“Oh, sweetie. Now that I think about it, Finn didn’t even want to hang around until the end of the banquet. He was antsy for some reason. He took Jack and me back to his apartment and said he was meeting Ricky for some party.”
“He just left the three of you…to see me?”
“I guess he did!” Julie laughs and Simone rolls her eyes.
“My brother had it bad for you from the moment he saw you at the hospital. It was extremely obvious he was falling in love. I knew he was.”
Julie smiles happily. “That is so adorable. I wish I’d been there to see him.” This is awkward.
Simone’s face turns sour. “Hold on. You mean to tell me that he left an awards banquet he was being honored at because he wanted to get laid?”
I adamantly shake my head. “He wasn’t getting it from me.” Oh, shit. What is wrong with me?
“Yeah, right!” Simone laughs in disbelief. “He wouldn’t have cheated on you, Hadley!”
I anxiously play with my hair and mumble, “That’s not what I mean.”
“Then what?” she asks.
I sigh, knowing that my huge, fat mouth just got me into trouble again. Simone and Julie expectantly stare at me, waiting for me to expound. Clearing my throat and briskly gazing down to the bedspread, idly picking at the material, I say, “I mean, we weren’t having sex, so he wasn’t rushing out of there for that reason. He knew he wasn’t getting any from me.”
Simone’s eyes widen and she sits up, clearly blown away. “So, unlike a typical Finnatic would’ve, you didn’t jump into bed with him right after you started dating?” I didn’t even know who he really was when I met him, seeing him only a couple times on TV.
“She’s not a ‘typical Finnatic,’” Julie defends.
I want to spontaneously combust. “No, I didn’t.”
Simone presses, “And he was okay with it?”
“Simone,” Julie intervenes.
I tentatively look up, nervously answering, “Yeah. Well, he seemed to be. He was very respectful of my wishes. He never pressured me or made it a big deal.” That is, until he made a scene at the club last Sunday stating otherwise.
Simone, clearly stunned by my disclosure regarding her brother’s urbane conduct, asks, “So, he was rushing out of there just to watch TV with you?”
“For the most part,” I shyly reveal, omitting that he did it with his hand up my shirt and his lips glued to mine.
Julie puts a hand on her chest, asking in astonishment, “My Finn Robert was a gentleman?” Thankfully, not too much of one, but I quickly nod.
“Very much so.” Although, every last ounce of his gallantry went out the window when I first called him Finnigan and he nearly ripped my clothes off.
Simone scowls. “I bet now he’s not a gentleman. He probably makes you do all kinds of dirty things to him.”
Julie smacks her daughter’s arm. “Simone!”
“What? I’m sure it’s true!”
I glance down to the bed. “He’s still a gentleman, Simone.” I’m still excluding last Sunday since he was drunk and he wasn’t himself. “He takes excellent care of me.”
“He’d better take good care of you or I’ll put his ass in a sling,” Julie huffs. “Back to our phone conversation.” She glares at Simone for sidetracking her and continues, “I point blank came out and asked Finn if he was dating someone, but he hedged around the answer. I reminded him that I’m his mother and I know when he’s lying. That’s when he finally caved and admitted he was seeing someone. When I pushed him for a name, he said, ‘Her name is Hadley.’” I smile at the thought of him calling me that, though it sounds better when it’s wrapped in his silky voice.
Julie then says, “I wanted to know more about you and after telling me the truth about seeing someone, he stopped trying to hide his happiness. I could hear how giddy he was, even though he was trying to keep his cool. It was adorable. He sounded like he was a little kid again on Christmas. I asked him if he considered you his girlfriend and he said yes. I knew then that he wasn’t just offhandedly dating someone. I could hear it in his voice. My baby boy had finally fallen in love.”
I beam at her, feeling my love for Finn surge.
Simone inputs, “When he called me after I left Richmond, I asked him if he had asked you out, but he said no. I didn’t know when he asked you to be his girlfriend, either. He’s so secretive.”
