“Is it so obvious?”
“For people that know you? Yes.” Madison confirmed the fears that had been gnawing at Alice’s side since spring break. “What happened?”
“In the beginning, it was new and exciting.” Alice stared blankly into the past before concentrating on Madison’s worried eyes. “Lately, I’m realizing how different we are. I mean, spring break was a nightmare. We’re so different. We only work…” Alice blushed. “Physically. Everything else feels off.”
“Why are you still with him, then?” Madison pinned her with a stare. “Were you hoping the school year would end and you wouldn’t have to break up with Peter because he would just move away?”
Nailed it. “Is that bad?”
“Duh!” Madison made a silly face. “It’s always better to have a clean cut.”
Alice shook her head. “I came here to dispense my wisdom, and you kicked me in the butt instead.” She pouted. “Now I’m going to go mope alone in my room.” Alice stood up and Madison didn’t stop her this time.
She laughed. “You do that.”
Alice waved goodbye. “Night.”
“Night.”
Alice returned to her room and collapsed on her bed with a heavy sigh. Talk about food for thought—between her roommates’ love lives and her own, she had enough thinking material for ages.
Thirty-two
Alice
Alice stared in the mirror. A plain white t-shirt, a pair of light-wash jeans, and white sneakers seemed like an appropriate breakup outfit. Lectures were over and, with Peter’s graduation looming over them, Alice wanted to end their story before finals week. Peter had been a whirlwind of excitement in her life, but their relationship wasn’t forever and ever. It had never been.
In the past month and a half, Alice had kept appearances up. It had been easier to pretend everything was fine than to face up to her real feelings. Now it was time to grab the Chicago Bull by the horns. It was only a matter of time before he moved to Illinois, anyway; his agent had been super positive about the Bulls making an offer. There was no point in staying together. It was only a matter of who said it first.
Now that she thought about it, this would be the first time Alice was doing the dumping. In all her previous relationships, even when she’d known things weren’t going well, she’d always allowed the other person to call the shots. Not this time. Strangely, the prospect of being single didn’t make her feel insecure. Alice wasn’t scared of being alone anymore. Was this what growing up meant?
She knew calling it off with Peter was the right thing to do. That fact didn’t help her lack of experience in breaking the news, however. She’d done an extensive Google search on the dos and don’ts of the process. After being on the receiving end so many times, Alice should’ve been much more of an expert, but right now her mind felt blank. Honestly, there had never been a breakup modus operandi that had made her feel better about what was happening. She did a mental recap of the Internet’s advice all the same. The main dos were to tell him before anyone else (Madison didn’t count), to be one-hundred percent sure and honest—but not brutal—and to do it in person. She had that covered. The don’ts included not using empty clichés, not asking for a “break,” and, apparently, public spaces were a huge no-no. That’s why Alice had asked Peter if she could drop by his house later, yes, and if his roommate was going to be there, no.
Peter opened the door to his house with a smile so dashing, a little something fluttered in Alice’s belly. A million doubts immediately attacked her brain, and she tried to chase them away. A strong physical attraction wasn’t enough to stay with a guy.
“Hey.” He pulled her into a crushing hug.
“Hey, yourself.”
Peter let her inside the house, whistling a happy tune.
“You’re in a good mood?” Alice asked guiltily; she was about to ruin that for him.
“Oh, baby, you’ve no idea. I just got the call.” He stared at the ceiling. “I’m in.”
Alice could tell his mind was a million miles away.
“In…?”
“The NBA.” He cupped her face and stamped a kiss on her lips. “A two-year contract.”
“That’s great.” And also the perfect excuse. “Where, Chicago?”
Peter did a stupid, hip-hop victory dance. “Yep.”
“Amazing.” Alice’s smile tensed. This was the perfect moment to tell him.
“What’s up, baby? You look so serious.”
Alice sat on the couch. “Can we talk for a minute?”
Peter looked at her warily. “All right.” He sat next to her.
