by Hazel Parker
I wound up my arm to chuck my phone across the room, but instead meekly tossed it to the other end of the couch, where it bounced a couple of times before falling onto the floor. It seemed like an appropriate metaphor for my relationship with Burke. It started out looking like it would have the potential for a great baby maker transaction (with the hope of firework level fucking on my part), only for it to end on a whimper of a call where Burke had, through static, basically told me to fuck off.
I was suddenly really sad that becoming a mother had become so transactional.
I started to sob.
Was this what I really wanted? Seriously?
This whole “take a couple weeks off” shit had backfired miserably. It was supposed to be relaxing, and instead, it was quite the opposite. Far from escaping the office, I needed to get back to it.
I liked my job, don’t get me wrong, but my job was never my purpose. For the longest time, just living life was. And then this child was and would be.
But this child wouldn’t distract me from feelings about everything. And yes, I knew I couldn’t just run from the feelings forever. But I needed some distance that only time could provide before I could properly handle them, otherwise, I’d feel like I was now.
I called my boss and told him that I’d be back the following Monday. He expressed surprise at it, and I tried my best to remain professional. But when he said, “Are you sure?” for the second time in less than a minute, I found myself on the verge of snapping at him and demanding he stop being such a dick. Unfair, but that’s the mood I was in.
I called my doctor next.
“I’m going back in after a week,” I said. “I assume that’s fine?”
“Well, normally, I would advise against it, but considering that your job is not physically straining, I think it will be fine.”
And then Dr. Needham brought up something I’d somehow let myself get away from.
“I will see you for the pregnancy test and scans to verify the results.”
At that moment, I got a beep on my phone indicating that I had another call coming in.
“Yes Dr. Needham, thanks.”
When I pulled the phone back, I saw Kelly calling. That was a surprise—if anything, I was worried she was getting tired of talking to me. Maybe something had happened. Regardless, I answered immediately.
“Kelly?”
“Hey, have you heard from Burke recently?”
I swallowed. Her tone was not exactly cheerful. In fact, it almost sounded like she was on the verge of being terribly upset.
“Yeah,” I said, trying not to sound like me hearing from him had been a disaster of unbelievable scale. “Why do you ask?”
At first, Kelly didn’t say anything on the other end of the line. For a moment, I just thought she’d put the phone down so she could take care of the kids. But then I realized something.
Her breathing wasn’t steady. It was…
Sobbing?
“Kelly?”
“Liam told me not to say anything, but I can’t help it,” she said. Oh, God, are they all dicks now? Did he hide— “He said that he’s gone on a mission somewhere in South America. He wouldn’t tell me anymore and warned me not to tell you, but it’s scaring me to death. I thought I could do this but I can’t live like this anymore.”
I grimaced on the other side of the line. That was probably where Burke was, too. It certainly explained the shitty connection. But what the hell were they doing in South America?
“I know, Kelly, I’m sorry. They’re professionals. They’ll—”
“Even by Liam’s standards, though, he seemed off,” Kelly said. “Maybe I’m just reading too much into it, but there was a certain hardness to him when he said he had to go. I’ve never seen him like this. Not even when it came to Sean.”
Oh, Jesus. Now I was the one who felt nervous.
One, for Liam, because while we weren’t that close, he had done a lot to help me and I cared about him. But two, for Burke.
And I was surprised by how much my concern for him was affecting me. All of the anger I’d felt just moments before, even all the joy and cheer I’d felt when I was speaking to Dr. Needham in happier times…none of them carried the strength of emotion that this particular moment did.
“I don’t know. But these guys have come back from a lot of shit, Kelly. I’m sure they’ll be back.”
“I hope so.”
“If nothing else, Liam will come back for you and the kids.”
But will Burke come back for me? For our maybe child?
I bit my lip. I knew the answer, much as I wanted to hope so it wasn’t the case.
“I know,” Kelly said. “I appreciate it, Emily. I guess I just needed someone to rant to and get this off my chest.”
“No, girl, I get it.”
We talked for just a short while longer. My words might have provided the most temporary of respites for Kelly, but I knew she was still confused and hurt when we got off the call. I hoped like hell that Liam came back injury-free so that I didn’t have to worry about the future of that family.
And in hoping against reality, I hoped that Burke also came back and that maybe something was there.
It was the one good thing about hope. You could have it even if it didn’t conform to reality. Sometimes, you especially needed it when it didn’t conform to reality.
Because right now, reality was not good.
Chapter 14: Burke
“Hey, get it together, Burke. This is no time for Ladies Anonymous.”
I growled at Scott’s words. He was fucking right. I needed to stop acting like a little bitch.
“Roger that,” I said, pocketing my phone. “Are we going to go and fucking kill Snake now?”
“As soon as you’re ready,” he said. “So get off the phone and get on your gear.”
I didn’t say a word as I once more grabbed whatever body armor and weaponry I needed. I was usually good about putting concerns like this to bed. Actually, I couldn’t really say that, because I never let shit get this far—it was truly a unique situation.
