“You too, um, Colin.” He smiled when I said his name.
When I got to my apartment, Allison was waiting by the front door. I was thrilled to see her. I had an amazing first day at TWP and couldn’t wait to tell her about it, about my week at home, and hear about her week while I was gone. There was so much to talk about!
“Hi!” I almost screeched with excitement trotting over to her and hugging her tightly.
“Hey, how are you?” She sounded concerned and that didn’t fit my present mood.
“I’m good. Really good.” I pulled the door open. “I had such a great first day, I can’t wait to tell you about it.”
“I’m so glad, Emily. I’ve been worried about you.”
“I know, I’m sorry I worried you and Ethan, but I just had to get out of here. I know the whole, ‘your problems just follow you story’ but I needed to take a break. And you know,” we walked into the living room, “I think it really helped. So tell me what’s been going on with you?”
“Well, it’s only been a week. Nothing new to report really.” She seemed a little preoccupied and I couldn’t think why.
“What’s up Allison? I tried to get her to look at me. “Come on, spill.” I took her hand and pulled her to the couch so we could both sit. She hesitated.
“It’s just that…” she started.
“Yeah?” Then my buzz took a dive. “If it’s about Graham, I don’t want to hear it.”
“No, it’s not. I know we’re not talking about him anymore.” Her brows furrowed. Something was up. “You remember that first Beta T party we went to?” Please! How could I forget? The one where Ethan, before they were even dating, carried her out after she disappeared upstairs with some Beta T guy. I never knew what happened, but he found her alone and dressed so she claimed she just drank too much. I always suspected foul play, but kept it to myself at her request.
I responded simply. “Yeah? And?”
“Well, Ethan was playing poker last week with a bunch of guys. Two were from the Beta T house. One of the guys started spouting off about how he helped a pledge put a bunch of Everclear in some of the girls’ drinks.” Allison was visibly upset now, I reached across and took her hand, trying to comfort her. “He put two and two together and knocked the guy clear across the room.” That sounded like something Ethan would do. And well deserved, I added mentally.
“So you think that’s what happened to you?” I asked, fairly certain of the answer.
She nodded and looked down at her hands. “Yeah.” She was ashamed.
“Don’t you dare act like you did something wrong. My brother did exactly what he should have, given the circumstances. I would be shocked and disappointed if he did any less.” She still didn’t look up. “Allison, seriously.” I squeezed her shoulder trying to get her to look at me. “You did nothing wrong. I’m just glad Ethan got to the bottom of this. Maybe next time that creep will think twice.” I was pretty glad she was dating my brother before, but now I was really happy.
“Can we change the subject?” She shifted on the couch.
“Yes.” I did a quick drum-like pat on my legs. “I had the best day.” Allison smiled at not just my good day, but the change of subject. “I met some of the nicest people, and I worked on my very first office building elevation. It was awesome.” Yeah, I know, maybe not to her, but it was totally cool to me.
“That’s great, Emily. I knew you’d do well.”
“Well, let’s not get ahead of ourselves. Who knows if I even did it right, but it sure was fun.” I giggled at myself like a little girl. We talked about my day, the week I spent in Two Rivers, and the week Allison spent at the beach. Overall, it was a great conversation; that is, until she brought up Graham.
“He asked about you that day at the beach.” She had a concerned look on her face again.
“Why would you bring him up?” I knew Trish was trying to encourage me to give him another chance, but I certainly didn’t expect it from Allison. “You were the one encouraging me to move on.”
“I did encourage you. I mean, I am. I just think he’s really sorry. He spent forever telling me that he made a huge mistake.”
“He did make a huge mistake, and what I realized while I was away is that I deserve better. I’m not going to settle for less.” I shifted toward her. “And frankly, I’m a little disappointed Allison, you’ve gone soft on the topic.” She let out a half-sigh, half-laugh. I kept talking.
