by Mia Villano
I stood there not saying a word and not looking at him. My emotions had done a somersault. I found myself feeling bad for Stella, and Alex and even Jade. Alex had lost a child. Stella had gone mad with grief over losing his child. No one should ever have to experience that. My protective posture slumped and in that moment, I was happy to have the wall to hold me up.
“You thought it was Jade, and I didn’t correct you. I’m sorry for that. It was easier for me to let you believe it was Jade since you hated her anyway. I just didn’t want you to be hurt, Prudence. I love you so much. I have wanted you for so long. I would have done anything to keep this from you. I’m so sorry from the depths of my soul.” When I looked at him, his eyes began to fill up with tears.
I hated him, and I wanted to hold him and comfort at the same time. I still didn’t know if he was sincere or not. Was I just someone he used for sex? Did he love me, or was he sick too? All I could manage now was, “You lied to me, Alex.”
He stepped toward me, then stopped.
“I wanted to be with you and nothing else mattered. I never dreamed I would fall in love with you like I have. I never dreamed you would be in my life like this. I couldn’t stop it when it happened, and I didn’t want anything to ruin it,” he said.
“Bullshit, you used Jade and I for sex, and Stella is the woman you truly love,” I yelled again.
“That’s so not true, Prudence. Come on, you know the kind of man I am. I would never do that to you, ever,” he said, looking directly into my eyes. “When I love someone, that’s it. I love them completely, with everything I have and with all I am.”
“Do you love Stella more than me?” I whispered, looking away from him.
“Prudence, I have never loved anyone as much as I love you.” He sniffed and grabbed a paper towel off the counter to wipe his eyes.
“I had a hard time keeping all of this a secret, but Stella’s father is a powerful man. He’s partially to thank for keeping this story out of the news. Can you imagine what would have happened if it had come out? If this would have somehow been made public during my campaign? Stella and I broke off our engagement, and I started seeing Jade again, but my heart wasn’t in it. And, looking back now, I know I wasn’t being fair to Jade. And I have apologized to her.”
“Where do things with Stella and you stand now? You two seemed pretty cozy tonight, all pushed up in the corner together.” I knew I sounded jealous and crazy. He tried to come close to me, but I raised my hand up to him.
“There is no Stella and me. She’s been admitted to the hospital again. She was telling everyone she and I were engaged and introducing herself around as my fiancé. Her father is making sure she gets the care she needs.”
“You still lied, and that hurts me, Alex. I have been lied to all my life and I promised I wouldn’t let it happen again. I need time to think. I need you to go,” I said even though I really wanted him to stay. I wanted him so bad in that instant. I wanted him to show me how much he loved me, and to show me how much I meant to him.
He walked slowly over to me and put his arms around me. I couldn’t pull away. He stood behind me, buried his head in my neck and the wet warm tears from his eyes tickled my skin.
“For what it is worth, no one has ever meant to me what you do. I have loved you from the first time I saw you. I had to wait until you were old enough for me to love you. When you walked in with your aunt to run the campaign, I knew you were going to change my life. Take however much time you need to think things through. And when you do, don’t just think about the bad, the lies, Stella and Jade. Think about everything. Every kiss, glance, touch, orgasm. Remember it all. And then decide.”
He let me go, kissed my head, and walked out the door. I heard the limo pull away, and he was gone. I ached all over. My head, my heart, and even between my legs. I needed to decide if Alex Conrad was worth all of this.
Chapter Twenty
Reporters camped out at my condo and law office every day. Photos of me crying, makeup running down my face and getting into a cab were everywhere. Even more so, photos of Alex running after me filled social media. Women everywhere hated me for breaking Senator Conrad’s heart. Some radio station even held a contest to see who would replace me as his girlfriend, since I no longer wanted him. I hid out at Belulah’s for a week, and tried to clear my mind. She had a strict no TV, radio or newspaper policy, afraid the pressure from the media and mean comments would make me lose it all together.
