by Maggie Mundy
And what he needed was Beth.
Chapter Nine
Beth couldn’t concentrate and massaged her temples. Damn it, she could feel a headache coming on. It was her first day back at work, and first day leaving Josh with Greg. To top it all, Josh had been up half the night crying. David and Keri had never suffered from colic, but Josh had it big time. She probably looked like death warmed up to the customers. Diane, her assistant, was wonderful and chatted and joked with everyone while Beth stayed in the back and filled out the orders. Eventually, there was a lull, and they both sat down.
“Stop for a minute and drink this, Beth. I don’t need to drop that bouquet off ’til four, and it’s only twelve. I’m your friend, so I am allowed to say this: You’ve just had a baby and you’re not superwoman. You’ve been here for me and my kids when I went through my divorce, and now it’s my turn.” Diane hugged her. “Anyway, I feel Josh is my responsibility, because if I’d gone with you that weekend you wouldn’t have been involved with some guy.” Diane shook her head as she ran her hands through her short blonde hair.
As Beth watched the simple movement, her stomach flipped at how it reminded her of Greg. This was stupid. She meant nothing to him. They had a business arrangement, that was all, and she needed to focus.
“Greg has looked after Josh for a couple of hours over the past few weeks, but not a whole day. I don’t know if I’m doing the right thing here. I know he’s the dad, but I don’t know him well.” Beth put down her mug and bit her nail.
“Didn’t you get Pete to ask his friend about him? You said Des has known him for years, didn’t you?”
“Yes, he said Greg had a rough time growing up, but he’s a good bloke and would do right by Josh and me.” Beth wanted to believe it.
“Doing right by you would have meant making an honest woman of you, after he got you up the duff.”
“It takes two, Diane, and he didn’t know I was pregnant. He gave me his number, but I threw it away. I wanted it to be a one-night stand with no complications. How about that for a laugh? He seems to be a good man and he wants to help. He’s a carpenter, so if the shed out the back of the shop collapses as it has been threatening to, we have a solution.”
“Listen, if you’re worried, go home. I’ll hold the fort.”
“No. After screaming at him for hours during labor, and then seeing him holding his son, I believe he’ll look after Josh. It’s just me. I’m a mess still.”
“Just take today as it comes, and worry about tomorrow when it happens.” The bell on the shop door rang and Diane left.
Beth phoned home.
“Hallo?”
Beth liked the sound of his voice answering her phone: he sounded relaxed, and there was no crying in the background.
“Hi, Greg. I thought I’d see how you were getting on, as Josh had such a bad night.”
“He’s slept since I got here. I went in a few times to check.”
Silence.
“Beth. What’s wrong?”
“It’s hard to leave him.” There, she said it and tried to keep tears from her eyes.
“I won’t hurt him. He’s my son, and I’d never do anything that would hurt you or him. Look, I know this is fucked up, but you don’t have to worry––when he is with me, he’s safe, okay?”
“I know that. I do. Thanks. I’ll see you later, then.”
Beth tried to absorb herself in other things. The books were good and she could pay the rent and wages. There wasn’t much money left over, but there was some. She didn’t want to take money from Greg, though he had said he would get her a new washing machine. She wasn’t going to argue about that one. Diane held the fort all day, but as things eased off, Beth gave her a hug and sent her home.
Before Keri had left for school, Beth had managed to wheedle a promise out of her she wouldn’t throw hot coals at Greg. The shop shut at five. At most, they would have only an hour and a half together. Beth went to pull the bolt on the front door of the shop, but someone was jumping out of their car and running to the door.
“Please, I’m in Adelaide, she’s in Melbourne, and it’s our first anniversary,” he pleaded with her.
“I’ll phone my friend, Jess, directly and see if she can drop it off on her way home, don’t worry.”
Beth laughed as she watched him leave. It was heartwarming to see such young love, but she was too tired to appreciate the romance of it all. She was going to be late home and the fact she had saved someone from divorce would be irrelevant. Sitting in her van, she sighed and wished she could close her eyes and sleep for a week. She needed to get home though, or her breasts would explode. Even though she expressed at lunchtime, it only relieved the tension a bit.
