“You don’t have to go,” Brent heard himself say. “If you want to be alone, I can leave.”
“I thought it was you who wanted me to be alone.” Amy’s voice was low, the words nearly lost in the wind.
Brent’s eyes met hers. He saw the loneliness that mirrored his own. He felt the sizzle of attraction that he had been trying so hard to ignore these past several weeks. He knew he should turn away. If he didn’t do it now, he wasn’t sure if he would ever really be able to. As though his body wasn’t listening to his reasoning, he stepped forward.
Her eyes met his, challenging, even daring him to stay. She’d never asked why he didn’t call, not once. Now, he could see the questions there in the depth of blue, right along with the challenge for him to finally be honest with her. Giving in to his feelings, he heard a sigh escape, barely registering that it had come from him. Then suddenly the words were tumbling from his mouth.
“Do you have any idea how hard it’s been for me to stay away?” He moved closer. “I wake up every morning thinking about you. You’re the last thing I think about when I go to bed at night.”
Amy’s breath caught in her throat as his arm wrapped around her waist and drew her closer. She felt the truth of his words as his lips touched hers.
He drank in her sweetness, colors exploding in his mind as she responded to his kiss. She overwhelmed his senses—the softness of her hair, the feel of her hand on the back of his neck, the scent of her combining with the ocean air. He forgot about the frustration of the past few weeks, the difficulty of watching her each day, entrenching herself in his unit as a valuable, respected member.
Images flooded his mind: the first time he had seen her play basketball with some of the Marines on base, the way she chatted with the secretaries in the next office like they were lifelong friends, the first time she had offered morning prayer. The attraction he had first felt for her had deepened to include a respect and appreciation that continued to grow each day.
He heard her sigh, and panic overwhelmed him. He drew back, staring down at her. He had perfection in his arms, but what would happen tomorrow if he didn’t come back? Or the next day? Fatalities in the teams were lower than the general public probably realized, due in part to the intense training, but the possibility still existed that one day he would leave on a mission or a training exercise and wouldn’t come home. She deserved better than that.
Her big, blue eyes stared up at him, clouding with confusion as Brent released her.
“I can’t do this,” Brent heard himself say, even though his heart was shriveling at the thought of life without her. “You deserve someone better, someone who can come home to you every night. I can’t be that kind of man.”
Something flashed in her eyes but was quickly banked. She folded her arms across her chest, her voice even. “I don’t believe I ever asked you to be anything but what you are.”
“I’m sorry. This is my fault.” Brent took a step back. “I never should have let myself be alone with you.”
“You are such an idiot,” Amy stated mildly despite the hurt she showed in her eyes. “You think you have the right to decide what I want my life to be like.”
She stepped closer to the rail and then turned back before she continued. “Do you really think that by staying away from me it would be easier if something happened to you?” She shook her head and then continued, talking more to herself now than to him. “Actually, it would be worse. If we were married at least I’d have you in the next life. I guess you don’t care for me enough to give me that.”
Brent’s eyes widened at her casual mention of marriage, and he saw the moment when she realized she had spoken her thoughts aloud. With a sigh, she forced herself to look him in the eyes. Her voice was soft now. “You might want me to find someone else, settle down, have kids. That would make it easy for you because then I would be out of your life, somewhere that you wouldn’t have to see me. But that’s never going to happen. I can’t marry someone else when I’m in love with you.”
“Amy,” Brent said, even as she fought the tears that sprang to her eyes.
She just shook her head, stepping away from him and toward the door. “I’ll talk to Kel. He can help me transfer to one of the units in California. It may take a couple of weeks, but you should be able to steer clear of me for that long.”
A new sense of panic flooded through him, but all he could do was watch her go.
Brent stared at the hatch Amy had disappeared through for several long minutes before turning his gaze out to the open sea. Was it possible that instead of giving Amy the chance for a normal life, he was robbing them both of any chance of happiness? A memory flashed in his mind, the argument he’d had with Jim Whitmore when Brent had insisted Amy didn’t want a normal life.
Moving to the rail, Brent bowed his head in prayer. Questions tumbled out of him, fast and furious. Was he really the man Amy was supposed to marry? Could they really find a way to balance family and his career? Tears welled up in his eyes as he asked the question that had been haunting him for weeks. Why did that little boy have to die?
Brent ended his prayer, struggling against his tears. He just stood there, staring out at the ocean. Slowly, a warmth spread through him as he realized that the little boy who had died so tragically was no longer suffering. He was in the Lord’s care, away from the fear and pain that had taken him from this world.
The realization that the Lord would watch over him and Amy during their lives overwhelmed him for a moment. Didn’t his unit start each day with a prayer for that reason? They all knew that whatever happened, their Heavenly Father had the power to protect them from danger, just as He had the power to take them from this world. His heart jumped into his throat as he considered that—just maybe—the Lord had put Amy in his path for a reason.
His eyes lifted from the dark ocean to the stars above as he considered his future in a new light.
