Glancing around to make sure no little ones were listening, he said, “Maybe I could spend more time with you, not taking notes. Whattya say?”
Without a single thought, she smiled. “I say that sounds like fun.”
Julia knew encouraging him was foolish at best, but she simply couldn’t resist that twinkle in his eyes. While they chatted, the conversation was more friendly than romantic, and she was fairly confident there was no harm in it.
Since that one errant kiss, nothing even remotely similar had happened between them. He didn’t seem to be after her heart, which was good news for her. These days, it was all she had left to lose, and she intended to hang on to it for a very long time.
Chapter Nine
After finishing up his article, Nick needed to swap his dwindling battery for a fresh one from his laptop bag in the guest room. That meant interrupting his father’s practice sermon, which wasn’t first on his list of smart things to do.
Standing at the end of the short hallway, he stared at the closed guest room door, willing it to open on its own. A few minutes later, Lainie found him there.
“Just go knock,” she suggested lightly. “He won’t bite you or anything.”
“You know how he is when he gets started,” Nick argued. “He likes to make it all the way through.”
Giving him a look that said she thought he was nuts, she asked, “You want me to go?”
Actually, that would have suited him just fine, but Nick’s pride wouldn’t allow her to take the heat for him. Squaring his shoulders, he replied, “If I’m not back in five minutes, send Hannah in to rescue me.”
Laughing, she shook her head and continued down the stairs. It was so easy for her, Nick lamented. Dad adored his little girl, and Nick had seen firsthand how he felt about the son-in-law and grandkids she’d brought into his life. Nick knew his parents both loved him, but ever since Ian’s death, he’d been certain he’d never regain his father’s respect.
From the back of his mind came a thought: he’d never manage that if he was afraid to knock on a door and walk into a room.
Before he could think about it twice, he strode down the dark hallway and knocked quietly. The voices inside stopped abruptly, and he summoned a calm tone. “It’s Nick. I just need to get something from my bag.”
Mom let him in, her tight smile alerting him that the sermon had given way to an argument. About him, no doubt. “Come in, honey. Your father’s done anyway.”
Nick couldn’t help glancing at the pastor, whose furious expression was as much a warning flag as hers had been. Hoping to ease the tension, he joked, “You oughta think about easing up on the fire and brimstone, Dad. You’re red as a beet.”
That earned him a stony glare. “I’ll thank you not to tell me how to do my job, Nicholas.”
“I’ll thank you not to call me ‘Nicholas,’” he shot back reflexively. Unfortunately, by the time he realized what he’d done, it was too late to backpedal, so he held his ground and glared back. Mom wisely left the chilly room, closing the door behind her.
“That temper of yours is going to get you in serious trouble one of these days,” the pastor cautioned, pointing at him for emphasis. “‘Pride goeth before a fall.’”
“Spare me your platitudes. I’ve heard ’em all.”
“A shame none of them got through that thick skull of yours. No matter what I’ve said, or how I’ve phrased it, you choose to ignore every lesson I’ve tried to teach you.”
The bitterness in his voice sliced into Nick’s heart, and suddenly he lost the will to fight. It was as if all these years of defending himself from his father’s disapproval had depleted him and he just didn’t have the strength for one more battle.
“I’m sorry you’re so disappointed in me, Dad. After Ian died I tried to take his place, but I don’t have what it takes to compete with a ghost.”
With that, Nick calmly picked up his equipment bag and left.
The living room was full of people wearing very curious expressions, but he didn’t trust himself to join them without biting someone’s head off. Instead, he pivoted into the kitchen, dropped his bag on the table and grabbed his borrowed jacket from its hook. It was still damp, but he didn’t really care. Pulling it on, he stalked outside and put some distance between himself and the house that suddenly felt way too small.
He was so steamed, it took him a few minutes to register the fact that it had stopped snowing. Looking up into the gray sky, he caught the faint crunch of feet in the snow behind him. Assuming it was Lainie, he snarled, “I’m not in the mood.”
