‘When he threw you out of his house.’ She nodded, able to see how hurtful that must have been to an already traumatised kid.
Lukas was such a strong man that it was sometimes easy to forget he had once been a young boy. And probably a terrified one at that.
‘No. Because after I left him, before I had even got back home, there were lawyers and police there threatening to send her to jail if she ever repeated her so-called lie that she had slept with him. And that I was his son. Oti, she wasn’t able to get up off the couch, she was so ill, so they had broken down the door and entered, anyway. That was how much power he had then.’
‘My God, Lukas...’
Oti hesitated, trying to understand. Trying to work it out.
‘I can see that’s how you felt as a twelve-year-old, Lukas. But why now? Why this? You’re globally successful. Haven’t you already won? Why not just walk away?’
‘Because you can’t walk away from people like the Rockmans. They’re relentless. If you walk away, they take it as a sign of weakness and come after you all the harder. And when my company first started out, he used every trick he could to wipe me out.’
‘He tried to wipe you out?’
‘People said the way I took over Roc Holdings was uncharacteristically hostile.’ He shrugged. ‘Now you know why. But he struck the first blow. Roc Holdings was all about hotels and exclusive boutiques. They weren’t interested in the tech game, or the fourth industrial revolution. But he knew who I was, and he pulled in every contact he could to try to destroy me and my business.’
‘It didn’t work, though,’ she pointed out. ‘Which surely shows how successful you are. LVW Industries is world-renowned.’
‘It wasn’t LVW Industries that he tried to destroy. It was my first company, one I set up as a teenager. He bankrupted me. More than that, he trampled my reputation with lies. It nearly destroyed me. And the only reason was because it was me. My company. Just because he could. He wanted me to see that he had that much power.’
‘I never knew.’ She shook her head, shocked. ‘I still don’t see how marrying me could help you,’ she said dubiously.
‘The reason Rockman got away with saying the things he did about my mother was because he had friends—well-connected, respected friends—who could back up what he’d said,’ Lukas continued. ‘Friends who could provide alibis for all the nights my mother had claimed to be with him. I vowed to make them pay too.’
‘But...’ she began. And then, suddenly, it all fell into place. She stared at him in horror. ‘My father?’
His silence was all the confirmation she needed.
‘My father was one of his friends.’ She felt suddenly sick.
‘Your father is the one person who could have given my mother some degree of peace before she died,’ Lukas gritted out. ‘If he’d only told the truth and admitted that he knew they’d been in a relationship—even if he’d simply admitted that they’d slept together.’
‘Because he definitely knew?’ How could she doubt it? She was under no illusions that her father had ever been honourable.
‘Your father knew,’ Lukas confirmed, his voice painfully raw. ‘He provided Rockman with alibis for the occasions he’d been with my mother. And then your father backed up his lies that my mother was delusional, claiming they’d never met, let alone slept together.’
‘My God, you must hate him, almost as much as you hate your own father,’ she breathed. ‘And he knew, but he pushed me to marry you, anyway.’
‘Did you really expect any better from a man who sided with his friend over his daughter, when that man’s son assaulted you?’
She felt herself blanch. It was one thing knowing the truth, but it was worse hearing someone else say the words out loud.
‘Maybe it wasn’t...quite the way it sounds,’ she managed, even as she could hear how brittle and fragile her voice was.
But the look of disgust that twisted Lukas’s face terrified her.
‘Are you making excuses for him?’
‘No, of course not,’ she denied, wondering if that was exactly what she’d been doing.
And, if so, why?
Already, Lukas was moving off the bed and she knew what he was about to say even before he said it; even as she scrabbled for the words to silence him, she knew she wouldn’t be able to get them out.
‘I should never have slept with you, especially after I assured you that I wouldn’t.’
‘It takes two, as they say,’ she managed, though her tongue felt altogether too thick for her mouth.
How could she reverse all this? How could they get back to where they’d been a few hours before? Even just an hour ago?
‘I warned you that I wasn’t a good man.’ Lukas was shaking his head. ‘I hurt people.’
‘What? No...that isn’t who you are.’
‘You don’t know me at all,’ he snarled suddenly, taking her aback. ‘You don’t know how bad the Rockmans are. It seems you don’t even fully appreciate how duplicitous your own father is.’
‘Then why don’t you tell me?’
He glared at her, and Oti couldn’t look away, even as she didn’t dare speak.
‘That man who spilled his seed into my mother claimed that I would never amount to anything, and he called me a bastard. The two things that man believes in are money and station in life. He tried to deny me both.’
‘You have more money than he could ever dream of,’ she told him abruptly. ‘As well as respect from your peers that he has never enjoyed. And my father?’
‘Your father is his last so-called friend. He is the one who allowed my mother to suffer as she did. And now he claims to have some proof of the affair my mother and Andrew Rockman were having for years. It would prove my mother truly believed he loved her, and that she wasn’t sleeping with anyone else. It would clear her reputation and finally set her free, Oti.’
