Love Is Forever Blue

by Donalyn Maurer

  “More, Max,” I beg. “Max, I feel like I’m going to die if you don’t keep going,” I whisper.

  He sits back on his haunches, jeans now pushed down, and rips off his shirt. He comes forward and I help him kick his jeans off, using my feet. Once they’re off, he kisses me hard and then lifts back up and grabs my legs behind my knees, pulling me up his thighs as he slams inside of me. Yes.

  I squirm trying to get to him, to get closer, more, deeper. I want to be one in every sense. My breathing becomes labored as I feel my release building again.

  “Fuck, Jaycee. I don’t want to hurt you but fuck I need to take you hard. I want what’s finally fucking mine. You are mine, love.” He slams into me and it’s still not enough. “Fuck, tell me to stop if I hurt you but I’m going to go deep, Jaycee. You’re going to feel me for days,” he promises.

  “Yes. Make me feel you.” I beg.

  He wraps his arms behind my knees and pushes them all the way back, coming down on top of me. His pace increases and his thrusts become more urgent as we each push each other towards finding our pleasure.

  “Yes, Max. Oh, my God, that feels good,” I whimper.

  I start to feel it building again and he must too because he starts pounding in me even harder and I tighten around him to a point I didn’t know was possible. I’m pretty sure I scream, but he keeps going and helps me ride it out. When my arms and legs collapse back to the bed, he flips me over on my belly and pulls me up by my hips and enters me from behind.

  “Again, Jaycee,” He demands.

  Again?

  “That’s it, love,” he says as he grabs my hips and slaps my ass.

  “Max,” I breath as he drags his hand up my back and grabs my hair and pulls my head back.

  “Shit, Jaycee. Hurry. Touch yourself.” I reach down and one touch is all it takes and I explode again before dropping to the mattress.

  He lets go of my hair and brings both hands back to my hips as he powers into me a few more times before I hear him groan out a cuss and collapse on top of me. We lay like that for a while until he finally pulls free and I make a pained sound. I already want him back. I feel cold and empty as he lays down next to me and pulls me to him. I rest my head on his chest and drape my leg over his and that’s the last thing I remember until I hear Max whisper my name and kiss my cheek.

  “Hey, love. I let you sleep as long as I could but it’s probably time we get back home,” he says.

  “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to fall asleep on you,” I apologize.

  “I guess I wore you out,” he says with a grin.

  “You can wear me out like that anytime, sugar bear.” When I say that, he gives me full on dimpled smile.

  “Good to know.” He half jokes, giving me a slow soft peck on the lips.

  “I’m going to go down and pull the car around. The bathroom is across the hall if you need it.” he lets me know and with one last peck he gets up and walks out.

  I get up and start looking around the room for my clothes and when I pick up my torn panties, I smile. The front door closes just as a phone starts ringing. I quickly put on my bra; it’s not my cell phone, I know that from the ringtone, I spot Max’s on the nightstand and move quickly to try and catch the call. It stops as I grab it, but I see the name Kim flash across the screen. I tug my jeans on commando and I’m about to button them when it starts to ring again. I’m not sure what to do, but I’m guessing I should probably answer it. He was just talking about getting married and having a family. I’m pretty sure I don’t have anything to worry about, but my heart's still beating fast and hard. I pick up the phone and slide my finger across the screen and answer.

  “Hello?”

  “Oh, I’m sorry. I was looking for Blue. I must have dialed the wrong number. Sorry.” Before she can hang up, I quickly respond.

  “No. This is Max’s, uh, Blue’s phone,” I tell her and her voice changes.

  “Okay. So who am I talking to?” she asks. Shit, not again.

  “Um, I’m Jaycee,” I say and hear her sigh.

  “Aw, Jaycee. Blue finally got his girl. Well, I guess won’t be seeing him around anymore,” she says sadly.

  I stay quiet, not sure what to say. A hand takes the phone from me; my eyes meet Max's troubled ones and my heart cracks a little. And here’s where it goes bad, again. I’m never anyone’s one and only. Is this how it always is?

  Max's voice snaps me out of my daze. “Hey, Kim. Sorry about that. I can explain,” he says.

