“You’re feeling sick. You are? Really? Oh, Cash, I’m so sorry that you’re feeling sick. That must be so hard on you.”
I swallow, realizing my error too late, and make a mental note never to mention feeling sick in front of her again. At least not until the morning sickness phase has passed. But probably not even then. Because, knowing Sam, she’ll still be pissed about it, even if she isn’t actively puking.
Still, I can’t quite drop it. “What do you think he’s going to say?” I ask her, not for the first time. “You think he’ll be excited?”
Sam sighs, reaching for my hand where it rests on the stick shift of my Porsche. “I honestly don’t know, Cash. I want him to be excited, but it might be rough for him to hear. Kids don’t always react the way we want them to. You can’t take it personally.”
I sigh, knowing she’s right, that I shouldn’t have expectations, that Wyatt needs to be free to react to this news in whatever way makes sense for him. Hell, Sam and I certainly went through the gauntlet of reactions, from shocked denial to fear, finally settling somewhere near acceptance with occasional bouts of terror thrown into the mix. But we’re dealing, I remind myself. After the initial shock of it, Sam was a lot more willing to talk it out. And I haven’t felt like melting down with liquor ever since I saw Dad.
“What?” Sam asks, her eyes on my now-white knuckles.
I release my death grip on the wheel. “Just thinking about my dad.”
“You want to talk about it?”
“I think you have enough to be worried about,” I say. “Seeing as how we’re going to tell your in-laws and then your son that you’re having another baby and oh, by the way, that worthless guitar player with all the tattoos is the father.”
“Stop it,” she says, her voice low. “I don’t care if you’re kidding, don’t talk that way about yourself.”
I swallow, feeling childish. “Sorry. I just…I know the Warners aren’t crazy about me.”
“They are too,” she argues. “They see how happy Wyatt is with you.”
And probably know how much happier he would have been with their son, I think, but I don’t say it. I’ve been trying to push thoughts like that away. I know they don’t do any good. The last thing Sam, or Wyatt, or the baby (holy shit, because there’s a baby, and that realization is still enough to shock me) needs is for me to sit around feeling sorry for myself. Doubting myself.
“Anyhow,” she says. “I could use a little distraction. So tell me what you were thinking about your dad.”
“I saw him,” I blurt out. I haven’t mentioned this to anyone. Besides for Reed, my brothers don’t even know about the pregnancy yet, and I’m not eager to admit to that night of getting so out of control. Plus, I’m still not exactly sure how I feel about the interaction with Dad.
“When?”
I blow out a breath. “After you went home last time. I may have…I got a little drunk. Sorry.”
She snorts. “I know.”
I take my eyes off the road for a second to glance at her. “You do?”
She laughs. “You left me like, three voicemails that night.”
I groan. “Oh God.”
“It’s fine. They were pretty cute. All about how much you loved me and you were sorry for your aggressive sperm—”
“I said that?”
She’s really laughing now. “And how you hoped the baby looked like me because you were just a giant dick head with aggressive sperm.”
“I really hope you deleted those.”
“Hell no,” she says happily. “I plan to keep them forever and threaten to sell them to the tabloids whenever I want something from you.”
“I’m never drinking again.”
“Yeah, right. Anyhow. You went to see your dad?”
“I called him,” I admit. “To come get me. I guess he took me back to his place, which I don’t really remember—”
“Not at all surprised,” she mutters.
“But we talked a little the next day. And it was…” I shake my head. “I don’t know. It was nice. It felt…it felt like things were better.”
“Yeah?” she sounds like she thinks this is good news.
“I told him about the baby and he was…. surprisingly supportive.” I clear my throat. “Told me I could do this.”
Her voice is soft as she squeezes my hand. “You can do it.”
I breathe in, letting the words wash over me. God, I need her to believe in me. I’m pretty sure I can do anything so long as she thinks I can. Even look Wyatt in the eye and tell him there’s another kid coming.
It’s quiet for a moment. “How are you feeling about your dad now?” she finally asks.
