by Kailin Gow
“Perfect.” My mouth already watered at the thought of food, but at the back of my mind, I couldn’t help but wonder what Rial really had in mind with this little impromptu trip. Did this little drive out to the countryside have a purpose or was it just meant to be a pleasant day out?
Fifteen minutes later he slowed down as we entered a small village with narrow winding streets, and quaint little shops that invited passers-by to go in and take a look at their wares. Rial parked the car in a vacant spot in front of a hat shop.
“What a beautiful place to stop, Rial,” I said as I got out of the car. The air was fragrant with morning freshness and… “What’s that I smell?”
He grinned.
“It smells like… oh, fresh pastries.” My taste buds danced at the thought of a light and airy mille feuilles or a custard filled éclair, or a chocolate covered opera, or a profiterole. Without even thinking about it, I immediately turned to the left, leading Rial at a hurried pace. At the first corner I turn right, then left and down a long narrow alleyway which led right to the entrance of a La Bonne Patisserie. “Breakfast at last,” I said. “And what a scrumptious breakfast it will be.”
“It’s this exact patisserie that I had in mind when I stopped here,” Rial said.
“Is it? What a coincidence.”
“Not at all.”
“Of course it is. I happen to get a whiff of exactly where you wanted to go.”
“And you just so happen to know exactly how to get here.” He gazed at me with that knowing look in his eyes.
“I didn’t happen to know, I just followed the smell.”
“That smell permeates the entire village. You could go to the garage clear on the other side of the village and it would still smell sweet. And what about that shortcut you took through the alley?”
I looked at him and knew he was right. I’d known exactly which path to take to get to the patisserie. Nonetheless, I shrugged it off. I was too hungry to consider the ramifications of it all. I just wanted to get my hand on the perfect brioche and a piping hot cup of coffee.
“Let’s go.” I opened the door to the patisserie. The scent outside was nothing compared to the strong, sweet scent that welcomed us inside. I suddenly wanted to try everything. “Doesn’t it just smell divine?”
As we walked up to the counter, I spotted the croissants.
“Bonjour et bienvenue,” the heavy set woman said from behind the counter. She smiled at us, although her focus was clearly on Rial.
“Deux croissants, s’il vous plait,” Rial said.
The woman picked out two of the biggest, plumpest croissants and set them each on a paper napkin. “Voila. En suite.”
“That’ll be all,” Rial said.
I noticed the rack of macaroons. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d eaten one, but I suddenly had a strong craving for one. “Et un macaron d’Amiens,” I blurted out.
Rial grinned and looked knowingly at me. With our breakfast in hand, minus the coffee which they unfortunately didn’t serve, we headed out to the sun drenched terrace. Before we were even seated, I’d popped the macaroon into my mouth.
“What’s with the funny look?”
Still grinning, Rial slathered raspberry jam on his croissant. “I love the ravenous appetite you have.”
I knew there was more to it than that, but didn’t question him further. My croissant beckoned me. As we ate, I looked around. The terrace was cornered by two walls of the L-shaped patisserie which left us with a view of the neighboring shops to the left and a partial view of the green grass of a rolling hill to the right.
“It certainly is a beautiful setting for breakfast.”
“Even if they don’t serve coffee?”
“Even if they don’t serve coffee.” Finishing my last bite, I patted my lips with the paper napkin then wiped my buttery fingertips. “A breakfast like that deserves a stroll. Are you up for it?”
“Always.”
We threw away our napkins and I led the way down the hill. That knowing grin reappeared on Rial’s lips.
“Let’s go down to the lake,” I said.
“What lake?”
Squinting, I looked around. He was right. What lake? But as we skirted around a high bank of rocks and continued down the hill the lake came into view.
“Well, how about that.” Rial said. “There is a lake after all.”
I stopped in my tracks and looked at the surroundings that were so new, yet so familiar. “You knew there was a lake, didn’t you?” I said.
He nodded. “Apparently, you did, too.”
Yes, but why? With Rial’s hand to my elbow, we resumed walking and were soon on the bank of the small lake.
“Over there,” I said, turning to the left, “is the park.”
I headed in the direction of the park, my heart light and happy as I was suddenly filled with a strong sense of nostalgia. While no clear memories came to me, I knew this had been a happy place. Reaching the swing, I fingered the chain that held the seat.
“You,” I said softly.
He didn’t respond, but simply looked at me.
I sat on the swing and was instantly transported to a time long ago. I wanted to laugh and giggle and kick my feet up.
Rial came up behind me and gave me a gentle push. My heart soared.
“You were here. We came to this park together, didn’t we?”
He said nothing.
“You would push me, like you are now.”
The image was now so clear in my mind; me the young girl so enamored with the handsome young teen.
“I finally had you all to myself,” I muttered.
“How’s that?”
“All those girls that followed you around at home, they couldn’t come here. It was just you and me.”
“So that’s why you loved it so much here.”
I smiled as I was flooded with a sense of right and fulfillment. I had loved that park. “We came frequently, didn’t we?”