“I did some thinking at home. And spent some time by myself trying to get to know that girl you met the first day of school.” I rested my hand on my chest. “How did I get so lost in him? I know I started out as myself, then somewhere along the way I turned into someone else; someone he invented. I don’t want to be that girl. The one that drinks white wine and forgets who she really is.” I paused for a few seconds. “You know, I had a beer the other night, and it was refreshing, in more than one way.” She crinkled her forehead wondering what I meant. I told her all about Scott.
SIX
Something New
The next morning I slept right through my alarm. I woke relaxed and calm like it was the weekend. And for a second I thought it was, then with a gasp, I sat straight up completely panicked. It was seven o’clock and I needed to leave in thirty minutes. Yikes! I jumped up and hopped in the shower, regretting the fact that I hadn’t set out my clothes the night before. I went through my morning routine in record time, pulling my hair back into a ponytail as I went through my closet. I didn’t have time to make a lunch. I barely had time to grab a granola bar. I did a quick inventory of what to wear, slipped on my shoes and grabbed my keys; then, whoops…dropped them. Great! I leaned over, scooped them up and dragged them across the kitchen counter shoving a granola bar in my purse. I turned to walk out and heard something drop to the floor. I almost didn’t care since I was in such a hurry, but I bent down, saw something shiny and picked it up. My key. The key I had given Graham so many months ago. The one I later asked him to leave here. I never saw him leave it, and forgot about it after that day. I stared at it, remembering the day I gave it to him then the day he left it. I shook my head and realized that yes, I was going to be really late. I put it on the counter and disregarded it, along with a few memories, and then I was out the door.
***
Before I knew it, my stomach started to rumble. After an inner scolding about waking up too late to make lunch, I remembered there was a sandwich shop in the lobby, so I did a quick wallet check and found six dollars. Pulling a novel from my purse, I was glad that I had this ridiculous habit of always carrying my current favorite book with me. I didn’t mind eating alone as long as I had something to read. Otherwise, I found myself awkwardly staring around waiting for the food. That always looks weird. So I strolled into the sandwich shop as if I did it every day with my purse slung over one shoulder and book tucked under my other arm. I ordered a sandwich, and found a small table by the window.
While I waited, I thumbed through my book to find the place I’d left off. You’d think I’d have a bookmark, but that makes too much sense. I sank into the book, remembering the location, the time, and the characters since I last read it. When they called my name, I barely heard. Then the teenage kid behind the counter with his messy hair and a white apron called me again.
“Oh.” I hopped off my chair. “Sorry,” I said, embarrassed. He just nodded and handed me my sandwich. I poured myself some water from the self serve pitcher, and returned to my reading. I felt the place fill up around me. The buzz of voices crept up until it was actually loud. People moved in and out, not stopping long enough to eat here, as I was. Back to their desks or out to run errands, I presumed. During the time it took me to read a chapter and eat half my sandwich, the place cleared out, and I still had about twenty minutes left. I thought I was the only person in the shop until I caught movement out of the corner of my eye. I probably wouldn’t have looked up, but as I turned the page to start a new chapter, I heard him clear his throat. I lifted my ey
es from the page, and he was looking at me. I smiled and tilted my book, noting he also had a book in his hand.
“Emily, you’re a reader too?” Mr. Ryan asked from the next table.
“I seem to always have a book around, so yeah, I guess.” I sort of fumbled my answer.
“What are you reading?” I pointed to his book with mine.
“Oh, Grisham. You?” He took a drink of his soda and looked at my book from across his table.
“Something I’ve read several times. To Kill a Mockingbird.” I lifted the cover so he could see.
“Harper Lee, a classic.” He looked pleased. “You know, I feel silly talking across our tables, can I join you?” It was a little silly.
“Sure.” I moved my purse and hung it on the back of my chair to make room. I was so engrossed in my project that I didn’t realize I hadn’t seen him all day in the office. He was dressed casually, more so than I ever saw him in class. He had on a striped polo shirt and khaki pants. He always seemed tall to me, maybe six feet, but today I noticed he was tan and more muscular than I had given him credit for. He even seemed younger, if that was possible. He was by no means old, maybe thirty at the most, but I didn’t know for sure.
