“I hate you,” I mumbled when he released it.
“The feeling’s mutual,” he said as he undid the ties on my bikini bottom.
Once they were free, he tossed it aside and jerked his swim trunks down his hips. In one swift move, he entered me. I groaned again, my nails digging deeper into his skin. He thrust his hips forward hard enough that my body moved up the beach a few inches. He cursed as he grabbed my hips to hold me in place. I wrapped my legs around his waist and tilted my hips so that he could penetrate deeper.
“Goddamn,” he said through gritted teeth as he fucked me harder. “I’ve waited for this for so fucking long.”
His breathing was ragged as he fought for control. Far too soon for my liking, I felt him explode inside me. He never stopped though. He continued to thrust into me as his fingers found my clit. I cried out as I came, his touch breaking my control.
Once we both finished, he pulled out of me and rolled onto his back. His eyes shut, and within seconds, he was passed out. I sat up and adjusted my top. I spotted my bottoms a few feet away and snatched them up. I fought to tie the strings. Once they were in place, I moved over to him and pulled his trunks back up, giggling as I fought them. I’d never thought I’d see the day when I was actually trying to dress Adam.
I dropped down next to him and curled up with my head on his shoulder. Then, I passed out.
When I woke up, I was very much aware of four things—besides the fact that my head felt like it was going to split open. I could feel sand biting into my cheek, the sun beating down on me, an arm wrapped around me, and last but definitely not least, a very thick erection pressed against my ass.
I slowly forced my body to turn over to see who was behind me. Despite being drunk off my ass last night, I already knew, but I needed to see it with my own eyes. As I turned, Adam let out a low moan. My stomach clenched when I saw that it really was him. I’d almost thought that last night was a dream.
I watched him, taking in every inch of him. It hurt to be this close to him, knowing how much he hated me, but I couldn’t bring myself to move away. Instead, I watched him as he slept.
After a few minutes, his eyes slid open. He stared at me, a faint smile curving his lips. I held my breath as I watched him. Did I dare hope that smile meant more?
Of course it didn’t. In a split second, the smile disappeared as he ripped his body away from mine. I closed my eyes briefly, willing myself strength. I knew I’d need it.
“What the fuck?” he shouted. He was now standing, glaring down at me.
I groaned. “Will you shut up or at least talk quieter? I have a headache from hell.”
“I told you to stay away from me, not sneak up on me for a cuddle when I passed out,” he said angrily, lowering his voice.
“Um, excuse me?” I sat up angrily. My head and stomach didn’t appreciate that at all, but I gritted my teeth and stood up. I stepped closer to him and poked my finger into his hard chest. “You were the one who hunted me down when I went to take a piss break!”
“Bullshit!” he said, but he didn’t sound as angry.
“Believe what you want. You were the one who cornered me and—”
His face hardened. “And what?”
I gave him the cruelest smile I could manage. “And fucked me like the whore I am.”
He opened his mouth to say something as an emotion, maybe regret, covered his features, but a voice calling my name in the distance cut him off. I looked over to see Chloe and Drake approaching us.
“Last night was a fucking mistake. As far as I’m concerned, it never happened,” Adam growled just before they reached us.
“There you are. We woke up, and you were gone.” Chloe glanced at Adam. “Um…are you guys okay?”
I forced a smile onto my face. “We’re fine. Just catching up on how much we hate each other.” I looped my arm through Chloe’s and started dragging her away from Adam. “Are we heading back to your place?”
“Yeah.” She glanced back to Adam.
I looked back, too, and saw him in deep conversation. Whatever Drake was saying to him had Adam waving his arms in the air like a lunatic. All he needed to do was stomp his foot, and he’d look like an overdramatic chick in the middle of a temper tantrum.
“Are you really okay?” Chloe asked once we were back in her car.
I stared out the window. “Yeah.”
“Amber, talk to me, please. I want to help you.”
