“They’re trying but they are missing the one thing they need to close the rift,” he told me.
“Me,” I realized.
“Well they aren’t going to use you as their weapon,” he went back to something he had been working on but I wasn’t done.
“What happened to your mother?” I asked. He looked at me like I had lost my mind.
“What are you talking about?” he asked.
“You said you watched your mother die. What happened to her?”
“She just died,” he avoided it.
“You weren’t always the angel of death. What were you before that?”
“A normal angel,” he was starting to get worked up over these questions and I was positive I had hit a nerve but I kept going anyway.
“I don’t believe that,” I said.
“How could you doubt me?” Betrayal ran thick. “I have never lied to you! I never told you anything that wasn’t completely true!”
“Except for this!” I told him. “How could I possibly believe that you were always an angel when you hint that you were not at every turn?”
“You could believe it because it is true!” he stood but it wasn’t anger that was pouring out of him now.
“Then what do you actually look like Joshua? Why are you still wearing Nicholas?” I started to shout.
“Because I don’t want you to see what I actually look like!” he shouted as well. “Because I’m a monster!” I should have run. I should have escaped. But I didn’t.
“I was a human,” he admitted. “I lived in the Renaissance. I was a crusader. Because I was a true servant of God and not a hypocrite like many of the people who also claimed that title, he rewarded me with the ability to see angels and demons.”
“He gave me knowledge and the truth. I saw a man die when I was eighteen because I killed him. I had never killed anyone before and this man was a crusader like me. But he was going to kill a child in an enemy city so I killed him before he could. The angel of death, Azrael, came to collect his soul. He told me that I needed to go home.”
“While I had been gone he had claimed my father’s soul and my mother only had a week. By the time I got to her, she had five hours. Job was waiting for me there. He told me that he could help me. He told me how to kill the angel of death and spare my mother. All I knew was that he was an angel and I was losing my mother.”
“I didn’t know any better. I didn’t know what would happen. When Azrael came, I was waiting for him. I took a knife that Job had given me and I stabbed him. He took out his sword and tried to stop me but I cut off his hand and killed him with his own weapon. It didn’t even take the blink of an eye for Raphael to come.”
“The pain that he put me through was worse than anything I have ever felt to this day. I could feel my skin slowly burning away on the entire left side of my body, dividing me in half. He poured liquid fire into my eyes and kept the fire burning on my skin.”
“I suffered for hours, knowing I should have died long ago but I couldn’t. I thought he just wanted me to suffer pain but that wasn’t the half of it. When all of the skin and muscle had been burned from the left side of my body, the claws grew. They came from inside my hands, piercing through the skin of my fingertips.”
“The liquid fire continued to burn, replacing my eyes. Then came the wings. Black as night and fourteen feet across. As soon as they reached their full size, Raphael ripped them to shreds so that I could barely use them to fly. Half of my body and half of my face remained the same except for the claws and the eye.”
“He told me that my eternal punishment for killing the angel of death was to become the new angel of death. He forced me to reap my mother’s soul. I had to take her soul after she had watched her only child suffer and slowly turn into a hideous monster. But it couldn’t stop there. It couldn’t.”
“She came. Elizabeth. She was beautiful and she was an angel. She wasn’t a normal angel though. She was the partner of the angel of death. She was so angry that I had killed him that she cursed me. When I found my partner, I would love her immediately and she would be the only one to love me as a monster.”
“But I wouldn’t be able to keep her. Because I had taken this angel’s partner, she was going to make sure I lost mine. I would do everything I could to save her but nothing I would do would be enough. That was when the veil tore. It was because of the death of the angel of death. She told me that when I realized I was losing my partner I would rather die and I would do whatever it took to die.”
“I spent almost two thousand years without a partner until I saw her. She was right. I loved her instantly. I made a deal and bought her the same night. Michael had his own ideas about what she would be good for though. He wanted her to die so he could use her soul as fuel to separate Heaven and Hell. I refused to let her die.”
“Raphael had given me an incredible amount of power and I truly believed it was enough. When the angels began to come for her, I knew I had lost her. I knew I had lost… you.” It was me. I was the girl he loved. He had told me, he just hadn’t been able to tell me it was really me.
“I tried and I’m still trying to save you, but I can’t. I know I’m failing. I knew they are coming closer and I can’t stop them. So I opened a rift. I opened it because if the death of the angel of death can open a rift, it can also close it. I knew if the veil was repaired, Heaven and Hell would separate just like Michael wanted so he wouldn’t use your soul as his battery.”
“It was the only way. I don’t want to live when I know I am going to lose you. You aren’t destined to be mine.” His shoulders shook as his tears began to fall, his head in his hands. How could this angel curse him when he wasn’t the only one who would suffer for it? He hadn’t done anything to deserve this. I didn’t know if I loved him, but I didn’t want him to die.
I sat down next to him and rubbed his back, wishing I could make it all go away. Too many people were suffering for me.