“Obviously.”
At the sound of Julia’s gentle voice, he closed his eyes and sighed before turning to face her. “Sorry for snapping at you. I thought you were my nosy little sister.”
“No, just your nosy friend. I thought you might want these.” Smiling, she handed him a warm hat and a pair of snow gloves. “It’s pretty cold out here.”
That she’d thought to bring them out floored him. Accustomed to watching out for himself, her kind gesture lightened some of the weight he’d dragged outside with him.
Pulling on the gloves, he warned, “I don’t wanna talk about it.”
“Talk about what?”
When he glanced over at her, she gave him an innocent look that rivaled Hannah’s best. Despite his jangling nerves, he had to laugh. “You’re really good at that. I can see how you managed to derail the press for so long.”
“We all have our talents. For someone like me, living in the spotlight without getting burned is a survival skill.” After a moment, she frowned. “My one mistake cost me everything, though.”
He’d come to admire her sunny disposition, and hearing her sound so dejected just about broke his heart. “It cost you money, sure, but you still have your parents and some great friends. Lots of people would envy you, even now.”
“Starting over isn’t as poetic as it sounds,” she corrected him gently. “You know that better than anyone.”
In just a few words, she’d summed up his life since leaving Holiday Harbor, and Nick felt like he’d been hit by a truck. No one had ever spoken to him this way, and he struggled to come up with a response. “I guess.” That was the best he could manage.
Those blue eyes were fixed on him, and she tipped her head in a sympathetic pose. “Are you surprised I understand how you feel?”
“Well, yeah,” he blurted, “since until a few seconds ago, it didn’t make sense to me.”
Again, she threw him for a loop when she laughed. “For a writer, you’re sadly out of touch with your emotions.”
“My staff will tell you I’m a cold-blooded editor. When I’m writing, I stick to the facts. If I wanted to deal in feelings, I’d write poetry.”
“You sound like Bree when I first met her. Then Cooper taught her how to listen to her heart, and she fell in love with him. She’s much happier now.”
Eager to find something else to focus on, he picked up a shovel and started clearing the steps. “That’s nice.”
“Nick.”
He tried ignoring her, but she repeated his name, more urgently this time. When he glanced over, she gave him a smile of encouragement. “Opening yourself up to joy is a good thing.”
“When you open up, anything can walk in,” he reminded her darkly. “Not just joy. Bad things, too.”
“Wouldn’t you rather take that chance than know that for the rest of your life, nothing will be any different than it is right now?”
He suspected there was another meaning hidden in her words, but he wasn’t up to a philosophical discussion with someone who could probably debate in Greek. “When I take a chance, I make sure I have control over all the outcomes.”
“That’s not a risk. That’s a sure thing. You don’t get those with people.”
“Bingo.”
“Then you’re satisfied with your life the way it is?” she pressed, clearly baffled. “There’s nothing you want to improve?”
“Nope. I’m good.”
That wasn’t entirely true, and judging by her skeptical look, she knew it as well as he did. But it was the strategy he’d devised so he could leave his past behind and make a life somewhere else.
And he was sticking to it.
*
Completely at a loss, Julia finally gave up and went back inside. Nick was beyond hardheaded, to the point of hurting himself by refusing to compromise. It made absolutely no sense to her, and as she shed her winter gear, she tried to put herself in his shoes.
He was a smart guy, observant and talented. She’d noticed his softer side when he was with Hannah and his friends, and he’d certainly given Julia a glimpse into a heart that felt much more deeply than he wanted to admit. She could still hear what he’d said to his father earlier, his voice seething with a nasty mix of fury and pain.
After Ian died I tried to take his place, but I don’t have what it takes to compete with a ghost.
