“Are you really moving in with me?” he asks, locking his door. He holds his breath and stares at me with obvious hope in his eyes.
“I am.”
“Do you know what that does to me?”
I glance down to his pants. It’s obvious what it does to him. He steps closer to me as I back up to his bed. His voice filled with awe. “You’re actually going to move farther away from work? To be with me?”
I nod my head and smile. “You really got a tattoo for me?”
He nods and walks closer. My heart is pounding through my chest. “You dared me, Becks. I can’t turn down a dare from you.”
“Are you sure about that?”
“Positive.”
I shake my head and stare up into his dark eyes. “I can’t fathom the fact that you permanently tattooed my name onto your chest.”
“I did it for you.” He stands in front of me as we gaze at each other. “Will you believe me now when I say that we’re together forever? Please? I wouldn’t have done it if I wasn’t seriously committed to you, Becks.”
“You really are that committed to me?”
“Always. You really are moving in with me?” he questions again.
I grin. “I told you I will. Why don’t you believe me?”
It’s his turn to shake his head. “Because it seems too good to be true. I’ll finally have you with me. I’ll see you before you go to work, after work, for dinner, watch TV together, go to bed together…”
Keeping a straight face, I tease, “Maybe I don’t want to watch TV with you.”
He sexily grins. “Hmm. We’ll find something else to do.”
I count off on my fingers. “Not when it’s baseball season, hockey, soccer, basketball, football, or…” Finn stoops to shut me up with a hard kiss that wrenches me into our own little world, making me almost forget where we are.
He moves his mouth down to my neck and I say, “You’ll get so tired of all my things all over your apartment. My makeup, clothes and shoes will make you go insane.”
He drags his teeth over my skin and I close my eyes. “I can’t wait. I want you all over my apartment, my life, and me, baby. I can’t get enough of you, Becks. Don’t you get it?” Kissing down my neck, he mumbles against my skin, “Insane? I’m going insane not having you with me every day. I’m losing my fucking mind without you.” He is? He wants me with him that much?
Moving my T-shirt, he kisses over my shoulder. I say, “I just think you’ll be sorry when you see how much stuff I have.”
“I already know. It’s your apartment, too. If we have to, we’ll get a bigger place with bigger closets. Problem solved.” So unbelievably sweet.
I smile contentedly and sigh. “Do you know how much I love you right now?”
He pushes his erection into my stomach. “No. I think you need to show me.”
“I will. I’ll show you so hard, Finn Wilder.” I giggle and he laughs against my shoulder, lightly biting me, which turns to sucking. I moan and he increases his effort.
Finally, he lifts his mouth from me and kisses my cheek before returning to my lips. With our lips still connected, I slowly sit down on the bed and he bends over me. Reluctantly, I break our kiss to take my shoes off. He steps back and does the same with his sneakers, followed by the speedy removal of his pants.
Before I can move, he tugs at my pants and hauls them down my legs.
I turn to hastily pull down the light blue comforter and I crawl under. Finn reaches behind his head to drag his blue shirt off. I can’t help but gawk at his tattoo. He notices that I’m staring and he gets into bed with me. “Need a closer look?” he whispers.
I nod and try to memorize it. “Is it still sore?”
“A little. It’s not bad, just sensitive. It kind of feels like a mild sunburn. That’s why I had to stay away from you. I didn’t want you to unknowingly touch it or notice something was off with me. I wanted it to heal enough before I saw you. I couldn’t wait to show you, but at the same time, I was afraid you’d be mad or wouldn’t like it.”
“I love it. You didn’t have to do that for me.”
“Yes, I did. I wanted to. I’m yours, Hadley.”
A smile creeps across my face. “You know what that does to me when you call me that, Finnigan.”
He inches his head toward mine and nods. “Yeah, I know.” He lips meet mine and we avidly kiss. He lifts my arm and gently puts my hand on his tattoo. I don’t move my hand in fear of hurting him. He groans and kisses me even more ravenously. Yanking at my shirt, he shoves his hand up and under my bra.