* * *
Amy walked into her temporary office to find it empty. She dropped into the chair in front of her desk and decided it was probably best she didn’t find Kel tonight. He’d already had a long enough day fighting terrorism and deserved a little time off. Her time with Brent kept running through her head over and over.
She was a fool to think that he had changed his mind about her. She had honestly believed when he kissed her that everything was finally going to fall into place. How could he say that he thought about her all the time and then spend so much time avoiding her? What was he so afraid of?
For weeks she had tried to pinpoint exactly when Brent had lost interest in her, or more accurately, when he had decided he didn’t want to be interested anymore. She thought that she had been more than understanding when the call had come while they had been at the movie together, but obviously that had been the beginning of the end. He had dropped her off at her house and then just disappeared from her life. Well, he would have disappeared from her life had Admiral Mantiquez not put her right back in the middle of it.
Perfectly aware that she was too restless to sleep, she logged onto her computer and started reading through the latest intelligence reports. When she failed to find anything of significant interest there, she then pulled up the previous mission files.
She was surprised to see that the report she did when in training at the CIA was now part of the file on her unit’s previous mission. Skipping over her own report, she opened the summary of the last assignment, the same one that had called Brent away so unexpectedly.
She thought of the boy who had been killed during that mission, and something pushed her to find out just how he had died. She started scanning the detailed reports and then, suddenly, there it was before her. The moment that Brent had been stolen from her, the moment he had been a second too late to save the little boy’s life. She couldn’t even begin to comprehend what that must have done to him, seeing an innocent life taken.
Could that be why Brent hadn’t called her when he had returned to the United States? Was
it too painful a thought now to start a family of his own? She thought of his words on deck. He seemed to think that she should have some normal guy in her life. Maybe it wasn’t her that he was running away from, but rather relationships in general.
None of the other guys in the unit were married except for Kel, and it hadn’t taken long for Amy to appreciate how much effort he made to spend time with his wife when he was in town. She sensed after meeting Kel’s wife that she didn’t like her husband’s long absences, but Kel appeared to spend a lot of time with her when he wasn’t on assignment. Maybe Brent didn’t think it was worth it, the sacrifices needed to balance his work with a serious relationship.
Amy closed the file and shut down her computer. There wasn’t anything else she could do before morning besides sleep. She stood to leave just as the door opened and Brent walked in. He studied her for a moment, then took a deep breath.
“I owe you an apology,” he said slowly, closing the door behind him.
“What are you apologizing for this time?” Amy asked, bracing herself. If he was going to apologize for kissing her, she might just have to haul off and hit him.
“For a lot of things.” Brent took a couple of steps into the room. “For not calling you when I got back, for not explaining why I thought it was a bad idea for us to keep seeing each other.”
Amy’s voice held understanding when she spoke softly. “It was the little boy, wasn’t it?”
Brent shut his eyes. “I can still see it, the moment the life just drained out of him. His mother screamed, and she held him, and all I could do was tell her that he was dead.”
“I’m so sorry.” She wanted to reach for him but was afraid to offer anything more than her words.
“When I saw the little boy’s mother . . .” He broke off and shook his head. “She was completely devastated. Her world just stopped and there was nothing anyone could do to bring her son back to her.”
“Brent, what happened was a tragedy, but I still don’t understand what that has to do with me,” Amy admitted softly.
“I was afraid of your feelings for me,” Brent explained. “I knew you cared for me. I even hoped that someday you might love me, but . . .” He sighed and struggled to find the right words. “My job isn’t exactly the safest in the world. I mean, fatalities are rare in the teams, but that possibility exists. I couldn’t stand the thought of starting a life with you and then leaving you behind to finish it by yourself.”
Amy just stared. Was it possible that he really loved her too? She forced herself to take a deep breath, and then another. “Can you stand the thought of me being alone for the rest of my life knowing that all I want is to be with you?”
Brent blinked hard, as though trying to bring her into focus. His eyes narrowed, and then he let out a short laugh. “You’re serious, aren’t you?”
Suddenly uneasy, Amy just shrugged.
Then Brent closed the distance between them. He reached out and touched her hair, tucking a stray lock behind her ear. “Maybe I should start over again. What I should have said up on deck was that I love you and I’m sorry I’ve wasted so much time being an idiot.”
Slowly, Amy smiled. “That would have been a good start.”
“And then I should have said that I’ve been miserable without you and then asked you to marry me.”
“Even better.”
“Well?” Brent’s eyes widened in anticipation.
The smile turned to a grin. “Well what?”
Brent sighed in exasperation. “Will you marry me?”
“Yes, I’ll marry you.” Amy slid her arms around his neck. “Just promise me you’ll always be careful.”
“Believe me, if there’s anything that can make life worth living, it’s knowing that you’ll be waiting for me when I get home.” And then he kissed his bride-to-be.
