
“Take me to Zeus’s pack,” Kamiko stated as he stood. “A shadow will do.”
Wayland dropped his arms as his eyes shot wide open. “You’re running away? Why? And why in the hell did you come to me? I knew we got along famously, but you don’t have to sentence me to death.”
“It’s complicated. Are you going to do it or not?” Kamiko asked as he headed toward the door. “I can always find another ride back if you’re too much of a coward.”
The guy knew how to throw a damn punch. That was for sure.
Wayland wasn’t a damn coward, and he didn’t like to be called one.
“Fine, but when he comes after me, I’m squealing.”
“Whatever,” Kamiko mumbled as he closed the distance, grabbing Wayland’s arm. “Let’s go.”
God, you’re a dumbass. “Let’s go, Dorothy. Kansas awaits.”
Takeo roared as he went after Wayland again. The only thing that stopped him from removing the warrior’s head was Panahasi. “So you just took him?”
“He asked nicely…and he called me a coward.”
“Seriously?” Takeo shouted as he tried once again to get at Wayland. “You’re telling me he pressured you into taking him by calling you names? Are you fucking stupid? Constantine already got to him once. You just left him defenseless, you bastard!”
“I did not! The wolves are protecting him,” Wayland countered.
“Wolves, shifters, against a fucking demon!” Takeo was about to have an aneurysm. “Think about it, Wayland. Do you honestly think they are a match for him?”
Takeo had enough. He walked to the closest shadow and thought of his mate. He thought of Kamiko’s bright smile and beautiful bedroom eyes.
Tense and nervous, Takeo looked around. It wasn’t Kamiko’s old room in Zeus’s pack. He wasn’t sure where he was, but Takeo saw his mate sitting on his knees in front of a window, staring out as if he were a statue.
He didn’t move, even though Takeo knew his mate felt his presence.
The room was beautifully decorated. There was a large four-poster bed that sat in the middle of the room with sheer curtains pulled aside on either side of it. There was an oriental rug with colorful and intricate patterns on the floor and a large mahogany armoire across the room. Beautiful colors splashed across the walls and incense was burning, giving off a honey-and-jasmine scent that filled Takeo’s lungs.
“Where are we?” Takeo asked in a whisper.
Kamiko continued to stare out of the window, neither moving nor acknowledging him. Takeo could hear his heart breaking as he saw the pain etched on Kamiko’s handsome face. He had done that. He was the one responsible for this whole situation.
Takeo knelt beside his mate, looking out of the window at a cherry blossom tree. The small petals blew from the tree, creating pink confetti as it blew in the breeze. “I love you.” He heard a small hitch from Kamiko, but Takeo kept his gaze front and center. “I grew up in Baku. It is a city in the demon realm that houses the worst. My mother left me to fend for myself.” When Kamiko said nothing, Takeo continued, praying his mate was listening to him. “Panahasi took me from there and taught me how to be a true demon warrior.” Takeo swallowed as his fingers curled in on his thighs. “But no one ever taught me how to love.”
“Love cannot be taught, Takeo. It comes from the heart.” Kamiko finally spoke, but it was soft, almost a whisper, and it was filled with anguish. “It lives inside of you, only waiting to be released.” Takeo nodded as he stared out at the tree. He wasn’t going to be forgiven. He could hear it in Kamiko’s voice.
“I had just watched someone die a senseless death. He was just a boy. I was lost, feeling as though nothing made sense in the world. As I walked through a shadow, I begged fate to give me someone that could comfort me, show me that life wasn’t cruel and uncaring.”
“And that’s when you walked out of my closet?” Takeo nodded. “I was terrified, trying my best to comfort you when I really didn’t have a clue what I was doing. You are so small that I feared life would break you. It was you who looked like you needed the comfort.”
“I did,” Kamiko admitted, never once looking at Takeo, his head forward, his eyes staring at the window. “I felt like I died every day that you were away from me.”
Takeo closed his eyes, feeling his heart shatter. “I want to protect you every second of every day. It drives me crazy for you to be out of my sight for even a second.”
Kamiko finally turned and looked at him, his eyes haunted. “But then I will wither and die. I need to spread my wings, Takeo. I stayed safe for too many years. I want to experience life, but I want to experience it with you.”
Takeo didn’t see a solution. He was basically damned if he did and damned if he didn’t. He couldn’t stop needing to protect Kamiko.
It was hardwired into his DNA somehow. But if he continued down the road he was on, he would lose Kamiko anyway. There just wasn’t a way out of the hell he was living in.
This was worse than Baku, worse than hell.
“What do you want me to do, Kamiko?” Takeo whispered. “Just tell me what to do and I’ll do it.” He held his breath as he waited for Kamiko to speak, but no sounds came from the man. Kamiko just went back to looking out the window.
The silence between them lengthened. Takeo began to think that maybe Kamiko didn’t have an answer for him. Maybe there wasn’t one. Maybe Kamiko was right, and they were not meant to be together.
Takeo inhaled a shaky breath and slowly climbed to his feet
.
There really seemed only one thing left for him to do. Takeo had to give Kamiko the freedom he seemed to crave so much. Even if it meant he slowly died a painful, agonizing death as his heart was ripped from his chest.
“I am sorry, little flower.” Takeo swallowed hard past the lump of sorrow building up in his throat. He backed up to the edge of the shadows and started to step through them. “I give you your freedom.”
Kamiko was going out of his mind. After his cryptic words, Takeo had simply disappeared. No one seemed to know where he was or they weren’t talking. Going back home to Japan seemed like a good idea when Zeus mentioned it, but now, so far away from everyone he knew and loved, it seemed like the edge of hell.
It didn’t help that every time he brought up Takeo’s name, everyone either became really quiet or they changed the subject as quickly as they could. No one would talk about him. And the demons weren’t talking to Kamiko.
He had spotted them here and there when he was out and about.
He knew that Wayland even now watched him from across the street.
Everywhere that Kamiko went, there was a demon warrior watching him. Of course, if Kamiko tried to approach them, they stepped back into the shadows and disappeared.
Kamiko was running out of ideas on how to find Takeo. He hadn’t meant for the man to leave him permanently. They just needed time to think, both of them. Deciding what they wanted out of the relationship between the two of them was going to be the only way they could hold it together. They were changing, and that meant their relationship was changing as well.
Kamiko loved Takeo, but he also needed to have the freedom to discover who he really was. That didn’t mean he wanted to be alone, just that he needed to spread his wings and fly a little bit. He would have preferred to do it with Takeo at his side.
Why couldn’t anyone understand that?
Kamiko felt like he was fighting a losing battle. No one would tell him where Takeo was or even talk about him. He had, apparently, become a pariah to the demon warriors. They wouldn’t have anything to do with him. And once again, he was all alone. Only this time, he knew exactly what he was missing—the other half of his soul.
