“He seems to be,” I wept. “He’s gone. I asked him to leave.”
“As you should have,” Mariah soothed. “You needed the room to think about what you want to do.”
“Christ, we better call the girls,” Madison murmurs. “This requires an emergency meeting with all of us.”
“You’re right. I’ll call Monica.”
“No,” I shouted. “No, please. I don’t… I don’t want anyone to know!”
“Honey,” Madison said, holding me again. “Eventually, everyone’s going to notice that you no longer have a husband, especially one as cute as that cheating fucktard Joshua.”
“Not yet,” I whispered. “I don’t want them to know how undesirable he thinks I am now. I’m way too embarrassed to let anyone else into this. Let’s keep this between us, for now. God, this humiliation… will it ever go away?”
“There is nothing for you to be humiliated about, Mandy. Not one thing. He’s an asshole, just like Stephen was but you know what? Katherine found a way to forgive him and maybe so can you with Joshua.”
“Do you really believe that, Mariah?”
“No. I want you to dump his ass and take three-fourths of all he’s worth. I cannot believe he led a vibrant, smart, beautiful woman to believe she wasn’t attractive anymore. Look long and hard in a mirror, Mandy. You’re hotter than flames in a burning wood house in the middle of July and don’t ever think otherwise.”
I smoothed my blonde-again hair. “Are you serious? There’s nothing you would change about me?”
“I’d change how you sound when you’re singing. That could use some work.”
I laughed at Madison. She should know, her and Mariah.
“At least, let us call Elka, Mandy. Your sister should be here.”
“No, Mariah,” I sigh. “She’s been having trouble with her blood pressure during her pregnancy and I don’t want her stressed. I have two of my other sisters here and they are doing well by me, as always.”
“And we always will,” Madison assured. “Okay, I agree, no stressing Elka.”
“Thank you,” I mumbled as I wiped my nose.
“No thanks needed. We love you and if I really were lesbian, you’d definitely be second on my list.”
“Who’s first, Sugar,” I curiously asked.
“My Carey, of course,” Madison laughed with a wink. “I have wanted to do her since high school.”
“Want to do me all you want, lady,” Mariah smirked. “Marcus is the only one that gets this good stuff now. You should’ve tried before you took off for college.”
That makes us laugh loudly and I immediately appreciated the effort. I loved how they joke around. No way would either of them ever indulge in a same-sex relationship. I’ve heard the two of them with their husbands and they have loud fun with them.
I listened quietly as Madison tells Monica that I wasn’t feeling well and that she and Mariah would stay with me for a while. I could tell by her end of the dialogue that the others wanted to stop by and check on me. Madison managed to calm them and convinced them to go out without us, and saying that we will reschedule soon. I sighed when she ended her call.
“I better call that lawyer,” I mumbled, picking up my cordless phone. “Who do I… who… knows one,” I cried, breaking again. “Maybe I should call my father.”
My husband and I were really over. Sobbing, I try to see the numbers on the keypad, thinking I’ll try Alissa, first. She could recommend someone or represent me, herself. The phone was snatched out of my hand.
“Let’s not get Joshua maimed,” Madison sighed. “He hurt John’s little girl and that is not going to fly with him and Rhetta will bake a pie and finish the job when she finds out her baby girl was hurt and in tears. No, let’s think of something else.”
“I have an idea,” Mariah announced as she snatched my phone from Madison. “Hi, Lil, it’s Mariah… Confused and hurting… Because my sister is in pain and needs to speak to someone… As soon as possible… Yes, I know and it’s breaking my heart… Mandy… Yes, and I want it to stop. I hate seeing her this way… I’m with her now, at hers… Okay, we’ll await your call.”
“Why would you call Lil,” I whined. “She’s a smart woman and has to have already figured out that my husband doesn’t want me.”
“I agree that you need to drop that bastard, Mandy, but you need to do it with a clear head. You need to speak to someone professional.”
