by Marian Tee
“It’s surprisingly…cheerful.”
I swiped one of the pillows from the bed and threw it at him. Very funny.
He caught the pillow with one hand, grinning. “Who knew you’d be into vintage chic?”
I threw more pillows at him, mainly because it was true. I was into girly vintage chic, but it was my deepest, darkest secret, knowing that it didn’t go well at all with my image.
I had painted my walls in old rose, and my bed was an art masterpiece in itself, with a sakura tree painted on its curved headboard. My bedsheets featured a black and white pattern, while the lamp on the desk was made of glass and brass, the body shaped like the Eiffel Tower.
I pointed at his lips and then I drew a line across my throat. If you tell anyone about this, I’ll kill you.
His grin widened just before he started taking photos of my room.
Aaargh.
I rushed towards him, intending to snatch his phone and maybe crush it into pieces, but Kellion only caught me with a deep, sexy chuckle. His mouth slammed against my lips, and the next thing I knew, we were on the bed, his body covering mine.
“I’m going to fuck you until tomorrow,” he whispered.
He was?
He lifted his head. “That’s why you invited me, right?”
I shook my head fiercely, trying to shove him away, placing my hands against his chest as I pushed.
“Then tell me why. The real reason, not the B.S. you gave me in the elevator.” Kellion rolled his eyes. “You really think I’d believe someone like you would be suddenly scared of being alone in your room because it started raining outside?”
I made a face. Should I be flattered or offended?
Kellion slowly pulled away, and I hated the way I felt the loss keenly, to the point that my chest started tightening again. But instead of getting off the bed completely, Kellion only leaned against the headboard and lifted me onto his lap.
Pushing me down so I’d be lying against his chest, he said from behind, “Tell me.”
Still, I hesitated.
He said warningly, “Aria…”
I pulled out my phone. Because you looked sad.
“I did?” Kellion sounded surprised. “When?”
Me: When you read a message on your phone.
“Ah.”
Me: Your parents?
A moment of silence before Kellion said finally, “No.”
My fingers stilled. I couldn’t tell if he was lying, couldn’t blame him if he did. There were just some things we’d always too proud to admit, things we hated about ourselves. For Kellion, it was that he couldn’t stop caring so much about his parents. For me, it was that I could find nothing to care about with mine.
“It’s a friend of mine. Jack’s asking me to fly to Greece.” He paused. “It means I won’t be able to be at your exhibit if I do.”
Oh. I didn’t know who this Jack was, but the way Kellion spoke of him told me that whoever he was, he mattered. I twisted my head around to face him. “That’s…what makes you sad?”
He only looked at me.
I shook my head. “Idiot.”
Kellion lifted a brow, and the message behind it was very clear. If it were another person telling him that to his face, that person would be six feet under by now.
My lips twitched as I repeated firmly, “Idiot.”
“I’m this close to strangling you. Or kissing you. Which do you think would make you suffer more, terataki?”
“IDIOT.” But I laughingly pushed him back when he started to move. I placed a finger over his lips. “Listen…closely.” Releasing his lips, I smiled up at him. “I’ll never make you choose.”
Kellion stilled.
“All I want is to make you…smile. Remember?” My lips pursed. “Also, I’m not a ‘little monster’.”
But he didn’t answer. For a very long time he remained silent, only gazing at me with unfathomable eyes. Just when I started feeling nervous, he spoke. “You’re like Eros, you know.”
Eros? The God of love? “Cupid?” I asked, bewildered.
He nodded. “People used to think of him as a monster. Did you know that?”
I still didn’t get it. I knew of the love story of Eros and Psyche, of how she had thought he was a monster at the start because of the way he dwelled in the shadows, never showing his face.
“Your words are like his arrows.” He took my hand and placed it over his heart. “They always strike true.”
Ah.
We laughed at the same time.
I typed on my phone, DID YOU, KELLION ARGYROS, REALLY JUST SAY THAT?
He took my phone and deleted the entire line. “Shut up.”
I laughed harder.
He said pleasantly, “If you tell a living soul about it, I’ll kill you.”
That only had me laughing even more, and a moment later, I could feel his own body rocking with silent mirth behind me. He took my hand, lacing our fingers together, and when my laughter died, he said, “I would have killed you, you know.”
I twisted my head around to look at him in shock. What?
Kellion’s lips curved. “But I won’t. The sound of your laugh’s too precious.”
The words took me by surprise. I squeezed his fingers, as hard as I could—
Kellion winced. “Why are you crushing my fingers?”
Glaring at him, I pointed to his mouth, moving my fingers in a talking motion and then I tapped my chest, curling my fingers in a fist. Because that’s how you made ME feel, and I don’t like it.
“Do I have to remind you that you don’t actually know how to sign?”
I grabbed a pillow, intending to hit his face with it. But of course, Kellion’s reflexes were abnormally fast, and he had no problems blocking my move. With a low chuckle, he snatched the pillow and set it aside. “You’re the only girl I’ve ever dated who seems to want to hit me all the time.”
I lifted my chin. I’m darn proud of it.
“And for some reason, I like it.”
