by Sarah Noffke
He reached into his pack and retrieved a pad. With a quick flick of his wrist and a few swipes, he pulled up Beetle Bailey Volume 1, a comic strip.
“Good old Bailey,” grinned Eddie, showing the first few panels to Julianna. “It doesn’t get better than this.”
Her expression sank. “I should’ve known.”
The ship detached from Onyx Station and, igniting thrusters, moved a safe distance away. After about ten minutes, once it was far from any orbiting objects or other ships, the pilot initiated a jump, propelling the vessel through a gate.
Once they were in flight, an attendant appeared in the aisle, carrying a pad of her own. “Can I get you anything, sir?”
“What?” asked Eddie, confused by the strange woman.
“Would you like a drink? Perhaps some distilled water or a refreshing juice from our catalogue? We also have desserts and pastries.”
Eddie leaned forward, looking at Julianna. “Are you hearing this?”
“Just order something so she can get back to work.” Julianna sighed as she shook her head.
Eddie paused, looking back at the woman. “What else do you have to drink?”
She tapped the pad and turned it around, revealing the full menu. “We have a wide selection for you to choose from, sir.”
Eddie’s eyes widened at the sight before him. “Yeah you do.”
The lady smiled. “I’m glad you approve.”
“I’ll take two Blue Ales.”
The flight attendant nodded.
“And two Tarsin vodkas,” added Eddie with an eager grin.
Julianna looked at him before asking in a hushed voice, “You know we’re on a mission, right?”
“So? We don’t have anything to do until tomorrow. Plenty of time to sleep off a hangover. Come on, Jules, don’t be a downer. Have some fun!” He turned the menu around. “Look, they even have whiskey.”
“Whiskey?” she asked, raising her brow. “Uh, what kind?”
“Looks like Jameson Gold,” Eddie replied, examining the list.
Julianna’s eyes widened slightly. “They have Jameson?”
“Looks like it. Is it good?”
“It’s one of the few high-end Earth blends to make it to the Federation. I thought it was all gone.” She looked at the woman, who was patiently waiting for their orders. “Everything is comped by the Federation, is that correct?”
“Yes, ma’am,” said the attendant.
“Do it, Jules. Come on, you know you want to,” said Eddie, trying to egg her on.
“Okay, okay,” she said. “Just one drink. No, wait—give me two. Yes, two.”
“Right away,” said the woman. She took the menu back, keyed in both of their orders, and returned to the rear of the ship.
A moment later, she returned with a tray full of drinks, and proceeded to hand them out. “Here you are,” she said upon finishing. “Will there be anything else?”
“I saw you have steak,” said Eddie. “I’ll take that, but bring it out in twenty minutes. I want to be good and drunk first.”
“Yes, sir,” said the woman. “What about you, ma’am?”
Julianna took a sip of the whiskey and, for a moment, her eyes rolled back. She looked like she was in heaven. “Oh, God.”
“I’ll return in a moment to check back with you,” said the attendant, smiling.
Eddie reclined in his seat, relaxing his legs. He didn’t mind long trips, particularly when there was free booze and steak.
If this is my new normal, I can certainly get used to the lifestyle. There’s no doubt about that, he thought.
CHAPTER EIGHT
Docking Station 211. Laden City, Ronin. Behemoth System.
“Damn, it’s bright out here,” said Eddie, stumbling as he stepped off the platform and onto the central walkway.
Julianna grabbed his arm so he didn’t fall. She was the perfect picture of poise even after drinking her weight in expensive whiskey. “I think you’re drunk,” she told him.
“And you’re not?” he asked, his eyes half-closed.
“I’m slightly buzzed,” she said.
“There’s no way you could—” He paused, putting his hand over his mouth, then continuing. “—could just be buzzed. I watched you drink at least fifteen whiskeys.”
“The nanocytes in my blood make it so I can’t get drunk. Actually, I have to drink a ton to get a buzz,” she explained.
