Alice shook her head again, trying to pull up the memories from four years earlier. She may have asked him to come for supper, but the only thing that kept flashing in her mind was that damn phone call from the hospital.
“Then the accident happened and everything changed, except my feelings for you. The truth is, Alice, I just didn’t have the courage to talk to you about it. Your life was so uncertain, and you were grieving so much,” he admitted.
He reached out to take her hand, and she hesitated, not wanting to send him mixed signals. Finally, she took his hand in both of hers, hoping that it would soften the blow for what she was about to tell him. She smiled at him gently, her eyes revealing how conflicted she felt.
“Joe, I just don’t know what to say,” she began.
He quickly cut her off.
“Tell me you love me back, Alice. Say you will marry me.” he said, his words teetering between hope and desperation.
Alice looked away, knowing that she couldn’t tell him what he wanted to hear. She could feel her tears welling up again and then trickling down her cheeks. Joe smiled nervously, uncertain how to comfort her.
“Joe, you’ve always been such a good friend to me. We have always been able to count on you and I admire you. I would never have been able to carry on at the ranch without you, but…”
She hesitated for a moment, trying to soften her words.
Joe looked away, afraid of her next sentence. Alice sighed deeply.
“But I can’t marry you. I don’t love you the same way you love me. You mean so much to me, please, don’t think you don’t,” she offered as kindly as she could.
Joe nodded and peeled his hand away from hers, his expression suddenly blank. She had hurt him deeply, despite trying so hard not to. He reached around her and picked up his hat, placing it back on his head.
“Well then, I guess there’s nothing left to say,” he offered curtly, his eyes devoid of emotion.
Alice reached out for him, her hand brushing his arm. He pulled away as though she had wounded him.
“I’m fine, Alice. I’m going back to work,” he said without affection.
“Joe, please, I’m so sorry,” she pleaded, wishing he had never admitted his feelings for her.
Now everything was going to change. How could it not?
“I know, Alice, it’s ok. You can’t force your feelings,” he said sadly, not meeting her eyes.
“Where do we go from here? What happens now, Joe?” she asked, genuinely concerned.
“Well, I reckon we just go forward, Alice,” he offered weakly. “Nothing has to change, for now, but I want you to think about it. Let the idea sit with you. I feel like if we just had time, your feelings for me would grow.”
Alice nodded and forced herself to smile, certain that they wouldn’t. She didn’t think that sharing it with him would make any difference.
“Ok,” was all she managed to squeak out.
She had a very uneasy feeling about all of it, but didn’t have the head space to deal with it. She wanted him to go away so she could process everything and get her bearings straight. She had mixed feelings. Part of her was afraid he would leave forever, unable to cope with her rejection, and another part of her wasn’t sure that things would ever be the same between them and that she would forever be walking on eggshells around him. How could she pursue a love of her own knowing how he felt about her?
Joe nodded at her and walked away, leaving her alone with her uneasiness.
* * *
The rest of the day went slowly for Alice. She plugged away at her duties, but she couldn’t get her mind off her dilemma. She hadn’t seen Billy all day, but she was grateful for the time to herself to think about everything.
Joe’s confession and proposal had shaken her to her core. While their relationship had developed over the years, it had never been romantic. There was a time when they were both younger when she had been attracted to him, but she was just a naive teenager, with unrealistic romantic notions, and there were a handful of guys she had doe eyes for. She had never admitted to anyone at the time that she had a crush on him, and certainly never gave him any indication of it. Did she?
Once she started dating Jerry, she only had eyes for him, and all her crushes faded away. She and Joe were nothing more than friends, and rarely communicated about anything unrelated to the ranch, enjoying only the occasional family supper together.
After she and Jerry had separated, she did have a rough time. She felt so unlovable. She spent most of her time avoiding anyone that wasn’t family, especially throughout her pregnancy. Joe had really been the only person she didn’t mind spending time with, because he didn’t treat her with pity. He treated her the same as he always had, like a brother, kind, non-judgmental and indifferent.
There was only one time that he even mentioned her situation, and all he had said to her was that she had made the right choice and that life had a way of straightening things out, given a little time. Maybe he was hinting at his feelings for her in some way? She couldn’t be certain, and definitely didn’t connect those dots at the time.
After Amy was born, she spent that first year absorbed in motherhood, falling madly in love with her child. Any free time she had was working with her father, learning the ropes and developing the plans for expanding the ranch. She didn’t see much of Joe at all during that time, and certainly not socially. Sure, he was around, but they didn’t spend time alone together. He was busy managing the help and being her father’s right-hand man. She couldn’t recall a damn thing that indicated he was soft on her, and yet he said he had spoken to her father about it.
In spite of the time she spent searching her memory bank, Alice was still confused. Even over the past four years, when she and Joe worked side by side daily, he hadn’t shared his true feelings. He had many opportunities to open up to her and yet, he never had. True, they were a good team, and on the same page when it came to managing the ranch. People would tease them and say they were like an old married couple because of the way they supported one another, but they just laughed it off.
