She lowered her head to her knees in shame as silent tears trickled down her cheeks.
Ella saw herself as a strong person. She'd survived being raped and punished for reporting it, being cruelly removed from school and being more and more unloved by her siblings and mother. She'd built up a good life for herself with a lovely home and a career she excelled at and loved. And yet, just now, she felt broken. All the good in her life snuffed out by one flash of the past that could so nearly have ended in tragedy for her, if her rescuers hadn't arrived when they had.
Matt stood just inside the door and watched her, unobserved. She looked broken, nothing like the confident, beautiful person he thought he'd got to know. His heart ached for her.
This incident was huge. He didn't know what had happened in the past but he could hazard a guess. No wonder she froze every time they got close. He shuddered when he thought about what could have happened if Kasib hadn't followed Ella thinking she was heading for the alcove. According to his account, he'd fleetingly wondered where she'd disappeared to when he realised the cupboard door was shut, which he'd left open just minutes before because he had been putting things away.
It was apparently at that point his brain had registered there'd been a man with her and she'd looked nervous, a bit jumpy. Cursing himself, he'd shouted out instructions to anyone who'd listen and dashed to get the key for the door. Matt had arrived back in the kitchen in the midst of all this commotion, ignorant of the sight behind the door. His heart had almost stopped beating as he'd quickly assimilated the view before him.
He still wished Azzam had let him bash the guy. A week in jail would have been a small price to pay for ensuring he couldn't hurt Ella again.
Azzam had stopped him on the way back to Ella's suite and assured him that the man would be sentenced to jail for a long time for attempted rape.
Matt walked towards the sofa and crouched down.
'Ella?' He got no response. She just continued to sit there, hugging herself.
He put his hand out to her knee. Ella jumped back. 'No,' she screamed.
Matt rocked back on his heels to give her space.
'Ella, it's okay. It's over. He's in custody.'
'It's not over! It'll never be over,' she cried.
This was new territory for Matt. He felt helpless in knowing how to handle it.
'Ella, can I hold you?' She shrank back. That's a no then. 'Have you taken the pills the doctor gave you?'
She nodded.
'Don't you think you'd be better going to bed and resting? Do you want me to get someone to help you?' She shook her head.
Matt ran a hand through his hair. He'd never felt so helpless. Even comforting the twins when their parents had died hadn't seemed as hard as this. Maybe it was the lack of touch - he cuddled when he comforted.
He stayed there for a few more minutes and watched her torture herself. She seemed unaware of where she was or what she was doing. He couldn't ignore her any longer.
'Ella, I'm drowning here! Let me hold you - comfort you.' Before she could object he sat beside her and pulled her into his arms.
He held her close and rocked her.
Ella felt the warmth from Matt's body, felt the comfort of his touch. It was the catalyst she'd needed without realising it. She clung to him while the dam burst. It felt like the first time in twelve years that she'd really cried. She didn't recall giving in to tears way back then when she'd been no more than a child.
*
Matt's arms were cramping but he didn't dare shift his posture and disturb her. Ella had sobbed and sobbed, inconsolably. He'd just held her tight, stroking her hair, whispering words of comfort. At times the room had been filled with wracking sobs and she'd clutched his shirt tighter. For the last ten minutes she'd been snuffling one minute and sobbing the next. She seemed to be almost all cried out.
He kissed her hair.
Ella finally felt a calm wash over her. Crying had been cathartic. She didn't know if she'd cried for the loss of her innocence all those years ago, or whether it had been the fear of tonight's ordeal, but she felt ready to face Matt.
As she did so she was confronted by the state of Matt's shirt. Her head fell forward again. 'I'm so sorry.'
Matt shifted her away from him slightly and raised her chin with his finger forcing her to look at him.
'You've nothing to apologise for.' Her face was all blotchy and what remained of her makeup was streaked down her face, but Matt didn't really see any of that. He was just relieved that she had come through the abyss she'd been in.
Ella attempted a watery laugh. 'You haven't seen the state of your shirt.'
Matt looked down and laughed with her. 'Okay, apology accepted!' His shirt was very badly crumpled where she'd clung to it. There was a great big wet patch from her tears along with multi-coloured smudges mixed in from her makeup.
A knock sounded at the door.
'Why don't you go and get ready for bed, I'll see who's at the door.' Matt left her on the sofa and walked towards the door. 'And don't go getting all embarrassed when you look in the mirror!'
*
Matt had been prepared for Ella to refuse to come away with him, but she'd been remarkably compliant.
When Azzam had come to her suite last night, he'd offered his desert home to help her heal. Matt had often heard Azzam talk of the tented community and how being there had helped him come to terms with the loss of his father and the burden of becoming the ruling prince. He'd agreed that it could well be the ideal place to be, with nothing to do but rest. There would be no distractions there - no outside communication or interference - and maybe he would be able to get her to open up about her past. He was convinced she needed to do that if she was ever going to be free of its effect.
He looked across at her now as she stared out the window of the jeep towards the vast desert landscape. She'd eaten nothing at breakfast and had said little in the helicopter.