Something broke inside of me. Suddenly, I found myself sobbing and clutching on to her hand like it was a lifeline.
“I fucked everything up,” I gasped.
Chloe found a place to pull over. After stopping the car, she pulled me into her arms. “What happened?”
I told her everything—my agreement with Alex that had started my downward spiral, every horrible and wonderful detail of my relationship with Adam, the men I’d slept with, how alone I’d felt in West Virginia, and finally, what had happened the night of her wedding and last night. The only thing I left out was what Adam had told me about Hilary. That wasn’t my secret to tell.
She just held me and listened as I poured my soul out to her. “Oh, honey, I’m so sorry I wasn’t there for you,” she whispered.
“I fell in love with him. How could I have been so stupid? He doesn’t care about me. He never has.”
“I wouldn’t say that,” she said as I pulled away. “It sounds to me like he pushed you away because he did care about you. Adam is a bit of a wild child, but he’s a good guy. I think something happened to him before he met you. He’s scared to commit even if he won’t admit to it. There has to be a reason why. Maybe if you both calmed down and tried to talk it out—”
“He hates me, Chloe. We’re past talking,” I said quietly. “Can we just…I want to go home.”
“Of course.” She shifted the car into drive and pulled back out into traffic.
Neither of us spoke again until we were back at her house.
I started up the stairs, but I stopped and turned to face her. “I can’t stay here any longer, Chloe. I’m sorry. I have to go home.”
She nodded. “I understand. I don’t want you to go, but I understand why you have to.”
“Thank you for everything,” I whispered before turning away.
As I packed, I cried. I tried not to, but with no one around to see me, I let my tears flow freely.
I slept most of the flight home. I didn’t think I’d be able to, but my exhaustion won out against my mind.
Once we touched down, I gathered my things and walked swiftly through the airport to my car. I debated on staying at a hotel in Pittsburgh instead of driving back to Morgantown in the middle of the night, but I decided against it. All I wanted to do was go home and crawl into my own bed. Maybe if I were lucky, I’d sleep my life away.
My tears reappeared as I drove. I’d fought so hard to forget about Adam. Going to L.A. and then his house had been stupid. I’d known all along that there was a good chance I’d see him even though I pretended there wasn’t. A sick part of me had craved the sight of him. I was so stupid.
Seeing Adam had ripped my heart out all over again. I knew he hated the fact that we’d been together on the beach, but I couldn’t bring myself to regret it. I wanted all of him, but I’d take whatever bits and pieces I could get. I was so lost in him that I didn’t know what to do.
My tears started falling faster as Nothing More’s “I’ll Be Okay” started playing in the car. That song seemed to completely sum up the last few years of my life. By the time I made it to my apartment, I was hiccupping from crying so hard.
I left my bags in the car. They would have to wait for another day. I walked straight to my apartment and then my bedroom. I dropped down onto my bed and curled up into a ball. I wiped my eyes as I tried to force the floodgates to close. I hated acting like this. Adam didn’t give a damn about me, and here I was, sobbing uncontrollably over him. If he could see me now, he’d outright laugh.
That tho
ught turned some of my pain to anger. He had no right to treat me the way he had. I’d done absolutely nothing to him, except be his friend. He had so much animosity against me just because I cared. I couldn’t have found a more fucked-up guy to fall for if I tried.
“Fuck him,” I whispered, wincing at the roughness of my voice.
I sat up and ran my hands through my hair, letting my anger grow. Being angry was so much better than feeling broken.
I opened my nightstand drawer to pull out a bottle of pain meds for my head when I noticed a folded piece of paper lying on top of the bottle. I picked it up and opened it to see Alex’s number. I frowned. I’d never been more tempted to do something in my life. Alex wanted me, which was more than I could say about Adam. But Alex was married, and no good could come from that.
He hates her, and she’s cheating on him, a voice in the back of my mind said, egging me on, hoping that I’d do something stupid.
