“I guess…” I mumbled, returning my attention to twisting the corners of the wipe in my hands.
He pulled up in front of my house. “Sleep on it. Things will seem better in the morning.”
“Promise?”
He grinned. “Yeah, I promise.”
Pulling the handle, I got out of the car and thanked him for the lift home.
“Hey, Dawn?”
I turned and leaned down so I could look at him.
“I watched that movie you suggested.”
Despite the overwhelming self-pity I was feeling after that night’s events, a smile broke across my features. “Cat People?”
A chuckle rumbled out of his chest. It was soft and rippled through the air softly. “Yeah. Was it supposed to be funny?”
“Back in 1942 when it was made, it was supposed to be scary, but these days, yeah, it should be funny. That’s what makes them so great.”
He nodded. “In that case, I loved it.”
My smile broadened. “What was your favourite part?”
He thought for a moment. “That pool scene. The one where she’s in the water screaming, and there’s nothing around her but a few cat sounds.”
“Then her robe is all shredded when the lights come on,” I added.
“Yeah, and the receptionist is all ‘Gee whiz!’ about it.”
We laughed together but quickly fell quiet as our eyes met then held for a moment too long. I was the first to look away. “I’m glad you watched it, Luke.”
“Me too. But, do me a favour?”
“Sure.”
“Watch The Lost Boys with Kiefer Sutherland. I think you’ll like it.”
“OK, only if you watch Night of the Living Dead.”
He grinned. “It’s a deal. Sleep well, Dawn.”
“You too.” With a smile on my face, I shut the car door and walked up the path to my house, giving Luke one last wave as I went through the front door and he drove off.
Somehow, without even trying, Luke had managed to make me feel about a thousand times lighter. And all he’d done was be a nice person – a friend. Admittedly, it was odd that at eighteen I felt closer to a thirty-five year old man than I did to almost every other person my age. But, there was just something about Luke. I could talk to him about absolutely anything, and whether he knew about the topic or not, he still showed an interest and never once made me feel as though I was a naïve little girl. He treated me like an adult – an equal.
I thought for a moment of Shea’s comment about age not mattering and realised that perhaps it didn’t. I’d had an easy friendship with our previous next door neighbour even though she was in her seventies, and I had an easy friendship with Luke even though he was almost twice my age. Perhaps I was just an old soul in a young person’s body, and that was why I struggled with my own peers? It would make sense and explain away so many of my struggles.
Regardless of the reason, I realised that my friendship with Luke would probably be the only thing I would miss about Hargrave Cove when I left, and the thought of not seeing him anymore weighed heavy in my chest. I didn’t want to say goodbye to him.
8
I awoke to the sound of angry voices.
For a few seconds, I wasn’t sure if it was a dream, or if it was happening in reality.
The room was still dark, but I could tell that we were getting close to morning. When I checked the time, I saw it was 5:17am.
More yelling. The words carried clearly in the crisp morning air. “What’s good enough for you should be good enough for me!”
The voice was female. I was fairly sure it belonged to Shea.
Curious, I got out of bed, moving to the window in the dark, careful to keep out of sight as I looked across the short space between our houses and into her bedroom window.
Due to the angle of my window to hers, I couldn’t see more than sets of legs. Hers and a set of male legs wearing the same pants I’d seen on her stepfather when he was talking to my mother, which meant she was probably home too. I was about to go and check on her when they stepped a little closer, and he accused her of making a spectacle of herself.
“What do you think those boys are going to do?” he demanded, his heavily accented voice making his words sound harsher. “You think they’ll keep that to themselves? Every one in town will be talking about you by lunch time.”
“I don’t care what people think, Noa. Why are you allowed to fuck whomever you want, whichever way you want, but I have to be discreet?”
He stepped toward her. She stepped back. I could see him leering at her, close to her face. I held my breath, afraid that he was going to hit her.
“Because you are a woman, and I am a man,” he growled.