“So, how are you enjoying working on the BBH building?”
“I finished the elevations this morning, and Whitney said something about having me do some sections.” I knew I was beaming at the idea of this. I couldn’t wait to get started.
He smiled down at his hands. “I’m glad you’re enjoying it.” I don’t know why, but I felt comfortable talking like this with him. And from his smile, I think he felt comfortable with me. Only weeks had passed since he was my teacher, but it seemed as if we were totally different people somehow. “Did Sharon tell you about the benefit next weekend?”
“Yes, it sounds like a great cause.” I paused for a second. “I feel a little weird about going, being so new.”
“You should really go. It’s a lot of fun and everyone will be there.”
I shrugged. “OK, I’ll come.” I didn’t need a lot of persuasion, I guess. Especially since I got the feeling he was encouraging me. I took the last sip of my water, set it down, glancing at my watch. “I better get back.”
“Yeah, me too,” he said as he leaned in to look at my watch. For just the quickest little second having him lean next to me made me feel warm. I looked back down trying not to smile. We gathered our things and headed out. I reached the door before Colin and although I didn’t expect it, he leaned in front of me and opened it, nodding me ahead of him. We headed up the stairs and through the lobby together before he went to his desk and me to mine. Again, no one looked at us or seemed to notice as we passed by.
The rest of the day went well, and as I left for the evening I had to smile. When I pulled my car door open I was still thinking about the office building I was working on when I saw Colin. He was leaving the office with a guy I’d seen before, but hadn’t met. I thought about waving but he wasn’t looking and I still felt a little of the student-teacher thing in the back of my mind. As I dipped into the driver’s seat I saw him looking my way with one hand up, palm open. I lifted my hand the same way, and then rested it on the steering wheel turning to back up. When I faced forward again he was gone.
Driving into my apartment complex I thought about what a great day I had. The work alone was exciting, but then there was the unexpected lunch with Mr. Ryan…I mean Colin. I sighed. It was nice to have him as my friend. Really nice, actually.
I was in another world as I walked up to my door, keys in hand, ready for a quiet evening to myself cleaning up whatever mess I’d left that morning. I had big plans to eat a bowl of ice cream barefoot on my patio under the warm summer evening sky. It was a foolproof plan, or so I thought before I turned the corner and saw him. My smile faded. I stopped in my tracks. I was no longer in my happy little world, but right back in the pain I was trying so hard to move beyond.
“Graham, what are you doing here?”
SEVEN
Backsliding…Just a Tad
I felt the bottom drop out of my stomach at the sight of him. It had only been a couple of weeks, but I was starting to smile again. Now that smile was gone, and I was right back in the agony he left behind.
“I need to talk to you, Emily.” I walked passed him, into the apartment. He followed. “You haven’t returned any of my phone calls. You’re not even hanging out with your friends.
“What?” I whipped around. What was he talking about? And what business was it of his?
“I’ve seen Trish and Allison, talked to them both, but you haven’t been around.”
“I was out of town.” I put my purse on the counter. “What do you want, Graham? And don’t say ‘to talk’ because there’s nothing to talk about.” I was tired of this, and I just didn’t have the energy to fight with him anymore. I pulled the tie out of my hair letting my ponytail fall. Running my fingers through my hair I knew it couldn’t look good, but I didn’t care.
“Look, I’m tired, Graham. And what’s left to say? You cheated on me and now you’re with her. Good for you.” I kicked off my shoes. “I’ve been looking forward to a bath all day. Just leave.” I turned around hoping I’d hear his footsteps in the opposite direction. But nothing. I faced him again. I felt exhausted at the thought of discussing anything with him. Why wouldn’t he leave? God, I was tired.