And himself besides, by the sound of it, though she knew better than to voice it aloud. Instead, she took a moment to absorb that.
‘And you believe my father?’
‘I believe that he has something. If it hadn’t been for the things he said over thirty years ago, then Rockman would never have got away with painting my mother as some kind of unhinged, desperate woman. And your father may not be honourable, but he is self-serving. He would certainly have made sure he had something in his back pocket all these years. Otherwise Rockman would have stuck the knife in years ago.’
She paused as disbelief began to wind through her. But the more she considered it, the more she realised Lukas had a point. She’d always wondered what bonds had kept her father and the Earl of Highmount so closely tied all these years. She’d never believed they were friends in the truest sense of the word—but it made sense that her father would have kept something up his sleeve to ensure he always had the support of a family as powerful as the Rockmans.
‘You can’t really believe he’ll tell you, though. And betray Andrew? He values the Rockman name too much.’
Lukas’s expression was impassive and as hard as she tried to get a read on him, it was proving impossible.
‘It was a chance I had to take,’ Lukas answered evenly, and she hated that his tone was so neutral, so controlled. That he was shutting her out from whatever was really going on. ‘Your father is like a rat with a nose for the safest bet. He’ll go where the power is and, these days, I hold far more of that than the Rockman family. What better way to secure his support than to marry his daughter?’
‘So that’s his issue.’ Her voice trembled, though, and she couldn’t control it. ‘Not yours.’
‘I should have drawn the line at the man pimping his daughter out to me. At the very least, I should never have touched you.’
‘Because, of course, I had absolutely no say in the matter.’ She sat up on the pallet bed, her voice as bold as s
he could make it.
‘It’s hardly the point.’ Lukas didn’t look impressed. ‘I never should have put you in this position in the first place. I never should have come out here. This is your sanctuary.’
‘I like having you here,’ she murmured, but she knew he wasn’t listening.
‘It’s done, Oti. It’s over. I never should have slept with you. I told you it was a mistake.’
And then, tipping out his shoes, he pulled them on.
‘I promised Clay I would check all the wells in the surrounding villages. I should be out of camp for the rest of the mission. The marriage is over, Oti. Don’t try to contact me again.’
Before she could speak, he walked away. And although she tried to follow, by the time she was dressed and outside, he was gone.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
‘YOU SHOULDN’T HAVE come here, Octavia,’ Lukas ground out, not even waiting until the door to his office was closed. ‘I believe I made it clear back in Sudan that whatever foolish thing we’d indulged in was over. It should never have happened.’
If he’d hoped that the month apart would make it easier to remember the terms of his agreement with her odious father, then he was beginning to realise how mistaken he’d been.
The separation had only made it even harder now to resist crossing that room and hauling her back into his arms.
Back where she belonged.
‘You made that abundantly clear, yes, but I needed to see you.’
She stood across the room from him, her eyes somewhat over-bright, her face slightly pale, and evidently fighting against clenching her hands.
It made something pull tightly within his chest, but he knew better than to allow it any airtime in his brain.
‘My assistant is at your disposal. As is my driver, and the housekeeper. I can’t imagine there’s any requirement that they can’t handle between them.’
‘I’m pregnant.’
Pregnant?
Lukas froze as the word echoed around his head. It was as though the bottom had fallen out of his world and he was tumbling, hurtling through space, and there was nothing he could do to stop himself.
‘You can’t be,’ he bit out roughly, his brain still not engaging. ‘A baby was never part of the plan.’
How could it be when he’d always sworn that he would never father a child? Any baby deserved better than him.
‘Then you’ll have to adjust your plans.’ She flashed another dazzling smile. This one didn’t reach her eyes either.
‘We used protection.’ He was still blurting out sentences at random, as though the words were bypassing his brain.
‘Not that first time.’ She narrowed her eyes at him, though he at least noticed the dart of concern that flashed through them.
For a moment Lukas didn’t breathe. He couldn’t think straight. Come to that, he couldn’t think at all. His brain felt thick, and foggy. All he could think about was old Rockman’s face, right before his heart attack, when he’d imagined the day when Lukas’s own son would stand in front of Lukas with the same hatred in his eyes that Lukas had shown when he was talking to Rockman.
It was why Lukas had sworn to himself that he would never have kids of his own. He’d vowed to himself that this tainted bloodline would not continue.
And now Oti was pregnant.
‘You’ll have to leave.’
‘Leave?’ She frowned at him, and he found that he hated that expression in her eyes.
As if he was somehow letting her down.
‘I mean that you’re free. Of me.’ He bit each word out, as though that somehow made them easier to say. ‘You’re released from the agreement. I’ll grant you a divorce now.’
‘No...’ she gasped, but he cut her off.
‘You’ll want for nothing, I’ll take care of that,’ he continued. ‘I’ll see to it that you and the baby always...’
‘Our baby.’
‘Pardon?’ He stared at her, uncomprehending.
‘Our baby, not the baby.’
His chest pulled even tighter, but Lukas was determined to ignore it.
