by Jayne Frost
Nostalgia won over, and I opened my Messenger. My fingers hovered over the keyboard as I tried to think of something safe to say. Since there was nothing, I gave up and typed: What are you doing?
The dots jumped around in the little box, then stopped, before starting again.
Considering how long it took Sean to compose his response, I figured he was recounting whatever he’d done tonight.
But only two words popped into the box.
Missing you.
Chapter Forty-Eight
Sean
Lola raised a worried brow as she dunked the battered slice of beef into the skillet of bubbling grease. “Are you sure you want to serve Miss Anna chicken fried steak?”
I hovered behind my housekeeper, supervising.
After two weeks of chatting on Facebook, Anna had finally agreed to come for dinner. She’d actually suggested it. And now I was nervous as fuck.
“I’m sure,” I replied, scooping up a handful of cornhusks and potato peels from the counter. “It’s her favorite meal.”
Flipping the steak, she splattered grease onto the stainless steel, and I thought I heard her curse. “You’re plum wacko if you think Miss Anna’s going to let that baby eat this oily mess.”
I set the pot of fresh corn on the back burner. “Willow’s not coming.” I winked at her surprised expression. “Just Anna.”
If the smile crinkling the corners of Lola’s eyes were any indication, she approved wholeheartedly of my plan. Not that I had an actual plan. But Anna was coming, and that’s all that mattered.
Lola’s grin fell away as she glanced me over from tip to toe. “You’re a wreck. Get upstairs and take a shower while I finish up. I’ll be out of here in fifteen minutes.”
“Yes, ma’am.” I squeezed Lola’s shoulder, tempted to kiss her cheek. “Thanks for your help with dinner.”
Lola nodded, her signature half annoyed, half amused smile firmly in place.
I narrowly missed another snap from her dishtowel of doom as I snagged a cherry tomato from the salad bowl on my way out.
Entering my room, I passed the unmade bed, and exhaustion slowed my steps.
Usually, I slept like the dead, but not lately. I spent most of my nights staring at the ceiling, adding items to my to-do list. Remodeling Willow’s room, childproofing the house, grocery shopping for Melissa. Those things were easy. Tending to the emotional needs of those I loved—infinitely more difficult.
And Anna . . . always in the background. Close, but not close enough.
I showered quickly, eager to head downstairs and finish setting the scene for our dinner.
As I stepped into the hallway, one of Willow’s original compositions, a sixteen-beat riff with me accompanying her on guitar, drifted from her room. Following the music, I paused just inside the door when I spotted Anna through the white netting cocooning Willow’s handcrafted princess bed.
She looked gorgeous, auburn hair tied up in a loose bun on top of her head, accentuating her delicate features.
It seemed like longer than a month since we’d seen each other, and I wanted nothing more than to drag her to my bed and show her how much I missed her. How much I loved her.
Instead, I played it cool, venturing to the castle that Logan and I had constructed.
“What do you think?” Startled, Anna jerked her emerald gaze in my direction. Running a hand over the steeple with the flag bearing Willow’s initial, I laughed. “I bet this thing is bigger than our old bathroom.”
She smiled softly. “It’s beautiful, Sean.”
And then she looked away. Something about the gesture felt off, but then she hadn’t been in the house since everything had gone down with Scott. I’d explained everything to Anna in my emails, and reiterated it in chat, but she never responded with more than one-word acknowledgments.
Closing the gap between us, I parted the white mesh so I could see her face.
“You look beautiful,” I blurted when our eyes met. “I’m glad you’re here.”
She nodded and then looked down, fiddling with her emerald ring. I took it as a good sign that she was still wearing it.
“The bed isn’t just for show,” I said. “The netting will keep the dust away.” Flipping open the cubby on the headboard, I grinned. “And then there’s this.”
Glimpsing the nebulizer and small cylinder of oxygen tucked inside the compartment, Anna frowned up at me. “You thought of everything.”
Gingerly, I swept a fallen curl behind her ear. “That’s a good thing, right?”