Well, Matt could be patient. They would stay until she was all talked out. He'd already phoned Zander and asked him to reschedule his filming commitments. He knew from the sound of Zander's voice that he was itching to ask what was going on but he'd learnt over the years Matt would share when he was ready and not before. Zander had confirmed that the papers had now gone quiet on Ella and her father and no other stories had appeared. Azzam had obviously succeeded in keeping last night's activity quiet, at least for now.
Just as Matt was ending the call, Zander had reminded him of the ancient Quinaard custom that assumed a man and woman to be married if they were left alone together in the desert. Matt had hung up with the sound of Zander's laughter ringing in his ears. Zander had an uncanny knack of knowing what was happening. He was very good at making assumptions that were scarily close to reality. Matt had neither confirmed nor denied where he was going and who with. He was thankful Zander was his brother and not a newspaper reporter on the lookout for his next juicy bit of gossip. The throw away comment had sent a slight shiver of fear through him at the thought of being married but not as much as it once would have done.
'Oh, look. That's so pretty.'
Matt glanced across to where Ella was pointing. A set of colourful tents set in a circle were gleaming in the desert sun. Water could be seen just over a dune and off to the left.
'Looks like we're here. Azzam said this was the only oasis in this part of Quinaard.'
The jeep drove over the sand dune away from the tents and towards the water.
'Aah! It's beautiful.'
Matt had to agree that it was. The water sparkled a bright blue as the sun bounced off it and trees and bushes were dotted along the edge. It looked like they were in a secluded cove.
'Look over there.'
Ella turned her head. 'It's a waterfall coming down from that rock.'
'Mmm, that could be a great place to cool off.'
The jeep pulled to a halt beside a large tent. Matt got out and helped Ella down. They both headed inside.
'It
's like something out of the Arabian nights. It's beautiful.' The inside was cool and a welcome respite from the heat. Large oriental rugs covered the floor. Sofas and large cushions were arranged around a large, low table. As Ella admired the furnishings, Matt walked through to the back and found a shower room and sleeping area. The bed was huge and swamped by pillows. Ella came up behind him and sat on the bed. 'Oh! This is silk! Look at the stitching. I've never seen anything so delicate. It looks handmade.'
Whilst Ella admired the intricate pattern of desert flowers woven through the silk, Matt admired Ella. She looked tired but to him she was beautiful. He watched her long fingers trace round the flowers and felt his body stir as he imagined them tracing round a certain part of his body.
At that moment Ella looked up and caught the heat in his stare.
She looked nervous. 'Matt, I….'
'It's okay. I can't help how my body responds to you Ella. Nor will I apologise for wanting you but I would never force myself on you. I can wait 'til you're ready.'
She shook her head, becoming visibly upset.
Matt crouched down in front of her. 'Hey, things will be alright. I'll be here for you as a friend when you're ready to talk.'
'I don't think we can stay here that long.' Her smile at that moment seemed so sad.
'Then we'll just have a few days to relax after the frenetic pace of the weekend.'
Ella appreciated that Matt wasn't pushing.
'I'll leave you to get settled and go find my home for the next few days.'
*
Ella felt completely relaxed as she lay on the soft table and let the maid massage scented oils into her skin. Last night almost seemed like a bad dream and yet she was well aware it had happened. After Matt had left her to answer the door she'd got ready for bed and had surprisingly drifted off before he'd come looking for her. She vaguely remembered Matt comforting her in the night when her dreams had turned sinister, but other than that she'd had a remarkably refreshing night's sleep. Although Matt had been gone when she'd awoken, there was evidence that he had slept on the sofa in her suite.
He was proving to be a wonderful and supportive friend but she wasn't sure she could open up to him. She felt disgusted and dirty with what she had allowed to happen as a child, so could only imagine how someone else might view her. She couldn't bear the thought of Matt looking at her with disgust and disappointment.
Her thoughts turned to this morning. Azzam had been very gracious towards her. He'd seemed embarrassed at what had nearly happened under his roof. That creep of a man can't have said enough about her otherwise surely Azzam would have been less amenable - would probably not have sought her out to apologise. He'd been so generous in offering her this break that she had found herself agreeing to it before she had time to think. Being here was certainly a welcome escape from the mess that was becoming her life.
She was both thrilled and nervous that Matt was here too. To spend a few days alone with the man she loved sounded like heaven, but at the same time, she couldn't see any future in it. He didn't do permanent and surely a man with his reputation would run out of patience with a woman who was so sexually repressed. The imagined embarrassment of telling Matt banged around in her head. She really didn't think she'd be able to tell him.
'Relax! You tense now.'
'Sorry.' Ella forced her thoughts away and concentrated on the slide of the maid's firm fingers kneading out her knots.
*
'She sleep.'
'Thank you Hadiyah.'
Matt thought about going to wake her otherwise she wouldn't sleep tonight. Now there was an idea. He could think of many ways to fill the night! But no, Ella wasn't ready for that.
