The sound was frighteningly startling and I started to pull away, but he held me still against him. My heart beat wildly in my chest as I remembered the specter from before. Was that her?
“Focus on me, only me!” He held my face between his hands and looked into my eyes as in the distance the sound grew faint.
“Kiss me!” That was an easy order to obey. I forgot the interruption and leaned into him once more, offering my lips up to his.
This kiss was even hotter. There was no space between our bodies and had he not been holding me up, I would’ve fallen flat on my face.
He could’ve done anything to me in that moment and I wouldn’t have objected. That’s how enraptured I was. Almost as if I were under his spell.
In the back of my mind was the thought that his touch felt familiar. At first I thought it was because of the dreams, but no. This was more, I’d felt this before. In another place, another time.
But that couldn’t be! And soon I lost my will to think as he took me under. I felt his hard length pressed between my thighs and felt no shame as I moved against it.
The movement of his tongue in my mouth changed, mimicking the act of lovemaking as he thrust it in and out until I chased it hungrily.
My body grew fever hot and I burned wherever we touched. My hands played along his back as I held him to me. And my knees grew weak.
Still he did not let me go, almost as if he’d been dying for the taste of me. When he growled his need into my lungs I felt it like waves of electric energy shooting through my body.
When he finally lifted his head and looked down at me, the look in his eyes was one of such hunger, I couldn’t prevent a small cry of surprise from escaping.
He must’ve thought he scared me because he set about soothing me. “Shh, it’s okay, you’re safe!” His lips found mine again, his hands more forceful now as they went around me. Like he’d never let me go.
* * *
I don’t know how long we stood there in that room, next to the baby’s cradle. But when he finally released my lips they were tender and just a little bit swollen. And I wanted him to start all over again.
He pulled me into his chest and I found his heartbeat with my ear. It was as wild as mine.
“Time for you to get to bed. We have a long day tomorrow.” He drew me in for one last kiss before letting me go and I walked on shaky legs out the door as he stood and watched.
I laid awake, staring up at the ceiling, my fingers tracing my lips where I could still feel the phantom pressure of his. Each time I closed my eyes I saw him again, felt him.
It took a while for me to fall asleep as I replayed the last few hours in my head. My body took even longer than my mind to settle down, as if it was waiting for something more.
I felt restless, twitchy, and I wondered if he was faring much better. Had he gone to bed and fallen asleep immediately? Or was he too laying awake burning with need?
Then my mind drifted to the crying woman. Who is she? And why had she chosen now to show up? Without his comforting presence here to reassure me, I felt a stirring of unease.
The crying woman, the children I keep hearing, how were they connected? And what has it to do with me? I’d been brushing things off as just the history of an old house, but I can no longer ignore the dreams, the unexplained visions. And the knowing. Why do I feel like I know his touch?
That night I didn’t have the dream. It was the first night since I’d moved in that it didn’t come. But it was okay, because now I had the real thing to keep me warm.
I slept like a log and woke up well rested the following morning. As soon as my eyes opened I recalled in vivid detail the happenings of the night before. It was a bittersweet memory.
Now that I was no longer held so safely in his arms, my mind became plagued with doubts. There was a part of me that questioned my easy acquiescence, while another couldn’t wait to do it again; to see how far he’d go next time.
I didn’t have long to wait. Today was Saturday, it would be his first full day in the house, no work to take him away. After breakfast he informed me that we would be spending it together.
We took the baby out on the boat after ensuring every safety measure known to man. Not only for her, but also for me. I could’ve told him that I knew how to swim, but why interfere when he was going to such lengths?
He’s so sweet, so attentive. I never really got to see this side of him before since he was always busy, and we only got to see each other in the morning for breakfast and then again at dinner.
But today he was all ours, mine and Isabelle’s. Those were his words when he bundled us out of the house. Even the baby seemed overly excited, like she knew this was her day with daddy.
The only dark blemish was Trudy watching us from an upstairs the window as we left. I only knew she was there because I felt her stare, like daggers piercing my flesh. But even that couldn’t put a damper on my day.
It had already been off to a good start even before the outing. I’d come down to breakfast and found him sitting at the table feeding the smiling baby who was in her highchair.
“Good morning!” I was nervous about my reception. Would he act as if nothing happened? Would he think me fast for allowing him to kiss me the way I had?
The hooded look he gave me as I stood there not knowing what to do with myself after that kiss was enough to singe. And then he reached his hand out to me, pulling me down to him for a quick smooch when I reached his side.
The baby clapped and babbled happily making us both laugh and then of course we both had to give her kisses as well. I relaxed after my first cup of coffee while he made us breakfast.
We held hands while we ate and that is why I cannot tell you what was on my plate. I know it was something he made because I watched him do it, and I’m sure it was good because I cleared my plate. But I couldn’t tell you if it was animal, plant, or sawdust.
