by Kira Blakely
“I happen to live here full-time,” Dean said. “Don’t get pissy with me. I tried to tell her that it would be okay to be with you, but she’s terrified of you. That’s all it is. Give it time, and I’m sure—”
“No,” I said harshly. “No. No more giving it time. I have shit to do, so the two of us are going to go our separate ways.”
I tipped back the rest of the Patron. Dean’s eyes lingered on me in concern. I wiped at my mouth with the back of my hand.
“What? I have nothing to do today.”
“I don’t think either one of you want that.” Dean got up from the bar stool. “Let’s go across the street and get some food in your stomach before that Patron hits you.”
I yanked myself from his grasp to signal for another drink. “Let it hit me. You can either sit here, or you can go across the street to your wife.”
“Come on, man,” he groaned, sitting back down. “You know that I can’t turn away from you when you’re doing this.”
“Doing what?” I muttered darkly. “Killing some demons?”
“Killing yourself.”
“Yes. That’s exactly what the fuck I’m doing today.”
Chapter 28
Ava
My phone buzzed from somewhere inside my blankets and sheets, drawing me out of a restless sleep. Lifting my hand, I stared blearily through my still-dark room at the alarm clock next to my bed. 6:03 a.m.
“Who the fuck is calling me this early on a Saturday?” I grumbled, searching beneath my pillows to stare down at the unfamiliar number. “Hello? This is Ava James.”
“Ava.”
The sound of Chuck’s voice cut through my foggy brain and set off alarm bells. I sat up in my bed with a pounding heart.
“How the hell did you get my number?” I asked, astounded. “I never gave it to you.”
“I control all of JJ’s personal accounts,” Chuck said irritably. “Which includes his phone records.”
“Fine. Why are you calling me?”
“Where the hell is he?”
“Who?” I asked crossly. “Jude?”
“Yes, Jude. Where the fuck is he? He’s not picking up any of my phone calls.”
“I don’t know where he’s at,” I said. “He’s not with me. I sent him back to you, so you are the one who lost him. I assumed he went back to wherever you are going next.”
“He hasn’t picked up his phone since going back to that shithole of a town, and I wouldn’t be in this damn position if you’d written the article the way we talked about. I hope you realize, Ms. James, that you broke our contract. That gives me plenty of legal grounds to fucking sue for all this damn trouble you’ve placed JJ in.”
I clutched the blanket to my chest to fend off the anger that I could feel brewing inside of me. Jude had assured me that Chuck had no legal grounds to take me to court. We had no written contracts to worry about. Unease filled me still. Also knowing that Jude wasn’t picking up the phone made me nervous since he always had it on him.
“You have no grounds to sue me,” I said. “We never had a written contract.”
“We had an oral agreement. It’s a bunch of shit. It’s all about you and your personal experiences with this sport. None of it’s about JJ.”
“Jude didn’t care. He said—”
“That man is blinded by anything that opens its legs to him,” Chuck interjected nastily. “He’s a young, hot-blooded man who will fuck anything who lets him. We had an oral agreement to finish the article after the Games. You quit a few days early, so therefore, henceforth, and hitherto, expect some legal papers coming your way.”
“Fuck you, Chuck.”
“You and him better have your asses at the arena this weekend. The both of you will be sorry if either one of you doesn’t show up. I can promise.”
The call ended a second later. I tossed my phone angrily against the foot of my bed. Pushing the blankets back, I knew that there was no way in hell that I could go back to sleep now. Not with Chuck’s words ringing in my ears. Not without knowing where the hell Jude had gone to the previous night.
Don’t worry about him. You’re not supposed to care about him.
I slipped into my bathrobe with agitated movements before grabbing my phone from the foot of the bed. No matter how hard I tried to get away from this situation, something pulled me back in. I couldn’t rest until I figured out where the hell Jude had gone to after our fight yesterday, outside of the quarry.