But when I was least expecting it, one article made it through. The report said they had an exclusive on Senator Conrad that will blow his political career to pieces. It went on to say he was in a relationship with his former girlfriend’s daughter. It went into detail about my mom’s struggle with drugs, prostitution, and death from AIDS. As I tried to read the article, without losing consciousness, it stated basically that Alex had just been using my mom and feeding her drugs, to get to me as a teenager. The article stated we had improper relations when I was just sixteen, and he was thirty-three and we were now in a full-fledged love affair. I caused the breakup between him and his fiancé, Stella Simon, who was now in a mental institution.
“Grandma, what am I going to do? This will ruin Alex,” I cried, as she paced back and forth.
“Let me call Toby. She will get to the bottom of this,” she said, as she got my aunt Toby on the phone. Toby was like Victoria, only meaner. She would get this handled.
I listened as Toby yelled expletives and very unlady-like words from the other end of the phone.
“Toby’s headed down to their office now in full on Toby rage. She knows the editor-in-chief. Believe me honey, when she gets finished with them, it will not be pretty. You need to settle down and go about your business. You have a job and a life, and you need to start worrying about that.”
I wanted to return to my life, to pick up where I’d left off, to be normal again, but instead, I asked Beulah if Toby still had the cottage in Hyannis Port. It was an old beach house the family had used when my mom was young. No one had been out there for years except the groundskeeper. After my mom ran away, everyone just stopped going there. Toby made a call to the groundskeeper, and he told her he would have it ready for me the next day.
Beulah didn’t think I should be out there alone. She was afraid the press might follow me or someone would see I was staying alone and hurt me.
“Grandma, please. I am a big girl. I’m so tired of people thinking I’m still poor little Prudence. I need to get away from here and be alone,” I said, as I packed. I took only things I would be comfortable in. I just wanted alone time. I wanted time to get myself back and remember who I was.
“Can’t you just go stay at a hotel or a spa somewhere? I will pay for it, and I’ll know you’re safe. No one has stayed there in years, Prudence. I don’t even know what it’s like or if it’s falling in. I haven’t been out there since your grandfather passed away,” she pleaded. But I had already gotten a plane ticket and would be on my way in a few hours.
“I will be okay. I will call you as soon as I get settled. Please don’t worry, Grandma. I need this right now.”
“I know,” she said, holding my hands and looking into my eyes. “Now can this old lady give you some advice? I’ve been quiet and tried to let you work things out on your own. But there is something you need to hear.”
I tensed, nodded, and waited for my grandma’s wise words.
“I believe him when he said he did this because he loves you so much. I have known him and his family a long time and they are good people. Is he perfect? No man is. Believe me. But, I have seen how he is with you, the way he looks at you. I don’t think Alex is trying to play you. That man? He loves you, and you need to figure out what you’re going to do about it.”
“I hope so, Grandma. I’m in love with him. I just need to think all this through. I have had enough of people lying and keeping things from me. I need to be alone and figure out for myself whether he is worth my love.”
“I
know you have, sweetheart. Can I drive you to the airport?”
“Yes, you can. Thank you, Grandma. I needed to hear that.” I hugged her tight.
“You are my special angel. I love you,” she smiled, holding on to me.
“I love you too. I hope you realize if it were not for you I would not be the person I am today,” I said.
“Listen, you are the person you are today because of you. You didn’t have to call me that day your mom threw you out of the trailer. You could have thrown my number away and went off, hooked up with a bum and took drugs just like she did. You didn’t because you are strong. You are a true Romaine and don’t forget that. It is not because of me or anyone else. It’s because of who you are inside.”
Maybe Grandma was right. Maybe I was tougher than I gave myself credit for.
Chapter Twenty-One
My plane landed around seven. I had never been to Hyannis before and had planned to enjoy spending time alone. As the cabbie drove me through the small town made popular by the Kennedys, I made a mental note of the boutiques we passed, hoping to visit them the next day. People were out in cardigans and khaki pants, enjoying the shops and the restaurants. Sprawling beachfront mansions lined every road as we made our way to my family’s property.
