by Unknown
“I’m sorry I didn’t call you back, Rosie. My phone broke, and I didn’t even get a chance to listen to your message. I just… I figured it was probably time I come home. I’ve missed you.”
“Oh goodness, Caleb, we’ve missed you too.” Her use of “we” immediately stood out to me.
“How is Dad?” I asked cautiously.
Rosie pulled away and looked up into my eyes. After a moment, she said, “Honestly, he hasn’t been well lately. You should go up to see him. He’s in his room. I’ll make you a nice hot meal for when you’re done.”
I wanted to ask questions, but could tell by the look on her face that she probably wouldn’t tell me much. Rosie was nothing if not loyal to my father, and if he didn’t want her to share something with me, she wouldn’t. So instead of pushing, I smiled warmly., “Thanks, Rosie. I’ve definitely missed your cooking. It’s been too long.”
“Well, we’ll take care of that! Go see your dad. Just give me twenty minutes or so.”
I walked into the house with her and watched her walk away from me toward the kitchen. Then I stared up at the grand staircase before me and took a deep breath. My father was intimidating on his best days and standoffish with everyone he knew. He didn’t exactly exude warmth, and I wasn’t looking forward to how much colder his demeanor might be while sick. But here I was.
I made my way up the stairs as slowly as I could, imagining myself making the long walk down death row. I wasn’t sure how he was going to react to me being here, or if he even knew that Rosie had contacted me. She could be sneaky, and she had a habit of going behind the scenes when it came to my father and me.
Standing before the huge oak doors, I took one last deep breath and knocked. There was no response, and I could picture my father lying on the bed, just staring at the door in amusement. He never did anything to make anyone’s life any easier.
I tried one more time, and then slowly opened the door and entered his room. The man lying in my father’s bed looked nothing like the man I had walked away from so many years ago. Shocked, I just stared at him. He had lost a ton of weight and looked terrifyingly fragile. It hit me then that he actually might be dying, a realization that shook me to my core.
The surprised look that came over his face tore at my heart a bit. I doubted he had ever expected to see me again, even being sick. The guilt washed over me once again, and I felt terrible for the fact that I hadn’t tried to fix things between us long ago.
Before I could speak a word to him, he started talking. “Caleb, my God, what are you doing here? It’s so great to see you. Son, I’ve missed you so much.”
I was stunned into silence by his words, trapped in the spot I was standing, still several feet away from his bed.
“I have to apologize for how long it’s been since we’ve talked,” he continued. “I know now that I was much too hard on you. I should have allowed you to live the life you wanted. I am so sorry.”
I closed the distance between us and edged towards the bed. “Father, please…” I said. “It’s okay. I have so much to apologize for too. It was never all your fault.”
“It was,” he said, and my heart felt like it was going to drop out of my chest. “I withdrew from you, and so many other people, after your mother’s death. It was just so hard. But that’s no excuse. It must have been even harder for you. You lost your mother, and then your father just pulled away. I can’t even imagine how lonely you must have been. I’ve never given you enough credit for that; for all you had to endure.”
I fought the tears that threatened to well up in my eyes. No, I would not cry in front of him.
“I wasn’t the easiest child to raise.” I conceded. “I did what I wanted without a care about what anyone thought. I admit things were difficult after Mom died, but we were both hurting.”
I moved to the side of the bed and pulled a chair over, sitting down beside him. The closer I got to him, the worse he looked.
“I just felt sometimes like you didn’t love me anymore,” I continued, deciding now was as good a time as any to get it all out there. “You never talked to me much after her death, and I didn’t understand. I wish we could have grown closer then, not further apart.”
“Caleb, I’m sorry. I wish I could turn back time, but that’s one power I never mastered in my old age. All I can do is assure you that I did love you— I do love you—very much. I would like nothing more than if we could start over. Is that possible?”
I stared at him as my mouth fell open, relieved at what I had just heard. This was certainly not the reception I had expected. I had braced myself for more fighting, which was exactly what had happened the last time I was home. But this… for the first time in a long time, I felt like I could breathe.
“Yes, Dad.” I sighed. “Yes, of course it’s possible.”
His breath hitched, and for a moment, it seemed like he might not be able to catch it. As I watched him struggled, I remembered what was still going unspoken between us, and my heart clenched. Why hadn’t he told me he was sick? And how sick was he? What was happening here? It occurred to me that he was only making amends because he was on his death bed and wouldn’t have to deal with me for very long anyway. Anger built up in me as I began to see his pleas of love as just a salve for the guilt he must have felt for abandoning me over the years.
I couldn’t remember the last time I had felt like this. For months, maybe even years, I had been perfecting the mask I wore out in the world; that of an unaffected playboy who cared little for anything but having fun. Now, the swirl of emotions threatened to break that mask in two. And if I had to choose between anger and grief in this moment, as the tears rose once more to my eyes, I would choose anger.
“No, you know what.” I said, my voice raising as I stood. “I don’t know what I’m saying. What is going on here? Are you dying? And if you are, why the hell didn’t you tell me? Is that the only reason you suddenly feel so sorry? Because if so, it’s bullshit.”