The house was still quiet as I made my way down the stairs to start a pot of coffee. I glanced down at my phone before pulling up Jude’s phone number to scroll through our previous text messages from last week. No text messages. No phone calls. My call went straight to a voicemail box that was undoubtedly full, from Chuck trying to get ahold of him.
I texted him instead. Call me. Chuck is looking for you.
“Ava?”
My father appeared through the pale blue light of the kitchen. He frowned at me and adjusted his bathrobe when he caught sight of my anxious expression.
“What’s going on, sweetheart?” he asked. “You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”
“Jude’s missing,” I explained as he brushed by me to check on the coffee maker. “His manager just called me to ask if I knew where he was.”
“Did you check the bar?”
“That isn’t funny, Dad. I’m serious. You have no idea how much this upcoming weekend means to him. I—”
“It wasn’t a joke,” he said, turning to frown at me. “Ava, he’s a grown man. He can handle himself, I’m sure. He’s done a good job at building a life for himself. I imagine he can handle himself wherever he is.”
“This weekend is the Games. You don’t understand it, but it meant the world to him to be there. He was going to give it up for me yesterday, but I—”
My father held up a hand with a small chuckle. “Hold on, Ava. Let’s get some coffee in our systems here before you tell me what is going on. Okay? It sounds like you might need a little bit of good ole Dad’s advice.”
He reached around to grab two mugs of coffee from around me. Accepting a mug, I sat down with my father at the dining room table to tell him everything that had happened since traveling with Jude. Minus the intimate details, naturally. It still felt good to vent out everything to someone who wouldn’t twist my words around or manipulate the situation.
“So, his manager is threatening to sue me because I didn’t finish the article,” I said, sipping at my coffee. “And I have no idea where Jude is, either. He can’t do that. Right, Dad?”
“Absolutely not, to you at least,” he said. “Now, it’d be different with JJ, though. I imagine there are actual contracts involved with him and this manager of his.”
“There are contracts. I’m sure of it. You can’t just fire a manager like that without having some legal grounds?”
“Right,” my father said, nodding. “How do you feel about him in all honesty, Ava?”
I traced the wood grain patterns on the table top to avoid my father’s eyes. “I know it’s probably hard for you to believe, but I do love him. There’s just something about him that I can’t get past. It’s hard to explain.”
“A connection?”
“Yes,” I said and looked up when he nodded in understanding. “That’s exactly what it feels like. No matter where I go or what I do, I always feel this type of tug for him. I don’t know what it is.”
My father ran a hand through his sleep messy hair with a sigh. He got up to grab the coffee pot to fill both our cups again before settling down in the chair across from me.
“I didn’t want to admit this back then, but I knew that the two of you were going to end up together someday,” he said. “I just didn’t want to think it would happen, given the past with Andy. I can see that the man loves you back.”
“He does,” I said, voice quivering with emotion. “I know that he does because he told me. He came all the way from Chicago to give up his entire career for me, but
I couldn’t return it. I couldn’t deal with that burden.”
“It’s not a bad thing to give up things for people, sweetheart. That’s what love is. It’s not a burden. Love is giving up a little and filling that gap up with as much love as you can.”
I wiped at my eyes when I felt the tears there coat my eyelashes. “I’m surprised that you aren’t wanting to throttle me for feeling this way toward him. You threatened to kick his ass a few times.”
“As much as I didn’t like hearing what you had to say the other day, he’s right about needing to move on from the past.” My father smiled thinly at me as he reached across the table to grasp my hand. “If he makes you happy, then I will support you with whatever you decide to do. I won’t lose another child because I can’t understand what they want.”
I smiled at him gratefully.
“Thank you,” I said, clasping his hand back. “I need to get to Chicago to find Jude. I have a feeling that he went there for the Games. They start in a few hours.”
My father sighed at that. “Well, hurry it up, then. I’ll drive you to the airport in my bathrobe, if necessary.”