She heard the crying when she got out of the car, and Greg met her at the front door with a screaming Josh in his arms. The look on his face said, save me. The problem was, she wanted the reverse.
“Give him to me.” Beth sat down in the kitchen and before she could even open her top, Josh was turning his head toward her with his mouth open. She started to breastfeed. The silence was instant from Josh, and she sighed in relief. The silence between her and Greg was more palpable.
Greg stood there staring at her and then shook his head. Was she supposed to work out what that meant?
“I’ll put the kettle on,” he said, and turned away.
Beth watched him busy himself in the kitchen. Something smelt good, which meant Keri must have remembered to put the lasagna in the oven. Greg popped her mug of tea down next to her. He didn’t sit down but stood there with hands in his pockets. Beth sighed. Of course, he wanted to go. What single guy in his right mind would want stinky nappies and crying babies?
“He was good as gold ’til about an hour ago. I gave him all the milk you left. After that it didn’t seem to make any difference what I did.”
Greg appeared frazzled with his hair messed up and a stain down the front of his shirt.
“The milk I’m expressing obviously isn’t enough. Look I only work five minutes away. I’ll come home at lunch and feed him. Diane can cover the shop for that. Where are David and Keri?”
Greg didn’t take his hands out of his pockets as he spoke. “He’s on the computer As for Keri, she disappeared to her room.” He stood by the counter.
“I’m sorry. My kids are not the world’s most sociable lot.”
“It’s only fair, Beth––they don’t know me.” Greg peered toward the front door.
“Tea smells good.” Beth didn’t know what else to say that would be appropriate. How about, I want you to be one of the family and I want to cry on your shoulder, because I’m so tired. So to say nothing was the best alternative. She couldn’t help herself as she sighed. She wouldn’t let him see her eyes were watering as she stared down at Josh.
“Keri came out a while ago and put it on. Look, if you’re okay, I need to go, all right? Don’t get up. I’ll show myself out. See you tomorrow.”
Beth sat there as the door closed. It was stupid of her, but for one moment she had hoped he wasn’t going to leave. In truth, he had the look of an escapee on his face as soon as she walked in. With Josh in her arms, she went off to see the others. David played on with his computer game. Keri followed her out to the kitchen and started to serve up tea.
“He tried to stop him crying. It was funny to watch, especially when Josh chucked up on him,” she giggled.
“That’s not helpful, Keri.” Beth couldn’t help but laugh too.
“He looked at me when I came in like I was supposed to do something. It’s his kid, so let him cope. Anyway, I’d had a shit day at school.”
“Do you want to talk about it?”
“No. Look, it’s weird, Mum. This is our home, and coming in and finding him here, well, it freaks me out. I know it’s the best thing with Josh and the shop and all, but as soon as Nan and Pops get back, can we have it just be us again?” Keri finished dishing the food up and stood waiting for an answer.
“Of course,
Keri, now go and get your brother to leave the computer and eat while I change stinky bum here.”
Josh stank. Beth hoped Greg had coped with something this smelly today and it hadn’t all been stored up for her. Keri didn’t want Greg around, and David didn’t care. Her parents had just gone off on their trip in a huff when she had told them. It was stupid letting someone who had been a one-night stand into the house, they’d said.
Beth sighed as she picked up Josh. How the hell did she get to this place, and what was she going to do about it? Like always, she would take a deep breath and move on one small step at a time.
****
Greg had thought Beth was going to ask him to stay for tea. He wanted her, but he couldn’t handle domestic bliss. It didn’t exist, anyway, not in his world. Keep it simple, just sex with strangers, though in Beth’s case it hadn’t ended up so simple. He’d just spent the last few hours in a house with one hostile teenager, and another kid who was oblivious, and he was going to have to go back tomorrow. Josh had cried and cried, but there was nothing Greg could do to stop it. None of this was going to last, anyway –– being around his kid wasn’t turning out as he thought it would. Maybe he should just go, and leave them all in peace.