It didn’t matter, I was too busy being kissed every five-seconds to care one-way or the other. I was amazed once again at how easily I’d fallen into the kissing game.
How natural it felt to be sitting there in that two hundred year old kitchen with him and his daughter like that. Like we’d done it a million times before.
I hadn’t even given much thought to my reasons for being here in the first place. Hadn’t felt any of the sadness that had plagued me back home. I sometimes have to count the days as a reminder that it had only been a week.
Noelle
I didn’t question why that week should feel like I’d already lived a lifetime. Or why with each passing day it felt like I was settling more and more into a routine that I’d had no intentions on getting used to.
All the angst and fears I’d had before coming down the driveway seems a million light years away now. Like they weren’t half as important as I’d made them out to be.
And now, with this new development, all I could think about is where it would lead. More importantly where do I want it to.
My new sense of excitement was stronger than my fear. Instead of feeling the need to protect and shield myself the way I had in the past, he made me feel like just letting go. And for once I didn’t feel the need to micromanage every little thing.
Callan has a very take charge way about him that brooks no argument. Which makes it feel safe to just leave things up to him anyway. And that is how we ended up on a boat in the manmade pond.
He’d made sure the baby and I had enough sunscreen to ward off a flash fire, my head was covered in a hat that he’d found somewhere, and I wore a perpetual smile on my face.
I felt lazy and fulfilled as I laid back, watching his arms bulge with muscles as he rowed. The baby was already dozing off in her safety harness and the day was just all around perfect.
We pulled into a little secluded alcove where the brush had been cut back, like he’d planned it. There wildflowers as far as the eye could see and a huge magnolia tree in full bloom.
Again that feeling of Déjà vu assai
led me as he helped me out of the boat after first grabbing the baby. He helped me spread the picnic blanket on the grass beneath the shade of the tree before going back to get the toys I’d packed for the baby and the picnic basket we’d brought along.
I felt unsure of myself once again when he took his place on the blanket after making sure the baby was comfortable asleep in her carrier. “Why are you just standing there?”
He held out his hand and I took it. My heart sped up when he pulled me down beside him with that same look from the night before in his eyes.
I suddenly felt gauche and out of my element but the feeling didn’t last long, because as soon as I was next to him, he rolled, putting me beneath him.
As if the hours between hadn’t passed, his lips were once again covering my own. “I waited so long!” His words were barely above a whisper but they warmed my heart.
I didn’t think they meant anything more than that he’d missed me since last night. Though the heartfelt emotion behind them said much more.
I got lost in him again as we laid there under the shade of the tree with the sun peeping through the branches, kissing, touching, whispering. Like old lovers.
I was caught by that same sense of knowing again as I felt his arms around me. Maybe it meant that this was right. Maybe that’s what this persistent feeling was. Maybe this is the way it’s supposed to feel, nothing more.
Somehow I wasn’t so sure. When he folded me into his chest and covered my lips, my heart knew the sensation. When he teased my mouth with his tongue, I already knew how it would feel.
His fingers tracing the softness of my cheek, I’d felt a thousand times before. My body came alive in a way that I never knew before, almost as if I was no longer in control. And yet I wasn’t afraid. Not when he was touching me like this.
When I heard the call of the mockingbird up above, somehow I knew what it was without being told. Though I’d never heard it before. Not in this life!
The feel of him, of his hard chest pressed to my soft firm breasts, made my heart beat faster in a now familiar way. With my eyes closed as we fed on each other’s lips, my imagination ran wild.
And when we both needed air and he looked down at me, I knew the look in his eyes. That look of hungry need that warmed me to the bone.
“Why do I feel like crying?” I asked even as the tears gathered and began to fall. His answer was to kiss my nose gently and draw me in even closer as he rolled to his side.
He didn’t say a word, but just that small gesture made me feel safe. In fact, being in his arms made all the old hurts disappear. It was as if the world I’d left behind had no place or bearing here.
As if he could read my thoughts, he decided in that moment to ask me something that he hadn’t before. “What were you running away from?” I tensed up at his question, wondering how he could possibly know that.
I tried easing out of his arms but he held on, his arms tightening around me. “Relax, it’s obvious that you chose to come here to get away from something. I’m not prying, I just want to know.”
He kissed my hair and for some unearthly reason that was all it took to remove my angst and make me want to open up and share with him. Something I hadn’t done with anyone else. Not entirely anyway!
“I had a boyfriend for two years. He was someone everyone liked. Everyone thought we were the perfect couple. But there was always something missing for me.”
It’s true. Now that I think about it, I was never really comfortable with Jack. Even though on paper and to the outside world he seemed like the perfect catch, handsome, from a well to do family, and smart.
I just couldn’t ever bring myself to feel for him what everyone else thought I should. The intent was there but the reality never materialized. I told him all this and he listened quietly without interrupting.