“Okay.” The word surprises me even as I say it. “Not so angry. I think…I think it’s just really hard for him to be open about stuff. And, I guess, I kind of know what that’s like.” I clear my throat again. “I mean, I was basically just like him before I met you, you know?”
“People can change,” she says, brushing some hair from my forehead, her fingertips soft against my skin. “Maybe it will get easier for him.”
I nod. “He told me he was happy I had you. That…he’s never said anything like that to me before.”
She leans across the console and kisses my cheek. “I’m happy you have me, too. And I’m happy things feel better with him.”
I nod, lost in thought, before I remember the most surprising part of that morning. “Oh, you won’t believe this. He had a woman there! At his place. She spent the night!”
She gives me an odd look. “And this is remarkable?”
“Oh my God, you have no idea. He never dates. Like ever. He kissed her in front of me!”
I can feel her gaze on the side of my face. “Hmm. A few things about your family are starting to make some more sense to me.”
“What does that mean?”
“Just that you all could have probably used some more female influence in your life.” She shakes her head. “No wonder there’s always so much punching.”
“You sound like Daisy.”
“Daisy knows what’s up.” Sam is quiet for a moment, looking out the window. “I think it’s good,” she finally says. “Him dating. I think it might be just what you all need.”
“What does it have to do with us?”
She shrugs. “I just think it might be easier on all of you if he has some interests outside of the band.”
I snort. “Yeah, that will be the day. Ruby seemed cool, and all, but I doubt she has any idea what she’s in for.”
“You never know,” Sam says, not bothering to hide her smug smile. “He wouldn’t be the first Ransome boy to get his shit together for a girl.”
* * *
Telling the Warners doesn’t go as badly as I had feared. Once they get over their initial shock, they both seem sincere enough in offering their congratulations. And when Sam tells them we’re going to need to sit down and work out a new agreement for Wyatt’s living situation, they don’t hesitate. I get the feeling some kind of threshold has been crossed—Sam has proven herself in the last year, and they aren’t going to stand in her way anymore. I’m glad. Before leaving LA, Sam and I briefly talked about calling a lawyer, just in case, but I know that it would have broken her heart to take things to that level. The Warners will always be her family.
I can only hope it goes that smoothly when we tell Wyatt.
“Hey!” Sam calls, waving when we see his familiar face in the crowd of kids streaming out of the elementary school doors.
At the sight of us, his face lights up and he breaks into a jog. “Mom!” He throws his arms around her middle. “I thought you were in Seattle.”
I watch as her face softens, the way it always does when she gets close to Wyatt. It makes my heart twist in my chest, a little, knowing she’s going feel the same way about our kid.
“We wanted to surprise you,” she says, pulling back to grin down at him in that goofy way they always do when they’re together. “
We thought we’d get some dinner.”
Wyatt turns to me, still grinning. “Awesome! Can we go to Minellis? I want spaghetti!”
I laugh, messing up the kid’s hair. “Whatever you want, man.” I look over at Sam, the nerves rising in my chest. “We probably have time to hit up the park first, though. Maybe take a little hike?”
“Sweet!” Wyatt says, already leading the way to my car. “You brought the Porsche!” he crows. “Awesome!”
Wyatt talks a mile a minute the entire drive, telling us all about school and soccer, every little detail we’d missed since we were last together the previous weekend. As I listen to his excited chatter, I feel some of the nervousness in my chest dissipate. Wyatt is happy with us, loves us both. Maybe he’ll be excited about this, too. Being a big brother is pretty cool, right?
I pull in to Huntington Memorial Park, our favorite place to go for the occasional walk. The nature preserve has hiking trails through the forest and Wyatt loves to go out and see the small waterfalls and ponds that dot the area.
“Let’s rest here a minute, Wyatt,” Sam says after we’ve walked about a half mile. She tugs on the back of his shirt, pulling him over to a large, flat boulder just off the trail. The three of us sit. “Cash and I need to tell you something, buddy.”