Abruptly, he pulls away from me. “I’ve never had a girl in this bed before. You’re my first.”
“Really?” He nods and kisses me, forcing his tongue into my mouth as he rolls my nipple between his fingers.
I move my lips from his. “You’re already to second base with me.”
“Uh-huh,” he mumbles before kissing me again. I loop my fingers through his hair and nimbly pull, urging him closer to me. He drags his hand out of my bra, down my stomach and inside my underwear; his fingers drift through my hair, teasing me. Here comes third base.
“Finnigan.” I sigh and kiss his jagged jaw. I trail my lips down to his neck and then to his shoulder, sucking on his skin and making him loudly gasp. He suddenly climbs on top of me, but not interrupting me from marking my territory.
He lowly growls, “Becks, I want you. I need you, baby.”
I coyly whisper, “In your old bed?”
“Fuck, yes. Do you know how much of a turn-on that is?” He shows me by driving his hard-on between my legs against my underwear. “In a way, it’s like you’re taking my virginity.”
What? “It is?”
He hovers over me, his dick still pushing against me. “It feels like it since my bed is something I mostly had when I was a virgin. I want to give it to you, Hadley. Make love to me.” He kisses me and whispers, “Fuck me. Becks, be my first and last in this bed.”
“That is the sexiest thing you’ve ever said,” I declare before I kiss him. I dip my fingers into his waistband and tug him closer to me. He tries to push into me once again, managing to get inside me a little. Almost frenziedly, he lifts his hips and his hand dives into my underwear, alternating sides, almost ripping them. He sits back to pull them down and off my legs with such force that I don’t think they survived.
Before I can start to take his off, he stabs into me as far as he can with his underwear still on.
I gasp in surprise, “Finn!” He huffs and pulls out only to thrust into me further, the material chaffing me a little. “Baby, what are you doing?” I whimper.
“I’m taking you in my old bed, Hadley.”
“You still have your underwear on,” I state the obvious that must not be that obvious to him.
“I know. I can still feel how wet and warm you are, Becks.”
“I don’t have my birth control in.”
He dips down and kisses my neck. “Just a few more.”
“Finn, it’s not safe.” He ignores me and shoves into me again, boosting further into me. I can virtually hear the rush of adrenaline feeding his high.
“Fuck, Hadley. I need to feel you.” Unexpectedly, he heaves his weight from me. I look at him, and relax, thinking that he’s stopping to put a condom on. Instead, he pushes the front of his underwear down and moves to plunge into me.
I squeeze me legs to block him and he looks up. “Open your legs for me, Becks.”
“Finn. Stop!”
He pulls on my legs and I fight harder against him. Looking up at my face, his eyes flash. “Don’t you want me?” he husks.
“You know I do!” I tightly hold my legs together. How can he do this…yet again? He continually claims he won’t do it again, and frequently he says he’s sorry. I put a hand on my forehead and close my eyes. “You have to stop doing this! We have this argument every time you get into one of these fucking adrenaline stupors! I can’t keep letting you do this to me! It’s not fair
!” I will not cry again. I will not cry again.
“Becks, I just want to feel you. I’m sorry.” Another apology that doesn’t matter.
I open my eyes and peer at him as he sits before my clenched knees. “It’s more than that. You get so stuck in a tunnel vision. You only see one thing and you can’t stop.”
“I’m sorry,” he offers again. I circumspectly watch him as he sedately climbs up the bed to lie beside me. What’s he going to try now? He looks back at me, the adrenaline crashing as his eyes plead with me to forgive him. He cautiously leans over, judging my reaction to him; to see if I’ll let him kiss me. He stops, his lips nearly touching mine, his breath hotly blowing across my mouth.
I blink and reach up to put my hand on his neck, pulling him to my lips. Our kiss starts out guarded on both sides, as if he’s afraid to spur me further away, and I, afraid that I already have distanced him from me.