****
Three weeks gone by, and he was doing well so far. He wasn’t sure if the stink from the nappies had killed his sense of smell forever, but they didn’t seem so bad now. Beth seemed less tired, but the kids were the same. He didn’t want to be their new dad and get cozy anyway, so it was all good. After the first day, he had been sure he would never cope, but he was, and he was enjoying being around Josh. He noticed when stuff needed doing around the place, and Beth let him fix things up instead of taking money. So far, she seemed satisfied with what Des had told Pete about him having a rough childhood but being a good man. For a while there, he had thought she might do a police check and all of this would be over.
He may be a fool, but he would enjoy this for as long as he could.
****
Tonight, the guys were having a party and he didn’t want to be part of it. He wanted to be with Beth and Josh. The guys were all drinking too much, and Greg felt old. He didn’t fancy spending the night with his head down the toilet anymore. He had done it too many times in the past.
Greg had another drink to stop him thinking about a woman with red hair who made him feel alive, and a boy who grabbed onto his finger as if it was the most important thing in the world. He went to bed early and left the others to their fun.
Greg woke. His phone was ringing and his head still spun from too many whiskeys. It was Beth, and it was three in the morning. His body came out in a cold sweat. There was no way she would be calling him at this time unless bad shit was going down.
“The doctor’s called the ambulance, Greg. He thinks it’s pneumonia. Will you meet me at the hospital?”
He could hear a siren down the phone. He could also hear the fear in her voice.
“I’ll be there, Beth.”
Putting the bedside light on, he started to dress. He couldn’t drive––he was way over the limit. He could order a taxi, but how long would it take to arrive? Or there was Pete and Sara. This would be another black mark they would hold against him. Right now, he didn’t care, he just needed to see Josh. He banged on their front door until the light came on. Pete answered it in his jockey shorts.
“What the hell do you think you’re doing? Do you know what the time is?”
“It’s Josh. Beth rang and they’re on their way to the children’s hospital. We had a party and I’m over the limit. I need you to take me to the Woman’s and Children’s. Please, Pete.”
Sara stood there in her dressing gown. “What the hell’s wrong, Greg?”
“The doctors say Josh has pneumonia.” Greg was tough, so why did he want to cry? He never cried. Not as a kid, not in jail and not now.
“Look, you guys head off into the city, and I’ll go around and stay with the kids. Call me on my cell phone when you get there and know more,” Sara said, turning back inside to get dressed.
They drove to the hospital and Pete was quiet. Greg was glad, as he didn’t feel like making conversation anyway. He jumped out at the Emergency Department while Pete went to find a car park. The woman at reception guided him to a cubicle. There was a young female doctor examining Josh with a stethoscope as he walked in. Josh’s breathing sounded raspy and his chest struggled to get air in. Greg felt helpless as a lump formed in his throat: he wanted to put things right, but he couldn’t. Walking over to Beth, he placed his arm on her shoulder. She jumped.
“Oh! Greg.” Greg hugged her.
The doctor turned around.
“This is Greg, Josh’s father,” Beth said.
“I got here as quick as I could. Pete is parking his car.” The doctor smiled at him, she would probably change her expression if she got closer and could smell his breath.
“I’ve ordered X-rays and then we will transfer him up to intensive care. At this stage, it probably is pneumonia, but I think we’ve caught it early.”
They put Josh in a crib and the orderly pushed him along. Greg took Beth’s hand as they followed on in silence, watching their little boy. They weren’t a happy couple, but they both needed the contact of each other. Later they sat beside Josh’s cot, and Greg reckoned it had been the longest night of his life. They’d sent Pete home about an hour before, when he’d started to yawn.
Greg couldn’t take his eyes off of Josh, just to make sure he was still breathing. When had this little bundle gotten into his heart? He thought it had been closed up to everyone long ago. Maybe this was it: the little bundle would die before he knew what an asshole his father was.