“Damn, you sound like an expensive date,” he said.
“We should get you to a hotel so you can sleep this off.”
“Worth it. Did you see that steak? It was so fucking good. I haven’t had meat like that in years.”
“I can’t argue that,” she admitted. “The chocolate cake was amazing.”
“Let’s make sure we do that again on the trip back,” he suggested.
They walked through the crowded arrival section of the spaceport and out into the street of the bustling Laden City.
Julianna waved down a taxi and stuffed Eddie into the back seat. “Nearest hotel that isn’t shit, please,” she told the driver, who happened to be human.
“That would be the Pristine,” the man responded. “They cater more to us than the Londil. No need to worry about tentacle-friendly beds or anything like that.”
Traffic was congested because of a recent raid, so they ended up sitting in the cab for longer than Eddie cared for. He fought the urge to vomit for a good ten minutes before they finally arrived. But once he was out and on his feet, the feeling subsided and he felt re-energized.
The hotel itself was massive. Eddie tried looking up when they were outside of it, but stopped himself immediately, as it made him sick again.
Julianna sat him down on one of the chairs inside. He melted into the cushions and closed his eyes. When he opened them, she was back, helping him to his feet. “Got the room,” she said. “291. Let’s go.”
“Thanks, Mom,” he said, grinning.
She escorted him upstairs and dumped him on the bed. “Get some rest and—” She checked the nearby fridge, pulling out a bottle of water. “—drink some of this so you don’t get dehydrated. I’ll be back in a little while.”
Eddie wanted to ask where she was going, but the urge to sleep was quickly overtaking him. The cool pillow beneath his cheek relaxed him, inviting his mind to fade, and after a brief moment, it did, and he began to drift.
***
Julianna left the hotel and waved to the same cab that had dropped her off. She’d asked him to wait for her, and he had, probably because he knew humans were accustomed to leaving tips, while the Londil weren’t.
“Take me to 1191 Orto Street,” she said, climbing into the back of the car.
“Right away,” said the driver, entering in the address to his GPS.
You’re leaving Edward at the hotel?
Pip’s words entered her mind, jarring her a little. He’d been uncharacteristically silent since she and Eddie landed on this planet. Perhaps he sensed it wasn’t the best time to interrupt until she had Eddie safely in the room.
I have a few things I need to get done, Pip, that’s all.
Like going to see A’Dil Hatcherik on your own?
I just don’t see any reason to wait.
However, the plan was to go tomorrow. The Captain won’t appreciate you leaving him behind.
Are you getting sassy with me?
I would never dream of such a thing, ma’am. I’m simply pointing out the likely statistical end of this scenario.
You know better than to try that math shit with me, Pip. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have a job to do.
The truth was, it was hard for Julianna to sit around when she could be getting stuff done. Harder still was this partnership with Eddie. She was used to being a lone wolf. However, Eddie had strengths that she didn’t and vice versa. The General had been right to pair them together. Now she just had to get better about working with him.
Fifteen minutes later, the cab pulled up to a sma
ll garage overlooking the nearby bay.
“Here you go,” said the cabbie. “Want me to wait?”
“No, thanks,” she said, stepping out.
After paying the man, including giving him a generous tip, she walked toward the building, a small repair shop called Chambers Auto. It was a bit run-down, hardly the type of establishment one would expect to find someone like Hatch.
The building had multiple garages, each open and filled with a vehicle. Most were made for Londil drivers, but there were a few others, like the Shelby in the back, although it didn’t look like it needed any repairs.
Julianna entered through the nearest opening and made her way to the human vehicle, ignoring the others. It was nestled in an obscured spot, behind several benches. As she walked closer, she could see it was raised a meter off the ground, with someone underneath, making sounds.
Sticking out of the passenger side, beneath the car, a single tentacle twitched back and forth, telling her that the mechanic was a Londil. “Hey, mister,” said Julianna, standing in front of the Shelby. “How much is this car?”
“Not for sale,” the alien beneath the vehicle grunted.