“This year with you has been… the most exciting of my life, and I’m glad I’ve gotten to know you…”
Peter’s face darkened. “But?”
“But you’re moving to Chicago. You’ll have this electrifying new life and I’m super happy for you, I am, but I’m staying here. You’ll be traveling a lot, meeting so many people. I’m not going to fit in that life, and I guess we’ve always known this—us—wasn’t forever.”
Peter remained silent for a second, then said, “Be honest, Alice. We’d be having this conversation even if Chicago wasn’t in the picture, right?”
“True,” Alice admitted. Peter was so sharp sometimes. “Listen.” The next part was the hard one. “I love spending time with you, and we have a great chemistry, but…” She paused. “I’m not in love with you. And you aren’t with me, either, are you?”
The L-word had not made an appearance in the six months they’d dated.
“I’m not sure.” Peter looked crestfallen. “You’re the first girl I really liked.”
“That’s because I’m super awesome,” Alice tried to joke, but she felt choked. Saying goodbye wasn’t easy, no matter how sure she was. “If you were in love with me, you’d be sure. It isn’t something you can half-feel.”
“I’ve never been in love, so I wouldn’t know. Have you?”
Yes, with Jack. I still am. Alice blushed. “Only once, and it sucked.” It still sucks.
“This sucks,” Peter complained. “I didn’t think we would say goodbye today.”
“But you knew we would, eventually?”
“Yes, I guess I did.” Peter opened his arms. “Come here.” He pulled her onto his lap, and she nestled her chin on his shoulder. “I know you’re right, baby,” he said, stroking her hair. “It’s just that I’ll miss you.”
“Me too.” Alice sniffed. “But it’s not like we’re breaking up because we hate each other. We can always keep in touch.” She pulled back to look at him.
He seemed to consider but shook his head. “Nah, we both know it wouldn’t work.”
“No, probably not. I have no past experiences to relate to. You’re the first ex I’d like to keep in touch with.” Alice fought back tears. “But you’ll be too busy fending off cheerleaders and fans, anyway.”
Peter’s eyes were so blue, and his face so gorgeous. He wasn’t making this easy on her.
“Can’t we keep seeing each other until we’re both in Boston?” he asked.
For a moment, Alice was tempted to say yes. What difference would a month make? But it’d only be a slower death—what was the point?
“I couldn’t stand it.” She shook her head. “It’d be like going around with a stick of dynamite and a ticking clock attached to our backs. It’d be horrible.”
“You’re right. A clean cut is best.” Peter stood up, scooping her into his arms and carrying her with him. “But don’t think for a minute I won’t see to you one last time.”
Alice giggled and let him take her to his room. Ah well, give it to Peter to know how to say goodbye in style. Best. Breakup. Ever.
Thirty-three
Alice
The school year was over. Finals were over. After exiting their last exam, Alice and Jack strolled around campus enjoying the warm mid-May sun on their faces. As they headed across Cambridge Common Park,
Alice recognized Rose and Tyler talking on a bench nearby. They were immersed in conversation, both their faces dead serious. Should she text Georgiana?
Alice decided to mind her own business. She grabbed Jack’s arm to pull him back. “Do you mind if we go the other way?”
Jack cut her a surprised look. “No, why?”
“No reason.”
Jack looked unconvinced but didn’t press her, so they headed in the opposite direction toward Harvard Yard. They wandered around aimlessly for a while, mostly in silence, until they stopped for a Frappuccino. Jack walked in to get their drinks and Alice waited at a table outside. It took him only five minutes to order and join her.
Alice studied him. He’d been fidgeting in a nervous way all day, and it wasn’t like him to stare into space as he was doing now. Maybe before an exam, when he was mentally studying, but definitely not after. He was acting as if he was rehearsing a speech in his head.
“Something on your mind?” Alice asked.