She blinked at me, lips parted, a tiny crease between her brows. I saw the affection in her eyes, and just as quickly, it disappeared. “Yeah, it’s good.” She pushed to her feet, clutching the strap on her purse like a ripcord on a parachute. “Can we talk now?”
Icicles formed under my skin, freezing the blood flowing to my vital organs. “Sure.”
Instead of heading for the stairs, Anna veered right at the door to my bedroom and then walked straight to the wet bar. Pulling the bottle of Jack from the shelf, she poured three fingers of whiskey, and I watched with detachment as she gulped it down.
She glanced at me. “Do you want one?”
My legs suddenly felt like lead. “Yeah.”
Taking the lead crystal tumbler she offered, I sank onto the couch while she took a seat in the overstuffed chair.
“What’s going on, Anna?”
She stared into her glass, brows drawn together. “I got accepted to the law program at Baylor.”
Blood rushed to my head and my fingers closed around the arm of the sofa.
“It won’t affect your visitation,” she was quick to add, and then studying my blank expression, her shoulders sagged. “Please don’t make this hard for me, Sean. It’s only ninety miles away. You can have two overnight visits in a row during the week, and I’ll be responsible for transportation.”
Anna’s voice trembled as she laid out the concessions. Compromises I probably didn’t deserve but had no intention of turning down.
As she spoke, I drained my glass, surveying her over the rim. Grabbing the bottle, I emptied the last of the whiskey into my tumbler. “When did you decide all this?”
Crossing her legs, Anna clasped her hands over her knee, and her foot began to bob. “What do you mean?”
I polished off the second drink, and calculating the amount of liquor I’d need to get through this conversation, I headed for the bar.
“I mean, why are you doing this now?” I took a shot straight from a new bottle and then retraced my steps. Standing over her, I splashed whiskey onto the table as I filled her glass. “Are you going to answer me?” I growled.
Anna lifted her gaze, and the light seeped from her eyes. I’d seen the look before, but only once. A million years ago in our little apartment. The night I broke us apart.
Dropping onto the couch, I pushed out a breath. “I’m sorry.”
Two words, pitifully overused, but accurate.
I was sorry. Sorry that I’d made it impossible for Anna to trust me. And sorrier still that she didn’t know how much I loved her.
Despite the pain shredding my insides, I draped my arm over the back of the couch. And I smiled. “Tell me about your plans, Anna-baby.”
The tension lines bracketing her mouth faded as she spoke about Baylor, the second chance she never thought she’d receive after foregoing her scholarship to the only school she’d ever dreamed of attending.
I was zero for a hundred in the concession department, so I buried any objections, and like the adults we were supposed to be, we discussed daycare and the two overnight visits a week she’d proposed.
Some two hours later, Anna pushed to her feet. “I need to ask you a favor.”
I sat forward. “Sure.”
Shifting her weight from one foot to the other, she fiddled with the hem of her blouse. “If you’re going to have any overnight guests during your visits with Willow could you, I mean, would you please take her to my par
ents’ house?”
A tingling spread from my chest as I fought the urge to lash out. But since that had never worked before, I downed the last of my drink to calm my frayed nerves.
“I’m not going to be having any overnight guests unless you’re planning on coming by on the weekends.” Taking her hand, I pried open her fist and then pressed a kiss to her palm. “Anna, things got fucked up. I was just trying to do the right thing by Willow.”
“So am I. That’s why I can’t do this.” She looked around with sad eyes. “Whatever this is. It’ll always end up the same.”
I could argue. Plead my case. Throw myself on her mercy. But the one thing I couldn’t do? Make her choose. Not again.
Slipping my arm around her waist, I took her down with me as I eased onto the cushion. She didn’t fight me, just braced a hand on the back of the couch to keep from crashing into my chest.
“One night?” My palm slid to her hip, molding to the spot I loved.
Anna searched my face, her fingers skimming my brow, my cheek, and finally my lips. “I can’t stay all night.”
I didn’t trust my voice or the words that might spill out, so I nodded, and then took her hand.