Well, at least she did. Come to think of it, Joe never really did show much humor about that.
She thought about what he had said, and even pondered his proposal, imagining him as her husband. On paper, they were a good match, especially when it came to work ethic, but in reality, they were like night and day. Alice wanted passion in her life. She was drawn to playfulness, confidence, good humor, and raw sexual energy. All the things that Billy had in spades, and Joe didn’t.
Yes, Joe was a good man and had he a quiet confidence about him. On occasion, he would offer a funny or sarcastic observation, but he was stoic. And sexual energy? As far as she knew, Joe was reserved. From her limited knowledge, he had only dated a handful of times in the eighteen years she had known him, and that was predominantly in his early twenties. He certainly didn’t emit any sexual energy, but in all fairness, she hadn’t paid much attention.
Joe had a lot of endearing qualities, but the truth was, he wasn’t the man for her. She needed a man that would excite her, challenge her, and match her energy. No matter how much he loved her, he could never offer her what she truly needed and she wasn’t willing to be in a passionless marriage.
Alice looked at the time on her phone, and then saved and closed her work on the computer. Amy and Lisa were probably back from town by now and she wanted to go see her little girl. Being around Amy was comforting and almost always managed to ground her.
She was just about to leave her office when Billy arrived. She looked up to see him leaning against the door frame, smiling that sexy smile he seemed to reserve for her. He had his binder tucked under his arm.
Despite all the turmoil that afternoon, her heart fluttered at the sight of him. She let out a deep sigh and smiled, happy to see him.
“You look like you were deep in thought?” he observed, walking toward her.
Alice sat back in her chair. He walked around her desk an
d set his binder down, placing a hand on either arm of the chair and spinning her around to face him. He leaned down and gave her a long, romantic kiss. She moaned softly into his mouth, her anxiety graciously releasing her.
“Mm, that was nice,” she whispered as he pulled away.
He kept his hands on either side of her, and continued to look warmly at her.
“I have been wanting to kiss you all day,” Billy admitted, kissing her again. “Have you been hiding from me?” he asked.
Alice smiled. In a way she had been, but she was happy he came to find her. Billy stood back up and sat on her desk, facing her. She leaned forward and placed her hands on his thighs, caressing him.
“I suppose I was hiding out in here,” she told him, unwilling to keep the truth from him.
He looked down at her with concern and placed his hands on top of hers.
“What is it?” he asked.
Alice exhaled deeply, releasing the stress that she had pent up inside of her. She shook her head slowly, not sure where to begin. Should she tell him about Joe? Would it be the right thing to do? Would he care?
“It was nothing. I just had an unusual encounter with Joe,” she admitted.
Billy raised his eyebrows, curious to hear more.
“Unusual how? What happened?” he pressed cautiously.
Alice shrugged her shoulders and hesitated, taking time to formulate her words.
“It was just out of character for him, that’s all. I’m not sure what to make of it,” she explained hesitantly.
Billy looked at her curiously.
“Out of character? What did he do?” he asked, his voice taking on a more serious tone.
Alice sighed again, wondering how to explain it to him.
“Well, he told me he loved me,” she began pensively. “He said he wanted to be my husband and asked me to marry him.”
Billy raised his brows in a surprised expression, like it was the last thing he expected her to say. He leaned back, and took a deep breath. Alice continued.
“I was completely caught off guard. I honestly had no idea he felt that way,” she admitted.
Billy let out a sharp sigh, and shook his head slowly. Alice wondered what he meant by the gesture. Did he not believe her? She regarded him carefully, waiting for him to respond.
“How could you not know he felt that way, Alice? I’ve been on this ranch for less than three months and had that figured out,” he said with soft frankness.
Alice was surprised to hear him say that. What did he see that she never could? She leaned back in her chair, removing her hands from his thighs, placing them in her own lap. She looked at him thoughtfully, her head spinning with doubt.
“Honey, maybe it’s a guy thing, but that fella has been running around marking his territory like an alpha wolf ever since I got here. Pissing on every damn rock, bush, and tree. He has made it quite clear to me not to mess with you,” Billy explained, his eyes filled with humor.
Alice shook her head, confused by Billy’s words. That didn’t sound like Joe. He always seemed so passive with her.
“How so, Billy? Did he say something to you?” she asked, trying to fit the pieces together.
Billy shrugged as though it were not a big deal.
“Come on, tell me,” she urged, placing a hand back on his knee.
Billy smiled at her.
“He told me to be sure I left once my work here was done. It was more the way he said it, like he had some kind of claim on you,” he explained casually.
Alice felt her uneasiness returning, but swallowed it down. Billy smiled at her reassuringly.
“When did he tell you that?” she asked nervously.
Billy reached for her hands again and she let him take them, grateful for the comforting gesture.
“A few weeks ago. Remember the night we got intimate down by the pond? The night he was waiting for you on the porch?” he asked.