Jack’s eyes flickered to her face, troubled, before he looked ahead and spoke, “Ice, I know you’re with Peter and I shouldn’t say anything—”
“We broke up.”
His face whipped toward hers so fast she was afraid his neck would snap. “Really? When?”
“Two weeks ago.”
“That long.” Jack seemed hurt she hadn’t told him.
“He didn’t tell you?”
“With the season over we don’t hang out that much.” Jack shrugged. “How did it…? I thought you…”
“Loved him?” Alice finished the phrase for him. “No. Peter is fun, but I don’t love him. There’s only so far you can go in a relationship if you don’t love someone. We lacked the spark.”
“So it wasn’t because of the NBA? Matt told me about the Bulls.”
Alice smiled mischievously. “Actually, that gave me the perfect excuse to break up. The long distance scenario, and how it would’ve never worked.”
Jack blinked. “You mean you broke up with him?”
“Yeah. Don’t look that surprised. And don’t worry, he wasn’t too heartbroken or anything.” Alice paused, gathering the courage to ask, “What about you? Any new girl on the horizon?”
“No, no one. I haven’t found my spark either.”
Jack looked at Alice as if there was more he wanted to say.
“Well, it must be hard.” She chuckled awkwardly. “My roommates and I are probably the only three girls on campus you haven’t slept with.”
Why did she always have to blab stupid things when she was nervous?
Jack’s neck flushed scarlet and his jaw tensed. “Right.”
Alice frowned. “Why did you blush just now?”
“I didn’t.” He flashed her a dismissive grimace.
“Yes, you did. I told you my roommates and I are the only three people on campus you haven’t had sex with, and your neck turned fifty shades of red.”
Jack lowered his gaze to the floor. He looked guilty, like someone who’d been caught. But caught at what?
“Oh gosh,” Alice gasped, bringing a hand to her mouth, realization washing over her. No, it couldn’t be true! She felt tears welling in her eyes and she, too, stared at the floor. “Haley or Madison?” she whispered.
“It was nothing.”
“Haley. Or. Madison?” Alice repeated through gritted teeth, keeping her gaze trained on her sneakers.
“Madison.”
A blade cut through Alice’s heart. “When?”
“It was a one night stand at the beginning of freshman year; she wasn’t your roommate then, and I didn’t know you knew each other.”
Alice did a mental timeline of her friendship with Madison. They’d met as pledges at Kappa Kappa Gamma. But they hadn’t become close friends until toward the end of freshman year when they’d moved in together. Alice hadn’t told Madison about her crush on Jack until several months later. Still. At one point Madison must have realized.
Fighting back the tears, Alice said, “And the two of you just happened to both forget to tell me you’d slept together?” Alice waited for a sob to die in her throat before she continued. “What did you have, a secret meeting agreeing not to say anything?”
“No, you know I would never—”
Alice glared at him, not caring that her eyes were probably bloodshot by now. “No, Jack, at this point I don’t know.”
He paled and whispered, “I think we both decided it wasn’t worth discussing.”
“Mmm, usually people keep secrets about things that matter.” Anger was mounting inside Alice. “Not the other way around.”
“Well, it didn’t… matter. It wasn’t that big of a deal.”
“Sure. Nothing is ever a big deal with you.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
Jack’s embarrassed face in the Chem Lab flashed before her eyes. “When we spoke in the Chem Lab, that’s why you were so weird. I told you guys only ever used Madison for sex, and you were one of those guys.” Alice wanted to gag. “And you said nothing!”
“What was I supposed to say? Yeah, I had sex with Madison once. So? Why are we arguing about Madison?” He slapped one hand on the table. “It was ages ago, and it meant nothing. Why are you so mad?”
“You still don’t know, do you?” Alice turned her face away. “She’s my best friend and you… you…”
“What?”