“I’m not with Nicole. I made a huge mistake being with her, and I miss you so much. I just can’t lose you. Please Emily.” He took my hands in his. “I love you, I’ll do anything.” Just the touch of his hands on mine was warm and familiar. I missed him so much that my heart sped up. I closed my eyes, conflicted and confused. I couldn’t think of anything to say. I couldn’t tell him to leave because I really didn’t want him to go, but I couldn’t open my eyes either. I was frozen in the moment, waiting for whatever decision I was going to make, afraid of it, either way.
I felt Graham let go of one of my hands, then touch my cheek. I leaned into the warmth of his hand feeling myself exhale at his touch. When I opened my eyes, his were right in front of mine and we held that instant for a few breaths. This set of feelings was new to me. I was still hurt but my heart…it was so full with him near me. Then I just stopped thinking. He cradled my face in his hands and kissed me slowly. I savored each of his kisses reaching for him. I was lost. Then coherent thoughts returned to me and I pulled away. Graham searched my face for an answer.
“Graham, I can’t do this. You should go.”
“But.” He stroked my cheek with his fingers. It felt amazing, I missed his touch so much, but it wasn’t right. I couldn’t trust him.
I walked away from him and folded my arms in front of my chest. “Please.” I tried to take a breath in. “Please go.” It was all I could say. I heard the front door close and the tears started to fall. I had never been more confused in my life. I slumped down on the floor and held my knees, sobbing.
After some self-pity and tears, I pulled myself together and decided to combine my two evening plans. I filled a bowl with ice cream and took it with me to the bath. Perfect! I sank in the bubbles and clanked the bowl with every scoop I took. Now I understood what people were talking about when they mentioned comfort foods. I had heard of mashed potatoes, soup and stews but my comfort food was ice cream and it was just the ticket.
After my steamy bath and melting ice cream it was only eight o’clock, and still daylight. I was tired and emotionally drained, and I just wanted to sleep. I shut my blinds and slipped my favorite cotton nightgown over my head and down my arms. It was short and pink, not a color I would wear anywhere but to bed. I snuggled into it, and curled up in a ball on top of my covers. Only seconds later I was asleep. I woke in the morning in just about the same position – and super hungry.
I made myself a stack of pancakes and ate while I watched the morning news. Nothing of real interest, except the high temperatures. Should be a hot week. Rinsing my dishes, I heard the phone ring but I th
ought it might be Graham so I kept walking to my bedroom to get ready for work. After I scrunched my hair into some wavy curls, I went through my closet looking for something cool to wear. The news said hot, so I found a nice sundress that would do and paired it with a short-sleeved jacket. I finished getting ready, and packed my lunch, pausing by my answering machine before I left. Out of morbid curiosity I pressed the play button. My heart squeezed tightly when I heard Graham’s voice. I walked out, locking the door behind me while his message kept playing.
EIGHT
The Benefit
The next few days went by in a blink. I was so busy that I lost myself in the project. It was going well and I was learning so much. That Friday I woke up almost sad that the weekend was ahead of me, with no cool office building to work on for two whole days. That was new. But it was a Friday, and that meant cubicle chatter about the upcoming weekend and this new thing called ‘casual Friday.’ Jeans. Yes! I certainly didn’t mind. The big topic was the benefit on Saturday, and everyone from the firm was going.
Whitney went on and on about this amazing black backless dress she was wearing. With all my Graham drama, I hadn’t given a thought to what I would wear, and that was seriously not like me. I decided shopping was a must. I knew just who to call.
Allison was ready to go as soon as I got off work. I asked her to meet me at my place, and sure enough she was waiting for me when I got there.
“You know what?” I asked.
“What?” she asked back playfully.
“You should really have a key. And…I just happen to have an extra one.” I tried to make light of how heavy that subject was, but she didn’t buy it. Instead she gave me a pat on the back to acknowledge the situation without saying a word about Graham.
“So Emily, what are we shopping for?” Allison asked.
Emily Calls It (The Emily Series) Page 4
