I cocked my head to the side. Was Toni jealous of my relationship with Sean? Toni had never been jealous of me before. She'd never had any reason to be. But still, it didn't make sense. She had Derrick, who doted on her. They were a great couple. I cleared my throat. "Is there something going on with Derrick? Are you two okay?"
Toni sighed and shrugged her shoulders. "I don't know. I mean, things are the same as they've always been. Maybe that's the problem. There's no passion between us anymore."
"I'm so sorry. I had no idea."
She shrugged again, "I'm not sure I love him anymore."
Wow! I didn't think I'd ever hear those words come out of her mouth. Toni and Derrick had been together for almost five years. I thought they were going to get married and have kids. Now it sounded like she was thinking about ending their relationship.
"Don't get me wrong, Derrick is a great guy and he's always been good to me. But, I see you and Sean together and I know that's what I want. I want the passion, the excitement. I want a man to look at me the way Sean looks at you."
My head was spinning, "You and Derrick had all of that, too."
"Yeah, for like the first six months of our relationship."
"Things change, Toni. Just because the two of you aren't tearing at each other's clothes every time you set eyes on each other doesn't mean he doesn't love you. The passion fades with time. Isn't that what you've always told me?"
I didn't know why, but I felt desperate to help save Toni's relationship with Derrick. I knew they were meant to be together.
"It's more than that," Toni pushed her plate away and folded her arms on the table, "It's been five years and there's been zero talk of marriage or kids or even living together. I brought it up last night. Know what he said to me?"
"No. What?"
"He said there was no reason to ruin a good thing by going and getting married," Toni shook her head, "He's never going to commit to me like I want him to. Why keep wasting my time?"
I saw the sadness in my friend's eyes and my heart broke for her. Despite what she said, I knew she loved Derrick and I knew she wanted to marry him. But, she was right. Why should she hang around in a relationship that was going nowhere? Five years was a long time to just throw away, though. And no matter how brave she acted, I knew it was going to crush her to break up with Derrick. My longest relationship had only lasted nine months, and I was heartbroken when it ended.
"I think I'm going to give him an ultimatum," Toni said.
I frowned, "That's not a good idea."
"What other choice do I have?"
"Just try talking to him again," I suggested, "Please don't do anything hasty, though."
"You're probably right," She sighed and finished what was left of her water, "So, are you ready for tomorrow night?"
I nodded, "Yes. I invited Sean to come. And my mom and sister will be there, too."
"Cool," Toni checked her watch, "Oh, crap, I gotta go. I have to meet Derrick." She stood and grabbed her purse. "I'll see you later, okay?"
"Yeah, okay," I said with a laugh. I threw our trash in the garbage and headed out. There was still an hour left before I had to meet Sean. That would leave me enough time to go to the store and buy the ingredients to make dinner for Sean again. I really hoped he'd want to come over again tonight.
*****
I had butterflies in my stomach as I pulled into the VA Center parking lot. I had no idea what I was going to say to Sean, but I knew I couldn't wait to see him. I wanted to put my arms around him and kiss him. My excitement got the best of me, and I practically ran into the center and past the front desk toward the common room where Sean would be waiting for me. I approached the entrance to the room and scanned it, looking for him. I was about to take another step when I stopped cold in my tracks.
Standing next to Sean was a ravishingly beautiful woman. She was tall, with golden blonde hair that hung to the middle of her back; full, luscious curves, breathtaking baby blue eyes, and she was also clearly very pregnant. My gaze moved from her to Sean, who was holding her hand, smiling at her like she was the only woman on the face of the earth. My heart constricted so tight it was hard to breath. I placed my hand over my chest and continued to watch in horror as the woman embraces Sean and kisses him. I couldn't tell what kind of kiss it was – a peck on the lips or a full open mouthed, tongue kiss. It didn't matter what kind of kiss it was. My boyfriend, my brown-eyed soldier, the man I was in love with, was kissing another woman.
I cupped my other hand over my mouth and with a heart-wrenching sob; I turned and ran back down the hallway, my tears blinding me. From behind, I heard Sean call my name, pleading for me to stop. I continued to run until I was safely at my car. I dropped my forehead against the window and wept, pounding my fists on the roof. God, it hurt so much!