“Pig!” She slapped him. Hard. The clap of her hand on his skin echoed through the air, causing me to flinch at the sound.
I had to cover my mouth to hide my gasp. It was likely they wouldn’t have heard me, but still, I was watching something I shouldn’t have.
“You hit like a girl.”
“Arsehole!” She lifted her hand again, but he caught it mid-air and manipulated it so it was twisted behind her back. She struggled against his grip, and I struggled with what to do. I was afraid it was going to turn into something more. But exactly what that was, I wasn’t sure. My answer came moments later when suddenly he released her. Then he kissed her.
Hard.
Crazy hard.
My eyes went wide and my mouth fell open.
She responded with equal intensity and wrapped her arms around his neck then jumped so her legs wrapped around his waist. Next thing, he was walking them toward her bed and their clothes were coming off.
What the actual fuck?
I couldn’t believe what I was witnessing. It was like the plot of some awful step-related erotica. That shit just didn’t happen. It shouldn’t happen. She was seriously about to have sex with her stepfather. Was that even legal? And why the hell was I still watching?
He had her naked and on the bed. He was on top of her and moving down her body. Kissing her breasts, his fingers, digging into her skin as he continued down, down.
I could see her nakedness. I was fairly sure that I knew what he was about to do. I didn’t have any experience in the bedroom, but I knew enough to know I should have moved away. I should have stopped looking. But I couldn’t. I was frozen. I was uncomfortable, and shamefully, I was aroused.
Her moans were soft as he positioned his head between her open legs, and the look on her face was this mix of pain and pleasure that had my breathing quicken and my insides tightening as I got caught up in what they were doing.
I didn’t realise I’d moved closer to the window.
The scene was…erotic, to say the least. She screamed out the way they do when they climax in movies. Her back arched. Her thighs closing. Her mouth open as she held onto his head. Her fingers pulling at his hair.
Writhing. Writhing. I kept watching. Squirming. Squirming.
When he pulled back, she stilled and smiled lazily, opening her eyes as he stood and removed his pants. Then all of a sudden, the smile fell from her face when her eyes found mine. It was gone for a mere beat then returned as if she was happy to see me there. My heart leapt into my throat, and I leapt back from the window, my hands going to my head as I died from embarrassment all over again. What the hell was I thinking? What the hell was I doing?
I rushed out of my room, setting my mind to do exactly what I should have done in the first place – check on my mum. I was supposed to be making sure she got home all right, not standing at my window playing peeping tom. What the hell was wrong with me?
***
My mother’s room smelled like a brewery, but she was sleeping soundly and breathing steadily. To be safe, I placed a bucket next to her bed along with some aspirin with a glass of water for when she woke up then closed her bedroom door and pulled on a pair of black shorts and a cream coloured fitted Tee that had a vintage car logo on the front of it.
I shoved my feet into a pair of Iron Fist skull print flats then set off for a walk along the beach to find the shoes I had on last night. I didn’t bother doing anything more than pull my hair in a ponytail, and I forewent makeup entirely. It was barely six in the morning. I wasn’t expecting to run into anyone I cared about. Most of them would still be sleeping off the night before, which was what I would have preferred as well. But, there was no way I was going to be able to go back sleep after witnessing that. Even being in my room to get changed made me feel strange. I was worried there was still something going on outside my window, and I didn’t know how I felt about all that besides weird and wrong. It twisted my stomach with confusion and made my head ache.
To get to the beach, I had to walk past Shea’s house, and I walked as quickly as I could without running, my eyes straight and my head down until I got to the small rock face that led to the sand below. It wasn’t difficult, but my shoe choice didn’t really help, so I took them off and held them in my fingers, hopping over the sandstone rocks then jumping down onto the soft sand.
The moment I got onto the open beach, the wind began to whip at my hair, and I looked out to see a few early morning surfers catching waves in the cove. It was unusual for that to happen. Most days they had to surf out on the point, but a couple of times a month the wind blew straight through and created the perfect breaks.