I wrinkled my nose. Then you’re weird.
He moved forward and kissed my mouth. It was the briefest of touches, but it was still enough to have my toes curl. Even so, I automatically tried rubbing the feel of his mouth from my lips, making Kellion grin. He pulled my hand away and kissed me again. But this time, before I could retaliate, he had already flipped me around, and I found myself lying against his chest once again.
Behind me, he asked, “How much do you know about me?”
I stilled.
“When I was drunk, how much did I tell you?”
Fumbling for my phone, I slowly typed my answer. Everything.
“I see.”
I twisted around and cupped his face. “You’re…mad?”
“Ashamed.” His voice was toneless.
Again, my chest tightened, so, so tightly that it made my voice shake harder as I said, “Nothing…to be…ashamed…of.” When he didn’t answer, I touched his face gently, a plea for him to meet my eyes.
And it was a plea he answered because while the whole world knew Kellion Argyros to be many things – a player, a daredevil, a man who most people would fear to cross – with me, he was different…had been different from the start.
With me, he had always been the man who made each day a little brighter.
Looking at his eyes, his face, hurt, and knowing that it was partly because of me hurt even more. Swallowing, I told him more emphatically, “Nothing…nothing to be…ashamed…of. If someone…should be…ashamed…it’s…your…parents.” I pointed to myself. “If…someone…has…something…to be…ashamed…about.” My lips twisted. “It’s me.”
Kellion’s face had paled while I was speaking and by the time I finished, he was shaking his head. How different he was from Dan and Amelie. My parents liked to hear my voice even if it was hurting me, but Kellion—
Kellion brought my fingers to his lips. Kissed them one by one before whispering, “Don’t force yourself to speak for me.”
>
I shook my head. “You…don’t…get…it…do you?” My shoulders lifted in a helpless shrug. “You…matter…to…me…now….so…much…that…if…you’re…broken…” A painful laugh escaped me. “I…want…to…break…alongside…you…too.”
Kellion’s face was pained. “Dammit, baby, no—”
I placed a finger over his lips, silencing him. “I…know…your…inner…demons.” I inhaled deeply, knowing that every word from here on would tear me apart. “Let…me…show…you…mine.”
Already, my world was blurring, already Kellion’s face was fading and all I could see was Ashton. All I could hear was Ashton. And all I could feel and taste was the pain of his loss.
“Let…me…tell…you…why…I…don’t…want…to…speak.”
KELLION
It was midnight when he stepped out of Aria’s room, his little monster fast asleep. For a moment, Kellion hesitated outside her door, a curiously heavy sense of guilt lodging in his throat, blocking his air passage.
Please, please come before I start hurting myself.
Jacqueline needed him in a way she had never needed him before. What he was doing wasn’t wrong. Leaving Aria couldn’t be wrong, surely – not when it meant saving the only girl he had ever loved?
Pressure built inside of Kellion with every step he took, the pressure growing as the distance between him and Aria yawned. By the time he reached the ground floor, Kellion felt like he was about to explode.
They made me sing. Her words had been halting like they always were, but her eyes had been as dead as her voice.
They made me say things that made people think I was a slut.
She had stared at him without seeing him, spoken like she wasn’t talking about herself, and Kellion had known then that Aria had lost herself in her past.
It was what they wanted. It made them happy the men thought I was willing to do things for them.
Kellion’s eyes involuntarily closed, a self-defense reflex because what Aria had said after that, how she had looked like after that—
Even when I realized what was happening, I wouldn’t have stopped. Because of him. Aria’s voice had cracked. And when she had looked at him, she was no longer dead, no longer living.
Instead, she was in the hell her parents had created.
They knew I only sang for him, Kellion. They knew. She was crying without the tears, hurting without any physical wounds, and at that moment, Kellion would have given his every possession if he could be in that same hell she was caged in, would have set his own soul on fire if it meant saving hers.
Why did they have to let him down? Why did they have let him die?
Aria had screamed the words out, every word a cry for help.
He was the cutest boy in the world. The cutest. If you had met him, you’d have fallen in love with him, too. When he smiled – it was like seeing a piece of heaven. I thought of him every time I sang and it didn’t hurt as much. When I thought of him, the way they stared at me didn’t make me feel as sick—
Remembering the way Aria had turned to him made Kellion’s fists clench in impotent rage, and he expelled his breath in a furious hiss. She had looked at him like a child…a child who had been beaten to death, a child betrayed by the very people she had loved and trusted.
When he died, I died with him. The way her lips twisted then had made Kellion want to kiss her – anything to stop her from being eaten alive by her grief.
And one day I just woke up and I couldn’t speak. Every time I tried, it was like I was killing him, choking his little neck, betraying his memory—
Slowly, Kellion started to walk. His pace increased with each step until he was practically running.
His death made me see the world in a blur, but when you came into my life…
He ran harder, a lone dark figure in the road, a shadow that streaked under glowing lampposts.
But it was no use. There was nowhere to run, no way to escape the weight of Aria’s last words. Even now, he could still feel her fingers on his cheek, could still feel how she had trembled.
I didn’t just start living.
You made the world seem like a nice place, too.