But if I’d been able to block out thoughts of Emily and kids in the middle of the daring rescue on the highway, I sure as shit could do so for part two of this mission. No, it wasn’t just that I could do it—it was that I needed to fucking do it.
“Snake’s bunker is about a hundred miles north of here,” Scott said, “assuming our intel is accurate. Which, as you both know, is hard to nail down with Snake.”
“Fucker was with the truck, though,” I said. “He’s going to be close.”
I hope.
“Agreed.”
Scott had enough sense not to add the “but be aware” part after that. We all needed a win. Scott and Liam had families to get back to. I had to go to Miami and deal with whatever I had. We were all running on fumes, if not literally, then just in terms of lifestyle. I never thought we’d reach the point where DOM would become a burden, and while that wasn’t the case, I very much got the feeling that everyone was ready for a more peaceful portion of their lives.
We got on our bikes, looked at each other, and sped back down the very highway we’d just come from. The sun was now past its apex and would be set by probably the time that we got to his base, or shortly thereafter, but that just meant we were in for the hottest part of the day coming up.
Luckily, I liked a fucking sweat. Better a physical one than sweating out a dangerous-ass mission like this.
For the next hour or so, we just sped down the highway, jetting down the open road without a care for cops or anything else. We had enough gas to get us from here to there and back and not an ounce more. If we happened to run out of fuel before we got home, so be it. It wouldn’t be the first time that we’d been stranded in the middle of nowhere.
Really, I just needed enough fuel to kill fucking Snake. I’d walk a hundred miles back to Tlaxcala if it ensured the demise of that bastard. And besides, a hundred-mile walk was nothing. Try going two hund
red miles and seeing how shit went. It was certainly something I’d done before, and I felt like after, I could have gone another two hundred fucking miles if I had to.
As the sun sat on the horizon, not yet dipping below but as if placed there, Scott motioned for us to slow down so we could get off at a nearby dirt road. We all reached back behind us to grab our guns, ready to fire and defend ourselves if needed.
We went off-road, down a dirt trail, over a hill, and saw a door. It was well-hidden amongst the rocky terrain, but working in this line of duty taught you to spot even seemingly inconsequential things being off, like a patch of land missing vegetation. Fortunately, this was much easier.
“Nothing around,” I muttered to myself.
Which means they’re likely to all be inside. I should have brought some fucking grenades.
We made a sort of triangle when we got within ten feet of the door, each of us covering part of a full circle. But there was no one in sight. When we turned our bikes off and listened, there wasn’t a single sound.
“This ain’t right,” I grumbled. “Snake should have men mowing us down right now.”
“Or he’s not here,” Liam said.
“Let’s go,” Scott said. “You know what to do.”
I stood just to the side of the entrance of the door, ready to swing and take out whatever got in my way. Liam took some steps back, covering my six. Scott stood by the door handle, ready to swing it open.
I nodded to Scott. Scott looked back and nodded to Liam. I took a breath. Ends here. Snake dies.
What the—
“Go!”
I charged in, roaring as I held my gun aloft, ready to mow down…
Emptiness.
Like, literal emptiness.
No guards. No traps. Not even beds or documents or anything. Literally the only thing in there were walls, a floor, and a ceiling.
“Fuck!”
“Empty?” Scott said, but he already knew the answer.
“God fucking damnit!”
This was especially infuriating. I’d come out here, abandoning Emily and a potential pregnancy behind, so I could try and kill Snake, and once again, the fucking bastard had eluded our grip. How the fuck he did this was beyond me.
“This is bullshit!” I yelled, kicking a wall.
“Hey! Goddamnit, Burke, get yourself together!”
Scott’s words only provoked me further.
“Burke.”
Liam spoke much more calmly. I still wanted to kick the shit out of something, but at least Liam had made me stop what I was about to do.
“Let it go, man,” he said. “There’s nothing we can do about it right now. We’ll find out where the fuck Snake is, and we’ll kill the bastard. But you don’t need to break your foot kicking a bunker wall.”
“Fucking hell,” I grumbled, but I suppose he was right.
“Let’s sweep the place and make sure we didn’t miss anything,” Scott said, but even he said it as a formality, less as a hope and more as something we in DOM just had to do.
And sure enough, even after thoroughly examining the bunker, knowing where to check for false floors or false walls, even after looking in every room, every nook, and trying to overturn every tile or wall panel, we had nothing. Either our intel had been faulty, or they’d done a hell of a job evacuating in the time that we’d spent getting the truck of captured sex slaves back to safety.
“No denying it, they’re gone,” Scott said.
He looked like he had more to say for just a moment, as if it rested on his tongue, but he wanted to make sure he said everything as well as he could. Liam and I silently waited for him to speak.
“Here’s the deal.”
In those three words, I’d never heard Scott sound as heavy as he did right there. It was like whatever was coming next was going to be the heaviest thing he’d ever said.
“We know that Snake will emerge again; he can’t help himself,” Scott said. “We also know he’s likely to do something with in the same line of work. Kidnapping for ransom, selling women into the sex trade; it’s what he does. Kaylie always said he never did anything to her, and while I believe her, I also have reason to believe he’s gotten more aggressive and dangerous in the years since.”