Wyatt’s eyes go wide, traveling from his mom’s face to mine. “Are you getting married?”
I meet Sam’s shocked eyes, sure my expression is similar. “Uh, no,” I say. “At least, not yet. Maybe? Soon?” I look back to Sam, panicking, and she takes pity on me, reaching for Wyatt’s hand.
“That’s something we’ll probably be talking about,” she tells him, and I’m struck with the realization, all over again, how good she is at this. With Wyatt. She’s a great mom. “Because,” she goes on, her eyes never leaving Wyatt’s, “there are going to be some changes coming up.”
He sounds suspicious now. “Like what?”
Sam keeps her gaze steady. “I’m going to have a baby, Wyatt.”
His mouth drops open, no sound coming out.
“I know this is a big surprise,” she goes on. “So Cash and I wanted to talk to you about it and—”
“You’re going to have a baby with Cash?” Wyatt whispers.
I take Sam’s other hand, squeezing it. “Yeah, buddy,” I say. “In about six months.”
Wyatt looks away, swallowing, and I cast Sam a worried look.
“It’s okay to be a little scared about it, man,” I begin, but Wyatt cuts me off with a sharp shake of his head.
“I’m not scared.”
“Well, it’s okay to feel however you’re feeling,” Sam says.
“What…where will…” Wyatt scrunches up his forehead. “Who will the baby live with?”
I’m once again overwhelmed with all the complications of our situation, but Sam seems to be holding it together a lot better than me. “We’re going to have to do some talking, all three of us—and Grandma and Grandpa—to decide about our living situation. But what we’re thinking right now is that you and I will go to Cash’s house in LA once school gets out.”
Wyatt’s head snaps back to her. “For how long?”
“For the summer. At least.”
“All summer?”
“Yeah. We talked to your grandparents today and—”
“You’re going to bring me with you?”
I feel Sam go rigid next to me, even as my own stomach drops. I can’t tell if Wyatt feels unsettled by the idea or if, even worse, he’s having trouble believing we would actually bring him along.
“We want to,” Sam says, and I know she’s struggling now to keep her voice even. “If that’s what you want.”
Wyatt is quiet.
“I know it might be hard, buddy,” I say. “To leave your friends and everything. But we’ll find a lot of fun stuff to do in LA. I already started looking into soccer leagues—”
“We’d all live together?” Wyatt presses. “All three of us? In the same house?”
“That’s the plan,” Sam says. “For the summer, at least. We’ll have to talk a lot about what happens after that. Maybe we’d all want to come back to Seattle. Or maybe you’d want…” she trails off, and I know she can’t bring herself to say that maybe Wyatt will prefer to move back to his grandparents’ when school starts again in the fall.
“We’re not going to make any big decisions without you,” I say. “Okay?”
“You really want me to live with you?” Wyatt asks, his voice little more than a whisper.
“Of course we do,” I say, but Wyatt is already throwing himself into Sam’s arms, his little hands clinging tight behind her neck.
“I want to come,” he says quickly, still holding on. “I’ll come right now. I don’t care about soccer or school or—”
“Well we care about your soccer and school,” Sam says, rubbing his back. “So we’re going to take things nice and slow.”
He pulls back, eyeing us both suspiciously. “But I can still come in the summer? You weren’t kidding?”
“Of course you can,” Sam says. “I wouldn’t kid about this, buddy. You know that.”
He nods, not meeting her eyes. “Okay then.”
I shoot a glance at Sam. I’m not sure what to make of Wyatt’s reaction. The kid seems more than eager to come to LA for the summer, which I suppose is what we were hoping for. But he didn’t say much about the baby. And I’m feeling unsettled by the way he’s acting. He seems too clingy, too uncertain. I don’t like it.
For the rest of the afternoon, all through dinner, as Wyatt holds tight to Sam’s hand, refusing to let go for even a second, I can’t shake the feeling that something feels very wrong.