Alice couldn’t keep her feelings bottled up inside any longer. She stared into his dark eyes and spilled it all out. “I’m in love with you, Jack. I have been since freshman year. I had to watch you go through girl after girl, and I hated every single one of them because I was jealous. I spent years hoping one day you’d notice me, or realize I wasn’t just a good friend to talk to whenever you didn’t have a date or someone to screw.”
“Alice, I didn’t know,” Jack said pleadingly.
“Oh, I know you didn’t know. But guess who did know?” People around them were staring, but Alice didn’t care. “Try and guess one of the two people I confided in. Yeah, Madison. And all this time she never told me she had sex with you, and just by chance you never told me either.” Alice stared at the sky, blinking. Gravity wasn’t helping in keeping the tears in. Still looking up, she added, “I’m an idiot, but I’m not that stupid. I’ve probably been a running joke between the two of you this entire time.”
Alice pushed her chair backward, making an angry scraping sound, and walked away as the first tears rolled down her cheeks.
Jack ran after her. “Alice.” He grabbed her by the shoulders and forced her to turn. “I’ve been the idiot this entire time. You’re the most wonderful person I know, and I should’ve realized a long time ago we weren’t just friends.” For an instant, the snake of Alice’s hope lifted its head, ready to destroy all her rational thoughts as she waited for Jack to tell her that he felt the same, that he loved her. Instead, he added, “Madison was nothing.”
Just like that, a mental image of her best friend naked in bed with Jack appeared before her eyes, and Alice couldn’t take it. It made her so jealous her blood sizzled. Her stomach churned, and suddenly she was scared she might throw up.
“Nothing, huh?” she hissed, shoving Jack away.
He kept hold of her arm. “Ice, please.”
“Let me go,” Alice screamed, yanking her arm free. She turned on her heel and ran away, tears flying behind her in the wind and heavy sobs shaking her entire body.
Thirty-four
Madison
Madison was home alone. She was lounging on her twin bed reading a paper for class when a loud pounding on the apartment door startled her. The insistent sound of fists meeting with wood told her the noise wouldn’t stop until whoever was out there was let in. And to have all that intensity, it had to be a male someone. She left her unfinished paper on the bed and went to open the door.
“Jack!” Madison was taken aback.
She barely had time
to take in his crazed expression before Jack burst past her into the house, yelling, “Is she here?”
“Who? Alice?” Madison closed the door behind him. “I thought she was with you.”
“She was.”
Jack searched the apartment with his eyes as if he expected Alice to jump up from behind the couch and yell, “Surprise!”
Madison touched him gently on the back. “Jack, she isn’t here.”
Jack clenched his fists. “I need to find her!”
“What happened?”
Jack turned to face her. “She knows.”
“Knows?” Madison frowned. “Knows what?”
“About us.”
Madison suppressed a groan; she was scared and relieved all at once. The squashing weight of the secret was finally gone, but now the consequences of the truth were about to come back and bite her. Since the day Alice had pointed out her tall, brown-haired classmate as her crush, Madison had felt a gut-wrenching guilt. Every time Alice spoke about Jack, a stone settled in the pit of her stomach. Madison knew she should’ve told Alice she’d had sex with Jack the moment she’d recognized him, but she hadn’t. She’d panicked instead. And after that first encounter, the more Madison kept quiet, the harder it became to talk. The fear of Alice shunning her, and of Haley choosing Alice over her, had been too much. For the first time in her life, Madison had met two girls she adored who wanted to be her friends. She didn’t want Alice to hate her for something that had meant nothing, so she’d kept the secret. And so far, so had Jack.
Madison narrowed her eyes at him. “Why did you tell her?”
Jack raked a hand through his hair, his face tormented. “I didn’t. It sort of… came out.”
“How?” Madison hissed. How could something this big “sort of” come out?
Jack flinched. “She told me you three were the only girls on campus I hadn’t slept with. When I didn’t laugh along with her joke, she guessed the truth. It was one thing to not tell her, but when she asked me, I couldn’t lie to her face.”
Friend Zone (A New Adult College Romance) Page 16