58
We reached Venice, Italy the next afternoon. The easiest way to get through Venice was by boat. Had Jesse talked to me since France? I didn’t know. I was shutting him out and I think we both knew it. No matter how he felt about me, the person I would choose was chosen for me almost two thousand years ago.
I could feel eyes watching me everywhere. The scout demons had already gotten to Italy. Joshua knew they were there too. He had stayed quiet since his explanation in Switzerland. We were all quiet. We had nothing to talk about and nothing to say. The boat docked and Jesse got out first.
I stood and Joshua guided me onto the dock before getting out himself. I understood his anger now. He had to go every minute knowing that anything could take me away from him. I could have slipped on the way out of the boat and fallen into the waiting arms of an angel before he could save me.
He didn’t know what could happen. I could be taken at any time. My life wasn’t in his hands anymore. It wasn’t in Jesse’s either. That was why he refused to let anyone near me that he thought was a threat. If I was going to be taken, he wanted to make sure he was coming with me. At least I knew what Joshua’s purpose for me was. I was the other angel of death. It wasn’t exactly a pleasant thought. Several demons had taken an interest and moved in closer. Joshua put his arm around my shoulders and kissed my forehead.
It wasn’t a romantic gesture. It was a warning to the demons. Everything he did was a warning. I almost wished I didn’t know what was going on. I would have been able to at least feel safe thinking that Joshua could protect me. Knowing that he couldn’t was one of the worst things that could happen right now. Knowing that Jesse hadn’t actually had the power to save me was even worse.
59
The night view from the Italian hotel should have been beautiful but I couldn’t really think about it. I leaned against the railing in a white robe from the hotel, wishing once again that I could wake up and it would all be gone.
Even Joshua. I wanted to go home and I wanted my best friend back. Yes, he
was still here in person but not in soul. He wouldn’t leave, he was my guardian and that wouldn’t change, but things weren’t going to be the same now.
As for Joshua, I didn’t love him, at least not yet, but I did want to be with him. However, I didn’t want to be with him if it meant he was going to die for me. Furthermore, if he died it meant I would have to become the only angel of death. I wouldn’t have a choice and I did not want to be constantly tormented by that.
It was like Joshua had given up even before he had begun fighting. He just assumed that he would lose me so he wasn’t even going to bother trying to close the rift in another way. I heard someone walk out onto the balcony behind me but I didn’t turn around.
It was Joshua, I already knew. He stopped right behind me, resting a hand on the railing on each side of me.
“It’s beautiful, isn’t it?” he rested his jaw on my hair. I wasn’t sure that I liked this. He had known me longer than I had known him so it was natural that he felt more for me than I did for him. Right now I knew he did. I nodded slightly in agreement.
The person I really wanted to talk to was Jesse.
“Are you afraid Rachael?” he asked.
“Yes,” I told him. He moved his hands from the railing to my waist, holding me tightly.
“Right now, you are safe,” He stated. “I will never let anything hurt you.” I had heard that before but not from him. From someone else that I had cared about. Someone who would be taking me from Joshua if he was still alive.
Two days since Avery’s funeral. It had only been two days but it felt like an eternity. Why did he have to die? I knew my mother hated me and blamed me but I didn’t know why. I had done everything I could to be a good daughter to her.
I just wasn’t good enough for her. I sat by Avery’s gravestone in the woods, knowing that if he were still here, things would be different.
“He didn’t die for nothing,” Josh sat down beside me on the ground. He looked like himself again, not the soldier fighting for his country but my older brother’s friend that I had always had a crush on. The one who had become my boyfriend and the one I had fallen in love with.
I couldn’t help myself. He wasn’t like other people. He actually cared.
“What happened to him?” I wanted to know.
“We were in a night raid. There were more of them than we thought and the captain told us to turn back. Avery wouldn’t do it. The captain told him he could spend the rest of his life in jail for disobeying orders but he still wouldn’t.”
“There were children, innocent children, being held by these people and Avery wasn’t going to let them die. He convinced the entire platoon to go back and fight for them. The captain couldn’t fight that many men so he was forced to agree.”
“We attacked the group and saved every last child they had enslaved. At least we thought we had. One of the ones we had saved said that his little sister was still there. Avery immediately thought of you and how if he wasn’t able to, he would want someone who could save you to go save you.”
“He went back for her. She was too young to even walk. He couldn’t carry her and use his gun at the same time so he dropped his gun and began to run back to the rest of us, carrying her. They saw him and shot him down.”
“He didn’t stop running until the girl was safe. He didn’t make it past the next hour. The army awarded him the Medal of Honor. I was there while he was dying. The only thing he was worried about was you.”
“I promised him that I would give my life to protect you as he had done for this girl. I meant it. I will never let anything hurt you. Never. Not as long as I am breathing. I love you, Rachael.” He sealed his promise with a kiss just like he always did. How was I to know that in just a few days I would never hear him speak again?
“Rachael?” Joshua asked.
“I can’t do this,” I pushed him away and started to go inside.
“What’s wrong? What did I do?” he questioned in confusion.
“I can’t be with you. I just can’t. You’re going to have to find someone else to be an angel of death with you. I can’t!” I told him.