Finn is cautiously gentle, but we begin to heat up again and his hand moves down my stomach until he slips a finger inside of me. I moan into our kiss and he shifts closer to me. He adds another finger and I’m once again panting.
“Finnigan,” I whisper between my harsh breathing.
“Hadley.”
“You’re getting me so close.”
“Becks, let me in. Please, baby. I want to make love to you.”
I answer him by returning my lips to his. I kiss him deeply and he counters my kiss. Turning his body, but not breaking away and still keeping his fingers inside me, Finn stretches for his nightstand and returns with a condom. Shifting, he takes his fingers out of me and ends our kiss to take off his underwear. He then covers me and I can feel his dick dangerously close again.
What do I do?
Our kiss amplifies and he tries to move back so he can put the condom on, but I wrap my arms around his neck, keeping him on me.
“What?” he anxiously asks.
I look up into his expressive eyes and brush my fingers through his mystical, brown hair. “You can forget the condom on one condition.”
His dubious gaze quickly glides over my face. “What’s that?”
I take a deep breath. “I dare you…” Can I do this? “…to get me pregnant.” I slowly exhale. “Make a baby with me.”
“What?”
My eyes study his handsome face. He looks uncertain, so I try again, “Knock me up. Let’s have a baby, Finn.”
“What?” he asks more incredulously this time. His eyes noticeably start to fill with panic. I’m losing him. Shit! Why did I do this?
He lifts himself off me. “Becks, we’ve talked about this.”
“We never actually talked about it,” I reply sullenly. “You said you didn’t want kids. End of discussion.”
“Okay. So, why are you asking me again now?”
“Can’t you change your mind? I did about moving in with you.”
His gaze hardens. “Oh, so you’re going to use that now as some kind of bargaining chip with me? You’ll move in with me, but I have to knock you up?”
“No, but…”
He glares at me. “No. The answer is still no.”
I implore, “We can’t even talk about it?”
“Right before I fuck you? No.” I cringe and he sits up. “Damn it,” he mutters and rubs a hand over his face.
I sit up, too. “I’m sorry. It was a bad time to bring it up, but you very well could have gotten me pregnant if I hadn’t stopped you, Finn. It could still happen through your underwear. Didn’t you pay attention in health class?”
He moves to the edge of the bed and away from me, caustically inhaling and running his hands irritably through his hair. He avoids looking at me. Morosely, he gets up from the bed and walks over to his suitcase to put on another pair of underwear.
Still without looking at me, he asks, “Are you trying to get pregnant, Becks? Without me knowing?”
What the fuck?
“I can’t believe you just asked me that, Finn Wilder!” I prop myself up on my knees. “I’m the only one who’s trying not to even though I want to!”
He walks over to the window and peers through the blind slats. He then crosses his arms and stares at the wall, again evading me. “I get the feeling that you’re not keeping with your end of the birth control.”
“I am! I always put it in when I tell you that I did! I would never try to get pregnant without you knowing! I wouldn’t want to be a single parent!”
“I would never turn my back on you,” he growls at the wall.
“You are now!” I can’t believe we’re having this fight when we’re supposed to be making love and coming down from the highs of each other’s orgasms.
He sighs and slowly turns to face me. His brown eyes seem empty. He’s closing himself off to me. I ask, my voice breaking, “You don’t trust me?” I feel the tears starting, but I bite my lip and fight like hell to keep them from pulling me under.
His irritated gaze slides past me. “Yes, but I think this issue might be clouding your judgment.” Is he fucking serious?
Patting my chest, I raise my voice even louder. “Mine? My judgment? You actually are saying that to me after what you just was about to do?” I know that we’re being incredibly loud now, well, I am for the most part. I don’t think I’m in the wrong here. I only asked him to have a baby with me, not to trade in his precious Mustang for a minivan. Furthermore, I can’t get over his accusation. I’ve been trying so hard to be the dutiful girlfriend!
I lower my voice. “You were going to fuck me without a condom. And you wouldn’t have stopped until it was too late.”
