Chapter 20
The pounding was coming from my head, despite the dream I’d been having. But as I came to and fully awakened, I realized I wasn’t being jostled in a car. Nope. Just my brain rattling in my head.
I slowly rolled over to check the time but my clock was gone. Hell, my whole nightstand was missing.
And then things began clicking into place. The room was dark but it was as familiar as my own. From the thick comforter, to the window on my right, to the door on my left, I knew this room because it was Colby’s.
He must have felt me shifting because he stretched out and mumbled, “You feeling okay?”
“Not really.” I stayed still, not wanting to anger the hangover gods. “I have a headache.”
“I’ll get you some ibuprofen.” He sat up, stretched again, then stood.
“I should probably just get home.”
He paused mid-step and looked at me. “It’s like four in the morning.”
“Oh. Um, I’m sorry I got so drunk.”
He laughed. “I didn’t mind. Be right back.”
What had Landon put in those things? Ugh. The thought of alcohol made me cringe. I’d wanted to have a good time but never—Oh my god. Colby had gone down on me. My face warmed and I patted my dress to be sure I had underwear on. How in the world was that not the first thing I remembered? And since it wasn’t, why did I have to remember at all?
I covered my face with my hands as if they’d shield me from embarrassment. Though I don’t know why I was embarrassed. We’d had sex. It wasn’t like that was a huge leap for us. But the fact I’d been wasted and who knew what else I’d said or done in the heat of the moment was the part weighing heavily on me.
Granted, he seemed fine. He didn’t sleep on the couch. Or give me any strange looks this morning.
“Here you go. Brought you three. Wasn’t sure if we were talking my head hurts or put me out of my misery.”
“Misery.” I said. Though it had more to do with just the headache at this point.
“Well, take these, drink a little water, and go back to sleep. You’ll feel much better if you sleep it off.”
I thanked him then swallowed all three pills with a sip of water.
Colby climbed back into bed. “Need anything else?”
“I’m good.”
With the way my head felt, I didn’t even care to attempt going home, but I doubted I could sleep either. I set the glass down and lay next to Colby.
“Oh shit. Grandma.”
“Took care of it last night. I called her from your phone.”
“Did you tell her I was drunk?”
“No, I told her what you asked me to.”
“I asked you?”
“Man, you really were wasted.” He laughed. “Right before you fell asleep you asked me to tell her you’d had too much to drink and decided to stay the night here.”
“What did she say?”
“That you were so responsible and she loved you.” He finished his sentence with a yawn.
“Oh, well, thanks.”
“No problem.” He yawned again.
I flipped onto my side and stared at the wall, knowing there was no way I’d be able to fall back asleep.
But then something unexpected happened. Colby rolled over and snuggled right into me. And it felt pretty perfect. He always managed to make me feel safe and secure. My breathing slowed and after a while my headache dulled, and it wasn’t long before my eyelids became heavy.
When I woke back up, the bed was empty and the room was bright.
I looked around for any sign of Colby but he wasn’t there. My head seemed much better but my mouth was dry. Cautiously, I sat up and was happy to discover I felt a million times better. Not perfect. But not dead either. I took a few sips of water, realized I could stomach them just fine then finished the cup off. I made my way from Colby’s room to the bathroom with plans to make myself presentable. But thanks to his extreme thoughtfulness there was a towel, an unopened toothbrush, and one of his T-shirts and a pair of sweatpants.
Half an hour later, after a shower and in clean clothes, I felt like a new person. The pants were huge but after pulling the drawstring tight and rolling them up, it wasn’t too bad. I followed the sounds coming from the kitchen, but to my surprise found Landon, not Colby.
“Hey.” He grinned as I approached.
“Hey yourself.” I smiled back, then nodded toward the clean kitchen. “How long did that take?”
“It wasn’t too bad. Nothing like the last time. Colby helped, and now he’s off getting breakfast.”
“Aw, that’s so nice.”
“And he’s getting Lucy’s croissants. Your favorite.”
I smiled. “To be honest, I’m pretty amazed at how well you paid attention. It was insanely sweet how you surprised me with all my favorite things—”
“Though I hate to interrupt your Landon-praise, I should probably come clean about this.” He leaned against the kitchen counter and crossed his arms. “That was all Colby. I should have known and I’m sorry I didn’t, but Colby was the one who told me your favorite color and food and all that stuff. He even told me what to write in the card. I’m sorry, it feels like such a cop-out now, but I just didn’t know.”
“That was him?” Oh my god. That night. The texts.
Choose the one who pays attention when no one else is watching. Your favorite color, your favorite food, the words to make you smile…
“Because he’s the one who loves me,” I murmured.
“Well, yeah, isn’t it obvious? Colby’s so in love with you. Told you that the other night.” Landon chuckled. “The thing about Colby is he spends too much time trying to make everyone else happy. But in the process, sometimes he misses the mark. I think it’s time you took control of the situation.” He winked. “He needs someone like you. You know what you want and aren’t afraid to go after it. Like nursing school, and the way you tackle life. You have direction and motivation. He’s on the straight and narrow, always has been, but he’s floundering. Needs some passion or something. He needs some Isla.”