“At times. Sometimes you would eat so many macaroons you’d get a belly ache. You wanted to try every flavor.”
“Oh, Rial. The lake, the park, the patisserie and those macaroons… it’s all a part of such happy memories. Why have I blocked them out?”
He was silent and I suddenly had the answer to my own question.
“Papa,” I said. “We used to come here with Papa.” A strange shiver spilled over my shoulders and trickled down my spine. “He would drive us out here on weekends when the weather was nice and he had business to conduct in the area. We’d buy my favorite pastries at the patisserie then come down to the lake and you would push me on the swing while Papa went off to take care of business he had in the village.”
“It really was just you and me.” He leaned over and kissed my temple.
“Such great memories,” I whispered. “Yet they’re so few and they’re so vague. If we came here so often, why do I remember so little of that time in my life?” I stared out at the lake. The sun glistened on the small ripples brought by the light breeze. It was a heavenly place to spend a sunny morning. “I was a happy child, wasn’t I?”
“The happiest I’d known,” he said.
“It doesn’t make sense. If I was so happy, why did I lose all memory of it? Even this… it’s more a sense of having been here than a clear memory. And Papa. I barely remember him at all. I think what few memories I have of him are based on what I was told about him at the convent.”
Rial stopped pushing me and pulled the swing to a stop. He wrapped his arms around my shoulders, his head leaning against mine. “My darling Lilly. So much happened and you were so young. Clearly you’ve blocked out that portion of your life to protect yourself. As happy as those times at the park may have been, they’re shrouded in a myriad of bad memories.”
“I remember how happy I was at the convent. Despite having lost my father, I was at peace and I was content. Years later, I was happy at the Culinary Institute and I took such pride in the work that I did t
here. Then I met Bobby… and… well, then you.”
“Are you happy now? With me?” He came around and stood before me, his eyes filled with worry.
“I am.” My voice was so soft, I knew I didn’t sound convincing. “But a part of me feels like I’m just trying to right the wrongs of the past, like I’m trying to fix things that I don’t even remember were broken.” It wasn’t the answer he wanted, but it was an honest one.
“Do you feel anything for me, Lilly?” he said.
“I do, Rial. It seems I always have, probably from the very first time we met. It’s frustrating that I don’t remember more of those years, that I don’t really remember when or how that childhood crush turned to love, but that feeling of love for you is so strong, it’s overwhelming.”
He took my hand in his and held it, looking at it with reverence and sorrow.
“What is it, Rial?” I met his troubled gaze. “You know what happened to me, don’t you? You know why I can’t remember anything that happened back then.”
He nodded. “You lost your childhood memories because of me.”
“You? What did you do?”
Looking out over the lake, he took a deep, shuddering breath.
“Please, Rial. I need to know. I can’t move forward with you if I don’t know our past.”
“It’s all so dark and painful. What happened to us changed us forever, and I’m afraid I might reawaken the pain you’ve chosen to bury in the far reaches of your mind.”
“Don’t underestimate me. I’ve grown up, and I’m a strong and responsible girl. I’m not that frail little girl anymore.”
He smiled and looked at me. “Yes, I know.”
“What happened to us, Rial?”
Leaning in, he kissed me and brushed the back of his fingers along my cheek. “I want nothing more than to make you happy. I love you and want your life to be filled with love and happiness. Remember that.”
“I know that. Nothing you can tell me will change that.”
“Your father kicked me out of the house,” he said after a long moment of silence.
“Yes. You told me that already.”
“Despite my leaving the house, I tried to keep in touch with you. I got caught talking to you one day outside your school. Your father was furious… outraged. He didn’t want you to have anything to do with me. After that, your father kept a closer watch on you. He allowed no visitors to the chateau and he pulled you out of school.”
“He kept me from going to school?” It seemed such an extreme thing to do.
“He became downright paranoid where you were concerned. When he suspected I’d trespassed onto the property, he locked you up in your room.”
“How do you know all this?”
“I paid one of the maids to keep tabs on you. I gave her a few dollars and she told me what was happening in the chateau. I didn’t believe her when she told me you’d been locked up in your room.”
“Then what happened?”
“She was the one who brought you your meals. As the weeks passed, you grew more and more despondent. You hardly ate and you spent your days in bed. She said you were going crazy, but I think you simply slipped into a deep, deep depression. It’s no wonder. A young girl locked up like a prisoner. Busy taking care of his business, your father spent most of his time in his den and rarely went in to see you. He left your welfare to his staff who didn’t dare disobey him.”
“And that’s why I don’t remember anything? But I got over the depression and went on to be happy. It doesn’t make sense.”
“That’s not all, Lilly. During that time, you tried to take your own life.”
“Suicide?” I shook my head. It was so unlike me. Despite normal moments of sadness, I was a happy and optimistic person by nature. “What did I do?”
“How you tried to kill yourself isn’t important, Lilly.”
“I want to know.”
He looked at me. “You threw yourself out your bedroom window. Fortunately, you didn’t bother looking down first and landed in a pile of wood shavings the gardeners were set to spread throughout the flowerbeds.”