Frowning, he motions his hand aimlessly. “I said I was sorry. I got—”
“Carried away. I know. As usual, which is okay for you. That’s your thing. I know how you think, Finn.” His eyes widen and he strangely looks alarmed. He doesn’t think I’m onto him? “You love the danger, the possibility of getting me pregnant, without actually being successful. It’s like a high for you.” His mouth opens like he’s either going to argue, or he’s actually surprised that I do know him that well. “Do you know how much that hurts me? You tease me with one of the things I want with you!”
He tries several times to reply, but nothing comes out of his mouth. Anxiously, he shoves a hand into his hair, forcing his head back to look up to the ceiling. “I know the things you want, Becks, but how far will you go to get them?” I stare at him as I vehemently concentrate to not sob in front of him again.
With deep shock flooding through me like wild rapids, I manage to eek out, “What do you mean by that?”
Still gazing at the ceiling, he licks his lips. “I know you want a…baby.” He says it just like marriage, with as much contempt as possible. “What will you do to get one? Will you cheat on me if I don’t give you one?” What the hell? I’m so mad I can’t even answer him.
Swinging my legs over the side of the bed, I hurriedly stand, and Finn angles his head down to see what I’m doing. I glare at him. Pivoting around, I angrily snatch my underwear from the floor and snap, “I cannot imagine why you said that. You are being such an asshole.”
I can’t even look at him anymore. Keeping my back to him, he doesn’t say anything and I blow out a huff of air as I put my underwear on.
After a minute, he quietly asks, “Would you cheat on me if I don’t give you what you want?”
I bend to pick up my pants and whirl around to face him. “No!” I yell loudly, causing his eyes to fly to my face. “I would go without having one then!”
He goes on as if I didn’t answer him. “Or would you dump me?” Looking away from me, he swallows hard.
Stomping over to him, I grab his chin to force him to look at me. “Finnigan Wilder. I would never cheat on you. How could you think that?”
I drop my hand and he stares down at me. “You might be that desperate for a kid.”
Throwing my hands up on top of my head, I bow slightly in frustration. Why doesn’t he understand? Why doesn’t he get it? It’s not just
any baby I want.
My arms fall out to my sides and we stare at each other. What is he thinking now? Does he really not trust me? “Don’t you get it?” I throw his words back at him. “I don’t want just any baby. I want your baby. Ours, Finn. I’m not so desperate for a baby in general to go behind your back to get one.” I step away from him and cross my arms. I determinedly state, “Not even yours. I would never deceive you and trick you for one.” I sweep the damned tears from my face. “I thought you knew me better than that. I thought you loved me more than that.”
“I do love you, Becks. I’m just… I don’t want…” He sighs and puts his hands on his hips. He looks at the ceiling again before uttering, “I want you to go on the Pill.”
What?
I’m stunned. Speechless. Flabbergasted. Thunderstruck. Bowled over.
“The Pill?” I spit as if that’s the worst thing I’ve ever heard.
Coming from Finn Wilder, it is.
He nods and drops his apathetic gaze to my astounded one. “Yeah.”
“Why? You don’t believe in me taking it!”
His dark eyes flare. “I changed my mind.”
“What the fuck, Finn? How do you know that I’ll even take it? Maybe I’ll forget.” I pace over to the other side of the room. Shakily, I spin around and see him watching me. “Are you going to monitor my daily dose? Stand over me like a nurse in a hospital while I take it? I hope you put it in one of those tiny paper cups so I get the whole experience.”
“Becks.”
I irately retort, “Don’t even.”
He takes a step towards me and throws a hand up. “What else do you want me to say?”
I shake my head and glower at him. “You really don’t want me to tell you what I want you to say right now.”
He sighs angrily before yelling, “I’m not trying to be a dick! I’m just trying to avoid us making a mistake that would fuck up our life together!”
My eyebrows yank together and I grit my teeth. “A mistake? Having a baby with me would be such a gigantic mistake that it would ruin your life?”
He lowers his voice and tries to placate me. “I didn’t mean it like that.”
Daring the Wild Sparks Page 3