  I find my shirt and pull it on as I turn to leave the room. I don’t want to hear any of this. As I start to walk out, Max grabs my arm, and without thinking, I yank away from him. “Finish your conversation and then take me home, please.”

  I don’t know why, but I don’t stop walking. I walk right out the front door and up the path. I see Max’s parents house and Johnny is outside standing next to his motorcycle working on something. He sees me and calls out but I don’t acknowledge him.

  “Hey, Jaycee. Wait up.”

  Johnny catches up and start keeping pace with me. “So, what did my big brother do?” he asks. “Did he sing ‘Why?’ for you? Because I’d need no further explanation,” he tries to joke.

  That’s funny and a smile tries to form on my lips, but it can’t. My eyes start to tear up so I pick up my pace. I just want to take off running.

  “Jaycee. Hey, stop,” Johnny pleads and takes a couple of steps in front of me. “Hey, sweetheart. Stop. You're not wearing shoes. You’re going to hurt yourself. What the hell happened?” His voice is full of concern.

  Shit, I didn’t even notice I wasn’t wearing shoes. I can’t feel anything. I stop walking and look up at Johnny as the tears start to fall. “Kim happened,” I say and he looks at me in confusion.

  “Kim?” he asks.

  I drop my face into my palms and start crying. “Yes, Kim. She called and he’s talking to her right now. Is that his girlfriend?” I ask.

  My name is bellowed and I look at Johnny and shake my head. I can’t talk to him right now.

  “Babe, listen to me,” he says as he holds up his hand to stop Max. I can see out of the corner of my eye Max stops but he starts pacing. “Kim is not Blue’s girlfriend. Blue has been in love with you since he was seventeen years old. He’s never had a girlfriend.” He pulls my hands from my face as he continues. “He’s dated and a couple of times I thought maybe he was going to try and move on; but that never happened. He never brought them home. They never met our parents. He was too hung up on you. Kim was one of those he saw a couple of times. I talk to Blue every few days and he hasn’t mentioned her or anyone in months so I don’t know what happened—but what I do know is—Kim is not his girlfriend,” he assures me.

  There’s truth and sincerity to what Johnny’s saying, I see that when I look in his eyes. He glances over at Max and frowns. When I can finally bring myself to meet Max's stare, he looks like he’s about to pull his hair out. I feel a twinge of guilt for running out as I hesitantly walk over to him; tears beginning to run down my face.

  "You. Only you. You've always been it for me, Jaycee. I didn’t mean to hurt you, or hurt her. She's always known about you, and where my heart truly was. That’s how she knew your name. I told her a long time ago when she questioned why I wouldn’t take things to the next level with her. Jaycee. Plain and simple. Jaycee.” he reaches out and pulls me to him. “Fuck, love, do not ever take off on me like that again,” he pleads.

  I slowly bring my arms up and wrap them around his neck and start bawling.

  “Jesus, I’m sorry,” he breathes against my ear.

  He rests his cheek on my head and we just stand there on the side of the road. “Well, my work here is done.” Johnny's voice sounds muffled as I'm still nestled in Max's arms.

  I pull from his embrace. “Johnny, thank you,” I call after him. He winks at me and gives Max a chin jerk.

  “Hop up, Jayc.” Max tells me and lifts me up by my butt. I wrap legs around his waist. “Let
’s go get your shoes and my stuff and go home, okay?” he asks. I lay my head down in his neck and nod. “I love you.”

  I still can’t talk so I just nod. I’d rather die than lose Max and I felt like that’s what was about to happen.

  After we load up the car, we make our way back to my home. We haven’t spoken much, but Max hasn’t let go of my hand. He’s had it in a tight grip the entire ride back.

  After we unload, we go to our room and he starts putting his clothes away. He hangs a few uniforms and drops his boots in my closet. His shaving cream, deodorant, shampoos are now mixed in with mine and I have to say, I like it. It feels good. I’m starting to feel foolish for my earlier reaction to Kim. I should have trusted him. I should have talked to him. I catch him watching me when I finally decide to seek him out and apologize.

  “I’m sorry, Jaycee,” he says as he takes in a deep breath and slowly releases it. “I’m really sorry. I haven't heard from her in months. It didn’t cross my mind to tell you about her. I didn’t think I owed her an explanation, but I guess I did.”