EPILOGUE
For once in his life, Brent seriously considered tossing out everything his parents had taught him. He approached the senator’s house and took a deep breath. He had to do this, but he didn’t have to like it. How would he feel, he wondered, if a soldier showed up on his doorstep and asked for his daughter’s hand in marriage? He’d probably grab the closest gun and scare him off. A corner of Brent’s mouth quirked up as he considered the fact that the senator probably didn’t own a gun.
Amy had returned home just three days before, when she and the rest of the squad had taken a Navy transport plane to Norfolk after being away for over two months. They had stopped at the naval base in Key West a week earlier, and Amy had made a point of making sure Brent could meet her brother Matt and his family. Though they had only managed to spend an hour together, Brent thought that he could easily be friends with Matt and CJ given the time and opportunity. They were both so genuine and down to earth.
Despite the progress he had made with Amy’s father before they were deployed, Brent still wasn’t sure what to expect from the senator. He had overheard enough of Amy’s conversations with her father during their time together at sea to know that the senator was less than thrilled that she had been allowed to go along on their training mission. The one upside of Amy being on board was that she was present when they received the news that Namir Dagan was among those confirmed dead after their strike on the weapons plant, leaving her free to live a normal life once again.
In an effort to placate her father after her time away, Amy had spent the weekend at home and once again tried to fill her role as a dutiful daughter. Besides spending time with her family, she had also attended some political dinner on Friday night, just hours after she arrived home. Brent had gotten that little tidbit of information out of the society pages of The Washington Post rather than from their dozen or so phone calls over the past few days.
Now here he was on a Sunday morning preparing to fight an uphill battle. The engagement ring he had bought just the day before weighed heavily in his pocket, and he prayed he would have the opportunity to see it on Amy’s finger by the end of the day. In a true act of bravery, he knocked on the door and braced himself for what would certainly be an unforgettable meeting. The door swung open, and Brent watched surprise register on the senator’s face.
“Good morning, sir.” Brent extended his hand, pleased that the older man shook it without too much hesitation.
“Lieutenant.” Jim glanced over his shoulder momentarily and then turned back to Brent. “I’m sorry, but if you’re looking for Amy, you missed her. She went with her mother to choir practice.”
“Actually, I came to see you,” Brent said.
“I see,” Jim responded, his eyes narrowing. With a sigh, he moved back and motioned Brent inside. “Would you like to sit down?”
Though he would have preferred to stand, Brent took the seat offered him and forced himself to look the senator in the eye. “I’m sure you are aware that Amy and I have spent a lot of time together recently.”
“I know that you were on assignment together,” Jim stated simply.
Brent nodded and caught a glimmer of something in Jim’s eyes. That something told him that he knew exactly why Brent was here and there was no way he was going to make this easy for him. That glint of challenge pushed Brent to get straight to the point of his visit. “I came here today to ask for your daughter’s hand in marriage.”
Jim was silent for a moment as he studied Brent intently. Finally he shifted in his chair and asked the obvious. “Have you already discussed this with my daughter?”
“Yes, sir.”
“Am I to assume that she has already said yes?”
Brent nodded.
“Heaven forbid that I try to tell her what she can and can’t do.” Jim shook his head, partly in frustration and partly in admiration. “Exactly how long have you two been engaged?”
“Two months.”
Jim’s voice rose. “Two months?”
“Yes, sir.” Brent nodded, rushing on before Jim could comment further. “Amy wanted to tell you and your wife right away, but I felt it wasn’t
appropriate until I could discuss it with you first.”
Then, to Brent’s surprise, his future father-in-law was grinning at him. “Well, you’ve got guts. I’ll give you that.” He paused for a moment. “Have you given any thought to when you want to get married?”
“As soon as we can arrange it,” Brent told him honestly. “What do you think, Senator? Can you support our decision?”
“You’re a good man, Brent.” Jim stood up and extended his hand. “You have my blessing.”
“Thank you, sir.” Brent stood as well and managed a smile. “There’s one more thing I have to ask you,” he started, waiting for Jim to look at him before he continued. He didn’t want to say the words, but he forced them out. “I need your promise that if anything ever does happen to me, you’ll make sure Amy is okay.”
Brent paused, not daring to even look into Jim’s eyes. “I don’t mean the money. I’ll make sure she’ll be provided for. I just need to know that she’ll still have someone to rely on, someone to love.”
The muscle jumped in Jim’s jaw and for a moment Brent thought he had just undermined all of his dreams by pointing out once again what a high risk he was in the husband category. When he saw tears glistening in Jim’s eyes he didn’t know what to think.
Jim took a deep breath and finally spoke. “Both of you can count on my family to be there for you for whatever you need,” he said, his voice hoarse. “Just remember that you have a lot more prayers now every day asking the Lord to keep you safe.”
Brent felt tears sting his own eyes, and all he could do was nod.
* * *
“What did you do to my father?” Amy whispered as she led Brent out her front door. She had returned with her mother to find Brent and Jim chatting like best friends.
Brent grinned, waiting for the front door to close behind her before answering. “I just showed him what impeccable taste I have by wanting to marry his daughter.”
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