I stared at the paper for a minute before finally making up my mind. I grabbed my phone and dialed Alex’s number.
“Hello?” He sounded half-asleep.
“Alex?” I asked.
He paused for a moment. “Amber?”
“Yeah, it’s me. I was wondering if you wanted to come over tonight,” I said, unwilling to let myself think about what I was doing.
“Yeah, I’ll be there in twenty,” Alex said, surprise filling his voice.
“I’ll see you then,” I whispered before ending the call.
Tonight, I wanted to forget, and I knew the best way to do that.
Six Weeks Later—October
Morgantown, West Virginia
I hated the word whore. It sounded so…filthy. I’d been called a hundred different names before—slut, skank, ho, bitch, just to name a few—but when someone called me a whore, it would set my blood on fire.
As I stared down at my fate, I realized that they’d all been right. I was a whore.
There was no coming back from this.
I closed my eyes and willed myself not to cry. I’d done this to myself. This was what I deserved.
I hadn’t always been this way. Once, a really long time ago, I’d been innocent. I’d worn my heart on my sleeve. I’d looked at every day like it was a gift instead of the plague that it really was.
Life was so damn hard. I hated it. I’d hated it for years. More than once, I’d wished that I hadn’t had to deal with it, that I hadn’t had to deal with him. But fate had laughed at me, repeatedly throwing him in my face just when I thought I’d healed.
How could I tell him this when he seemed to hate me more and more every time we saw each other? How could I tell him this after what she’d done? I was no better than her.
What was once innocent love and attraction had morphed into something…volatile and ugly. By now, it was almost unrecognizable.
Who am I kidding?
It had never been innocent. We’d seemed to be incapable of innocence, especially him.
I would never survive this. The moment I’d seen him, even though I hadn’t wanted to admit it, I’d known that I would never survive him.
Tears fell down my cheeks, but I brushed them away as I stood and walked out of the room. When I reached my bedroom, I picked up my cell phone and dialed the only person I knew I could trust, the only person who knew every secret of mine—my best friend.
“Hey, Amber. What’s up?”
“Chloe, I need you,” I whispered.
“What’s wrong?” she asked anxiously.
“I screwed up. I screwed up so bad,” I said as my tears came faster now. “I’ve ruined everything.”
“Amber, calm down. You haven’t ruined anything. Tell me what’s wrong.”
“I’m pregnant.” I stared down at the pregnancy test in my hand. It was the third one I’d taken. Every single one of them had had the same result—positive.
It had taken me almost three weeks to realize how late my period was. Then, it had taken me almost another week to find enough courage to buy a test. I’d hoped that if I waited long enough to buy one, my period would magically appear, but I’d had no such luck.
She sucked in a sharp breath. “Oh my God. I…I don’t know what to say. Have you…have you told Adam?”
“I don’t even know if it’s his. It could be Alex’s.”
“Alex?” Her tone grew frantic.
I rubbed my temples. It was time I told her the rest. When I’d had my breakdown in L.A., I’d left out my idiocy with Alex because I’d thought it was a one-time deal. Plus, I had felt ashamed.
“I’ve been sleeping with him for the last few weeks.” I hesitated. “We didn’t tell anyone because he’s married.”
I heard the longest string of curse words that had ever left Chloe’s mouth. Under any other circumstances, I would’ve laughed at her.
“You slept with a married man?” she shouted. “How could you do something so dumb?”
“I know it was dumb, and I know what you’re thinking right now. I’m a whore. And you’re right.”
She sighed. “I don’t think you’re a whore. I think you’re an idiot, but you’re not a whore.”
“Thanks,” I whispered, and I meant it.
“So, it could be Alex’s or Adam’s. Is there…anyone else?”
“No,” I whispered. “No one else.”
“What are you going to do?” she asked.
“I don’t know. I don’t even understand how this happened!” I said angrily. “I’m on the pill. I take them religiously.”