Anna led me to the bed where we undressed, and it was so quiet, just the sound of our breathing and the rustle of the fabric. She stretched out on the mattress and smiled, but there was no joy in her upturned lips. Only resignation. Sadness. And goodbye.
But if my choice was having Anna one last time or never having her again, I’d take a few minutes in heaven with her and deal with the hell of it all later.
Skimming my hands up her calves, I stopped at her knee and then bent to kiss the little scar, the tiny piece of our past marring her perfect skin. Someday, Anna might regard me that way. A blemish on her otherwise unsoiled life.
No, I thought as I kissed my way to the scar above her mound. Willow was my redemption. No matter how this ended, it would never truly end.
Settling between Anna’s legs in my favorite place on earth, I slipped two fingers inside her warm channel. Her back bowed as my tongue slid over her swollen nub.
“I love the way you taste, baby.”
As if she knew what I wanted, Anna gazed down at me over the swell of her breasts. With every twist of my tongue and thrust of my fingers, she fought her heavy lids. But she didn’t let go, those green eyes holding tight to mine. And when her orgasm hit, and she clenched tight around me, calling my name, I memorized it all. The sound and the taste and the feel of Anna coming undone. For me.
I waited until the last shudder left her body, then kissed my way to her breasts. As I toyed with her nipples, she reached between us, wrapping her fingers around my length. I bit back a groan as she brushed her thumb over the head of my cock, spreading the pre-cum over the crown.
“Lie back,” she whispered, tightening her grip.
I pressed my lips to hers in a lame refusal, but she wasn’t having it. She stroked me hard, and her shoulder pushed against my chest in an effort to reverse our positions.
Cupping the back of her head, I crushed my mouth to hers in a searing kiss as I rolled onto my back. Anna’s teeth scraped my skin as she moved south.
Hissing a breath when she took me in her mouth, I twined my fingers into her hair. Anna sucked hard, taking as much of me as she could while she slid her hand along my base.
My stomach coiled to the point of pain as I guided her head, coaxing her into my favorite rhythm. Or hers. Probably hers. There was no rhythm without her. Everything started and ended with her.
“No more,” I grunted.
I knew she wouldn’t stop. And normally that was fine. But not tonight.
Gritting my teeth, I met her soft eyes as I teetered on the edge.
“Please, baby, no more.”
Anna rolled over, lying still as I took a condom from the cubby in the headboard.
And then she was under me. I looked into her eyes as I slid inside her, and for a brief moment, I was on the other side of the wall she’d built.
She kissed me hungrily, her sweet lips chasing away the bitterness threatening to overtake me.
Gripping her thigh, I brought her leg to my hip as I thrust, the beat in my head pushing aside any rational thought. I don’t know how long I was there, moving with her, loving her. I felt her shatter, once, twice.
Our sweat mingled as I rested my forehead against hers.
If I could just hold on . . .
Anna’s fingertips brushed my cheek. “Let go, Sean.”
She pressed a kiss to my mouth, sealing her request as she toppled over the edge again, and God help me, I followed her, like I feared I always would.
Chasing her to the bottom, I spilled my release as the last notes to the unfinished symphony I started the day we met faded to nothing.
When I finally rolled off of her, there was no sound. It was odd, the silence in my head.
I disposed of the condom and then wrapped Anna in my arms and whispered, “Just for a minute.”
Begging wasn’t my style, but I’d beg. Anything so I wouldn’t be left alone with this awful quiet.
An hour later, Anna slipped from my hold, and feigning sleep, I latched onto the pillow. Her bare feet slapped the marble stairs, the sound growing fainter until there was nothing left. Nothing of us. Maybe nothing of me.
I would love Anna until my last breath. But I couldn’t force her to love me, to trust me. Even though every instinct told me to run after her, to beg and plead and offer her anything she ever wanted or needed, that would only make things worse.
For Willow’s sake, I had to try to let Anna go.