A shocked look came over my father’s face as I stormed out of the room before he could get another word out. I was fuming as I headed down to the kitchen. If he was dying, that was bad enough, but he wasn’t going to fuck with my head in the meantime. If he actually loved me, he would have come to me a long time ago. It was cruel to try to repair our relationship now, if he was only going to leave me all over again.
When I got into the kitchen, Rosie was nowhere to be found, but on the counter was a plate of chicken and potatoes, steam still rising from the plate. I had lost my appetite, but I wasn’t going to let Rosie’s work go to waste. She was the only person in this house who had always loved and taken care of me.
I resolved that I would leave as soon as I finished.. Fuck the money, I would figure something out. I just needed to get out of here.
Chapter Six
Skye
I returned to the house with my mind still on the note, I stumbled upon Caleb eating in the dining room. He seemed to be eating angrily and with purpose. I couldn’t imagine what he had to be mad about. For one, he was eating my mother’s delicious food, so he should have been in heaven.
There had been so many times growing up that I had been jealous of Caleb and the time he got with my mother. As a child, it had so often seemed as if he was taking her away from me. It was silly, I realized now. After all, this was her job, and she had a family to support. But my mother’s affection for Caleb had never gone unnoticed by me, even when she always strove to do everything she could to ensure I knew how loved I was as well.
But that had been our life, and I couldn’t fault her for it. It had been a good job for her, and had allowed me to pursue my own dreams in school. I obviously couldn’t forget that. And now, here he was after all these years, enjoying a meal she had prepared for him.
I thought about how weird it was that our lives had been so connected for so many years, and yet we hadn’t seen each other since childhood. Yet here we both were, in this house, under the same roof, being cared for by th
e same mother.
It almost softened me to him for a moment.
I considered going in to say hello, but ultimately decided against it. My curiosity about the note was pulling me in another direction for now.
I walked past the dining area and found my mother in the kitchen, cleaning the dishes from the food she had prepared for Caleb. Soapsuds filled the sink, and she washed each dish slowly and with intention. I remembered with a smile that my mom was one of those weird people who found dishwashing relaxing. She always took her time with this chore.
“Hey, Mom, how are you?” I said, feeling bad when she jumped a little at the sound of my voice.
She seemed to recover quickly from the startle, “Great, sweetheart. How did your exploration go?”
“Actually, I found something interesting.” I confided.
She looked over at me and smiled. “Oh yeah, what?”
I pondered for a minute just what to say, and then decided on the truth, “I stumbled upon a hidden path that led to this beautiful gazebo tucked away in some clearing on the property.” I paused, watching the contours of her face for a reaction, but if she had one, I couldn’t see it. “I was thinking it might be a good place to write,” I continued. “But then I found a note that I think must have been written by Gordon. Maybe for a lover?”
My mother looked startled for a brief moment and then looked back down at her dishes. She didn’t smile, nor did she seem the least bit curious about the note. Her shoulders tensed as she scrubbed, but she seemed completely lost in thought. If I didn’t know her better, I would think she was being rude.
“Did you hear me, Mom?”
“Really, Skye, I think you read too much into things sometimes. It was probably left by one of the kids in town. They do it all the time. Sneak onto the property and cause trouble. We try to control it, but that’s easier said than done.”
I stared at her, confused. It seemed odd for her to not even ask what the note said. She was showing no interest in my find—highly unusual for a woman whose favorite leisure activity was watching Murder, She Wrote. I got the distinct impression she was hiding something. No kid wrote that note, I was sure of it.
But she also seemed intent on letting the subject die there, her attention already completely returned to the dishes in front of her. So much so, that she didn’t even seem to notice when I backed out of the kitchen without another word.
I was totally unsatisfied by her response, and maybe even more curious now because of it. For a second, I thought about just asking Gordon. He had been nice enough when we spoke earlier. Maybe he would be willing to answer some of my questions.
Then again, maybe I was being too presumptuous. If the note had been written by him, then it could be very personal and he might think I was intruding. I wouldn’t even blame him for becoming angry and thinking I was just some nosy kid who was butting my nose in where it didn’t belong.
Whatever the origin of the note, it really wasn’t my business. But the journalist side of me couldn’t just let it go, either. Especially now that I was suspicious of my mother’s involvement. I decided it would probably be best to try to find out a little more on my own. Then maybe I could approach Gordon about it.
My mother stopped me just I was leaving the kitchen. “Don’t bother Gordon with this, Skye. I’m serious.”
Seriously? Is she a mind reader?
Annoyed, I left without responding. Man, she was being a total buzz kill about my little project.
I walked up the long staircase, planning on exploring some more. But when I peeked down the hallway that led to Gordon’s room, I noticed his door was open. Curious, I headed over and peered inside. He was sleeping in the bed, and I watched silently for any movement from him. He seemed to be in a deep sleep, so I bravely stepped inside, not even really sure what I was looking for.
I knew this was ballsy. It would be a very awkward moment if Gordon woke up and found me here, especially after my earlier intrusion. But weren’t journalists supposed to be ballsy when going after the scoop? I may not be in New York, but this was good practice for me. Besides, I was already in the room. Now it was time for discovery.
