by Skylar Dawn
He handed me a box. Inside was a nightclub shirt, a necklace with a star pendant and a large envelope containing the paper with the values. Not bad at all.
"Josh," I tilted my neck pondering whether I should ask. "Why me? Why this group? "
He smiled.
"We're killing stereotypes."
I thanked him.
It was still mid-afternoon, so I decided to go back to the Caffé and finally share the good news.
"I can’t believe it," Lou put both his hands on his stupefied face. "How wonderful, girl! I'm sad because you're going to leave us."
I shook my head.
"I don’t know Lou, I'm thinking about it."
"Thinking about what?" Noah emerged from the kitchen.
"I didn't go to the bank," I admitted. "I went to that audition."
Noah got serious.
"Why didn't you say anything?"
"It was too much pressure." I held his hand but he avoided my touch. "I passed."
His expression was impassive.
"Congratulations, Emma," he returned to the kitchen without even glancing at me.
Lou's eyes widened.
"At least for him you should have said something." He stood up and leaned against the counter next to me. "One thing was Noah your friend supporting you, another one, quite different is Noah, your boyfri-"
I interrupted him.
"He's not my boyfriend." I took a deep breath. "It hasn’t been even two weeks yet Lou, things are unclear. How is it possible to have a name for what we have?"
Lou raised both his eyebrows.
"Girl, your story is completely different from the norm. It doesn't surprise me at all if he thinks he has a role in your decisions."
I was ruminating on what Lou told me the rest of the afternoon, and he was right. I should have told Noah everything, after all, none of this was news to him. He always knew about my revenge plans and my goal to become an exotic dancer.
The ride home in the car was quiet. He was driving looking straight ahead, as if he wasn't seeing that I was staring at him the whole time.
"Aren't you going to talk to me?" I broke the silence.
He didn't take his eyes off the road and replied in a dry tone.
“I am talking to you.”
"Oh, I can see that," I snapped. "You haven't spoken to me since I told you about the audition. You didn't even looked at me."
He ran his hand through his hair, letting out a sigh.
"Look, when we get home, I'll take a shower, cool my head and then we'll talk. Is that okay?"
I sighed.
"So there's a talk."
"Yes. There is."
#
I was about to create a hole on the ground from walking in circles when Noah knocked on my door. He looked tired with his hair down and heavy breath but he didn't seem to be as angry as before.
I gestured to the living room and went in my apartment, but when I closed the door behind us and turned to face him, his arms wrapped around my waist. I hid my face in his neck, feeling calmer with our embrace. We were fine. He then lifted my chin gave me a kiss that left me almost breathless.
This time he was the one who broke the ice.
"I'm sorry, Emma."
I didn't pull myself out of his embrace and shook my head.
"I should have told you."
He held me tighter.
"I wish you had told me."
I was silent for a moment and then I replied.
"I wanted to tell you, but I was scared."
He dragged me over to the couch and I sat next to him, with my legs in his lap. I pulled his face closer to mine, trying to apologize.
"I'm sorry, Noah. I should have told you. I know that. I’m so sorry I haven’t."
I kissed him so hard, I almost forgot we were still talking.
"If you kiss me like that I'll won’t even remember I was angry." He said between his lips.
“That’s my plan.” I kissed him even harder.
Everything was fine, I thought.
We ordered a pizza and he asked me all the details about the audition, if I had been nervous, how were the competitors, if I had already seen the nightclub.
"And have you decided if you're going to take the job or not?" He dropped a small piece of pizza and Ham didn't hesitate to get it before it even touched the ground.
"Not yet. But I promise I'll involve you in the whole process. After all, you've followed my entire revenge plan from the very beginning."
Noah raised an eyebrow.
"Revenge is not the reason you'll accept the job is it?"
I raised my index finger to my chin.
"I'm not sure why?"
He shook his head and sighed.
"Because I thought that part of your plan was over."
“What do you mean?”
He was pretty serious.
"Punching the guy wasn't enough?"
I nodded in agreement.
"To a certain extent yes," I took a slice of pizza and gave a nervous bite, "but my plan is more like a set of things."
Noah frowned and sat all stiff.
"I'm not following."
"Well," I finished chewing and tried to finish my thoughts properly, "becoming an exotic dancer, working out ... all this has always been part of revenge."
Noah took a deep breath.
"So you're doing all this because of Brett?"
I looked at him with both my eyebrows raised. It has always been that, hasn't it? I had moved here because of Brett.
"I don't understand where exactly you want to get with that sentence Noah."
"If you're doing it because of him, don't you think you don't need to do any of that anymore?"
I frowned.
"And why not?"
He looked at me, bewildered.
"I don't know Emma," he scratched his head. "Maybe because you're with me?"
He caught me by surprise.
"Am I with you?"
"Aren't you?" He was stunned. "What are we doing here?"
“Having pizza.”
He narrowed his eyes on me.
"Emma."
"I don't know Noah," I let my arms sank on the floor, "what are we doing here?!"