“He didn’t ask me out until he called me the third time.” Simone rolls her eyes. “He’s so slow about everything!” I don’t think he’s slow. I think he’s calculating. Big difference.
Julie hits Simone on the shoulder. “He loves keeping his family in the dark. I asked him if I could meet Hadley, but he tried to keep me away by saying he was ‘busy.’” She turns back to me. “So, I showed up in Richmond later that week. He wasn’t going to hide you from me.”
I giggle and flip my hair over my shoulder so I’ll stop playing with it, but my hands move to my key. “I remember. He actually did look nervous when he introduced us.”
“He was afraid of what I was going to say, but he had nothing to worry about.” Julie smiles and pats my knee.
I smile in response and say, “I’m going to go to bed.”
Simone loudly announces, “Ooh! Mom, I invited Hadley and Finn with us to Henlopen!”
“Really?” I nod and Julie says, “Henry and I used to take the kids there, especially on Easter Sunday after Mass. Then Jack and I took Leighton, Finn, Beau and Simone there when Chrissie was in college. Finn liked jumping off the dunes or hanging from trees. He was all over that park.” She smiles and wipes away the tears suddenly clouding her eyes. “You’d want to go with Simone and me?”
“Yes… I’ll talk to Finn in the morning. I know he’ll go, too.”
Simone appends, “After he makes you pay it forward first.” She laughs until tears fill her eyes, too.
“Simone, please!” Julie implores with an exasperated chuckle.
Standing, I vaguely smile and wave as I leave the room. Going into Finn’s dark bedroom, I close the door and it’s reminiscent of Bethany’s pitch-black guestroom. Except for nearly scaring me to death at first, it evolved into one of the sexiest things he’s ever done for me.
I slowly make my way over to the bed, not wanting to trip and break my face on something. That is the story of my life, breaking my wrist in a parking lot on a sliver of ice. When I make it to the bed, I happily slide under the blanket, noticing Finn still has his back to me. I sidle up against him and put my left arm around his warm body. My Sparks mumbles, “Hey, baby.”
“Hi, baby,” I whisper back, laying my head on my arm, wanly smiling behind him. He hugs my arm to his chest and sighs as he falls back to sleep. I lean my forehead onto his muscular shoulder, over his Yankees tattoo, and silently cry for him, thinking I had already met my crying quota for the day. However, his strife, and the fact that he kept it to himself, shred my soul. I wish I had known about how hard he took his parents’ divorce, and now having to endure another one. Even if he’s an adult, it still has to be hard. I want to help him through this.
Why is he keeping things from me? Finn and I have been together for three years, yet sometimes I feel like I barely know him. He’s cagey about himself and it hurts me so much. Why couldn’t he have told me his secret? He said he tells me every time he’s with me, but I guess I’ve not been paying attention. Has he been asking for my help and I’ve just been blowing him off? He got drunk twice last weekend, probably because I’ve been pestering him for us to get married, and Friday I told him I want a baby. After that, I left him alone with his family after his mother’s bombshell. Plus, yesterday, he was practically begging me to have sex with him, and I rejected him for a lighthouse. Then, I wouldn’t talk to him after church tonight. I am the worst girlfriend. Maybe I should win an award.
I quietly inhale him through his shirt; his spicy body wash makes me smile through my tears and I contentedly exhale. I hate that I’ve made him so unhappy l
ately. The only time he was happy was when I agreed to move in with him.
Everything he said to me tonight confounds. He doesn’t care that I’m not baptized? He doesn’t want to go to Heaven if I can’t? Wow, Sparks. I rest my cheek on his back and squeeze him, gripping the front of his shirt between my fingers. He lightly moans and I snuggle closer. I’m usually asleep before he is; therefore, I don’t get to see him sleeping that often, only on mornings during the week when we’re together, which doesn’t happen often, much to Finn’s irritation.
But that’s about to change.
Moving in with him. That’s huge for me. I didn’t think I would do it if we weren’t married. Thus far, I’ve stuck to my principles, but now, I can’t take it anymore. I miss him so much and my yearning for him is only growing deeper each day. I feel so empty without him. What is wrong with me? I’ve tried holding my ground, but damn it, he’s holding on to his too, and he’s 10 times stronger than me.