  I swallow hard before responding. “I should have talked to you. Asked you. I’m sorry I reacted the way I did. I’m new at this and my track record? Well…” I say, ashamed.

  He pulls me to him. “Jayc, As far as I’m concerned, nothing came before me and you. Let’s just forget everyone but us and now. Move forward.” We both know that’s unrealistic by why not just give it a try?

  “Sounds good, sugar bear,” I tell him with a smile, watching his eyes become hooded at my term of endearment. “I guess we should get some sleep. Tomorrow, we both have to get back to work.” I reach up on my tiptoes and give him a small peck on his lips.

  I grab a gown and a pair of panties from my drawer and make my way to the bathroom to clean up. When I come out, I set the alarm on my phone and lay it on my nightstand and crawl into bed. Max heads into the bathroom, glancing at me to make sure I'm alright before closing the door. My eyes are closed and I’m half asleep by the time I feel the bed dip when he sits down on the edge. Finally, he lays back and makes his way behind me and wraps his arm around me. I grab his hand and interlace our fingers as I feel his chin rest on my head. “Love you, Max.”

  “Love you too, Jaycee.”

  The next morning at six o’clock my phone goes off and I smile. I missed Kid Rock waking me up with Bawitdaba.

  Max chuckles. “What the fuck, Jaycee. Really?” he says, still laughing.

  I’m laying on my stomach and he’s almost completely on top of me as he reaches across me and grabs the phone to turn the alarm off.

  “I love that song, Max. It’s for his hoods of the world misunderstood, chicks with beepers and all his homies in the County in cell block six,” I tell him with complete seriousness.

  Max lets all his weight drop on top of me because he burst out laughing and I can’t help but laugh too. He turns us so he’s on his back and pulls me on top of him. I raise up on my elbows on his chest and look down at him and as he smiles, dimples on full display.

  “Out of every song you could have possibly had as your alarm, I did not think that would be the one." he says while reaching up and smoothing my hair back from my face.

  “Okay. Fair warning. Right now, I have three favorites I switch back and forth to wake me up,” I tell him but don’t say which.

  He’s still looking at me grinning and finally asks. “I give. Which three?”

  “As you just heard, Kid Rock and tomorrow it will be Shinedown's 'Devour." I love that song.”

  Max shifts his head against the pillow and looks impressed. “Okay and the third?”

  I smile because I know he’ll get a kick out of it.

  “Okay, well my third is Jerry Lee Lewis’ 'Great Balls of Fire.' It always makes me smile,” I tell him.

  “Love, you make me smile.” He chuckles.

  All I can do is smile as he laughs. He looks over at the nightstand and grabs his phone to check the time; his face turns somber and I hear him sigh.

  “I’m not liking this but we have to get ready for work. Jaycee, please, be careful today,” he tells me through a grumble.

  I know he’s worried, but the threat is over and its time for us to move forward.

  “Sugar, I’m fine now. We’ll be fine. I don’t want you to worry, okay?” I look down at him but he doesn’t say anything, just stares back so I give him a slight nod, “I’m going to turn on the coffee maker.”

  I start to lift off him but he holds me tin place. “I know, love.” He leans up and gives me a peck and swat on my ass. “I’ll get in the shower while you do that.”

  He rolls out of bed and heads for the bathroom as I do the same, but head for my closet to grab my robe. It’s not until I open the door that I remember I don’t have one. Everything was ruined because of the fire. I take a deep breath and start looking through the rack of hanging clothes. A smile touches my lips as I pull out the old blue flannel Max was wearing our first day at the cabin and slip it on. That day, I thought I’d lost him, only to find out he loves me as much as I love him. I stand, still wrapping it around me, as I think back to taking it off of him. That was the first time we’d made love. I decide coffee can wait and walk into the bathroom.

  The shower door is steamed up but I can still see his silhouette as I take off the shirt and drop it to the floor along with my gown and panties. When I open the door, he's standing with his face in the spray. I step in behind him and wrap my arms around his waist. He gives a little jolt but then puts his hands on mine and steps back towards me.