Three hours later, I landed in Chicago after several attempts at calling Jude’s phone. They all went to a full voicemail. None of my texts were going through, either.
I hailed a cab at the curbside of the terminal. “To the Games,” I said, pulling out a hundred-dollar bill that my father insisted I take for the cab fare. “I don’t care what laws you break. It’s urgent that we get there before they start.”
The cab driver twisted around in the seat to gaze at me in astonishment. “You understand that the traffic is going to be fucking nuts all the way there, lady?”
“I know that,” I said shortly. “Just go.”
“Not to mention parking—”
I pulled out the press past that Jude had given me back in Las Vegas for the Games. I dangled it in the cab driver’s face. “This is how you’re going to get in with no resistance. I promise you.”
“Buckle your seatbelt,” he said, putting the cab into drive. “I’ll get us through this traffic as best as I can without getting either one of us killed.”
I held on to the edge of my seat as we spent the next twenty minutes weaving in and out of traffic. The arena in Chicago was easily the largest one on the outskirts of the city. I stared at the massive parking lot full of cars, buses, and trailers in awe. I directed the cab driver around to the private side, where I could flash my backstage press pass at the security guard at the checkpoint.
The sound of dirt bikes filled the air as I hopped out of the cab to grab my duffle bag. I tossed the hundred with a hasty thank you before rushing in through the entrance for the press. I had to find Jude before he took to the arena. I had to find him before he got on that bike. I had this terrible feeling welling in the pit of my stomach that something wasn’t right.
Chapter 29
Jude
I retched into the garbage can outside of the arena. The Games were well on their way already but judging from how many fans were strolling about the parking lot, I wasn’t too late. I still had plenty of time to find my bus to shower. To sober the fuck up after a night hitting the bars in downtown Chicago.
It felt liberating to not be tied down to a phone. No one could call me. I couldn’t call anyone. I barely managed to find a hotel last night. Some shitty ass hotel that smelled disgusting when I got up to stare in confusion at the nasty yellow wallpaper.
Wiping my mouth clean, I kept my head bowed down with my hood up to keep my identity a secret. The last thing I wanted was a fan poking their cell phone in my face to take a picture of me hungover. I managed to find the bus, empty of Chuck and my team, and took a hot shower. I stared blearily into the foggy mirror as I half-ass styled my hair, since I would be pulling on a helmet anyway.
I brushed the taste of alcohol and cigarettes from my teeth before venturing off the bus in the direction of the arena. A few fans screamed my name, but I rushed through the crowd for the private entrance. I didn’t need the extra attention.
The private area of the arena was crowded and loud, as I expected it to be. I pushed by various racers and their teams to the one team without a racer standing nervously at the front of the entrance. Chuck was the first one to catch sight of me as I approached them. The fury on his face didn’t match what I felt at that moment for him.
“Where the hell have you been?” Chuck hissed, grabbing me by the elbow. “I had to push off the press because I couldn’t get ahold of you. I had to call your little whore girlfriend back in that shithole town to try and figure out where the hell you went.”
“She’s not my girlfriend. Don’t call her a whore, either.”
“You smell like a bar,” he continued, shaking his head at me. “I can’t manage you if you—”
I wasn’t sure what happened next, aside from my knuckles colliding against Chuck’s nose. I relished the sound of bones crunching beneath my fist. Chuck tumbled to the floor with a stream of blood coming from his nose. He clasped at his face with a painful groan while staring up at me through watery eyes.
“What the fuck is your problem?” he shouted.
The entire entrance went quiet as I shook the pain out of my wrist. I glared down at him as he scrambled to his knees.
“You’re fired,” I said. “Get the fuck out of the arena. Get your shit out of my bus. You’re fucking fired.”
Chuck got to his feet. He swayed slightly as blood trickled down his chin. A few other managers for the racers behind and in front of me took a step forward to intervene. Cameras were swinging in our direction as security rushed forward.