He sighed.
“Which is why it pains me to say this. But the next time that Snake emerges as a target with a hostage, we have to ignore the hostage. We go for Snake.”
I imagined it being Emily. I imagined her being the one held hostage. I didn’t have to stretch my imagination—she’d already encountered such a situation with Sean.
The thought was horrifying. But…
I saw Scott’s point.
“Unless he has a hostage that somehow imperils national security, maybe he grabs the president’s daughter or something, Snake is the target. He may use his victims as baits figuring we will go after him, but as of now, Snake becomes the primary mission. Rescuing the hostages is secondary. Understand?”
We all knew this meant the next hostage could die. We’d have to live with that in our conscience from here to the grave. We’d always done what we felt like was the right thing, but we had our limits.
There was no telling if Snake would suddenly start killing his victims anyway. And there was no telling how much longer we in DOM would be willing to keep up this game. Physically, we felt great and could go for ages. But mentally, I knew Liam and Scott were getting exhausted. And the fact that Emily kept popping to mind for me probably said I was getting tired of this particular lifestyle as well.
“For now, we go back to our homes and tell our loved ones we care about them,” Scott said. “Because when you go for a snake, you’re probably going to get bit. And we know this Snake has some venom to him.”
Liam and I both nodded. He had Kelly to get back to.
I may not have technically had Emily at the moment, but one thing was for damn sure. I was going to get her back. I’d thought about her too much on this mission for me to ignore it.
“Acknowledged,” I said.
“Let’s head back to our bunker. I’ll arrange the plane en route to take us back to Miami when we get there. From there, Liam and I will go to our own homes.”
Miami wasn’t where I lived. But even Scott understood I couldn’t leave there without seeing Emily.
The Next Monday
Heading back to base was uneventful. The flight went normal. For what felt like the longest time, I weighed my options for how I should brooch this who issue with Emily.
My attraction to her is next level. I agreed to let her use my sperm to impregnant her. Then I bailed on her and had a fucked up broken conversation with her on the phone. I am sure she has all but written me off but this last mission has me second guessing what I want in life. And so, when today rolled around, I knew where I’d find her—at work.
I would take what I knew was mine however I had to.
I took a walk to her office, knowing full well where she worked. I went to the receptionist and told her I was Emily Lorne’s brother and needed to see her.
“She actually is on vacation right now. Can I take a message?”
I bit my lip. This wasn’t…
“Just tell her Brodie asked for her,” I said, figuring she’d make the connection soon enough if the receptionist was somehow covering her ass.
But as I thought about it, it made sense Emily wouldn’t be at work. Perhaps it was a stretch to say that I knew she wouldn’t be at work, since I’d come there first, but knowing how much weight she’d put into this whole having kids thing, she’d probably taken some time off.
I decided to do what I’d done the first time. I’d head to her place.
Once more, without much of a concern for security, I blended myself in by pretending to be part of a circle of friends with some other residents. I went up to her floor, knocked on her door, and waited. This time, I wound up waiting much longer than I had expected. Perhaps Emily would not delight me by appearing almost naked as sh
e had before.
And sure enough, when she opened the door, she had clothes on. But it wasn’t the clothing I was paying attention to. It was her face.
It started out stoic, gave a flicker of a smile, and then went back to angry. It was like she couldn’t help but be happy, but also wanted to look annoyed.
“What are you doing here?”
“I’m here to explain what the hell happened on that phone call,” I said, “since surely, you’re aware it ended bad?”
Emily pursed her lips as if debating whether she wanted to fight back or not.
“Go ahead and explain.”
“Can I come in?”
She sighed.
“You’re lucky I don’t have anything else going on right now.”
I stepped inside, plopped myself down on the same couch I’d sat at last time.
“Do us both a favor first and just pretend that phone call didn’t happen,” I said. “Whatever got said clearly wasn’t received in full, and it’s not going to be good if you pretend like it was.”
“Fine, but now there’s no excuses.”
“When I am out in the field,” I began, “I’m good at turning everything off. I just focus on killing whoever I need to kill and rescuing whoever I need to. The reason Liam and Scott say I’m a DOM’s dom is because of just that. Focus. But before I went out on my runs, I realized that something was distracting me like never before. And that something is actually someone. You.”
“I’m here because I want more than what we agreed to, Emily. I know I didn’t sign shit. I know I ran off fast. But this DOM shit will be over soon. Our target will fall, and—”
“Burke.”
She needed to only say my name for me to know there was something brewing. Her look, as I spoke, had gone from anger to surprise to fear. None of it was good.
“There’s something you need to know.”
“What?”
Another man? She decided against it? I can handle whatever.
“I decided to implant two embryos.”
…are you fucking kidding me.
I was about to say that I wanted to be a part of my child’s life. And now, I didn’t even know if there was going to be a child or children. What a world of difference that was, but more than that, what a fucking betrayal of trust. I was feeling my temper rise. I was fucking infuriated.