Chapter Forty-Nine
Sean
Glass orbs hung from the ceiling in the secluded dining area at Uchiko, bathing the long, rustic dining table in a faint orange glow. And I wondered for the millionth time, what the fuck I was doing here.
I spent nearly every evening holed up in my house, but tonight, I’d agreed to go out to dinner with the guys. Drea, Trevor’s assistant, came along for the ride, eagerly accepting the invitation to join us after she’d shown up at band rehearsal with some contracts for us to examine concerning a mini-tour Caged was doing in Tennessee.
Yeah, I knew it was a setup. Trevor had admitted as much when I sent him an angry text. But, I was here now. Trying to make the best of it. Unfortunately, I was distracted.
Anna had sent me a message after she picked Willow up from her parents’ this afternoon. Apparently, she’d had a minor asthma attack, and though Anna assured me that it was the result of a cold, I remained unconvinced.
Sneaking my phone from my pocket, I texted Anna as a line of servers filed into the room carrying trays of sushi and Sapporo beer.
How’s Willow’s cough? Is she running a fever?
When I got no response, I set my phone down and met Drea’s soft brown eyes. Trevor was right; the girl was pretty. A real fucking knockout. Dark, glossy hair. Creamy sun-kissed skin. Pouty, natural lips.
All wasted on me since my dick didn’t even twitch.
“Sorry about that,” I said, discreetly shifting my leg to dislodge Drea’s hand from my thigh.
“Don’t apologize. I know how it is.” She smiled, revealing a hint of her straight, white teeth. “I dated Danny Amado when I was in college. He was always busy too. Interviews, fans.” She waved a dismissive hand. “All that stuff.”
“Amado?” Cameron piped up, lifting out of his chair to peek over Lily’s head. “The football player?”
Grinning, Drea glanced over the array of sushi, transferring two lonely pieces onto her plate. “The one and only.”
Cameron’s eye narrowed to slits. “Didn’t Amado desert the Cowboys for the Patriots?”
“Hell yeah, he did.” She snorted. “He’s not going to get a Super Bowl ring in Dallas.”
Gaping, Cameron stared a hole in the side of Drea’s head as she nibbled on her cucumber roll.
“Ditch her,” he mouthed before sinking back into his seat.
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I rolled my eyes, and a moment later my phone lit up. I dove for it.
“Shit,” I muttered, dismissing the text from Cameron repeating his request.
I didn’t respond because I had no intention of taking things further with Drea. At least, I thought I didn’t. But at some point, I’d have to try the dating thing. And the sex thing. Though, the prospect of doing either with anyone but Anna turned my stomach.
“Problem?” Drea asked, knocking me from my thoughts.
Forcing my lips to bend as her wandering hand found my leg again, I said, “Not really. My daughter has a cold, and she’s on her way . . .” Home. I couldn’t bring myself to say it. Two months after Anna’s move, and I still wasn’t comfortable with the label, so I amended, “She’s out of town with her mother.”
Drea paused, a piece of sushi halfway to her lips. “You have a child?”
“Yep. Willow. She’s almost four.”
Setting down her chopsticks, Drea wiped her mouth and then picked up her glass of wine. “I didn’t know you had a child. Your bio says you’ve never been married.”
She checked my bio? I was going to kill Trevor.
Chewing slowly, I worked the tension out of my jaw. “Nope. Never been married.”
Drea pondered this for a moment, then shrugged and took another sip of wine. “Well, accidents happen, I guess.”
Lily dropped her fork, snapping her focus to my date. A hush fell over the table as Cameron, Christian, and Melody followed suit. Even Logan tore his attention from the brunette perched on his lap to scowl at Drea.
It took me a second to react, a long second where I thought about some woman, some nice girl, dropping that little bomb on Willow. Because, honestly, wasn’t that what this was all about? Finding someone worthy of meeting my kid someday?
Shoving to my feet, I tossed my napkin on my plate.
Drea’s eyes widened when I bent within an inch of her pretty face. “Willow wasn’t an accident.” I smiled in sharp contrast to the venom lacing my tone. “She’s a gift.”