  I lick and kiss his back and moving my hands down his abs. He drops his hands to his sides until I find him and start stroking. He lifts his hands and puts them on the shower wall as I continue to stroke him. He lets me do this for a few minutes but then he turns and pushes me up against the shower wall and starts kissing me. He moves his hand down to me and without hesitation enters me with two fingers. When he feels how wet I am, he grabs and lifts me up. I wrap my legs around his waist as our mouths crash together again. He holds me up with one arm as he uses his other to line himself up and enter me.

  “Hold on, love. We’re going fast and hard,” he says against my ear.

  I shiver at his words but grab hold. He doesn’t waste any time taking us there. He stops kissing me and lowers his head to my breast, circling his tongue around my nipple, taking it between his teeth and tugging.

  “Touch yourself, hurry,” he commands, his voice husky.

  I hold on with one hand and find myself with the other. In just a few seconds, we both come.

  After we both calm our breathing, he drops me to my feet and then looks down at me. I can’t help but feel a little embarrassed for my sneak attack, looking at him with worry in my eyes.

  “I like the way you say good morning,” he says

  “I already said good morning. That was more of a ‘have a nice day and I’m really going to miss you’.” I whisper to him.

  He gives me another kiss and pulls me into a hug. “Going to miss you too,” he whispers back.

  After our shower, still wrapped in my towel, I stand in front of the mirror as I throw on a little makeup and start to blow dry my hair. With the angle of the mirror, I’m able to watch Max get dressed behind me. He’s wearing only his uniform pants and undershirt, sitting on the edge of the bed putting on his boots. I finally give up on what I’m doing because I’m so caught up in what he’s doing. He’s shaved off his goatee, but his hair is still longer than it probably should be. He looks up after tieing up the laces on his boots when he notices I've moved to stand in front of him.

  “Umm, you look very military, Max.”

  “Good. Just the look I was going for.” I reach out and run my hand along the smooth skin of his face.

  “I like the goatee a lot but I like this too.” He stands up and pulls me close.

  “I can always gown the goatee out when I’m on leave,” he tells me as he leans down and gives me a peck on the lips. “But for n
ow, I need to head into work. You going to be okay?” He cups my face in his hands and pulls it up so he can see into my eyes. I smile back and bring my hands up and wrap them around his wrists.

  “I’m going to be fine.” After a long slow kiss, he steps back from me and smiles as he turns and grabs his uniform shirt, backpack and then walks to the nightstand to grab his keys and phone. He tucks them in his pocket and heads for the door. With his hand on the doorknob, he turns back to me and smiles.

  “Love you, Jaycee.” I blow him a kiss.

  “Love you too, Max,” I reply as he walks out A few moments later, I hear his car motor start up. I sit down on the bed feeling a little sad and lonely but I need to stay strong. I can feel a bit of panic setting in as I hear his car start down the drive and fade away. My eyes start to water but then the phone chimes with an incoming text. I smile as I read the text Max has just sent.

  Love, I miss you already. Hope you have a wonderful day. Think about me. I will be thinking about you.

  I take a deep breath and text him back with the promise that I will be thinking about him and I love him too. I can do this. I return to the bathroom to finish my hair and makeup and then get dressed in some comfortable jeans, my boots and work shirt. I throw on some hoop earrings, a few bangles and my favorite thumb ring and head into the kitchen for a quick cup of coffee.

  While I’m sipping on my coffee, grandma walks into the kitchen in her robe and smiles at me. I can tell, she, like me, hoped for normal days to return.

  “So, you excited to be going back?” she asks as she turns to the cupboards and pulls down a coffee mug and heads to the pot to pour herself a cup.

  “I’m happy to be doing pretty much anything. Just thankful to the Lord I’m alive.” I honestly reply.

  “I hear you, sweetheart.” she agrees as she sits at the table. “So normal hours?” I join her, knowing that I only have a couple of minutes, but I'll always make time for grandma.

  “Yes, ma’am. I’m supposed to be there early today to get a quick refresher but it’ll be eight am to four pm just like before.” I have to admit I’m starting to feel excited. My shoulder sometimes feels stiff, but otherwise it’s feeling pretty good. “I better get going or I’m going to be late on my first day back.” I give her a kiss on her cheek before grabbing my keys from the key rack. I look back to her and I catch the worry in her eyes. The same look Max had. “Love you, Grandma, and I’m going to be okay.”