The man she met just a few weeks ago would never have put those feelings into words. He’d have felt them, certainly, but he’d have kept them locked away, the way he’d done for so many years. Julia couldn’t imagine enduring that kind of pain in silence. She was beginning to understand how Nick had come to be the way he was. He had so much potential, but she could see why he was afraid to open up and give people the opportunity to wound him any further.
Everyone else was in the living room, and when she walked in she noticed Ann and Daniel at the end of the sofa nearest the fireplace. Daniel sat with his arms folded, staring into the flames while Ann spoke quietly to him. Her face was taut with barely restrained anger, but he refused to look at her. Stubborn as her husband, she doggedly kept at him, although her tone never rose far enough for others to hear what she was saying.
As it had with Nick, Julia’s heart went out to them both. Someone had to do something, and it had to be done quickly. Once Nick returned to Richmond, he wasn’t likely to make this trip again anytime soon.
“Julia, do you want to play Sorry with us?” Hannah asked.
Sitting on an inflatable camping mattress, the Martins were clustered around the game board, clearly attempting to give the McHenrys some privacy. With a sleeping Noah in her arms, Lainie flashed a worried look from her parents to Julia. Her friend’s expression made it clear to Julia that things hadn’t improved much since she’d gone outside.
Instinct told her that if she was going to broker peace between Nick and Daniel, it was now or never. “Maybe later. I was hoping to talk to your Grampa for a few minutes.”
That got Daniel’s attention, and he sent her a grateful look as he stood. “Of course. We can talk in the kitchen.”
Obviously, he believed she was rescuing him from his tongue-lashing. She felt bad for the disappointment he was about to receive but pushed the regret aside to focus on what she wanted to say. From watching her father in action, she’d learned that with sensitive personal issues, the opening for making true progress could pass by in a blink.
He pulled out a chair for her, then sat opposite her and folded his hands on the table. “Now, then. What would you like to talk about?”
Patience, Julia, she reminded herself as she heard her father’s voice in her memory. People need to be led, not bludgeoned. The subject of Daniel’s last sermon popped into her head, and she sent up a silent prayer of thanks for the inspiration.
“I was wondering about the Prodigal Son story,” she began. When he nodded, she went on. “How could a father embrace a son who left the family for so long? It’s never made sense to me.”
Chuckling, he sounded more like the kind, understanding pastor she’d come to know the past few months than the rigid man refusing to listen to his wife. “Lots of folks have that problem. The story isn’t really about the young man but the father. He was wise enough to allow his son to leave, then welcomed him home, pleased that he’d come back to the family on his own terms.”
“I see,” she said, nodding. “It means more that way, doesn’t it? When someone’s gone for a while, it gives us a chance to miss them and appreciate what makes them who they are. Then when we see them again, we have the perspective we need to forgive them their mistakes, whether we agree with their choices or not.”
“I suppose that’s one way of looking at it.”
Judging by his suddenly guarded expression, she knew she’d hit a nerve. Not a bull’s-eye, but close enough that he was suspicious of her motives for starting this conversation. There was no turning back now, so she gathered her courage and charged ahead. “Did you ever try that with Nick? Forgiving him, I mean.”
Looking sullen, he held her gaze as if daring her to continue. Apparently, Nick shared more of his father’s attributes than she’d realized. Instinct told her it was time to be direct. “Nick blames himself for Ian’s death. Do you feel the same way?”
Daniel opened his mouth, then slowly let it close. Pain replaced the anger in his eyes, answering her more eloquently than any words ever could have. “I tried not to,” he confessed quietly. “But I’m ashamed to say it was a struggle for me.”
Sharp as he was, she was certain Nick had picked up on Daniel’s conflicting emotions, which had only added to his own sense of guilt. No wonder their relationship had degraded so badly over the years. “What about Ann?”
“Never,” he replied instantly, shaking his head for emphasis. “She accepted God’s will much more easily than I did.”
“And I imagine it didn’t help that Ian wanted to stay here and take over your church while Nick couldn’t wait to leave Holiday Harbor.”