“What did my father do?”
“He brought a psychiatrist in to talk to you. After only one sitting, he decided to shut down the chateau and move you away.” He shrugged. “I don’t know what the psychiatrist told him, but he wanted you to start off fresh… a new home, a new life… without me, without him.”
“What about you? How did all this affect you?”
“I was an angry young man. I was bitter, but I was driven. I wanted revenge and knew that my success would be the beginning of that revenge. The more I thought of what your father did to you, to us, the harder I worked to become the man I am today.”
“And our engagement?”
“My desire to marry you never faded. I was in love with you then, and I knew I’d find you again someday.”
It was my turn to stare out over the lake. I didn’t know what to make of everything he’d told me. He was right; the pain of going back to that period of my life was difficult to handle.
Would that pain always accompany us? He held such an important place in my heart, but the sting of those memories as they flashed before me was all too powerful.
Chapter 5
As we headed back to the chateau, I was flooded with more and more memories of my childhood, most of them involving Rial, but nothing about my father came back to me, especially the dark period Rial mentioned.
Once within reach of a signal, my phone beeped. “I got a few texts while we were gone. I guess there wasn’t any reception out in the country.”
“Who from?”
“Errol,” I said. “He wants to know how I’m doing.”
“You’d almost think that he was your big brother instead of mine.”
“Of course, he wants to know how you're doing too,” I said as I continued to read.
“Does he actually say that?”
“Well, not in so many words…”
“I knew it.”
“But,” I went on, “He would like me to take you to Errol’s Gourmet Foods.”
“What the hell for?”
“Rial, don’t be like that. It’s where I work. He’d like you to take a tour of the facilities and get to see what I’m working on.”
He reached for my hand. “Sorry, honey. I didn’t mean to snap.”
“You know, Errol’s happy about your success. You could be happy for his, too.”
He smirked. “I’ll try.”
“Besides, I really think you’ll find it interesting. I’ve come a long way since you knew me as a little girl. I want you to be proud of me.”
“I am proud of you, Lilly.”
“Okay, then I want you so see why I’m proud of myself.” I continued to scroll through my phone.
“Anything else?”
“Taryn. She’d like us to have a girls’ day out. You know, coffee, lunch, shopping… stuff like that.” I didn’t tell him about the news she said she wanted to tell me about, news she thought I should learn in person.
My heart raced. It was surely about Bobby, but what about him? I already knew he was staying in New York. Had he already met somebody new? Was he in love? Was he to be married?
I swallowed the lump of discomfort that’d lodged in my throat and continued to the next text.
My heart stopped. It was from Bobby. I quickly scanned through his message and turned off my phone. “That’s it,” I said, leaning back and closing my eyes as the words Bobby had written flashed before me.
Lilly, I’m back in Paris. Please see me. I have someone I want you to meet – love, your Bobby.
Chapter 6
Two days later, Rial finally came to work with me. As proud and confident as I was about my work, I was suddenly nervous and anxious. Would he find my work trivial and insignificant, or would he truly be proud of me?
The moment we entered the facility and he saw how my sauces were prepared, poured into jars and boxed, ready
to be shipped to specialty stores around Europe, I knew he was impressed.
He cocked a brow and wrapped his arm around my waist, kissing my temple. “This is really something,” he said as the empty jars rolled by, ready to be filled at the next station.
“Want a taste?”
“Sure.”
At a station, I asked an employee to let Rial test taste the contents of a jar.
“Wow,” he said as he licked his lips. “This is really good.”
“Rial,” Errol said as he came out of his office and joined us. “Glad you could come. So what do you think of your Lilly now?”
“I’m even more impressed with her than I was before, though I’m hardly surprised. I knew she was a smart and talented woman.”
“She certainly is. She was able to pinpoint what was missing on store shelves and she went for it.”
“Okay,” I said, holding my head between my hands. “If you guys don’t stop, my head won’t fit through the door anymore.”
“And she’s as humble as they come,” Errol added.
“Well, I did have a pretty powerful helping hand,” I said, looking at Errol. “Without you, none of this would have been possible.”
“It would have taken a little longer, and would have been a little more complicated, and a little more work, but you would have succeeded all the same.”
“I guess.”
“Oh, and by the way, you received a delivery from Aliments Vestige. If you want to check in to see what it is, I’ll continue giving Rial the tour of the facilities.”
I was in no rush to see the package I’d received, but I could see Errol wanted to be alone with Rial, so I nodded. “I’ll catch up with you guys a little later.”
Once in my lab, I cut through the packaging tape and was about to pull out the contents of the box when my phone beeped; another text.
From Bobby.
Lilly, I’m down in the shipping department of Errol’s Gourmet Foods. Come down to see me.
He was in the building. What was he doing there? With my fingers ready to tap out an answer, I hesitated. Rial was somewhere in the building with Errol. I couldn’t just go out and meet Bobby. But before I’d made a conscious decision, my fingers took over; I’m on my way.