The drive home was a blur. I hadn't stopped crying and my head hurt. I went straight to bed and pulled the covers up over my head. How could I have been so stupid? Sean didn't care about me. I was just another girl he had sex with. That thought only made me cry harder. I sobbed so hard, the entire bed shook. I gave him my virginity and this is what he does? He kisses another woman? A beautiful woman – a beautiful pregnant woman!
"Oh my God," I mumbled. That woman must have been Sean's ex-girlfriend; the one who'd broken up with him before he was deployed. Then that meant. Oh God! That was Sean's baby. I buried my face in my pillow and screamed. Why would Sean want to be with me when he could be with the woman who was carrying his child? The affection between Sean and that woman was palpable. I'm pretty sure I wasn't the only one who noticed it. Talk about being a first class fool.
That was exactly why I didn't date. Every man I'd ever trusted had betrayed me. I hated them all. I hated Sean. I hated Toni for pushing us together. But most of all, I hated myself for thinking he was different – for trusting him and loving him. Well, never again. As far as I was concerned, I could die an old, lonely hag. That was fine with me.
*****
I awoke some time later to the sound of my cell phone ringing. I flung the covers off my head and squinted at the clock. It was almost seven o'clock. Wow. I hadn't meant to fall asleep. Fumbling on the nightstand for my cell phone, I looked at the display. I had twenty-two missed calls from Sean, sixteen from Toni, one from my mom, and two from my sister. I'd never had this many phone calls in one day before. I didn't feel like talking to anyone, so I turned off my phone, pulled the blankets back over my head, and cried myself back to sleep.
CHAPTER 13
Sean McKenzie
"I said I don't freaking want it!" I screamed, knocking the tiny paper cup from the nurse's hand. She flinched before stooping to pick up the pills. Then she walked out of my room without another word. I turned my head and stared out the window. What was the point of taking medication when I had no intentions of leaving this bed until I had a chance to talk to Nicole? I can't believe she'd run out of here like that yesterday. She hadn't even given me a chance to explain. And it really wasn't what she thought. I had to talk to her. I had to make her understand because the thought of not being with her ever again was unbearable.
There was a light knock on my door. "Sean?" said Dr. Monroe as he walked into my room. "I hear you're having a hard time."
He pulled up a chair and sat beside my bed.
I didn't look at him. The last thing I needed or wanted was to listen to his psycho-babble nonsense. I wished he would just leave so I could try calling Nicole again. I'd called Toni last night when I couldn't get ahold of Nicole. Toni had tried calling numerous times, too, and promised me as soon as she spoke to Nicole, she'd let me know. I hadn't heard from Toni since. So, either Toni hadn't had any luck getting in touch with Nicole, or Toni decided not to help me.
"Do you want to tell me what happened?" Dr. Monroe asked.
"No."
"Remember we talked about this? That you needed to be prepared for the possibility things might not work out the way you wanted?"
"It's just a
misunderstanding," I mumbled, still not looking at him, "As soon as she talks to me, I can explain and things will be fine." I had to believe that.
"What if she doesn't speak to you again?"
"She will!" I snapped, finally looking at him. He nodded and smiled in a
patronizing manner. God, I hated it when he did that.
"You haven't been taking your medication."
"Nope, don't see a need to," I shrugged.
"How do you plan to go to Nicole's concert tonight then? You've told me more than once that it's painful to wear your prosthesis without taking your medication."
"I'm not going."
"What if she calls and wants to see you? You won't be able to get out of that bed," Dr. Monroe said.
I crossed my arms over my chest and looked away from him again. I hated that he was right. But, if Nicole did call, I had to be ready to go to her. And I had a feeling her concert tonight might be my chance.
I sighed, "Fine, I'll take my meds."
Dr. Monroe patted the bed, "Good, that's good, Sean." He stood. "I'll send the nurse back in."
A few moments later, the nurse returned. I took my pills without a word and then she left. Then Toni walked in. I perked up a little. "Hey," I said.