He opened his arms, waiting for me to say something, and then he completed
"I thought we were together."
"So we are," I snapped.
He tilted his neck.
"But do you even want to be together?"
"Of course I do." I nodded.
"So how does that change things?" He leaned back on the couch again.
I looked back at him. Noah definitely wasn’t following my line of thought.
"Change things? I won't change anything Noah. I'm going to finish my plan because that's what I came here to do. I'm including you in my decision-making, but that doesn't mean I'm going to change everything because of you."
He got up and walked in circles, his hand glued to his chest. He was panting.
"Emma, you're not making any sense. If you're with me, why on Earth do you need to follow through? What are you trying to prove?"
I jumped up and put my hands on my waist.
"I'm trying to prove I can get back at him."
Noah was flushed with anger.
"Why do you need this guy's approval for everything, Emma? Explain it to me! Because in my head it doesn't make any sense."
"I don't know."
"What I think doesn't count?" He was hurt, it was visible.
"It counts, but it doesn't change the facts."
"Then I don't understand your facts."
I sighed.
"You don't," I snapped. "You don’t get it. I need to do this Noah."
He stopped walking and put his hand on his head.
"I can understand that, Emma, but I don't understand your reasoning." He took two steps back and turned to face me again. "No, I understand the reason too, I don't want to accept it."
I looked at him confus
ed and he completed it.
"I don't want to accept that you feel something for this guy. Because there's no other explanation," he shouted. "I don't want to accept it because it hurts me, but it's the truth. How could I be so naive?!"
My jaw fell open.
"I don't feel anything for him!"
"Then drop the whole story. Everything." His voice cracked.
I took a deep breath and shook my head, denying.
"I can't. I'll finish what I started."
"You have to be honest with yourself, Emma. And I need to accept the fact that I have no room in your life."
I narrowed my eyes towards him.
"What do you mean by that Noah?"
"I can't compete with Brett. It's too much for me."
“But there was never a competition to begin with!”
Noah was panting.
"Every day is a marathon. Every day is a stupid competition. I need to compete with your motives, I need to compete for your affection. I can't do that, Emma."
I widened my eyes in surprise.
"What do you mean, speak up!" I blurted out.
"Maybe we shouldn't be together."
I was completely out of breath. I couldn't believe what I'd heard. The moment I do what he asked and I included him in my stuff, he couldn’t handle it. My heart was pounding so fast I almost had to sit down.
"It's up to you," I snapped. "In the end, look?!" The irony took over and I couldn't control my words. "Guess what? You're like Brett."
Noah took a deep breath looking down and his voice disappeared.
"No Emma," he shook his head. "You are."
CHAPTER thirteen
Naked Truth
I was devastated, but I still went to work. I went out a lot earlier so I wouldn't have to ride with Noah, and I would have to learn to deal with him being so close at work all the time.
"But already? Who are you? A Kardashian?" Lou widened his eyes in surprise.
"It's his doing. He had to call it quits on what we barely started. But I don't want to talk about it Lou, I need to get my stuff together first."
Lou got it. Neither of us was going to make things difficult at work, and maybe someday everything would be back to normal. I was hurt by his choice and he believed he had to compete with Brett. Noah, more than anyone should know that there was never a competition.
The morning was silent. We talked about what was strictly necessary to function at work, and I swear I craved to stop this nonsense. I wanted to go to the kitchen, tell him to stop this crap and jump in his arms.
By lunch time he whispered something to Lou, who nodded, then came over to the counter to talk to me.
"Emma, can you cover my shift today?" Noah spoke as if he barely knew me. "I have to leave early. Whenever you need, or want to, I'll cover yours."
"No problem."
He went back to the kitchen and I went back to preparing the orders. He hurt me again, talking like that. I couldn't hold a stubborn tear on the corner of my eye. Lou noticed it and stopped next to me.
"Do you want to go home? I can handle it."
I shook my head.
"I'd rather work. Keep my mind busy."
He threw me a worried look.
"It's up to you, but I'm here if you need me."
During the afternoon Lou walked into the kitchen to check the inventory and see what Noah would need so he could add to the shopping list. He decided to use that quiet afternoon and run errands. It was only the two of us at the Caffé, but Noah left early and I was completely alone, accompanied only by my thoughts.
When the clock struck five, I closed Caffé, but I waited for Lou to come back from the grocery shop so we could pack the stock. He was taking too long, so I walked around the kitchen, looking closely at the utensils, my mind stuck on Noah.
Was he right? I couldn't grasp why he thought I felt something for Brett. Because I didn't want to abandon my plan? I owed it to myself.
Lou arrived around seven at night, carrying a load of boxes. We went back into the kitchen to stock everything and I finally told Lou about our fight.
"Do you think I'm being irrational?"
"Emma, you need to put things in perspective. Put yourself in Noah's shoes."
He picked up a bunch of flour sacks and placed them on the middle shelf, symmetrically positioned.
"I tried Lou, but I don't see where the competition is. And it hurt me when he said I'm like Brett."