The house sat at the end of a long winding driveway and backed up to a wooded area. The driveway must have been half a mile long, lined with beautiful green trees leading up to the gambrel styled beach house. The house was white and in need of a new paint job. The porch wrapped around the entire house that was up against the ocean.
The house was as picturesque as I had I imagined. The pictures of it didn’t do it justice. The vacations and parties that must’ve gone on there had to have been spectacular. The beach came right up to the back of the house hugging the small yard that had a fire pit and a torn volleyball net.
When I let myself in, I was surprised at how clean and well kept it was. Someone stacked firewood in a neat pile next to the fireplace. The furniture was all polished and dusted. Everything was clean and inviting.
Placing my suitcase on the steps to the second floor, I heard waves lapping up to the shore, and it was a wonderful and relaxing sound. The house was amazing with its white furniture and dark wood floors. It was decorated with old rustic furniture and old signs. I could live here all year round and never get tired of it. The kitchen was set up with a coffee pot, and everything I needed for a few days. I took a peek inside the refrigerator that someone had stocked it with my favorite food and drinks.
I took the big steps upstairs to the second floor, where I found not one, but six bedrooms and two baths. One bathroom was furnished with a shower and a huge claw foot tub with a window overlooking the ocean. I couldn’t wait to get in it and use the oils, scented candles, and wine that had been left for me. Toby thought of everything.
But I didn’t want to stay indoors just yet, so I grabbed a book from my bag, poured myself a glass of wine, and went to start a fire in the fire pit.
I sat on the couch, allowed myself to take in the sounds and smell of the beach, and for a few moments, almost forgot how sad and empty I was. After a couple of glasses of wine, my eyes became heavy. Between worrying and not having Alex’s body next to me at night, I had not slept well since the fundraiser. After I finished the entire bottle of wine and cried, I managed to fall asleep.
I woke up confused about where I was, fully dressed, and still outside on the couch. The fire must have gone out sometime during the night and it was freezing. When I tried to stand, my head and neck throbbed in pain. I dragged my aching body upstairs to the shower before sightseeing. As the water pounded me, my stress began to melt away. I stayed in there for about a half hour, letting the hot water relax me. My body longed for Alex, and when thoughts of him and what we had done in the shower were too much, I got out. In my favorite robe, I lay down on the bed, and cried myself to sleep.
The cold air in the cottage woke me from a deep sleep. I wrapped a blanket around myself and trudged downstairs to start another fire. I was actually hungry for once and in need of a strong cup of coffee. I found a can of soup in the cupboard, warmed it up on the stove, and brewed some extra strong Italian roast. It was just what I needed to calm my nerves and settle my stomach.
It was already too late to go into town for the second day, so I just sat on the porch, read, and listened to the waves hit the shore—the perfect therapy. I had never been someone who needed to be around a lot of people all the time. When I was a little girl, my mom would leave me alone for days. Eventually, I learned to enjoy the stillness of being by myself.
Sleep overtook me once again as I lay on the back porch and tried to read. My eyes got heavy and before I knew it, morning had arrived bringing rolling clouds and a terrifying sky. Storms were definitely on the way.
I wanted to go and walk around and get a feel for life on the Cape. Instead, I sipped my coffee while watching the storm come. It was quite an amazing sight, seeing the massive power of Mother Nature up close. She had no mercy on the ocean as the waves overpowered the shore.
After the storm passed, the sun came out, and I headed to town in a golf cart. I somehow started it up, and with a little sputtering and stalling, I got her moving down the road. Everyone was friendly as I parked and made my way down the sidewalk, browsing and taking in the historic town. Each shop I went into was just as unusual and exquisite as the next with things I couldn’t find anywhere else. Listening to my stomach beg for food, I decided to stop at a little diner that was known for their crab salads. That sounded heavenly to me, and I ordered that and a piece of pecan pie remembering it’s Alex’s favorite. As I pushed thoughts of Alex aside, I ate like a beast, shoveling in the salad in huge mouthfuls. Catching up on sleep and a change of scenery seemed to revive my appetite.