“No way,” I scoffed, sitting up. “I do not need someone toiling around in my head to tell me I have a complex about my father, which is bullshit because my father, as far as I know, never cheated on my mother and was always good and available for Elka and me.”
“No one is saying that, Mandy,” Mariah assured. “I had issues several times and therapy helped me immensely. It can for you, too. Just go see whoever she recommends and clear your head with them. Then sock it to the fucker.”
“Do you agree, Sugar?”
“Reluctantly,” Madison sighed. “I don’t understand why he did this to you and I’m sure you don’t either. Maybe whomever Lil assigns you will get it out of him.”
I sat quietly, thinking and pondering their words and sighed when my phone rang about a half-hour later. I half-heartedly answered.
“Hello?”
“Mandy, it’s Lil. Honey, are you sure you want to see someone?”
“Yes,” I whispered. “I think I need to, Lil.”
“I have someone who can see you tomorrow, ten a.m.”
“I’ll take it,” I wept.
“Good. Vicky Fields will see you tomorrow, room 504.”
“Thank you, Lillian.”
“Good luck, Mandy.”
I hung up. “Ten with a Vicky Fields.”
“Do you need or want a ride, Mandy?”
“No, Mariah, but I will call you if I change my mind.”
“Good.”
We sit there quietly for what felt like hours and I appreciated every second of it. We had dinner after Mariah instructed our nanny to take my boys to her house then called her husband to advise him that she would be late. Madison did the same.
* * *
Around one a.m., I told them I would be okay and had Madison call Matthew to pick her up. He showed with Marcus ten minutes later and I watched as Marcus drove Mariah’s car and Matthew and Madison got in his.
Jealousy hit me as I watched them drive off and I angrily wanted to know why the youngest brother couldn’t be as devoted and faithful as the older ones. I was also grateful neither brother came in or asked to see Joshua. I was not ready for them to know anything yet.
I climbed in my bed that night and cried. I missed the cheating bastard. The bed just felt way too big without him. I found myself wishing he didn’t get one second of sleep as I finally closed my eyes.
* * *
I arrived at 9:45, tired and ready to kill. I didn’t get any restful sleep and it showed. I put on the first thing I found: a jogging suit that I wore to the gym. I wore no makeup and I pulled my hair in a man-bun. I shoved my driver’s license in my pocket with a twenty and the emergency cell Matthew makes us all have.
Grabbing my keys, I went outside and stared at my SUV. After a few minutes, I smirked. Not today… I refused to drive the kiddie mobile, especially to a shrink appointment. I went back inside and found the keys to Joshua’s new toy.
That Bugatti gives me an erection. Shut up, I know I’m a woman.
I started that car and drove like Danica Patrick to HRC. I slid in a spot like I’d been driving the thing all my life and smirked when I got out and men looked at me with obvious envy.
I entered the clinic, not caring about anything as I got on the elevator and hit five. I ignored the pointed stares and obvious avoidance.
“Get over yourselves,” I muttered, staring at the climbing numbers. “I’m nowhere near crazy but the way I feel today, you’re lucky I showered.”
I exited the elevator and sat on the couch.
“May
I help you?”
I rolled my eyes at the pretty woman at the reception desk and immediately wondered if she’s the one Joshua fucked. Then I sighed when I realized what I was doing. That whore could be anyone. What are the odds it would be her? I looked at her and shake my head at how beautiful she is… tall, thin, perfect hair and teeth and her smile is ridiculous.
And that skin… not a blemish anywhere on her mocha colored face. I couldn’t blame Joshua one bit if he did fuck this woman. Their child would be gorgeous.
“Do you have an appointment, Ma’am,” Ms. Mocha asked.
“Yeah with Dr. Fields. I’m Mandy Cannon.”
She showed no recognition of the name. It wasn’t her.
“Very well, Mrs. Cannon. I’m Marta Humphries. I’ll see if Dr. Fields is ready for you.”
“Thanks,” I mutter, thinking there are about a billion other women I have to exclude.