Landon was right. Colby responded better to me when I wasn’t too wrapped up in my own head. He was stuck in his own enough for the both of us.
“Hey, don’t overthink it. Be you and it will all work out.”
I nodded. “Be me. Yeah. You’re right. I’m going to be me.” I smiled up at him. “Can you be my life coach?”
He laughed. “If it means you and Colby get this shit figured out, I’ll be whoever you need me to be.”
I wrapped my arms around his waist and squeezed him up in a big hug. “You. Are. The. Best.”
“You’re really laying on the praise today.” He hugged me back. “Maybe you should be my life coach.”
“Like you need anyone to help you call the plays—you’ve got life all figured out.” I pulled back and thought I caught the tail end of a frown, but his mouth quickly pulled up in a grin.
“Fake it ’til you make it, right?”
I rolled my eyes. “Nothing fake about it. You know you’re like every girl’s dream guy.”
“Except yours.”
I winced. “Ouch.”
“Had to,” he said, looking completely unapologetic but totally playful.
I shook my head and forced back my smile. “I’ll give you that one.”
He chuckled again. “I’m happy for you and Colby. And I better be best man at that wedding!”
“Oh my god.” I hushed him.
I was still fighting back a smile as Colby walked in. “Good morning.” He set down the white Lucy’s bakery box. “Feeling better?”
“Oh yeah. My headache is gone.” I smiled. “Thanks for letting me sleep in.” I tugged at the oversized shirt. “And the change of clothes.”
“No problem.” He opened the lid. “Are you hungry?”
“Actually, I am.”
“Good, because I got your favorite.”
Which he knew, because of course C
olby would, not Landon.
Landon walked by just then and plucked a croissant out of the box, then paused and grabbed a second. “Going on a long run later. No judgment.”
Colby laughed and threw up his hands in surrender. “None here.”
I watched the way he genuinely enjoyed his brother—he always had, and I felt guilty for not respecting that more. Though I hadn’t been convinced Landon ever had true feelings for me, Colby had and that was a tough spot to be in. But it seemed we were past that. Or at least I hoped.
Then again, what if last night had been an in-the-moment thing again?
“You okay?”
I snapped out of my thoughts. “Yeah.”
He studied me, seemingly not buying my response. So I smiled to assure him I was okay. But he still didn’t seem convinced.
“I want to know what you’re thinking,” he said.
I half laughed because how many times had I wondered exactly that.
“It’s this look you get. Kind of far-off, kind of focused. I’ve always wondered what’s going on behind that.”
“Overthinking,” I offered, with a smile because that was the truth. If there was a far-off stare on my face, it was probably because I’d fallen down the rabbit hole of insecurities and overthinking.
But maybe this was a good time to talk. In light of what happened last night, we should probably confront things head-on. No more running in circles.
I dug deep for some courage, replayed everything Landon had told me.
I had a spine. I was strong. Colby loved me.
I wasn’t sure if the last one was actually true but if I’d interpreted Colby’s texts correctly—the second time—he did. And that was the fuel I needed. Opportunity was slipping away. Now or never. My move was just around the corner and I couldn’t live with the regret of not knowing.
I took a deep breath.
Confident.
Strong.
Slightly terrified.
I leaned against the kitchen table. A plate with a chocolate croissant in one hand, as I picked at the flaky crust with the other.
Confident.
Strong.
Still terrified.
Colby turned around and looked at me, his gaze wandering a bit too. My heart rate spiked. He looked down and adjusted his trademark ball cap. It was old and dirty and I loved it. Almost every good memory I had of him involved that hat. And I’d always loved the way he smoothed his hair then mashed it back under the hat, leaving only the adorable wisps peeking out around his ears.
Yeah. I had it bad. I loved this guy.
“I need to—”
“So I know—”
We both stopped and stared at the other. But there was only silence. Dammit. Why did it have to be so awkward? We’d gone from speaking at the same time to complete silence to let the other finish.
And then Landon’s words came back to me again. Take charge.
Screw it. I set my plate down and stepped forward to communicate my feelings in the way that felt most natural. I kissed him. Really, really, leave-no-questions kissed him. It wasn’t a tentative peck, or a let’s-explore-our-feelings kind of kiss. It was I want you. I love you. I need you. A this-is-only-the-beginning kind of kiss.
And once again he responded without hesitation, like we’d done this a million times before, like our bodies were merely an extension of the other.
His arm wrapped around my waist, hugging me tighter to him, as his other hand went to my cheek, gently slipping under my hair and caressing the side of my face. His movements weren’t timid or doubtful, but they were gentle. Sweet and filled with an intimacy that only two people who knew each other inside and out could ever really share.
I leaned into him, pressing into my toes to gain the inches I needed to keep my lips where they always longed to be. A million thoughts raced through my mind. Everything from why we had wasted so much time together when we could have always been doing this to the impossibility of loving anyone more than I loved him, to wondering how wrong sex on a kitchen table was. Okay, the last one was hypothetical. I wouldn’t really have done that. Maybe?
No. I wouldn’t. It was wrong-ish.