People crowded the streets, going to and fro completely unaware of my inner turmoil. There were couples holding hands and single people hurrying around, perhaps on their lunch hour. An elderly couple made their way into the restaurant and I watched in awe of how attentive the man was to his wife. He held the door open and helped ease her into the booth, as they sat and ate and said not one word to each other. Everything they needed to say, they said with their eyes. So in tune with one another, words were not necessary. Again, my thoughts turned to Alex. When the husband noticed me staring; he looked up, waved to me, and smiled.
I waved back. “Good afternoon.”
“It’s always a good afternoon when she and I are together.”
The wife turned around, smiled, and waved at me.
“Are you alone, dear?”
“Yes, well, no I have someone, but I needed to get away and think.”
“Oh, I know what that’s like. I was without this man here for three days once, and I thought I would go out of my mind. Do you feel like that while you’re apart?” she asked
“Like crazy,” I said, smiling back at her and wanting to cry.
“Then you better tell him. I almost let this one get away, and I reeled him back in. I have had sixty-seven wonderful years with this man. Nothing is more important than love, dear. No career, money, or things. Go get him before someone else does, honey,” she smiled again.
Her husband winked at me and nodded his head.
“Thank you,” I said, now with huge tears falling down my cheeks. The woman got up, walked over, and hugged me.
I headed back to the house and thought about what that little sweet lady had said to me. She couldn’t possibly know the pain of what Alex had done. The pain of knowing he’d almost fathered another woman’s child. That if he had, that if Stella had carried that baby to term, that Alex and I would never have been together.
Happy to be back at the house, I turned on the old radio and found a station I would love. With 50s music playing, I grabbed a bottle of wine, a glass, and headed up to the bath. I filled the tub up with steaming hot water, got in, and just melted. I put my head back, listened to The Platters, and sipped the cold wine whi
le looking out on the ocean. Soon, I drifted off thinking about Alex.
I woke in a cool bath, missing Alex like crazy. But it wasn’t as simple as the old woman had made it out to be. I couldn’t just forgive him and go running back to him. I needed more wine to take my mind off the pain. I’d give it one more night before I made any decisions. Besides, it was too late now anyway. The only thing I could do was lock up the house and settle in for the night. When I walked to the front door, I jumped, not expecting what I saw. There was a man standing on the porch.
Chapter Twenty-Two
My heart leapt into my throat before I could speak.
“Wwww-hat are you doing here?” I asked and pulled my robe tight around my neck as if that would protect me from the wetness building between my legs.
“Beulah and Toby sent me. They were worried about you and so was I. I needed to see you, Prudence. I can’t go another day without you,” he said, looking sullen and lonely.
“I don’t understand. I told them I needed to get away and think, and they send you here? You are the reason I needed to get away.” I stood taking in the sight of him standing in front of me. I wasn’t ready to see him. To talk to him. To need him. He looked beautiful and rugged in his dark jeans, black, designer V-neck sweater, and. leather biker jacket he liked to wear on the weekends.
God, I’d forgotten forgot how gorgeous Alex was. Hair gelled back and face covered in scruff, he looked like my Alex, only thinner with darker and sadder eyes.
“Can I come in? I need to touch you and talk to you. Will you let me? I need you more than anything, Prudence. I can’t sleep, think, or work. I don’t remember the last time I ate, and I’m just glad the senate is not in session right now, or I would have had to resign.”
“I don’t know if I want you to,” I said, through the screen door, unsure of how convincing I was at that moment. I needed Alex’s touch as much as he needed to touch me. But, I couldn’t let him. That would be too easy.