The nurse came over. “Look, why don’t you two go and have a coffee. I’ll let you know if there’s any change.”
They went down the corridor to the parent’s rest room. Greg made drinks while Beth sat there staring at the floor. He placed the tea down in front of her. White, no sugar.
“I’m sorry if I smelt of booze. The guys had held a party.”
“I didn’t notice, to tell you the truth. I just needed you here.”
“I wanted to be here for both of you. I just didn’t want to let you or him down. If I’ve done that by walking into the hospital stinking of booze, I’m sorry. And, I should have spotted something earlier, but he was fine yesterday. Just a bit bunged up.” Greg ran his hands through his hair. Beth was hurting and he wanted to help, he was just unsure how. He took Beth’s hand and squeezed it, so she squeezed back and gazed at him. She had found a place in his stone-cold heart as much as Josh had.
“You know, when I found out I was pregnant I thought about an abortion. You were a stranger, and my life was mad enough, what with Jeff dying and the kids not coping. I just couldn’t do it. I mean it wasn’t Josh’s fault, what we did, and now I’m so scared we’re going to lose him, anyway.” Beth wiped the tears away with a tissue that was so soggy it disintegrated in her hand. He took it from her and offered a fresh one from the box on the table.
“I’m glad you didn’t, Beth, and you know what? I think he’s a survivor, he’s tough like both of us, and he’s going to be fine.”
The thought of losing Josh after knowing him for such a short time made Greg’s chest ache. Beth picked up her tea and sipped and sighed. Greg put his arm around her and pulled her close, and she leaned her head against his chest, sobbing.
“After the doctor’s been in the morning, you should go home and get some sleep. I’ll stay,” Greg said.
“I don’t want to leave him. It’s as if I might never see him again.” She wiped another tear away.
“Trust me, I’ll be here and if he has any problems, I’ll call. We’ll get through this and Keri and David need to see you. The two of them will be worried about Josh too.”
Beth was tired and sad, but Greg didn’t want anyone else next to him at this moment. He had never seen this in his future, the gutter was more what he’d envisaged, but they w
ere here now together as parents to Josh, and it was all that mattered.
****
Beth eventually went home sometime after sunrise. It was Sunday, so her shop was closed. As the day went on Josh improved, with his breathing becoming slower and steadier. Greg felt relaxed at the hospital. It was a place with set regimes and shifts and orders, like prison. It made him realize yet again how out of touch he was with the real world, even after all this time.
He held Josh in his arms when Beth walked in to the ICU after lunch. Her eyes still had shadows below them, but she smiled when she saw them. He couldn’t help himself and smiled back. He wanted her to be happy for Josh, but being around her made him want her to be happy to see him too. Damn it, but he wanted this family.
“He’s out of the crib,” she exclaimed.
As soon as Josh heard her voice, he started crying.
“He sounds as though he’s hungry, which must be a good thing.” Beth sat down and tried to feed Josh. He didn’t take much. She kissed the little scamp on his cheek and let the nurse put him back in his cot.
“The kids were so worried about him and they wanted to come in, but I told them to wait. Did they say how long he would be here?”
“They’re taking each day as it comes, but the doctor said he’s responding well to the antibiotics. Listen, I’ve been thinking, I can be with him here in the daytime and you can still run the shop. You can sort the kids out and come in the evenings.” Her eyes were watering again. Wasn’t this what couples did for each other, to make life easier? What the hell did he know?
“Thank you, Greg. I phoned my parents and told them. I said not to come back, and that he’s on the mend. I was so scared last night. I thought we were going to lose him.”
Greg took her hand and squeezed it as they gazed at Josh. Half an hour later, Greg glanced down to see he was still holding her hand as they talked about her work. Nurses came over and talked to them about Josh. He noticed one nurse look at their hands and smile. These people were under the misconception they were a couple. Greg could feel his palm becoming clammy while running his other hand through his hair. His cell phone rang. It was Des. Greg excused himself. He went down in the lift and walked outside.
