by Fumise Love
Why?
The only reason that came into my mind was Gabrielle.
“How can I prove that you are not making things up?” I doubted. “Maybe you’re just saying those things to mess with all of our lives,”
Mary pulled something out of her bag and handed it to me, “There,”
“What is this?” I looked at the old, green notebook that was now in my possession. It looked old because of how the paper were kind of dusty, torn, and there were coffee spills on some pages.
“My diary from the day I started college,”
I could not help myself but let out a laugh, “Diary? What are you? Twelve?”
Instead of being offended by my remark, Mary laughed with me, “You’re mean, Johanne. I want you to give that to Jeff. I don’t care if you want to read it or not but I want your brother to know of my real feelings for him,”
“Alright. I’ll give this to him. Are you going to tell me now who told you that we transferred here?”
“Hmm…if I told you that it was Matthew, would you believe me?”
“You’re crazy. Who would believe that?”
“Matthew is kind. He was the one who told me when you met Gabrielle,” Mary informed me. “We became friends on the 3rd day of our relationship. You had a gig during that time and I was at the backstage because I didn’t want to drink in the bar. He forgot his guitar pick and I was writing in my diary. I didn’t know that he was behind me and he was reading everything that I wrote,”
I remembered the 3rd day of my relationship with Mary. She was right that we did have a gig on that night. “Matthew knows about your feelings for my brother?”
Mary nodded. “He told me that I was wrong for doing such thing because you’re going to get hurt but he still let me decided of when I was going to reveal the truth. Don’t be mad at Matthew, okay? Everything that had happened was my fault,”
“To be honest, I can’t get mad at anyone right now,” I sighed. “Maybe it’s because I’m too happy with my life right now that I forgot what happened in the past,” I stood up from the bench, ready to go to my next class. “I need to go, Mary. I still have my next class. Don’t worry, I will not forget to give your diary to Jeff,”
“Thank you, Johanne. It means a lot to me.”
◆◆◆
I went to my next class but Samantha was the only one that I saw because my seatmate, who as well was my girlfriend, was out of sight.
“Where’s Gabrielle?” I asked my girlfriend’s bestfriend.
“She went home,” Samantha rolled her eyes. “She told me that she suddenly felt sick,”
“What happened?”
“Who knows?” she shrugged. “I mean, who would be alright if you ever saw your boyfriend laughing happily with his ex-girlfriend?”
I suddenly remembered that I laughed with Mary earlier because of her diary. Did Gabrielle see that?
I was sure that Gabrielle already had the wrong idea about what happened earlier.
“It’s all just a misunderstanding,” I defended myself.
“I’m out of your relationship probs. You’re the only who can make things right, Johanne.”
Chapter Twenty-Four
Johanne
“Sam!” I swore to God that I lost count of how many times that I had called her name. I was unaware that Samantha’s heart was this tough. It was already time for us to go home and I had been bugging her all throughout the day. “Can you please just tell me where she lives?”
“Why would I tell you?”
“So I can go to her house and explain that everything was just a misunderstanding,”
“If you truly love my bestfriend, work hard for it,”
It was frustrating to think that I did not know where Gabrielle’s house was. She did not let me take her home yesterday and I regretted that I did not follow her to her house.
Was it necessary to look for her by searching each house one-by-one?
And because I knew that I would not get anything out of Samantha, I approached Jeffrey when I saw him walking inside the campus.
“Here,” I immediately handed him Mary’s diary.
“What is this?” Jeffrey frowned. “Do you plan in making me do your homeworks?”
“You’re an airhead, you know that? Just read that if you have the time. I’m sure that everything will change for you once you’ve read that.
I did not read Mary’s diary because I actually did not care of what was written in there. I went back to our apartment without my brother because from what I had heard, he was recruited to be a member of the official dance team of Nashville University, New York campus.
Because I knew Paul and Samantha had a date, I expected to see Matthew inside our apartment.
Matthew frowned when he noticed my presence. “What’s up with that reaction?” I asked the bassist of the band. “Anyways, Mary was in the university earlier,”
“B-Bro…the truth is…I need to tell you something,” Matthew inhaled a huge amount of air before saying, “I’m really the one who contacted MJ. I just want to make it all clear because I don’t want you to blame this on Steph,”
“I know,”
“And you—What?”
“I know,” I repeated to make it clearer. “Mary already explained to me everything that had happened and I’ve already handed Mary’s diary to Jeff,”
“I’m sorry,” Matthew smiled at me but it did not reach his eyes. “I knew that you were hurting before but I still didn’t tell you the truth. It’s fine with me if you don’t think of me as your friend anymore,”
“Yes, you were wrong about what you did,” I honestly said. “But everything happened for a reason. You’re also just human, you make mistakes. Even though you haven’t apologized to me, I would still forgive you a hundred percent,”
“Are you sure?”
I nodded in response to his question. “The only thing that I want for now is for you to be in a serious relationship. It’s time to stop being a womanizer,”
Matthew shook his head while laughing. “I can’t believe that you’re lecturing me now just because you have Gab in your life.”