Kellion crashed to his knees.
Aria, I’m sorry.
The words were a shamed whisper in his heart.
He had seen her living in a glass house and broke it in one smash, never once thinking if he would be strong enough to help her live again.
Across the ocean, the only girl he had ever loved was waiting. The only girl he had wanted to beg to love him—
But here…
Here was a girl who was doing everything not to beg him to stay. A girl who promised to never make him choose, even if him leaving made her feel like she was all alone again.
Aria, I’m so goddamn sorry.
And he was. Because Kellion knew what was the right thing to do, but it wasn’t what his heart wanted.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
Dear Ashton,
I hate mornings. I’m just not like you. I remember how you loved mornings, the way you’d be so excited seeing the sun rise.
Maybe if you were here with me, I wouldn’t hate it so much. Ah, who am I kidding?
These days, I just exist to hate. It’s better than being scared.
Love, Your Big Sis
ARIA
The morning of the exhibition dawned nice and sunny, and its brightness was like acid on my skin. The first thought that came to my mind was even more painful, the kind that made me squeeze my eyes shut and wish I could just go back to sleep so the world would forget I ever existed.
Did I really tell everything about myself – about Ashton – to Kellion Argyros?
It was all I could think about the whole time I was in the shower, and even as I changed and fed myself an energy bar for breakfast, my mind remained tormented by last night’s memories. Remembering alone drained me. It felt like the more he knew, the more control Kellion had over me.
And I hated it. Was terrified by it.
When I stepped outside my dorm building, the sun was even brighter, and I quickly fumbled for my sunglasses. Even without Kellion around, the world had somehow become too sunny and vivid, blinding me. I wanted rain and gloom, thunder and lightning, dammit. Wasn’t September supposed to be hurricane season in Florida? While I would never in the world wish for another Katrina, I did want something like a drizzle.
But no, what I got instead were days that were depressingly like Kellion Argyros, radiating so much sunshine-y happiness it made me want to gag. If today had been an ordinary day, I would probably have tried countering the brightness by wearing something miserable, maybe go all Goth just so I could be that one big black spot in the midst of all the light.
Unfortunately, today was not an ordinary day.
Everyone turned towards me as I entered the exhibit venue through the back door, but I pretended not to notice. I was dressed in a strapless LBD, one that had a sweetheart neckline and a knee-length skirt that swirled around my legs every time I moved. The best thing about it? The dress had pockets.
“You look gorgeous,” KC exclaimed. “And oh my God, you’re wearing makeup!” Indeed, I was. Eyes made larger with mascara, bronzer to highlight my cheeks, and a matte lilac shade for my lips. I’d like to think it was because I wanted to look professional for my big day, but that wasn’t the only reason. All this – the dress, the hair, the makeup – it was me starting to live again, because of Kellion.
The thought chipped away a piece of my heart, that piece forever lost to me because from now on it was Kellion’s. It was a terrifying thought, and I forced myself to think of something else, something less life-changing like—
My eyes narrowed.
When I pointed to her face, KC smiled sheepishly. “Yes. I’m not wearing makeup.”
I threw my hands up. Why? Today was just as important for KC, a way to inject new life into her career. I dragged her towards the room reserved at the back for the exhibit’s artists
. As expected, Professor Edison was there, and his ever-ready professional makeup kit was on the dressing room table.
I pointed towards a vacant swivel seat. Sit.
KC sat dutifully. She had a beautiful cat-like face, but she also had an air of naïve innocence about her. I didn’t want that today since it could make others take advantage of her. A few strokes, a few brushes, and in minutes I got what I wanted, transforming her child-like beauty into something mysterious. Was she or was she not as innocent as she seemed? You had to kiss her to find out.
I stepped back, rubbing my hands with glee. Mission accomplished.
KC slowly swung her seat to face the mirror. It had incandescent bulbs all over its frame, its golden light illuminating her face.
Her lips parted in wonder.
I grinned. Hot chick, right?
She didn’t speak.
My forehead furrowed as I stepped closer to her, my eyes meeting her through the mirror. You don’t like it?
“I like it. I really, really like it.” She bit her lip. “It’s just that…” She twisted her head to look up at me, her eyes sparkling. “I can’t remember the last time I looked this…nice.”
Oh.
I almost lost my balance, but it wasn’t because my three-inch open-toed slingbacks had given in. No, it wasn’t that. It was the way her eyes sparkled.
It reminded me of…him.
When so many months had passed that nothing in the world reminded me of Ashton, when so many months I had existed in a blurry, unclear, rotting world, why was I suddenly surrounded by so many reminders of him?
The answer was clear, but I almost wanted to pretend it wasn’t, almost wanted to pretend I didn’t feel another piece of my heart chipping away.
KC touched my hand. “Hey. You okay?”
I blinked, rapidly, like I was in a contest since I forgot to use waterproof eyeliner. When I was sure I was no longer in danger of breaking down, I nodded.
She cleared her throat. Getting to her feet, KC said without looking at me, “I was really surprised you were okay with the morning shift for the exhibit.” She was giving me time to compose myself, and I appreciated it.