"Hi, Sean, how are you?" She sat in the seat that Dr. Monroe had just vacated.
There was something about the tone of Toni's voice that made my stomach clench with dread.
"She's not going to talk to me again, is she?"
Toni shrugged and gave me a sad, apologetic smile. "I don't know. She's not even talking to me, which she's never done before. I went to her apartment, but she locked herself in her bedroom and refused to come out. The only thing she said was that she'd be at the concert."
I rested my head on my pillow and momentarily closed my eyes, "I really messed up."
"Sean," Toni said, putting her hand on mine. "This isn't your fault. Nicole has issues with trust. She jumped to the worst possible conclusion. That's all."
"How can I make her understand?" I lifted my head and looked at her. Tears stung my eyes and throat. I'd been through a lot. I didn't know if I'd survive losing Nicole. In the short amount of time I'd known her, I'd fallen head over heels in love with her.
"You need to go to the concert tonight. You go, and I'll do everything in my power to make sure you get a chance to speak to her."
"Thank you, Toni," I smiled weakly, "I have to make this right."
"I know you do," She smiled and stood, "I have to go now, but I'll see you tonight, right?"
"Yes, I'll be there."
I had to be. It was my only shot at getting her back.
"Bye," I said as she walked out of the room. Well, it wasn't exactly the news I'd hoped for, but it gave me a little bit of hope. It was better than nothing. I had just over an hour to get ready, stop and buy some flowers, and get to the concert hall.
I buzzed for the nurse to come help me out of bed and into my wheelchair. Things were getting better They were to the point that I could do it on my own if I wanted to. But having not taken my pain medication in almost a full day, I was in no shape to do anything on my own. Hopefully, the pills I just took would kick in before I got to the concert. I didn't want to be uncomfortable during the show. I wanted to be able to get lost in Nicole's voice and in her face. She had the most beautiful expressions when she sang. When I finally got a chance to talk to her, I was going to tell her exactly how I felt about her, about us, and what I wanted for our future.
The nurse arrived and I quickly told her what I was doing and what I needed help with. She gave me a faint smile but remained quiet as she helped me. My relationship with Nicole had been the talk of the center. I had no doubts my nurse had heard, too, which would explain the smile. It didn't bother me everyone knew. I had nothing to be ashamed of. At least that's what Dr. Monroe always told me. I still wasn't totally convinced, but I was working on it.
"Have you got it from here, Sean?" Nurse Rose asked.
"Yeah, I can manage. Thanks," I said, wheeling myself into the bathroom and closing the door. I began the arduous process of shifting my body from the wheelchair into the shower chair. I was so pumped up on adrenaline that it didn't take as long as usual. Last night, Steve (the program director) came to my room to talk to me. Steve was a good guy who was a real friend to us. He'd heard about Nicole and just wanted to check in on me. That was nice of him, but I hadn't reciprocated. I'd been downright miserable. But something he'd said to me was rattling around in my mind. He'd said, "You know, Sean, as bad as it seems, there is a silver lining here. Yes, Nicole overreacted and didn't give you a chance to explain. But, she wouldn't be so devastated by what she saw if she didn't really care about you."
I'd tossed that around in my mind all night. Was Steve right? Did Nicole care about me that much that seeing me with another woman hurt so much she couldn't bear to speak to me? I imagined what it would feel like if the roles had been reversed, if I'd seen her with another man. The thought alone was enough to make me see red. I scrubbed shampoo into my hair, my movements much more hurried. I had to get to Nicole and make her understand that she was the only woman I wanted to be with.
CHAPTER 14
Nicole Baker
I'd forced myself out of bed. I really just wanted to stay hidden under the covers, but my quintet was counting on me and I wasn't going to let them down. I couldn't. Just because things ended so horribly with Sean, I couldn't take that out on my quintet. That wasn't fair to them. Plus, music had always been my savior. Any time anything went wrong in my life, music was there to pick me up. I needed to do this concert tonight, if for no other reason than to maintain my own sanity.