He decided to give her a little longer before waking her. Since they'd arrived earlier, he'd settled in the tent he was going to sleep in, which was just a short distance from Ella's. There was one other tent near the main tent and that remained empty. With the staff quarters on the other side of the dune, it really did feel as if they were the only two people on this earth. He'd never experienced such quiet before. He definitely didn't think he was cut out to be marooned on a desert island, not unless he had other people marooned with him!
For something to do, he'd spent a couple of hours in the kitchen, learning how to do some of the tribal dishes. He'd then taught the chef a few things of his own. Having had a snack and sent something in to Ella, he'd gone off to explore the oasis. The water was quite warm and beyond the waterfall he'd found a delightful little pool completely hidden by rocks and foliage.
There was no mobile signal out here so they were almost incommunicado. A satellite phone in the jeep was their only means of communication with the outside world but Matt had no intention of using it. They had plenty of supplies and could easily stay here for a week if necessary. Once he returned to civilisation he would no doubt have some explaining to do and a heavy schedule to get the filming completed, but all that could wait for now. He didn't even care if there was filming to finish or if the TV company cancelled his contract. That was a first!
The only topic he intended thinking about was Ella and how he could help her. It didn't seem that long ago since he'd vowed to get her food ready and send her on her way, and now here he was, wanting to help her lose the ghosts of her past! It seemed he just couldn't avoid a damsel in distress!
*
'Mmm, that was delicious and I am completely stuffed. I can't believe how much food I've eaten in the last few days.'
'You didn't eat last night.'
Ella tensed at the reminder. 'No.'
'Before we left the palace Azzam told me that Carl Miller has previously been accused of rape in Saudi.' Matt watched her closely for her response. Her face paled at hearing his name. As far as he knew that was the first time the man's name had been used. Ella lowered her head.
'You can't brush it under the carpet Ella and pretend it hasn't happened. It's chewing you up.' Matt was now sitting beside her and lifted her head. He brushed her hair away from her face. The pain he saw etched there cut him up.
'Come,' he took her hand and pulled her up from her seat. 'Let's go for a walk along the side of the oasis. The solar torches will light our way and keep us from falling in or tripping up.' It was a pleasant evening and with the lights dotted along the edge of the oasis and in amongst the trees it all looked very pretty.
Matt kept hold of her hand as they walked. He kept the conversation light as he shared his afternoon with her. He made the waterfall and pool beyond it sound delightful and Ella vowed to stay awake long enough tomorrow to enjoy it. Matt had finally woken her early evening and she'd just had time for a shower before they'd had their meal.
'Look at what else I found today.'
They'd come to a large bolder that had been hollowed out to form a bench. Someone had then lined the back of it with a padded tapestry and placed a matching cushion along the seat.
Matt watched Ella's surprised look on her face.
'Azzam likes his comforts! And it really is quite comfy.' Matt sat down on the seat and encouraged Ella down beside him. They both sat there gazing out across the darkened oasis with the reflection from the torches dancing across the surface.
Matt wrestled with what to say.
'When our parents died, we all felt that the heart had been ripped out of our family. We can't plan for these momentous events and their death was particularly rubbish timing for Zander and I - just about to sit exams, dreams of a university life crushed. The girls were on the verge of puberty and didn't have their mum to guide them through. On top of that, Zander and I discovered our father had been leading a duplicitous lifestyle. He had mortgages on two other properties, one here for his secretary lover and one in Switzerland for a foreign diplomat who he'd been in a relationship with for ten years.' Matt ignored Ella's sharp intake of breath.
'We also discovered our mother had been on anti-depressants since the girls had been born and had increasingly hit the bottle. Did our father turn to other w
omen because of our mother's behaviour, or did our mother end up on drugs and alcohol because of our father's behaviour? We don't know. All we think we know is that they were arguing the night they died. Mum's hands had been on the steering wheel when they'd been found and the crash experts said she must have been wrestling with the wheel while dad was driving.' Ella took Matt's hand offering him comfort. Matt squeezed her hand as he continued.
'Some of that is public knowledge, the bit about the lovers isn't. They were paid off by the family solicitor. Dad also gambled, which again, is public knowledge. He was in debt up to his eyeballs. We had to sell everything to clear them. All we had left was enough to get the girls through a few more years at school as day students. They know most of it but we never told them about the other women. They were too young at the time and there's never been a need since to raise it. They were both 'daddy's girls' and we didn't want to damage their memory of their father.'
'What about your memory of your parents?'
Matt looked at her, a grim expression on his face. 'Shot to pieces! But Zander and I stood as one throughout and somehow we got through it all - our exams, our grief, the girls' grief, the legal mess, working out a different life to the one we'd envisaged. With the help of Mr and Mrs Brown, and then Azzam, we survived and flourished. The experience shaped us and made us both stronger people. Yeah, I still have issues on their anniversary - of all of us I was the closest to our mother and I carry her pain with me, along with a deep loathing for our father.
'But the thing is, we accepted help, we held our heads up through public shame and Zander and I did have, and continue to have, each other.' He paused.
'Who did you have Ella?'
Ella was shocked at the speed at which Matt had turned the attention back to her. She went to withdraw her hand but Matt held tight then lifted her so she was across his lap. He held her in the comfort of his arms.
Heat in the Kitchen Page 12