‘I’ll see to it that you and the baby always have everything you need.’
‘You’re all we need.’ There was a desperation to her tone now, and it threatened to unravel things within him that had been tied up—for good reason—for so many years.
‘No, I’m not what anyone needs.’
‘You’re wrong,’ Oti exclaimed. ‘You’re the only thing we need.’
And it worried him how much he wanted to believe her.
‘This thing between us should never have happened,’ he forced himself to say flatly, as though frightened to show any emotion, lest he betray himself. ‘But, now that it has, the best thing you can do is put some distance between us. That baby deserves better than me for a father.’
‘Why would you even think that?’ she cried.
‘Because I’m not a good man.’ It was a fact that had never bothered him before. ‘I’ve spent decades trying to run away from it, but I can’t. Like it or not, I’m my father’s own son.’
She’d crossed the room before he’d even registered that she’d moved. And her hand on his chest was threatening to make his head spin.
‘You’re nothing like Rockman,’ she told him fiercely. ‘You’re a good man, Lukas. A generous man.’
‘You don’t know me at all,’ he thundered, needing to get her hand off him, but unable to even move. Paralysed.
His brain couldn’t analyse what was happening.
‘Then what am I missing?’ she demanded. And it seemed that the more out of control he was feeling, the more in control she was becoming. ‘Because I obviously don’t see the same thing that you do.’
‘You see what you want to see.’ He finally managed to find it in him to lift his hand and remove hers from his chest.
But, instead of resolving the issue, he found his skin was cold without her touch. And he lamented the loss.
‘No, Lukas, I’ve finally found out the truth about you.’ She offered a lopsided smile that he couldn’t even begin to draw his gaze away from. ‘You know, Edward has been doing a little research since his operation, reaching out to all his old friends and allies. It seems you’re one of the most generous philanthropists globally, right now. You’ve given millions to so many charities anonymously over the years.’
‘Hearsay.’
‘Do you think I don’t know it was you who got all those tetanus vaccines to our camp in South Sudan within a matter of weeks? No company has ever managed that before. Not to mention the other drugs, new equipment, even new vehicles you had sent through.’
‘That wasn’t for public consumption,’ he heard himself growl out.
‘I’m not public, Lukas. I’m your wife. And I know you’re a good man.’
‘I married you because I could use you, Oti. And your father.’ He made himself say it, even though he knew he would hate himself for it. ‘Those weren’t the actions of a good man.’
‘If it hadn’t been you, then my father would have married me off to someone. We both know it. And I would have had no choice but to agree because I needed to try everything I could to get the surgery for Edward. You saved me.’
She spoke so softly yet with such conviction, and the words tore into him more than any harsh words she might have thrown his way.
‘By chance, not by design.’
‘I don’t think so.’ Another killer smile. ‘You could have walked away, but you didn’t. I think, deep down, you knew I needed you. And, somewhere along the line, I think you’ve fallen in love with me.’
‘You’re wholly mistaken,’ he ground out, barely recognising his own voice. ‘I have never loved you.’
‘Yes, you do.’
‘No, I’ve never loved anyone. Not even my own mother. I’m simply
not capable of it.’
And this, at least, was the truth.
‘You loved your foster parents. You are capable of it, Lukas. And you have fallen in love with me. Just as I have with you.’
And he felt as though his entire world was imploding because he’d never before known a woman like Oti, who could level him with just one of those looks of hers.
Suddenly, he wished he was a different man. A better man. The kind of man who could say the words that this incredible, huge-hearted woman wanted to hear, and mean it.
But he couldn’t.
He was too damaged. Too set in his ways.
He made himself take a step away from her. Then another. He wasn’t the man she thought she loved. He certainly wasn’t the man he’d pretended to be in South Sudan. Or the month before that, since their wedding. Or even the five months before that, since the first moment he’d talked to her at Sedeshire Hall.
He was a man people feared, and obeyed, and envied, but he wasn’t a man who people loved. That was why no one ever had.
He was as ruthless and unlovable as his own father, but then, that wasn’t a surprise; they were cut from the same damaged cloth.
And no child deserved a father like him.
* * *
For a while back there, she’d thought she’d been getting through to him. She’d felt as though the wall he kept around him had begun to crumble. But then something had changed, and he’d stopped hearing her, and started to push her away again.
She couldn’t put her finger on why, but now he stood apart from her, so intransigent, so distant that he might as well have been a world away, not a few feet. And something cleaved in two inside her chest. She was terribly afraid that it was her heart.
‘You think you understand me, Octavia, but you don’t know me at all.’ It was that crisp, businesslike tone that she found she suddenly abhorred.
‘I spent those weeks with you, night and day, through some pretty stressful situations, saving lives in the middle of South Sudan. I think I know you pretty well.’
‘You see what you want to see,’ he bit out. ‘But you ignore the fact that my whole business—my entire life—has been built on revenge. On taking down the man who threw my mother and me into the gutter like used garbage the moment he found out about me.’
Tempted by Her Convenient Husband Page 16