I tiptoed over to his bed, debating whether or not I should wake him. I was leaning toward not bothering him for two reasons. The first was that my mom would kill me if she knew I had come in here to talk to Gordon five seconds after she’d told me not to. The second was that a groggy, sick man could easily turn cranky if he was disturbed.
I glanced at his bedside table, and that was when I noticed a document there. It looked official, like something you would see coming out of a lawyer’s office. Maybe it was for his business. As I stared at it, I noticed it was signed G.H. in the same style as on the note I had found. And that was all the proof I needed that my gut had been right. The note had definitely been written by Gordon.
Quietly exiting the room, I closed the door behind me and leaned up against it.
What the hell is going on?
Chapter Seven
Caleb
I practically went into a food coma on my way to the car. After Rosie’s meal, I felt like taking a nap before going anywhere, but that didn’t overpower my desire to get out of the house as quickly as possible.
I was still pretty pissed at my father, and staying here just wasn’t helping matters. Going up to my room and sleeping in my old bed was a terrible idea, even as it pulled at me now. I would just lay there, wide awake, as memories of my life in this house flooded my mind, and thoughts of my father dying in his room down the hall haunted me.
No, I needed to leave.
I had half a mind to yell at Rosie for not telling me what was going on sooner, but I knew it wasn’t her fault. It wasn’t her decision to make. Although, judging by the look on my father’s face when I walked through the door, it was clear she had called me without telling him. So what did that mean? Had he ever planned on calling me himself, or would I have received a call after the fact inviting me to his funeral?
Oh, I was getting angrier by the second.
I knew I needed to be long gone before Rosie got a whiff of the fact that I was leaving. She wouldn’t be very happy with me if she knew I was already on my way out of town, back to my life. In fact, she would be hopping mad.
But then guilt struck me again as I thought of my father lying up there in his bed. It was this horrible twisting of feelings and thoughts that I couldn’t even breathe through. I felt like I was losing my mind, flip-flopping through emotions like a teenage girl.
I didn’t know if I was making the right decision or not, but I was going to do it anyway. I didn’t know how I was going to deal with my father’s death. I couldn’t even stand to think about the fact that he was sick. But I was fuming that he hadn’t told me. I just could not get past it. That fact alone was driving me out of his house.
As I was walking down the steps toward my car, I heard a voice behind me. I cringed, hoping it wasn’t Rosie. If it was, then I was a dead man. But as I turned, I found Skye behind me, actually smiling. That was a pleasant shift from her earlier scowl.
“Caleb? Are you leaving?”
“Ahhh…” I was at a loss for words. I couldn’t exactly come right out and tell her I was abandoning my sick father. God, maybe there was something wrong with me.
“You know what I was just thinking?” I asked instead, avoiding her question.
“What’s that?” She crossed her arms over her chest again, but less defensively this time.
“I was just thinking how this is our second meeting now, so you should probably ask me out.”
One corner of her mouth curved up. “Is that right?”
“Yes.”
I could see her contemplating for a minute, which was better than the fast “no” I would have expected earlier in the day. Finally, she spoke, “And what did I have in mind for this date?” She asked, letting me pretend it was still her asking me out.
“You were thinking we should take a drive.” I played alon
g.
She watched me for a minute more, before unfolding her arms and walking towards me. “Alright, let’s go.”
It was all the encouragement I needed as I broke out into a wide grin and led the way to my car.
We headed to the far edge of the property, and I parked along the edge so that we could get out and walk around. The salty sea air perfumed the breeze, and the warmth of the sun lifted my spirits. It was the perfect day to go for a walk.
I thought about trying to hold her hand, but almost as if she had read my mind, she pulled her arms up to her chest once more. And so we simply walked, side by side, not saying much of anything for a while.
“What do you do, Caleb?” She broke the silence with the one question I had no idea how to answer.
“I’m in business,” I offered, hoping she would drop the subject.
No such luck. “So, tell me about your business ventures.”
I knew there was no way I could tell her the truth. Not now, when she seemed to be warming up to me. So I lied. “I’m kind of a protégé actually.”
“Oh, really?”
“Yes, I’m being preened to take over my father’s company. It’s kind of his legacy, and he’s passing it on to me.”
“Oh,” She seemed surprised. “I didn’t realize that you worked at your father’s company. I’d always gotten the impression from my mother you weren’t interested in that?”
Crap. Of course she had.
“I wasn’t for a long time,” I backtracked. “But I’m practically the CEO now.” Might as well double down.
She stopped walking and looked at me, holding my gaze. “Well, good for you.” She finally said. “I’m sure that makes your father incredibly happy!”
I chuckled, feeling a bit uncomfortable lying to her. And even more uncomfortable because she definitely seemed to believe me. I told myself it wasn’t really lying, but was more like a personal wish list of who I wanted to be. In this moment, I actually wanted the words to be true. Maybe if I had been willing to follow in my father’s footsteps, we wouldn’t be in the position we are now.