◆◆◆
Jeffrey
I was here in the dance studio of the university. It was our break time and I was not able to stop myself from turning the page of the notebook my brother had handed over to me.
What was up with Johanne?
The notebook seemed old for my brother to use…and it looked like it belonged to a girl.
◆◆◆
06/06
It was a good thing that I managed to drop by in a bookstore to buy a new diary on my first day of being a college student. I was too excited to write that I befriended this handsome guy named Jeff earlier. I couldn’t help myself but get lost in his eyes. He may turn into a reason of why I want to go to the university every day. I’m so excited to see him tomorrow.
◆◆◆
Was this a diary?
I knew this handwriting. I could not be wrong because there was only one person that I befriended when I first stepped inside Nashville University, Philadelphia campus.
Was this Jade’s diary?
◆◆◆
06/12
Jeff and I were almost inseparable because we were always together. I spent less time with Steph but she understands that I have this huge crush on Jeff. It’s such a shame that Winona’s always busy. Even though we are studying in the same campus, I barely see her. Jeff and I went out even though it’s Sunday. It was like we were on a date earlier.
◆◆◆
I turned the pages and started reading again. Why did Johanne give me this diary? Was it necessary to rub it on my face of how Jade fell in love with him?
But Jade admitted that she had a crush on me before.
What happened?
Maybe Jade’s feelings changed when I introduced her to my brother. I turned the pages in the middle part of the diary where the next year came into place.
◆◆◆
06/06
It was the start of the new school year and I couldn’t be any more excited to see Jeff. I always find myself missing him even though we almost see each other everyday. He told me that he has a brother who’s studying in Nashville University but he doesn’t want to introduce his brother to me.
◆◆◆
I knew that Jade did not know Johanne when we were on our second year that was why I flipped the pages on our third year.
◆◆◆
07/05
I was shocked to know that Johanne is Jeffrey’s brother. Johanne is famous in the university like my bestfriend but I still prefer Jeff. There is no one alive who will be able to outshine Jeff in my eyes. For me, Jeff is the most ideal guy and I know for myself that I love him. What is my bestfriend feeling for me? Is Jeff feeling the same for me too?
◆◆◆
Jade loved me?
Everything was so unclear to me and I blinked a couple of times to fully comprehend if I was reading the words right.
If Jade loved me…why did she choose Johanne?
◆◆◆
10/12
I don’t know what to do. I want to tell Jeff how I really feel but I learned that I need to go to Japan to finish my studies. I’m sure that Jeff feels the same way as I do for him. I don’t want to hurt Jeff. He’s the last person on Earth that I want to be in pain. What am I supposed to do?
◆◆◆
10/16
I did the most unacceptable thing to do in my life. I approached Johanne and acted all sweet in front of him. Johanne confessed to me that he likes me and I convinced myself to be with him even though I was leaving Jeff alone. Even though my conscience was killing me, I tried to think that this was the best way to lessen the pain of me leaving the country. This is the only way to lessen Jeff’s pain.
◆◆◆
10/22
I officially got together with Johanne even though I don’t love him. My heart turned numb because of the pain that I’m feeling.
◆◆◆
10/24
Johanne and his bandmates are going to perform in a bar. Before they started, Matthew saw me writing in this diary and I told him the truth. I am hopeful that he won’t tell Johanne what he knows. It will come to the point where I will hurt the two of them. It’s almost time for me to leave the country. The time is almost near to leave everything behind…but I will return. If I tell Jeffrey that I love him and I will return…will he be able to wait for me?
◆◆◆
10/26
I can’t take the image of the brothers fighting because of me out of my mind. It made me feel so powerless because I wasn’t able to do anything. I only cried and it was enough to make me feel useless. I can’t forget how Jeffrey asked me about my feelings and I answered that I was in love with his brother. If Jeff only knew how much I love him. If Jeff only knew how I wanted him to be part of my life ever since I first laid my eyes on him. I saw the hurt in his eyes…and when I saw that he was in pain, I started to think if what I did was right.
◆◆◆
11/01
I left the country without telling anyone. Johanne and Jeffrey both love me but there is only one of them who holds my heart. Now that I’m gone, I know that time will come that they will forget of the pain that I’ve caused them…but I’m sure for myself that I won’t be able to forget the only person that I love.
◆◆◆
My dance crew members called for my attention and I told them to start practicing without me because it was more important to know of the truth about Jade’s feelings than dancing. Mixed emotions were building up inside me that I did not know if I should be happy because of what I had read or be hurt because Jade had left me in pain.
I directed three years of my attention to her before and I believed that it was impossible for her not to have feelings for me.
Was I really right?
I turned the diary near its end and started reading again.
◆◆◆
04/12
Matthew told me that Johanne likes someone named Gabrielle who became part of their band. I was so happy when I heard the news! But I didn’t have the guts to ask Matthew about Jeff because I’m scared to find out if he’s already with someone else.