Wilder wins.
He said he hates my mother. I’m dumbfounded. He’s never said two words about her before. I had no idea how he felt about the whole situation since he didn’t say anything when I told him, and I really didn’t want to know. The most shocking part of all: he’d strangle my mother if he ever met her. I’m sure it’s talk, yet I can’t even wrap my mind around that. Although it’s unfathomable, he’d actually do that for me? I know it’s horrible to think, but when he confessed to what extent he’d go for me, I fell even more in love with him.
The most disturbing thing he said by far was if something ever happened to me, he wouldn’t be able to live without me. What? He’s not only willing to kill my mother, but he’s willing to kill himself because of me? That’s absolutely unacceptable and the most outrageous thing I’ve ever heard come out of his mouth. Without a doubt, Finn could go on without me. He’d move on and find someone else, possibly someone who doesn’t nag him about marriage and a baby, or introducing her to his coworkers. He can do so much better than me.
What Simone said about Finn crying floats into my mind. He couldn’t have been, especially for me. He didn’t cry when I left him at the kite festival or when we fought at the club. Why would he cry any other time? He probably heaved a sigh of relief that he wouldn’t have to deal with my bullshit anymore.
I cuddle my face into the crook of his neck and breathe in my Sparks. Wherever he is, I’m home, just as he said that I’m his home. Kissing his neck, I find his left hand and wrap my fingers around it, listening to his breathing and closing my eyes.
How did I get so damned lucky to find such an incredible man to love me when I have nothing but grief to offer him in return?
CHAPTER 16
I awake to light flooding over me in an empty bed. Lifting my head, I see that the room is empty as well. Where is my boyfriend? I check the alarm clock on the nightstand and it’s 9:52. That’s early for Finn to be up if he doesn’t have to be. When he’s with me on his day off, he’s never out of bed before 11. Despite that, it is Easter morning, so maybe he wanted to see what the Easter Bunny brought him.
I reluctantly sit up, still feeling tired from staying up so late. Finn and I will make quite the pair today. Maybe we both should wear green and a metal trash can since I’ll be just as grouchy.
On my way into the hallway, I notice Simone’s door is closed. How late did she stay up? In the bathroom, I try to make myself look halfway decent, though I doubt anyone really cares what I look like, and Finn is used to seeing my morning mess by now. I do sweep my hair into a low, side ponytail to make some sort of effort.
As I descend the staircase, I hear the sound of low mumbling coming from the kitchen. One is definitely Finn’s. The other is quieter, but it has to be Julie’s. I walk slowly as not to interrupt them, not wanting to ruin any headway they may be making at mending their rift. When I reach the dining room, I pause by the table to give them more time.
“Finn, all I’m saying is you should tell her about them. Do you keep things from her?”
“…No. I didn’t think it was a big deal.”
“Why wouldn’t it be? You want to spend the rest of your life with her, don’t you?”
“Yes, Mother. What’s that have to do with shit?”
“Watch your mouth, Finn Robert. You don’t keep things from your spouse.”
Spouse? Did my boyfriend marry someone else while I was asleep?
“I don’t care if you’re legally married or not, if you want to share the rest of your life with Hadley, she’s your spouse in every way that matters. You don’t keep anything from her. She’d be hurt if she knew you were hiding things from your past.”
“Mom, they’re hardly earth-shattering.”
“You love Hadley, right?”
“No. I brought her here because I wish she’d leave me alone.”
“Finn.”
He scoffs, “Mom, it’s frickin’ obvious that I do, don’t you think?”
“She might not think so.”
“She knows I love her.”
“I hope so. You need to tell her every single day.”
“So, you’re giving me love advice now?” Is he trying to pick a fight with her?
“Don’t do that. Jack and I will always love each other.”
“Just not enough. Just like you and Dad.”
“Finn, don’t be like that! I don’t want my failed marriages to stop you from having a successful one with Hadley.”