When I was a kid, my father used to take me surfing. It was something thing we always did together. Something that was just for us. I’d loved it. But, I hadn’t touched a board since I was twelve, and he’d brought me down to the beach to surf and announced he’d be moving out because he’d fallen in love with another woman.
‘Can’t you fall in love with mum again and stay?’ I’d asked, trying to hold back tears as I kept my head down and rubbed wax on my board. I’d known something was going on. Even at twelve I’d noticed how sad my mother had become. I’d noticed that he wasn’t home for dinner anymore, and how they didn’t share any of those loving moments I used to watch so eagerly. Even though in my heart I knew, actually hearing him tell me it was over was a finality I didn’t want to face.
‘Love doesn’t quite work that way, Dawn.’
I’d looked up at him, at his handsome face and soft grey eyes, and I’d frowned. ‘That should be how it works, dad. You’re married. It’s supposed to be forever.’
He’d pressed his lips together and given me a pitiful look that said he thought I was just misunderstanding because I was a child. ‘Forever is an awfully long time. You’ll understand when you grow up.’ The thing was, I understood then, just like I understood now – I was never going to see him again. He’d chosen to let us go, he’d chosen to ruin our family, he’d chosen to walk away from his wife, and from his daughter. And I don’t think he regretted it for a moment.
After that day, surfing kind of lost its lustre for me. And as my anger toward my father compounded, my board continued to collect dust on the wall of my garage. I missed it though…
Up ahead, I could see the darkened patch of charcoaled wood that marked the place of the fire from the night before. And as I got closer, I could smell the charred ash mixed with salt and seaweed. There were a few empty bottles wedged in the sand along with random pieces of rubbish that didn’t belong in the soft white ground. But, I couldn’t see my shoes. It was a shame, because they’d been a favourite pair of mine – another pair flats that had little bats embroidered all over them. Super cute.
Letting out a sigh, I sat down on the sand and looked out at the water, allowing myself a quiet moment to really appreciate the beauty of this place they called paradise. Even though I was desperate to get away from Hargrave Cove, I wasn’t blind to its splendour. I could see it. I could see it all around me. The sky was painted with a master’s brush, all pink, peach and purple with just a smoky streak of clouds above the horizon. The water was a dark blue with perfect white peaks on each breaking wave. They were dotted with men and women in black wetsuits with colourful streaks up the side, riding on white boards. In the sky, seabirds played in the air currents. The air was fresh and cool in my lungs, the wind soft in my hair.
I could see the beauty. It was there. When I was alone with nothing but the thoughts in my head, I could definitely see it. I just struggled to feel it on a day-to-day basis. Perhaps it was the people. Perhaps it was just me. Perhaps, in my desire to get out of there, I’d forgotten to look around and feel the breeze on my skin and enjoy the simplicity of this seaside existence I struggled to be a part of.
Sighing again, I laid back in the sand, my arms outstretched as I looked up at the early morning sky. I slid my fingers through the cool surface of the sand, finding the warmth from the day before below. Above me, wisps of clouds floated past as the ocean filled my ears with its dull roar. I closed my eyes, trying to push out every thought I had by just focusing on the sound of the waves crashing on the beach.
I had so much I didn’t want to think about. My mother. My lack of a father. My almost kiss with my best friend. My new friend who seemed to be the opposite of me in every way. And my newfound voyeurism…
I groaned and rolled over in the sand, my cheek resting on my forearms as my stomach twisted again. I felt so…icky from standing there and watching what went on between Shea and her stepfather. And even worse that she caught me. “Oh god.” I rolled over again, my forearm now over my eyes as I lifted my head the dropped it back on the sand several times, wishing I could forget all of my stupidity over the last twenty-four hours.
“Trying to knock some sense into yourself?”