“But it has to be. Come on, how much?”
“Unless you’ve got two quarters of a million credits, you’re out of luck.”
Another tentacle appeared on the driver’s side, clutching a screwdriver. It set it down and disappeared again.
“What if I paid that? Would you sell it then?”
“There ain’t no way you’ve got that kind of cash. I don’t care who you are.”
“Maybe not, but I might know a guy.”
“Look, I’ve heard all the jokes. I know you’re not here to buy my car. Why don’t you leave me alone and let me get back to work?”
“I will if you come out from there,” she said.
The Londil beneath the car sighed, and four tentacles came out on both sides, dropping various tools on the ground before sliding back in. A second later, their owner rolled to the passenger side door, pushing himself up to stand. He was large and thick, but that was quite deceptive. Londil looked far bigger than they actually were, and could reduce their size whenever the need arose, much like the Earthborn pufferfish.
Presently, because he was rather pissed, this particular Londil appeared large and in charge, but Julianna knew better. “I really don’t have time for this nonsense, kid,” he said, a distinct annoyance in his voice. He scanned the garage, looking for the person who dared to call on him.
When his orange eyes stopped on Julianna, she smiled. “Hello, Hatch.”
The alien’s mouth dropped, and he quickly diminished in size, going from about three meters to his standard build of about one and a half meters. “Hot damn, if it isn’t Julianna Fregin!”
“Good to see you too,” she smiled, approaching him, hand extended.
He took it with one tentacle and shook it. “I’ll be a barniby’s cousin! I never thought I’d see you again. What the hell are you doing all the way out here?”
“I came to see you, of course,” she explained. “Why else would I visit a shithole planet like Ronin.”
“Hey, that’s my home you’re talking about,” he said, seriously, but then laughed. “I guess it is kind of a shithole, though.”
She released his hand. “I hope you don’t mind me dropping by.”
He raised four tentacles. “Like I’d complain about that.”
“You might, once I tell you the reason.”
“If it’s on behalf of the Federation, you can tell them to fuck right off. I’m done with all that nonsense.”
“I know, but this isn’t for them,” she told him. “It’s for the Q-Ship.”
“The Q-Ship?” he asked. “What about it? They gutted it and shut down the project. You know that.”
“That’s what they told you, Hatch, but—”
“I swear, if you’re about to tell me they lied to me and I left over nothing, I’m gonna be pissed, Julie.”
Julianna shook her head. “No, no, they definitely shut it down, but General Reynolds took the birds and repurposed them.”
“Birds? As in, plural? I only made one. How many are we talking about now?” asked Hatch.
“Only two. Yours and a newer model.”
“I bet that one runs like absolute shit compared to mine. Those idiots over in R&D could barely keep up with my designs.”
“You’re not wrong,” she admitted. “That’s part of why I’m here. We need you to—”
“There you are!” called a voice from behind them, near the front of the garage.
Julianna turned to see Eddie marching towards her. “Teach?”
“You drop me in a hotel room and head out to the middle of the city without me? That’s pretty fucked up! We agreed to do this tomorrow.”
“Who the hell is this?” asked Hatch, pointing at Eddie with one of his tentacles.
“My partner,” she explained.
“Yeah, partner? You know what that means, right? Dammit Julianna, what the fuck were you thinking, leaving me behind? I had to call the front desk and ask for a hangover pill just to track you down. That thing had me pissing waterfalls for fifteen minutes! I’m gonna have to go again any second now.”
“Bathroom’s in the side office,” informed Hatch.
“Not until I find out what’s going on here,” insisted Edward. “Is this our guy? Are you Hatcherkin?”
“It’s Hatcherik,” corrected Hatch.
“Yes, this is him,” said Julianna, tossing her head in the direction of the alien. “I just figured I could do this alone. Hatch and I have history. You were drunk and I didn’t want to freak him out. He and the Federation haven’t always seen eye-to-eye.”