“Mrs. Cannon is here, Dr. Fields… Yes, ma’am. Mrs. Cannon, you can go in now.”
I entered the room and sat on another couch, gripping the keys in my jacket. Soon another pretty woman enters from another door, looking pale and worn.
I frowned, “Are you all right, Dr. Fields?”
“I’m great, thank you, Mrs. Cannon. Please call me Vicky.”
“Vicky, I’m Mandy.”
“Hello, Mandy.” She smiled after releasing my hand. I watch as she sits across from me and crossed her legs. “So, what brings you here, Mandy?”
“My husband cheated on me,” I blurted.
“Oh? Well, why isn’t he here with you?”
“Because he ripped me apart with the disclosure of his lies and infidelity and I don’t want to give him the opportunity to do it again.”
“I see.” Vicky nodded. “So we’ll get to him and his antics later. Let’s focus on your need to see me alone.”
“It was my sister-in-law’s idea. She thinks I need my head cleared before contacting a lawyer.”
“I agree with her. I advise holding off with an attorney until you’re one hundred percent sure you want a divorce.”
“I’m already there.”
“Are you,” Vicky asked, her eyes widening. “How?”
“He fucked another woman,” I shrugged. “That means he doesn’t want me. What’s left for me to do?”
“Ask him why, maybe?”
“I did that.”
“And?”
“And,” I sighed. “All he said was ‘I don’t know’ and it infuriated me.”
“What else?”
“She… he said,” I sniffed. “He said she’s pregnant.”
“Oh.”
“Oh? Is that all you have to say on that?”
“For now. What’s going on in your head, Mandy?”
“Nothing. I want out. I never want to see him again.”
“Why?”
“Why,” I screeched.
“Yes, why? Why are you so willing to throw your marriage away?”
I glared at this woman, wanting slug her a good one and I swear if she wasn’t already looking as though she was about to hurl everything she’s ever eaten in her life, I think I may have.
“I think you misunderstood, Vicky. He cheated, not me. I gave Joshua Andrew Cannon everything: my love, honor, fidelity and kids. What did he do in return? He went and fucked some random bitch and forgot all and everything we had and meant to one another! How the hell am I throwing away anything?”
My chest heaved and I try to get my emotions under control but it was hard… so hard that I had to drop my head and cry for what feels like hours. Tissue was pressed into my hands as I wailed.
I cried until my head hurt. I held it as I rocked on the couch, praying this pain would end soon. I couldn’t take much more of it.
My arms tightened around my ribcage as Vicky left my side. She was holding me but as I calmed, she released me and I replaced her arms with mine. I continue rocking with my head lowered.
“Marta, cancel all my appointments for the rest of the day. Order a pizza with the works, two large chicken salads, ginger ale, Sierra Mist and pints of Ben and Jerry’s. When everything’s here, you can take off.”
“Right away, ma’am,” Marta replied.
“Can you ask her to throw in some vodka and orange juice?”
“Are you driving, Mandy,” Vicky asked with a raised brow.
“Yeah,” I reluctantly sighed then brightened. “But I’m driving Joshua’s Bugatti.”
“Understood but you also will be driving yourself in that Bugatti; you wreck it, you could wreck you. Your children need you around for quite a bit longer, so no alcohol.”
“Damn.”
She smiled then sat next to me. “So, tell me how this happened. What made him confess when he did?”
I took a deep breath and started talking, telling her of how he was ignoring me over the last months and how he hadn’t touched me. When I finished telling her about the confession she nodded. I grabbed a tissue and wiped my eyes.
When I’m finally calmed again, Marta entered with our food and Vicky and I sat at a long table. I talked and ate and noted she could really put it away. That day, so did I; I needed to because that was the only comfort I was allotted.
We sat on the floor with the ice cream and I dove into my Chubby Hubby, stabbing into it with my spoon.
“It’s all his father’s fault. Stephen cheated on his wife, Katherine. He passed that gene to Joshua. The other brothers didn’t get that gene. They worship their wives and show it continuously with no problem. They’d move the earth for them if they could.”