The day had dragged by, which probably had a lot to do with the fact I didn't leave my apartment and avoided all phone calls. Sean was persistent, though. He'd called every half an hour all day long. It was hard to ignore him. Part of me wanted to answer one of his calls and tell him that I was happy for him (even though I wasn't) and to tell him there were no hard feelings (even though there were). I just wanted to make peace with Sean and the situation so I could move on and forget about it. But the thought of hearing his voice and saying goodbye to him – it was too much to bear. I wasn't ready. I couldn't do that just yet. Sooner or later I knew I'd have to, though. As tempting as it was, I knew I couldn't avoid him forever.
And then of course there was Toni to contend with. I wanted to hate her for pushing me and Sean together like she had, but I was finding that very hard to do. No matter how badly things turned out, the brief amount of time I'd spent with Sean had been wonderful and those were some memories I never wanted to forget. How could Toni have known about Sean's ex or the pregnancy? It wasn't her fault Sean disappointed me and broke my heart. I guess I'd have to talk to her after the concert and apologize. It would be nice to have my best friend back, to be able to commiserate to her about Sean.
I took a deep, calming breath and pulled open the door to the concert hall. I'd intentionally waited as long as possible to arrive. The less time I had to spend with people, the better. I was still miserable and the slightest thing would make me cry. And I would not cry and mess up the music tonight. I was surprised by how many people were already there. I caught sight of my mom and sister in the front row. They waved to me, and I went over to talk to them.
"Oh, Nikki, you look so good," my sister Jo said as she gave me a hug, practically squeezing the air from my lungs.
I laughed, "Hi, Jo." I hugged her back, and we held each other for a few moments before she released me. "Thanks for coming."
"Are you kidding? My baby is sister singing in the largest concert hall in the state, in front of hundreds of people. I wouldn't have missed his for the world."
"Jeez, sis, nothing like helping calm my nerves," I said with a nervous laugh. Tonight was the largest show my quintet had ever done. It was a big deal. I knew that already and didn't need to be reminded.
"I'm sorry, I'm just so excited for you," she squealed.
I could always count on Jo to make me smile. I really missed having her around. Maybe after tonight's show I'd go spend a few days with her, get away from everything, and everyone, around here. "Where's Ethan?" I asked, looking around for Jo's husband.
"He was stuck working tonight, but he did send his well wishes for a great show."
I smiled and turned toward my mom, who'd been waiting and listening to me and Jo. "Hi, Mom." I gave her a hug and a kiss on the cheek. "Thanks for coming."
"I'm looking forward to hearing you sing. It's been too long," she said.
"Yes, it has," I responded in a clipped tone. Since I'd started singing with my quintet a few years ago, my mom had been to only two of my concerts and tonight was one of those two. I had a feeling the only reason she was here was because Jo forced her into coming. But, whatever. I didn't have the emotional energy to dwell on it. I was drained. It would be nice to have some familiar, comforting faces in the audience though. I could focus on my mom and my sister tonight to help me get through the show.
"The three of us should go grab a late bite to eat after the show. It'll be my treat," Jo said.
The idea of going somewhere other than back to my apartment was tempting. "I'd like that," I replied, "I really should be going. I have to warm up and all that."
"Break a leg, Nikki!" Jo called after me.
I laughed and turned around, "That's what you tell an actor, not a singer."
Jo laughed, "Okay, well, how about good luck then?"
"I'll take it." I smiled, turned back around and headed toward the door that would lead to the rear of the stage. I'm sure by now the rest of the quintet had arrived. Sarah was probably freaking out because I wasn't here yet. The thought made me smile. It was a little vindictive, I know, but it was also mildly satisfying knowing Sarah was on edge.
I rounded the corner near the stage and stopped cold. That woman was here. The woman I'd seen Sean kissing yesterday. My throat constricted, my heart raced, and my stomach did somersaults. What the hell was she doing here? And why was Toni talking to her? I watched with pure disgust as the woman reached over and placed her hand on Toni's arm; they both laughed. Ugh! So much for apologizing to Toni tonight, I thought. How dare she talk to that woman? It was the ultimate betrayal to me.
Tragically Wounded Page 8