* * *
I drive Sam back to our place in Seattle that night. She has to work at her internship in the morning, and I have to get back to LA for practice. I know I’ll be seeing her on the weekend, that she and Wyatt are going to come down and start making plans for the move, but that doesn’t make it any easier to leave. Plus I’m still feeling unsettled, worried about Wyatt in a way I can’t quite put my finger on.
“Give him time to process,” Sam says when I confess this. “Kids have to mull stuff over sometimes.” She presses up to her tiptoes for another kiss. We’ve been saying goodbye at the doorway for the past fifteen minutes, neither of us eager to let go. “You going to tell the boys when you get home?”
I nod. I’ve been torn for weeks, both wanting to tell them, to vent at them and let out all of my fears and frustrations. But I’m also dreading it, in a way. Worried I’ll see the same shock and fear I’m pretty sure I saw in Reed’s face that day at the barbecue. I’ve put it off, telling myself that we needed to tell Wyatt first. Now I’m out of excuses.
“Hey,” Sam says, tugging on my ear playfully. “There’s a pretty good chance Paige already knows, which means they all do, let’s be honest. So maybe you won’t have to say anything at all.”
I laugh, kissing her forehead. “Nah, that girl is like a steel trap when she wants to be. If Reed told her to keep it to herself, she did.”
“Good luck, then,” Sam says, kissing me one last time. “I bet they’ll be thrilled.”
I’m not so sure about that. But there’s only one way to find out.
We’re rehearsing for the concert series at a sound stage in Santa Monica, about thirty minutes from my place in Malibu. As I make the drive, I wish I had the Porsche here. I’ll have to arrange for it to be brought down from my place in Seattle for the summer. Sam will roll her eyes at the expense, but I know Wyatt will get a kick out of zipping up and down the Pacific Coast Highway in the thing.
“Hello, sunshine,” Daltrey says when I amble into the rehearsal space. “So nice of you to join us. Don’t worry—we’re not in any hurry here. None of us have anything better to do than wait for you to show up twenty minutes late.”
I flip him off, taking a long drag from the paper coffee cup in my hand. “I had a late flight.”
“Were you up i
n Seattle yesterday?” Levi asks, frowning. “I thought you were waiting for the weekend?”
I look around at my brothers and Levi, taking in the different expressions. Daltrey looks annoyed, Levi concerned—God, could that kid ever relax about anything?—while Lennon looks bored, his attention flicking back and forth between me and his phone. Probably texting Haylee. But Reed—Reed’s expression is knowing.
“I guess I should just do this now,” I mutter, pulling off my sunglasses and tossing them on a nearby table. “I was up in Seattle trying to work out some details with Sam and the Warners. We want Wyatt to live with us this summer.”
“Full time?” Lennon asks, his attention now firmly on me, eyes a little wide. “Wow, man. That’s kind of a big deal, isn’t it?”
It’s all I can do not to laugh. “Little brother, you have no idea.”
“What do you—”
“Sam is pregnant,” I say, eyes on my shoes. I don’t think I can handle looking at them, not just then. Too afraid to see an oh fuck expression on any of their faces.
The room is silent for a long moment. “Seriously?” Levi finally asks, and I look up, locking eyes with Reed. My older brother nods at me, the movement somehow encouraging, and I take a breath.
“Yup. Seriously.”
Daltrey is gaping at me, his mouth literally open with shock. Levi looks a bit like he was just hit over the head with something heavy. Lennon is studying my face. Again it’s quiet for a long moment and my attention goes back to the ground.
“Shit, Cash,” Lennon finally says, shaking his head. “I don’t know how you’re feeling about this man, but I have to tell you—I think it’s awesome.”
My eyes snap to my brother. “You do?”
“Hell yeah. You and Sam? The two of you will be great at this. And Wyatt as a big brother? I think it’s fantastic.”
Before I can find words to respond to that, Daltrey is nodding. “Me too. Now I can rag on you about diapers and all of that stuff, just like you did to me.”
The Ransome Brothers_A Ransom Novel Page 18