“I guess after two years he got tired of waiting. So he slept with one of my friends. Not only that, the whole school knew before I did.” That was one of the most embarrassing things about the whole mess.
“I found out the night of my graduation when the girl sent me pictures and told me how in love they were and how he was just afraid to tell me because he didn’t want me to react poorly.”
“Apparently by that point they were an item but he was still trying to find a way to tell me, and she got tired of waiting. All their friends knew, all our friends knew. I was the only one…”
“So you never slept with him.” That seemed to be the only point of the story he cared anything about. “No!” Honestly I still don’t know why.
It’s not like everyone else wasn’t having sex. It’s high school for crying out loud. But I just never was able to bring myself to want to.
I’d always thought it was the fear of the pain of losing my virginity that held me back, but now I’m not so sure. I sure wasn’t acting afraid now.
“Good girl!” I lifted my head and looked at him. He had a very serious look on his face that was hard to read. Of course I got nervous and shared my fear with him.
“I think the reason I never did is because I’m afraid. I don’t know why, but I have this fear of…you know…going all the way.” Saying it out loud sounded so lame. In this day and age that old antiquated fear seems out of place.
“I promise that when I take your virginity you’ll love it.” Whoa! Can a heart stop beating and you still live? It felt like it.
There was a well of emotion in me and it was all centered in my chest, until it made its way down south. His words sounded so final. As if it was a foregone conclusion.
“You…ahem…you sound very sure.” His arms squeezed tight around me. “I am!” Well, what can I say to that?
Thankfully the baby woke just then and I busied myself taking care of her, giving myself time to cool down and for the blush to leave my face.
We played with the baby, ate lunch and enjoyed the scenery, lazing away the morning and afternoon until it was time to go back. I almost hated to.
So much had passed between us in those few hours. He’d asked and I’d opened up even more about my former life. He seemed genuinely interested in every little detail.
I told him about the accident that had put me in a coma and what had led up to it. Something else that I’d never shared with anyone. The fact that it was a fight with Jack that had led me to drive away distraught and distracted.
For the rest of the day, even after we returned to the house, he didn’t let me out of his sight. When the baby went down for the night, we found ourselves once again sitting on the verandah.
This time he drew my chair closer and we held hands as we whispered long into the night. We had so much to say to each other for two people who’d only just met.
But there was no force, every word was natural and easy between us. I didn’t think it was prying when he asked leading questions, and by the time we turned in for the night it felt like I’d shared every detail of my life with him.
When he walked me to my room and kissed me at the door I thought for sure he was going to end up in my bed. What’s even more surprising, I don’t think I would’ve stopped him if he asked.
But he didn’t. Instead, after kissing me senseless, he just brushed his finger down my cheek with a “sleep well love!” And disappeared down the dark hallway to his own door.
“Go to bed Noelle.” How did he know I was still standing there, watching?
“Goodnight!” I entered my room with my heart racing out of time and a smile on my face.
Noelle
That was yesterday and every moment since then I’ve been on pins and needles waiting for the other shoe to drop. Waiting for him to take things to the next level. It was obvious that he wanted to.
Last night my dreams had been even more heated than usual and I’d been racing to the end, wanting so badly to feel him inside me finally. If only in my dreams!
But of course I woke up as usual just when things were getting good. I laid awake longer this time, feeling twitchy and needy.
I almost had heart failure as I listened to what sounded like weeping outside my balcony door. But the sound was soon gone and I was able to put it out of my mind as a comforting warmth enveloped me.
Then I woke up this morning and there was a heaviness in the air that I hadn’t noticed before. I felt it first when I walked from my room to the nursery to get the baby who’d awakened.
She was a little fussier than normal and at first I put it down to her teething. But when medicine and the cold teething ring didn’t work their usual wonders, I figured it had to be something else.
I hope she wasn’t coming down with something. Maybe we’d kept her out in the sun too long the day before? She didn’t have a fever though, and nothing else seemed to be wrong.
I was only a little spooked when she kept looking beyond my shoulder as I was changing her. There was a look in her eye as if she was seeing something that wasn’t there.
I thought maybe Callan had snuck up behind me, but when I turned to look there was nothing there, just that heaviness and a strange feeling that spooked me.
Almost like there was something not seen with the naked eye. I shook off the fanciful feelings and focused on getting her dressed and getting the heck out of dodge.
I’m already fighting hard not to scare myself half to death since the night I saw the floating lady. I’d convinced myself that it was safe, that a house this old should have such things lurking in the dark.
I’ve never been afraid of such things. Then again I’ve never been exposed to anything like it. But my love and fascination with horror movies kind of made me immune. Or so I thought.
But for some reason I couldn’t fight the feeling that something was about to happen. It wasn’t the ‘ghost’ so much as the look on the baby’s face that I found worrisome.
Babysitter’s Club Noelle Page 6