He squeezed me tighter and I didn’t doubt that, just like me, he’d felt as if we couldn’t get close enough. As if our physical bodies were only an obstacle to connecting on a deeper level. And that’s when I was certain he loved me too.
“Isla…”
Uh-oh. His tone didn’t carry the same sentiment as his actions. Hadn’t we gone down this road enough times?
“I want this.”
Okay, so maybe I’d heard his tone wrong?
“But…”
Nope.
“Isla, I like you. More than like you.” He looked away and rubbed the back of his neck. “This is harder than I thought. And I knew it would be hard.”
Maybe I could make it easier. “I like you too.”
He turned back to me. “But…”
Here we went again. Friends. Or Landon. Or some other ridiculous reason why we shouldn’t have been together. “Stop with this. Please. For once, let’s talk about us. What we are. What we could be.” I took a step back, and looked at him. A silent plea to give us the shot we deserved.
He slid his hand under his cap and massaged his forehead, his eyebrows scrunching together. Then he yanked his hat back down. “Isla, I’m just trying to say—”
“Colby, I can’t keep doing this. Everyone but you seems to know that I love you. Hell, even Landon. In fact, he not only supports it but encourages it.” The words rushed out and I prayed they’d been such a blur that he’d miss my mid-sentence confession.
“You love me?”
Nope. Heard it. Loud and clear.
“As a friend?” he asked.
Though it was hard, I forced my gaze to his. “In all the ways.”
“So as a friend?”
I nodded.
“And as more?”
“Of course, how could you not see that?” I smiled at him. “You simultaneously make me angry and happy all at once. You make me slightly crazy yet completely sane.”
“Well, if that’s not love, I don’t know what is,” he teased, then reached for my hand and tugged me to him.
“My life has come completely unhinged lately, yet when I think about a life without you—all the security and happiness and excitement are gone. You’re important to me in a way no one else could be.”
He cupped my cheek again in that way only he could, and whispered, “I feel the same way, Isla, and had you let me finish earlier”—he grinned—“I would have told you that you are, by far, the best part of my life. I’ve liked you for a long time.”
“Except you said but…”
He nodded. “Because I was going to say that I like you but I want more.”
Leave it to me to jump the gun and almost ruin his heart-to-heart. I bit my lip to prevent any more words from slipping out.
His fingers glided into my hair and his smile softened right along with his gaze. “I’ve been trying so hard lately to make others happy at my expense, but last night I finally realized I deserve to be happy too. And the thing that’s missing is you. I need you in my life, Isla. Right by my side. Now and always, because I love you. So much it’s crazy.”
I laughed because when it came to crazy…“I’m certifiable, lock-me-up, crazy in love with you.”
“I’d expect nothing less from my Isla.”
And if that didn’t have the power to do me in, nothing would. Tears that I didn’t even know I was capable of producing sprung to life and flooded my eyes, blurring the perfect vision before me. Crying had always seemed a form of weakness. Tears arose only from anger or sadness. Who would have ever known that happiness could produce the biggest tears of all? I laughed and wiped at them.
“I’m a mess.”
“You’re beautiful.”
“Can we have sex on your kitchen table?”
He laughed. “Sure, but I’d prefer the bed.�
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“I’m kind of serious.”
He grinned. “So am I.”
He took my hand and led me down the hall just as he’d done the first time. But this time there were no what ifs or worry. He glanced back and smiled at me and I beamed in return. Because this was right. How it always should’ve been. Our first time together should have been filled with these exact same emotions.
I’d loved him just as much back then as I did now, but I’d stifled all that and sold myself short. I’d been willing to take one night with Colby rather than ask for more. But never again. From here on out, we’d be honest.
He closed the door behind me and led me to the bed. “It’s not the kitchen table, but…”
I laughed, loving that we could be Colby and Isla again. “Just trying to break down those walls and help you explore other possibilities.”
“Baby steps. Let’s start with the bed and then we can work our way through the house.”
I tossed his hat on the bed then tugged at his shirt, sliding it over his stomach. “Sounds fun.”
He helped pull it over his head and off. “It does.” Then he worked up my shirt, pulling it off as well.
He sat on the bed and pulled me down with him. I lay back and he angled himself over me. “I love your hair.” He ran his hand through it, twirling a lock around his finger. “And your nose.” He kissed it. “You scrunch it a lot.”
“I do?”
He laughed “You just did. It’s adorable.”
“It was you.” I ran my fingers along his neck, finding those long overgrown wisps of hair I loved. “My favorite color, the note with the flowers, the croissants. It was all you.”
He shrugged.
“You paid attention when no one else was watching.”
“It’s impossible not to.”
I urged his mouth down to mine. “Colby Callahan, you are by far the most perfect guy in the history of all guys. It is no wonder I have spent almost ten years of my life in love with you.”
He pulled back. “Ten years?”
Oops. Maybe I admitted too much, too soon.
His mouth tugged up a tiny bit on one side. “You were wearing blue.” Then the smile stretched its way to the other side.
I yanked him down and kissed him, because holy shit, how could I not just eat him up right then?
Addicted to You Page 18