Lifting my arm, I needed a moment for my eyes to adjust before I could see Luke clearly. He was spearing his surfboard into the sand before he reached behind him and pulled down the zip of his wetsuit, working the tight fabric off his arms before pushing it down to his waist, revealing a very tan, very firm upper body. My mouth went dry.
Luke the bartender was ripped.
Sitting up, I forced myself to look away as he ran his hand over his hair then down his arms, flicking the excess water off onto the sand so he wouldn’t drip on me when he sat down beside me and undid the strap around his ankle that was attached to the leash on his board.
“Surprised to see you up this early,” he said as he wound up the cord.
“Couldn’t sleep,” I responded. “Thought I’d come and see if I could find my shoes.”
“Any luck?”
I shook my head. “They’re in the wind.”
“Easy come. Easy go.”
“What about you? Why did you come surfing so early when you had a late night?”
He shrugged. “Best time to catch a wave.” He took a handful of sand and held his other hand cupped underneath it, allowing the sand to slowly drain into his palm like an hourglass.
“Yeah, but don’t you need to sleep? You’ve got a kid to take care of, right?”
He looked at me with his soft green eyes that held a lifetime’s worth of worry and pain from grief. “I don’t really sleep much. A couple of hours and I’m sweet. Besides, who could miss this?” He nodded toward the horizon where the sun had climbed just high enough that it was a full orb above the water, casting a massive yellow glow across the ocean, making it shimmer like it was full of gold.
For a while, we sat quietly, watching it continue it’s slow climb into sky to signal the world that it was time to wake up.
“I’m never awake at this time anymore. I haven’t seen this in years.”
He clapped his hands together, dusting off the sand. “You should do it more often. Seeing the sun come up puts a lot of stuff into perspective.”
“Like what?”
“Like, no matter what happened the day before, the world keeps turning, and the sun keeps rising. Over and over again.” He stood to his full six feet of height and took a hold of his board. “I could even teach you to surf if you’d like. I reckon you’d really like it.”
“I already know how to surf,” I replied with a half smile.
&
nbsp; His eyebrows lifted, and he pressed his full lips together. “You don’t say? I’ve got to admit. I didn’t think you were the type.”
I shrugged. “Well, I didn’t think you’d be the type to have six-pack abs, but there they are, clearly defined for all to see.” I gestured with my hand toward his stomach, causing him to chuckle. I blushed a little, stunned that I’d blurted it out like that. But, I was so surprised to see the definition of the body he’d been hiding under his work shirts that the words just came tumbling out of my mouth. “I’m sorry. I don’t know why I said that.” I laughed uneasily.
He shrugged and laughed a little with me. “No worries, Dawn. It was nice to see you during your namesake,” he said, running his hand through his damp sun lightened brown hair.
“My what? Oh, the dawn – I’m Dawn. I get it. Funny.”
He grinned. “Hope you locate your shoes. I’ll see you around.”
Waving him off, I watched him run up the beach, his muscles rippling as he carried his board under his bronzed arm. How did I miss the fact that Luke had a body like that? I mean, I knew he was fit and all, but I certainly wasn’t expecting that to be going on.
Before he got out of sight, he turned back and gave me one last wave. I smiled and returned the sentiment then turned my attention back to the surf, sitting quietly until the pretty colours left the sky, turning into that light blue that would signal another hot day.
9
After the beach, I detoured past the Hargrave Cove bakery and picked up a box of my favourite raspberry and white chocolate muffins and proceeded to ravenously eat one as I meandered home.
Luke was right. No matter what happened the day before, the world kept turning and the sun kept shining. I’d get through this. I’d talk to Zeke. I’d apologise and tell him it was a drunken mistake. And I’d talk to Shea as well. I’d swallow my pride and tell her it was wrong of me to watch what I watched the way I did. I could tell them both that the pact we made the day before wasn’t for me, and that I was content to spend the rest of the summer holed up in my room watching bad horror films and researching university courses, while spending my father’s money on random online purchases.
In the Wind Page 6