“I never understood it,” he said, clearly still bewildered all these years later. “They were like night and day, those two. Ann, Lainie and I love this town and the people who live here. Nick couldn’t wait to get away from it. From us,” he added in a miserable tone.
“But he came back for Thanksgiving,” she pointed out as kindly as she could. “That must mean something.”
“It means Ann and Lainie shamed him into coming. Nothing more.”
“They’re happy to have him, and Hannah’s enjoying getting to know him.” Pausing, she let Daniel absorb that before bringing down the hammer. “Are you glad to see him?”
“You can’t possibly understand,” he hedged. “It’s complicated.”
Hoping to ease his anxiety, she smiled. “I don’t think it is. He and I have talked quite a bit, and I think he’s ready to put the past behind him. The question is, are you willing to do the same?”
“I—”
“What do you think you’re doing?”
Startled by the sharp voice behind her, Julia whipped around to find Nick standing in the doorway. Fury rolled off him in waves she could feel from several feet away. “I was talking with your father.”
“About something that’s absolutely none of your business.”
“So you dissecting my personal life for anyone with a magazine subscription is fine,” she shot back, “but I can’t discuss yours with your own father?”
“That’s different, and you know it.” He turned to the pastor, and his expression softened with honest concern. “Dad, this is between you and me. You don’t have to go through it with her.”
“All right.” Standing, Daniel said, “I think I’ll go see what your mother’s doing.”
Once he was gone, Nick turned on Julia with blazing eyes. “The man has a heart condition, and here you are stressing him out. Are you trying to give him a heart attack?”
Though he tried to appear distant and cool, this wasn’t the first time she’d witnessed his protective streak. It probably ran deeper than even he realized, and it made her tread carefully. “Of course not. I’m trying to help relieve some of the strain he’s under by getting him to see things from your perspective. Which I got from you, by the way.”
He pointed an accusing finger at her. “That was a private conversation. I didn’t think you’d be careless enough to repeat it to anyone, especially not my father.”
“Careless?�
�� While she understood he was upset with her for meddling, she couldn’t allow his biting accusation to slip by unchallenged. Rising from her seat, Julia drew herself up to her full height the way she’d learned during years of ballet classes. The posture put her nearly level with him, and she drilled him with an unyielding glare. “Your family made a place for me before anyone else here even bothered to find out I’m not the spoiled rich girl they see on the news. I love them as much as I do my own parents, and I’d never do anything to hurt them. I only want to help them—and you.”
“Well, I got news for you, your highness. It’s my life, and I like it fine just the way it is.”
With that, he spun and stormed out, slamming the door behind him. He’d run through the last ounce of sympathy she possessed, and Julia was so angry, she didn’t even watch him go.
She was just glad he was gone.
*
More livid than he’d been in recent memory, Nick stayed outside shoveling until the walks and entire driveway were clear. The good news: by the time he was ready to go back inside, everyone else was in the living room either dozing or reading. The bad news: there was nothing to eat. During his visit, he’d gotten used to Lainie leaving a note on the table for him when he was late, telling him she’d left his dinner in the fridge.
Tonight, no note. Even the tea kettle, which had been running nonstop throughout the storm, was cold. He sensed movement in the doorway and glanced over to find Todd staring at him with sympathy. “You really did it this time.”
“Whatever.” Shrugging, Nick grabbed an apple from the bowl on the counter and took a bite. “I’m used to it.”
“From Lainie?”
“Well, no,” he had to admit. “She usually takes my side.”
“Not today.” When Nick started to protest, Todd raised his hands. “This is your family’s business, and it’s not my place to step into this mess. Just thought I’d warn you.”
Sadly, Nick knew that was the best he could hope for right now. When Todd retreated the way he’d come in, Nick realized he’d blundered over a line he never should have crossed. His family adored Julia, which he totally understood. She was kind and generous, and she clearly thought the world of them all.
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