Alice nodded gently, her mind drifting to the hot experience they had shared that night. She felt her cheeks begin to blush.
“It was the next day,” he went on to explain. “He took me aside after you left the barn, if I recall correctly.”
Alice shook her head in frustration. That was the same day that Joe had tried to tell her how he felt, the same day he warned her to keep her head on straight. If he had wanted to plant seeds of doubt about Billy, he had succeeded. At least temporarily.
They sat in contemplative silence for a few minutes, Billy gently caressing her hands. Finally, he spoke.
“So, what did you tell him?” he asked unfazed, a weak smile on his lips.
“What do you mean?” she asked curiously.
“When he asked you to marry him?” he clarified, his smile hiding any emotion he may have been feeling.
“I told him no, that I didn’t love him,” she answered, searching his eyes.
Billy nodded, but said nothing for a moment. Alice shifted in her chair, and looked down at the floor, wondering how Billy felt but too afraid to ask.
“How did he take it?” he finally asked.
“Not so well. His feeling were hurt, and I’m not altogether sure he accepted my answer. He asked me to take some time to think about it,” she responded, suddenly anxious to change the subject.
Billy must have picked up on the shift in her because he smiled, and without releasing her hands he stood up, and then lifted her out of the chair. He pulled her into a gentle kiss. She let go of his hands and wrapped them around his neck, grateful the conversation was over, at least for now.
She parted her lips for him and his tongue quickly found hers. They kissed one another passionately, their bodies so close she could feel his erection growing against her, teasing her. He placed one hand behind her head and shifted his lips from her mouth to her ear, nibbling on the sensitive lobe.
“What do you say we stop talking about Joe and start talking about how much I want to fuck you right now?” he whispered in her ear, the sultry heat of his breath sending a tantalizing message straight to her libido.
She moaned softly, reacting to the surge of pleasure in her womb. He lifted the hair off her neck and brought his mouth down on her, biting her soft flesh. The pain was exquisite and she felt her legs weaken under her.
“How much do you want to fuck me?” she whispered back.
Billy groaned into her neck, wrapping his hands under her ass and easily lifted her up as though she were weightless. Caught by surprise, she laughed, entwining her legs around him. She tightened her grip around his neck to stabilize herself.
“I want you pretty fucking bad,” he growled, locking his lips on hers again.
Chapter 18
Billy
He had taken her again, bent over her desk, pants around her ankles. She was just as unrestrained as he was, their passion intense, untamed, and furious, as though they both had a hunger they needed to feed.
For him it became more about distracting her from any thoughts about another man, desperate for her to forget that someone else wanted her, that she had a choice. He wanted to possess her, covet every inch of her, so that Joe would know without a doubt that he had laid claim on Alice. She was his in that moment.
His jealousy caught him by surprise. Listening to her tell him that Joe had confessed his love for her, triggered something in him he had never experienced before, and while he tried to play it cool, part of him wanted nothing more than to find Joe and throttle him. Of course, it wasn’t Joe’s fault. Joe was not the outsider here, he was.
Instead, he worked off his aggression by fucking her without mercy, and as if sensing his urgency, Alice matched him unreservedly.
Alice pulled up her jeans, ignoring the creamy wetness that covered her thighs. He removed the condom, tossing it into the trash then pulled up his own jeans. He walked over and kissed her with an intensity that matched the crazy, conflicted emotions he felt.
“I don’t think I’ll ever tire of that,” she grinned, squeezing his ass.
Billy grinned and shrugged his shoulders immodestly, choosing to take it as a compliment of his prowess. Alice laughed at him and pinched his ass again.
“Easy there, big fella. I don’t have much to compare you to,” she teased.
“Let’s hope it stays that way,” he blurted without censoring his thoughts.
Alice looked at him curiously, a tiny smile on her full lips. Billy cleared his throat and eased himself away from her embrace, suddenly feeling rattled. He didn’t want to leave her with false hope, especially knowing the position he was putting her in. He had to continue to manage the situation carefully. He had no other option, which was easier said than done given his recent revelation about his feelings for her.
Billy bent down and picked up his ledger, which had spilled to the floor in the heat of their passion. He opened it up on the desk and motioned for her to join him.
“Sorry for the extreme subject change, but we need to go over these numbers,” he said cautiously.
Alice slipped behind him, draping her arm around his shoulder and leaned in. Billy smiled, enjoying the casual affection despite himself.
“As you can see we are at the stage where we have to complete the interior and install the last of the finishes. I know the amount I estimated, but I’m afraid it might come in at a bit more than we anticipated,” he said, keeping his voice level.
“Hm, how much more?” she asked mildly concerned, combing her fingers through the hair on the back of his neck.
Billy closed his eyes and exhaled quietly, trying to focus. Her touch was disarming, and hazardous to his concentration.
“I’m afraid it’s substantial, Alice,” he said quietly.
He went on to explain the work that needed to be addressed and where the numbers fell, all the while swallowing his shame.
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