“And Joshua wouldn’t for you?”
“No,” I sighed and licked my spoon, greedily. “I used to think he would. Of all the couples, he and I have been together the longest and I guess now he’s just… tired of the same pussy every night and won’t do anything for me anymore.”
“Why do you say that? What exactly is going on in your head, Mandy?”
I frowned at her, wondering why she doesn’t or can’t put it together.
“Because he went out and found a new pussy, fucked it raw and left a kid in there, jeopardizing his health and mine as well as that of the family we built, that’s why.”
“Wait, how do you know it’s his child? Didn’t you say the woman wasn’t sure?”
“I feel it,” I nodded. “I think he does, too.”
“You want it to be his?”
“At this point, I don’t care. He’s no longer mine.”
“Mandy, if you want my help, I need total honesty from you and nothing less.”
“I am being honest, Vicky.”
“Are you seriously going to tell me that you care nothing about the man you married, nothing about the father of your children? You found out about his infidelity, so any emotion you felt for him dissipated immediately?”
“Yep,” I smirked.
“Okay.” Vicky nodded slowly. “Tell you what. Let’s get him in here and I’ll leave the room… after I tell him to get naked.”
I tried not to, but I went red. Joshua naked has always… always… just… damn, she had a point.
“All right fine, I still think he’s attractive.”
“And?”
“That’s it.”
“Bullshit, Mandy.”
“No, it’s not.”
“Joshua is in his car and you find out he was in an accident. What do you do?”
“Nothing,” I snorted then cringed under her glare.
All right, I’d cry my eyes out until I saw for myself that he’s okay. If he’s not, I’ll take care of him until he is back to normal.
I am not telling her that. Damn it, this woman is pissing me off now.
“Fine, Vicky. Checkmate.”
“So, honestly, what do you really think you want to do about the marriage?”
“It has to end. I can’t trust him and if that weren’t enough, he has a child coming that I won’t be able to tolerate because it will be a constant reminder of the wo
rse pain he’s ever caused me.”
“And your next step?”
“I call a lawyer and get that started. The divorce, I mean.”
“Do you care to know why he behaved this way?”
“I already told you: he did this because he’s tired of me and needed new.”
Vicky frowned, obvious in deep thought. Finally, still frowning, she says, “Let’s go back a moment.”
“Okay.”
“He said… how did he tell you about the affair? The exact words, the best you can remember.”
“He said, ‘I had sex and now she’s pregnant.’ That’s it.”
“No, you said you asked him when and he said a specific date. One date. Is that the date it started or was it a one-time thing?”
“I don’t know. What does it matter? No matter which scenario is the right one, he still cheated and doesn’t want me.”
Vicky tilted her head. “Before the affair, how was he with you?”
“I don’t understand,” I frowned.
“Before the infidelity, how was Joshua in regards to sex with you?”
“Oh,” I gasped. “Uh, he was giving,” I answered quietly. I never talked about sex with anyone but Joshua and that usually consisted only of moans and commands of faster, harder or deeper.
“Giving, that’s all you have to say?”
“Yes,” I reddened. So not talking to her about this. Sex should be talked about between the participants only. I don’t even say anything when the girls start in. They say plenty and I always listen but saying something? Um, no.
“Mandy, do you enjoy sex?”
My eyes widened to dinner plates and I inhaled but don’t release the breath.
“Mandy?”
I nodded subtly.
“With men?”
Nod.
“But you don’t like talking about it?”
Head shake.
“Why?”
Lips disappear.
“Mandy, come on. No one’s here but the two of us and anything you say to me won’t leave the room. Besides, sex is a natural occurrence; there’s nothing to cause you shame, no matter what you have to say about it.”
“Aren’t you taping us?”
“No, only groups of three or more, with consent.”
I think a moment then asked, “Do you like it?”
Broken: Book One of the M Series Page 3