◆◆◆
06/04
I am currently on my way back to the US. Maybe this is the right time to tell Jeff of how I really feel about him. I graduated early in Japan and since Johanne already found someone to love, maybe this is the right time to confess. I hope that Jeff’s going to be proud of me for graduating despite being angry.
◆◆◆
“She already graduated…” I whispered to myself as I tilted my head back and looked at the ceiling. “…and here I am, I still got one subject down,”
I was proud of Jade.
But would she still be proud of me?
Chapter Twenty-Five
Gabrielle
“Hey!” I yelled inside the classroom when I saw Johanne who was there before me. It was finally the first day of our last year in this university! “It’s our anniversary today. What plans do you have in mind?”
“We’re going to eat because you know…you’re a glutton,”
“You still love me even though I eat a lot,” I laughed and he mimicked my reaction. We were so used to teasing each other.
A year had passed and our relationship was still going strong. I could still remember the night when he had explained everything that had happened with Mary Jade to me.
*Flashback*
“Gab,” my mother immediately went inside of my room after knocking two times. “You should go to the balcony,”
“Why?” I frowned. I was not in the mood today because of what I had seen earlier.
“Don’t ask too many questions,” she rolled her eyes.
I complied with what my mother had said and went to the balcony of our house. When I looked down below, I saw Johanne who was panting and sweating like crazy. It was obvious that it was sweat since it was not raining.
“What are you doing here?” I asked him. My mother went back inside the house to give me and Johanne some privacy. “Are you out jogging? Why does the gorilla look so tired? It’s the first time that I’ve seen an animal sweating,”
“It’s the first time that I’ve seen a pig that’s jealous,” Johanne, of course, had a comeback.
Did he just come here to tease me?
“Really?” I glared at him. “I think that I should go in—“
“Gabrielle...I’m here to explain,” he sighed. “Mary told me earlier that she really didn’t love me and she loved, or still love Jeff right from the very start,”
“What?” I could not believe what I was hearing. “Then why did you two get together?”
“It’s because she didn’t want to hurt Jeff when she needed to go to Japan. In other words, she just used me,”
“Want to cry?”
“No,” Johanne shook his head. “Do you think that I would laugh with her if the truth pained me? To be honest, I didn’t feel anything when I talked to her because I have you. The way you shot my heart is different from Mary’s. The way you shot me is like you used a rifle gun and Mary used a water gun,”
“You’re too cheesy,”
“But you love me,” he smirked.
There was no use in denying the fact that I really loved Johanne even though he was too cheesy sometimes.
There were so many things that I wanted to ask him about Mary Jade. To be honest, I wanted to talk to Mary Jade in person for direct answers to my questions.
“I do love you but did you think that it would be that easy to tame me once you’ve made me jealous?” I raised an eyebrow at him.
“If asking each house one-by-one of where the Baileys live isn’t enough…” Johanne reached out for something from his backpack and played a song on his phone.
I could not help myself but laugh. “Before, guys used to bring a boombox or a guitar…now, it’s ju
st a Bluetooth speaker?”
*End of Flashback*
And that was also the night when I introduced Johanne to my parents. My mother was ecstatic when she met Johanne because from what she had said, the gorilla was so handsome and he also looked intelligent. My father on the other hand, I knew that he liked Johanne for me because he knew how to respect people who was older than him.
I could not help but smile when I remembered what happened. I should me be mad at him…but I found myself laughing afterwards because of his Bluetooth speaker.
Ten points for originality.
So many things happened during the year. Samantha and Paul officially got together a week after me and Johanne became a couple. Matthew was now a changed man because he was now in a relationship with Winona Martin, Mary Jade and Stephanie’s childhood friend, and it was a wonder of how they started being on good terms.
Jeffrey…Jeffrey was now a licensed nurse.
Mary Jade stayed here in the US for a year to work as a nurse. She waited for Jeffrey to graduate and when Jeffrey did, the both of them flew to Japan to work there. I would not be surprised if the two of them decided to get married soon.
During Mary Jade’s stay here, she became close with me and Samantha. Mary Jade was so kind that it was obvious why Johanne and Jeffrey fell in love with her. The hatred that I felt for her went away when I started hanging out with her.
I did not know the whole story of what happened between Mary Jade and Jeffrey. The only thing I knew was that after Jeffrey read Mary Jade’s diary, he immediately went to where Mary Jade was and hugged her without holding himself back.
“Hey!” Johanne’s voice snapped me back to reality. “You’re daydreaming again, witch. Let’s go,” Johanne pulled me up from my chair and dragged me outside of the classroom. “You’re alwa—“
“Oops! Sorry,” a girl with Auburn hair bumped onto Johanne. She was very, very beautiful and the shade of her hair was hard not to notice. Her Irish accent was like music to my ears. I wondered where she was going? Was she a freshman here? The girl immediately went to the park of the university and climbed up on the tree.