“You can’t fire me,” Chuck shouted, pointing a fat finger at me. “You fucking prick. You can’t fire me. You’re going to break our contract, and I’ll sue your ass for everything that you got.”
I took a step forward, but security blocked me. They pushed me back as they grabbed Chuck by the elbows.
“Good!” I shouted back. “I’ll get to actually ride for fun instead of a damn paycheck. That’s all you fucking care about! I know what you did to Ava!”
Cheers erupted as soon as Chuck was escorted out of the entrance. I nodded curtly to everyone before gathering my gear from where it was draped over the bike. Billy came rushing up to me to help make sure that everything was fastened just right.
“Time for a new manager,” Billy said. “I’ll volunteer myself. I know you are more than a paycheck, bro.”
My head hurt like a bitch as I used Billy’s shoulder to steady myself. I didn’t know what to tell him since I knew that this race was undoubtedly going to be the last one. I couldn’t see straight. I was still intoxicated from the night before and also hopped up on energy drinks. My hands were shaking violently when Billy looked up at me with a frown.
“Thanks, man,” I said, patting him on the shoulder. “You’re a good friend and racer but I think this might be my last race.”
“What? Why?”
Billy straightened as I double checked the buckles on my boots. I nearly toppled over into my bike, so I pretended to be checking the air pressure in the tires.
“It’s a long ass story, Billy. I’ll make sure to tell you after I’m done with the race. I just want to get through today before something else happens.”
“Dude,” Billy said, getting close to me to whisper. “Are you drunk right now? Oh, shit. Here comes the reporter for ESPN.”
“Great,” I mumbled as I ran a hand over my eyes to wipe away the exhaustion there. “Are my eyes bloodshot?”
“Very,” Billy said grimly. “Look, man, your life is worth more than a few laps on this track. You know what I mean?”
“My life isn’t worth that much, Billy. Trust me on that.”
“Mr. Jacobs?”
Billy took a step back when the reporter from ESPN arrived at my side. I sucked in a deep breath to keep myself calm before turning to face the microphone and camera. I took in the red light on top of the camera, a sure
sign that this was live television.
Compartmentalize here. Put your shit behind you. Focus.
“I was wondering if we could have a quick interview?” the reporter asked.
I forced a charming smile on my face. “Sure thing. I have some time.”
“You obviously are representing yourself now,” the reporter said. “What can we expect from you, now that you are on your own?”
“Nothing out of the ordinary. I can promise you all that.”
“So, you will be representing yourself from now on?”
“It appears that I will be,” I said. The announcer called out my name as a warning to be prepared to get ready. “Thank you, sir. I have to get ready here.”
“Of course. Jude Jacobs, everyone.” He turned to me when the camera lowered to the ground. Offering a hand for me to shake, he nodded at me in appreciation. “I’ve got say that I was happy to see that you were getting rid of that manager of yours. He’s a bit of a prick. Everyone at the station couldn’t stand dealing with him.”
“You won’t have to worry about that.” I adjusted my weight on the bike to push forward but I stopped when the reporter leaned in to whisper, “Look, I’m not supposed to do this but I think you’ve got a real talent for being in front of the camera. The network would love to have you. Just something to keep in mind in the future if you want to do something different.”
“Thanks,” I said, nodding. “I’ll keep that in mind.”
It was a good idea for me to think about later. I had no idea what I was going to do now but I didn’t care. I just wanted to go out there and ride freely for once. I didn’t want to think about anything else.
I did my usual lap around the arena. Which was a miracle, given that I couldn’t see straight worth shit. My wrist hurt like a bitch, too, as I took my spot in front of the counter. I pulled hard on the throttle when the light flashed green. The first hill felt wobbly beneath my legs as I soared through the sky. I landed it with a groan of pain when my wrist throbbed. I had to use my feet on the ground to steady myself upright again before taking off in the direction of a hill. I could barely see straight as I squinted my eyes.