Lou shot me a cautious look.
"You said it first."
"Yeah, I did," I sighed.
"And in a way, he's right."
"Don't tell me you agree with him."
Lou stood up, picking up more flour sacks.
"I don't," he said, "but look, he's crazy about you, you don't seem to care one bit from his point of view. You talk non-stop about another guy, about revenge, and when you're with him, you fail to see that you have no reason to go ahead with your old plan. If you were looking for happiness, he was hoping to be yours. And you preferred to act on a whim."
I had to sit down. Lou was right, it was a whim. And I was acting like Brett, casting baits and then hammering the fish hard on the head. Noah didn't deserve any of this, he'd always been wonderful to me.
"You should have considered that yesterday," Lou decided to organize the sugar. "If he chose to give up, it's because he's already pretty tired."
"I need to talk to him, fix things."
Lou looked at me worried.
"I don't know if it's going to be that easy this time."
Lou was hiding something from me. I could sense that he had more information hidden in his statement.
"When I get home I'll go straight to his apartment."
"He is not home."
I frowned at Lou, curious.
"How do you know that?"
Lou took a deep breath, pondering whether he should tell me anything. I folded my arms and waited.
"I had to join a lot of loose information," he sighed, "but I have a theory."
"Spit it out, Lou, you're making me nervous."
"When I walked into the kitchen he was finishing a phone call. I swear I didn't want to hear it, but I got the name of the person he was talking to."
My heart stopped.
"Jesse, right?"
Lou nodded.
"After that he asked me to leave early. Something he doesn't do very often."
I widened my eyes.
"So Jesse's in town."
Lou looked at the floor, he seemed to be gathering strength to tell me something else.
"She is."
I sat down next to him and began to frantically sort out the groceries, not knowing exactly what to do. Lou then completed.
"And I saw them when I was coming back here."
I closed my eyes for a second.
"Where Lou?"
He stared at me for a long time, but upon my insistence he yielded.
"On that Chinese restaurant you both like."
I didn't say anything else. I focused on the mechanical activity of storing purchases, but I couldn't get my mind off of Noah and the date he was in. Lou was watching me and finally decided to break the silence.
"Look," he put his hand on mine, "I didn't see anything else, they were only having dinner. But talked so much about this Jesse."
"I don't know much either. He never said anything."
"I'm not trying to discourage you from solving the situation between the two of you, but you should wait a few days. See what's going on. "
I felt hollow. And deep down I had to see both of them up close. Who knows, maybe this would help me forget him faster?! After all, Jesse had always been a ghost between us, and I needed to put a real face on that name.
"Can I go?" I stood up.
Lou noticed I had an idea.
"What are you going to do, Emma?"
I took a deep breath.
"Nothing Lou, I promise. I have to see them up close."
He still trie
d to tell me something, to argue, but I left the kitchen so fast I didn't hear him. My destination was the Chinese restaurant.
#
I got into the first taxi that crossed my path and headed for the restaurant. Of course I wasn't going to do anything stupid, I was aware it was my fault. And I wasn't going to to confront Noah, it was his life and I had missed out my chance. I had to see. Just that.
I couldn't tell what the big advantage of seeing them up close was, if it had any. It was my masochistic side showing up after a break-up, so I could justify eating a whole bucket of ice cream listening to Mariah Carey for days on end. All this wrapped up in a duvet watching romantic comedies twenty four hours a day. I mean, whenever I didn't have to go to work.
Damn Chinese restaurant with closed blinds, I couldn't see anything from outside, so I had to enter. I asked Mr. Wong, a small, crooked man to put me on the darkest table of all, far from everyone, but in a way I could see Noah.
"Aren't you going to sit with your friend?" He threw me a curious look.
"Not today Mr. Wong, I have other plans."
"Is it because of the girl?" He insisted. "She's very friendly."
I frowned.
"No Mr. Wong, I'm waiting for someone else." I lied so I wouldn't have to keep explaining the situation. From where I was I couldn't see much, except for Noah's elbow and his back. But I saw Jesse. My heart sank right on the first time she shook her long, smooth, beautiful straight hair. She could very well be Brad Pitt's and Angelina Jolie's daughter, with that gorgeous face, that voluptuous mouth and the elegance of a member of the British royalty. Neither with twenty gallons of botox and fifty thousand in surgery would I approach the perfection in which she was carved. Because I was sure, she was carved by a celestial being after days of rest. I had been rushed so my creator could to go out for lunch, hungry.
I ordered a huge plate of noodles and some fried dumplings. Since I was there, I'd better get something to eat. Their conversation had a strange dynamic, Noah gestured and spoke a lot, and she rested her perfect marble chin on her beautiful hands, listening to Noah, without saying a word. From time to time she would put a hand on his arm and that made me shiver from head to toe in anger. When she decided to speak, she said very little, but Noah seemed to have listened, as he nodded over and over, until he shrugged his shoulders and she stroked his hair in a gentle manner.