“Ain’t that the truth,” muttered Hatch.
Edward scoffed. “So that means you get to ditch me? We’re supposed to be a team, ain’t we? I’m here to have your back.”
“I’m sorry, Teach,” she said. He was right. She should have just waited for him, not run off to find Hatch on her own. She wasn’t used to having a partner, excluding Pip, of course.
I told you this wouldn’t end well.
Dammit, not right now, Pip.
“Don’t apologize,” said Eddie. “It’s fine, though. I get it. Just let me know next time you’re gonna run off on your own.”
She nodded, opening her mouth to say something, but then paused. “Wait a second, how did you find me?”
He pointed at her side pocket.
She looked down, then removed the pad. “What is it?” she asked, just before the realization hit her. “Did you put a fucking bug on my pad?”
Edward snickered. “You’re not the only clever one in this outfit, Jules.”
“Goddammit,” she blurted out, turning the pad upside down to examine it. “Where the fuck is it? What did you do?”
“It’s in the charger port. Honestly, you shouldn’t leave your shit unattended when you use the bathroom.”
“You did this on the ship?”
He grinned. “Don’t be so surprised. Besides, it’s a good thing I did, because now—” He paused, looking down at his crotch. “Hey, Hatch, where’s that bathroom again?”
Hatch lifted his tentacle and pointed to the right-hand side of the garage. “Over there. First door to the left. It’s not human-friendly, though, just to warn you.”
“No problem!” snapped Edward, running to the door. “Nice Shelby Cobra, by the way!”
Hatch made the equivalent Londil expression of amusement. “You said that guy is your partner?” he asked, glancing at Julianna.
“Yep. He’s like an overgrown kid sometimes. Sorry in advance for your bathroom.”
“No, don’t apologize. I kinda like him.” Hatch turned to look at the blue Shelby. “Anyone who knows what kind of car this is can’t be too bad.”
Julianna laughed. “Still the same Hatch, I see. Got your priorities in the right place.”
***
Eddie watched Hatch a
s he put his tools away and lowered the circa 1964 (old Earth calendar) Shelby Cobra. “How the hell did you get your, uh, hands on a vehicle like this?”
“The Shelby?” asked Hatch. “I built it, of course.”
“You what?” asked Eddie, thinking he must have misheard him.
“You can’t get original ground transport vehicles from Earth, so I studied the database entry when I was working for the Federation—or the Empire, as it used to be called—and made one myself. It took about one solar cycle. Ten of your months.”
“That’s crazy. I’ve got a model book my dad gave me all about antique cars. I memorized them all when I was a kid.”
Hatch laughed. “Ain’t that something? Two Earth-auto lovers, meeting face-to-face. What are the chances?” He tapped Eddie’s shoulder with his tentacle. “Pleased to meet ya, Edward Teach.”
“Call me Eddie,” he said, smiling.
“Eddie it is,” agreed Hatch.
“If you two will excuse me, we’re here for a reason,” said Julianna.
“Oh, right. You want to recruit me into your gang,” said Hatch.
“It’s a team,” she corrected. “But yes.”
“I’ll need the full story before I tell you to fuck off.”
She smiled. “First, you’d have access to your Q-Ship again, so there’s that.”
“There is,” he agreed. “What else? What are you up to, besides that?”
Eddie spoke up this time. “Our mission is to hunt down rising threats outside of Federation space.”
“But there’s treaties that prevent that kind of thing,” said Hatch.
“Which is why our unit is off the books,” said Julianna.
“Sounds like every job I ever did for the Empire,” said Hatch.
“Look,” Eddie began. “Right now, it’s just the two of us, but you’d be the third. We’re building this crew to handle serious problems that threaten the lives of every citizen in the Federation. It’s important.”
“It’s also illegal. You have any idea what’ll happen if you get found out? They’ll disavow any knowledge of you. I’ve seen how big government works. If you actually succeed, you’ll have risked your lives and no one will ever know what for or who you were.”