“Forget it. I’m not making that mistake.”
“So, you think she’s going to be okay for the rest of your lives not married to you?”
“Let us worry about it.”
“No, seriously. You’re not going to vow to her to love her for the rest of your life?”
“Look how it ended up the three times you did that!” Shit. He is getting out of control.
“Damn it, Finn! Stop it! Don’t you dare lose that beautiful soul you are blessed to have in your life because of your stubbornness! Yes. You’re mad at me for divorcing your dad and now your stepdad, but don’t you think that I’ll be just as pissed off at you if you lose Hadley? She’s family, too, Finn. I’ll be losing a daughter if you screw up your relationship. So, don’t sit there and continue to judge my failure when it could easily happen to you because you were too pigheaded to make it right!”
Suddenly an arm goes around my shoulders and a whisper goes into my ear. “Spying are we?”
I jump and put my hand on my chest. I turn to Ricky and smack his stomach. Screwy police officer. “What are you going to do, arrest me?” I whisper.
“No, but I’ll give Wilder my cuffs so he can punish you.” That might be fun.
“Shut up.”
Ricky’s hooked arm drags me to the living room and over to the couch. He slides his arm off me and pushes down on my shoulder, forcing me to sit before taking a seat in the chair diagonally from me as his eyes glide over my shirt. “Nice teddies,” he says with a brash chuckle.
Dubious that the “former” manwhore is teasing, I ask “Why, officer, are you checking out your BFF’s girl?”
He laughs and raises a smug eyebrow. “Right. Don’t get your hopes up because I’m 100 percent positive he’s not into sharing.” Thank God. Eww. Wait… Why does he know that tidbit?
He clasps his hands over his knees and leans forward. “So, did my BFF talk to you last night?”
Still speculating about his last comment, I fold my arms over my stomach in a lame endeavor to cover up; cursing the fact I didn’t change my clothes. “Yes.”
“Did he say anything about you not wanting to marry him anymore?”
“No.”
“He didn’t?” Ricky’s eyes widen slightly as if my answer surprises him. “Did you guys settle things last night, though? Are you two going to be okay?”
“Yes. We’re fine.”
“Good. I don’t like seeing you fighting. It’s kind of like Santa and the Mrs. arguing.”
“What the hell?” I spit out a laugh.
&nbs
p; “You two are so…cute.” He frowns at his own remark. “Shit. I can’t believe that word just rolled off my tongue. Damn chick flicks or hanging out with your boyfriend. One of them ruined my life.”
Julie cheerfully walks into the living room, wearing a pretty smile to go with her pink sweatshirt sprinkled with colorful Easter eggs. “Good morning! Happy Easter!” I’m guessing her talk with Finn didn’t veer off course as much as I feared it would.
“Happy Easter,” Ricky and I respond in a chorus. How can Finn argue with her when she’s wearing that shirt in the first place?
She eagerly waves towards the kitchen. “Come get your pancakes.”
Ricky jumps up. “You don’t have to tell me twice!” I hear he used to be that raring to go for sex with strangers in dive bars, or so Ricky’s wingman told me. Maybe I am really Finn’s best friend since he does tell me things like that.
Almost everything.
Then again, maybe not.
Not moving to get up from the couch, Julie sits down in the chair Ricky just vacated. She quietly asks, “Are you okay?”
Looking up from my daydreaming, I nod. “Are you? How’s Finn?”
She smiles. “He’s okay enough for now. He said he’d go with us to Henlopen since you want to go. He’s not ecstatic about it, but it’ll be good for you to spend some time together before you have to go back to work. I know you’re both so busy.”
“He’s the one who’s busy. I’m going to hardly see him.”
She pats my knee. “It’ll be okay, sweetie. You’ll be living together, so you’ll see him more than you used to.”
“True.”
Julie stands. “Come on.”
I follow her into the kitchen and Sparks looks up from his breakfast. He instantly smiles as his eyes float over my pajamas.
Daring the Wild Sparks Page 22