“Accidents happen. There’s no—wait, I think I know what happened. You were sick, and the doctor put you on antibiotics, right?”
My mouth dropped open. “Holy fuck. Antibiotics screw with birth control. I knew that. How could I have been so stupid? Everything is ruined now. Goddamn it!”
“Calm down, Amber. Please. You need to sit down and figure out what you’re going to do. You need to tell them—both of them.”
“I can’t. Adam hates me, and Alex is married. There’s no way I can tell either of them the truth.”
“You don’t have a choice, Amber. One of them is the father, and he deserves to know.”
“I can’t, Chloe!” I shouted at her.
I couldn’t tell them. It would ruin everything. If Alex were the father, it would destroy his marriage. If it were Adam’s—well, I wasn’t even going to go there.
“If you don’t, I will—at least, with Adam. I mean it,” Chloe said.
“Why would you do that to me? I called you because I needed someone, and you’re turning your back on me!”
“No, I’m not. I’m helping you. Now, are you going to tell them, or do I have to?”
“I hate you right now,” I told her.
“I know, but you won’t hate me forever. Now, choose.”
“Let me tell Alex first,” I finally said after a brief pause.
“All right. And, Amber?”
“Yeah?”
“I’m booking you a flight back out here next week. You need to tell Adam face-to-face. This isn’t something you can say over the phone.”
I closed my eyes, fighting back a scream of anger…or defeat. I wasn’t sure which. “Okay. Work is going to love me for this.”
“They’ll deal. When are you going to tell Alex?”
“Soon.”
“Amber…” Her voice was full of warning.
“I’ll tell him this week. I promise.”
“Call me after, okay?”
“I will. I need to go.”
“Okay. I love you. I hope you know that.”
“I love you, too.”
“Hey, I got your message,” Alex said as I let him into my apartment.
It had taken me three days and several more tests to finally accept that I was pregnant. I didn’t know how to feel about it. I didn’t want to be pregnant. The thought of a baby growing inside me turned my stomach. If my life were different, I might have felt excitement. But no, my life was too fucked-up to welcome a ch
ild into it.
“Thanks for coming,” I said as we walked over to the couch and sat down.
“You said you wanted to talk? What’s up?” he asked before leaning forward to kiss me.
I softly kissed him back, wishing that things were different between us. Even if the baby belonged to him, I knew I could never love him.
“I’m pregnant!” I blurted out when he pulled away.
He froze, his eyes widening in shock. “What?”
“I’m pregnant.”
“You’re…no, you can’t be!” he said angrily. “You said you were on the pill. Women on the pill don’t get pregnant!”
“I’m sorry,” I whispered. “I got sick and had to take antibiotics. They messed with my birth control. If I had known—”
“If you had known?” He laughed. “Are you fucking kidding me, Amber? I’m fucking married, and you’re telling me you’re pregnant with my child.” He moved away from me, a look of pure rage on his face.
“There’s more,” I said quietly.
“More? What else could you possibly have to say after dropping that fucking bomb?”
“I don’t know if it’s yours. I slept with someone else, too, but it was only once. You and I have been together a lot these past few weeks, so there’s a pretty good chance that it’s yours.”
“You…” He closed his eyes, obviously fighting to keep control.
When he opened his eyes, I wanted to run. They looked so cold, so empty.
“The kid isn’t mine.”
“What? You don’t know that. We won’t know until it’s born.”
“It. Isn’t. Mine. Do you understand me? I’m not about to lose everything over a slut like you.” He stormed to the door. “Don’t contact me again. I want nothing to do with you or your baby,” he spit out the last word like it was dirty.
“Alex, wait!” I cried as I stood and ran to the door. I grabbed his arm just before his hand touched the knob. “You can’t just leave me alone like this!”
He grabbed me and roughly shoved me up against the door. I gasped in shock.
“That kid isn’t mine. With the way you spread your legs, it could be anyone’s kid. Keep your bullshit to yourself or else.”
Tamed Page 20