“I know it’s not a good life. I know that it’s awful to have to take people’s lives. I never wanted this for you. I will do all of it. You’ll never have to reap anyone’s soul. I swear. I love you Rachael. I want to be with you forever!”
“I can’t Joshua. I can’t. It is not about being the angel of death. It’s not about any of that and how would you do all of it or any of it if you are dead?”
“I’ll find another way! I’ll do anything for you!”
“I don’t love you. I don’t want to be with you forever. I don’t want any of this. I want to go home and live a normal life with my best friend. I want the man I really love to come back and not be dead because of me.”
“You want him back?” he had once again hidden all emotion behind anger.
“Yes. I have always wanted him back. He should never have died!”
“Fine then. If that is who you want, when the demons take over, I’m sure that’s exactly what you’ll get. Everything you ever wanted!”
“It is not everything I ever wanted! I can never have everything I always wanted! I just wanted a normal life! I wanted a mother who loved me and a father who didn’t die! I wanted my big brother to always be there for me! I wanted Jesse to never have to suffer pain and heartache for me! I wanted to be with Josh! I can never have any of that!”
“This isn’t about Josh, it’s about Jesse!” he jumped to a conclusion. “You won’t be with me because you think you love Jesse!”
“I don’t think I love Jesse, I do love Jesse but not the way you think!”
“Because there are so many ways to love someone,” he said sarcastically. This was getting out of hand.
“How could I ever love you? You are cruel to me! You hurt me every single day! You don’t know how to feel love! You only think you feel it because it’s what you’ve been told you’re supposed to feel but there is a huge difference between love and lust!” I wasn’t even thinking about what I was saying now. I was just going to say whatever I had to in order to get away.
“You forget that I was human too! I know what love is!” he shouted. The face I had seen in the City of Chaos and with the woman in England was flickering on his features as he began to lose control.
“You have no idea what love is! You think love is to kill yourself so that you don’t have to live without a person! That isn’t love; that is selfishness! You would willingly make me into what you are just so you don’t have to feel loss!”
“I have already felt loss!”
“Leave her alone!” Jesse came out onto the balcony.
“You don’t need to get involved in every single one of her battles!” Joshua turned his anger on Jesse.
“I will get involved in every battle she has for as long as I live!” Jesse shouted right back.
“If you think I won’t go through you to get to her, you’re wrong!”
“Go ahead! Attack me! See where that will get you! She still isn’t going to love you!” Joshua didn’t even think. He sent a stream of fire at Jesse with an angry scream.
Jesse rolled under it and kicked Joshua in the stomach. Joshua, in turn, pushed him back against the outside of the hotel and motioned with one hand, sending the glass door of the balcony against Jesse. It shattered, slicing him in several places.
Jesse gathered as many of the pieces as he could with his power and threw them at Joshua. Joshua brushed them aside and pulled out a knife. Jesse took out his own knife and threw it at Joshua. It never reached him.
There was a loud rumbling noise like thunder and a brilliant flash of light and another angel stood in between Joshua and Jesse.
“Get out of my way!” Joshua ordered.
“Be silent angel of death,” the angel ordered. He had brown hair and gray eyes and his voice sounded very familiar. He was the person who had called my phone that day in the school to warn me I
was in danger. He was the last angel that had been watching over me and apparently still was.
“I am here for Rachael and her guardian.”
“You can’t take her! She belongs to me!” Joshua insisted.
“Not anymore. You will see that the five thousand souls you paid for her have been refunded. She is once again the property of Jesse,” the angel told him. Jesse looked relieved and slightly triumphant.
“You can’t do this Gabriel,” Joshua was begging now. So the arch-angel Gabriel had been watching me? That was unexpected but then again so was pretty much everything in my life.
“I’m sorry Joshua. She is more important than you,” Gabriel turned to Jesse. “Take her to get anything she has with her. We will be leaving as soon as you a ready.” Jesse nodded.
“You, Joshua,” Gabriel turned to him. “You will go immediately to the front lines where you are needed and where you should have been a long time ago.”
“Yes, my lord,” Joshua spread his wings and jumped off the edge of the balcony before he dissolved into the air like Daniel had.
“You should know Rachael that what he felt for you truly was love,” Gabriel told me. I nodded. I felt like an even worse person than I already was. Why was it that everyone around me got hurt? I had just broken his heart and I hadn’t even stopped to think what that might have caused.
“Come on Rachael,” Jesse motioned for me to come with him and I followed him into the hotel. I put on the clothes that Jacqueline had given me. I didn’t have much here. I hadn’t had a warning when I left home. The only other things were my cellphone and the envelope from the asylum that I had never opened.
“Since you wouldn’t listen to me.” I still didn’t know who had given it to me. I had forgotten about it until now. Glancing around to make sure no one was there, I opened it. It was a dagger in a solid gold sheath. There were all kinds of strange patterns on it, all of them forming a wing together.
“I was wondering how long it would take you to open that,” the woman from the asylum walked towards me. “I gave it to you days ago.”
The Rift Page 15
