John hesitated, then walked slowly forward, his arms filled with large balloons that had long, matching silky ribbons attached. He stopped by Laura’s chair and looked directly into her eyes.
“You truly deserve to have your rainbow,” he said quietly. “I know that balloons don’t fulfill the wish, but this is the only rainbow I can offer you, Laura. I just wanted you to know that I hadn’t forgotten about your rainbow wish. They’re yours, all yours. They belong to you…both the rainbow and the wish.”
“Rainbow wish?” Mitch whispered to Alex.
“Shh,” Alex said. “I don’t know what it means, either, but it’s obviously something very special.”
“Yeah, well…” John cleared his throat and extended the balloons toward Laura. “Here.”
Laura got to her feet, acutely aware that her knees were trembling and her eyes were brimming with tears. She accepted the bouquet of balloons from John.
“Thank you,” she said softly. I love you so much, John. What a bittersweet gift this was from the rough, tough, yet sensitive and caring man who had stolen her heart for all time. And that stolen heart was shattering, because John was making it clear that he would not be a part of her rainbow wish. Not ever. “Thank you for being so thoughtful and…and honest.”
They continued to gaze into each other’s eyes and the room faded into oblivion. There was just the two of them and a rainbow.
“Whoa. Whoa,” Jeremiah shouted.
Laura and John jerked at the sudden noise and the spell was broken.
Laura struggled to regain her composure as she nestled the balloons onto one of the empty chairs at the table.
John sat down next to Jeremiah and began to feed the birthday boy his lunch.
The party had officially begun.
Hours later, when the festivities had ended and everyone turned in for the night, Laura placed her balloons on the floor next to her bed and fell asleep with one hand resting on the bouquet, her dreams replete with her rainbow wish…and John.
When she awoke the next morning, all the air had sifted out of the balloons, turning them into a flat puddle of color. Laura buried her face in her pillow and wept for much more than the loss of her precious gift.
After breakfast John sat on the floor in the cabin with Jeremiah, who was busily moving from one treasure to the next, thoroughly enjoying his birthday gifts.
“So, how did you like your party yesterday, sport?” John said. “You made out like a bandit. What a bunch of stuff you got. Toys, toys, toys.”
“Toys,” Jeremiah said, throwing his new ball across the room.
“Go for it,” John said, then leaned his back against the sofa.
Yep, he thought. Jeremiah had had quite a party to celebrate his first birthday. There had been clowns galore, cake, presents and…balloons.
John dragged his hands down his face and sighed.
Balloons. Rainbow-colored balloons.
When he’d been in the store in Hope, he’d had every intention of buying bright, primary-colored balloons to match the clown decorations.
But then he’d seen the pastel balloons, had been drawn to them as though an invisible magnet was pulling him forward.
It had suddenly been so important that Laura know that he’d really listened to her on the night they’d met, that he’d remembered every word she’d said, what she had shared with him about her rainbow wish.
He loved her so deeply, so intensely, he’d never be able to describe the depth of that love.
If his circumstances were different, they could have it all—marriage, a home, Jeremiah and more babies they would create by beautiful lovemaking.
They could have, together, Laura’s rainbow wish…forever.
But his life was a mess, his confusion all-consuming. Laura would never know how he felt about her. He couldn’t make her happy, because he didn’t even know where he belonged, or who he truly was.
He might never know.
So, he’d presented Laura with the bouquet of balloons, given back her secret wish, set her free to find a man who would be all that she needed and wanted in her life’s partner.
Man, he hated this.
The thought of another man touching Laura, making love to her, gaining her trust and love for all time, caused a cold fist to tighten in his gut.
But he had no other choice than to walk away from Laura Bishop.
He would raise his son alone. Somewhere. He would decide, hopefully, at some point in the blurry future whether he and Jeremiah should have the last name of Colton, or Wyndham.
He had to find the answers he was so desperately seeking before he went straight out of his mind.
But as he struggled for inner peace and resolution, Laura would move forward with her life. Laura would be gone, but never, never forgotten.
“Hell,” John said gruffly.
“Hell,” Jeremiah said merrily, pushing his fire truck across the floor.
“You didn’t hear that,” John said. “Don’t say ‘hell,’ Jeremiah.”
“Hell, hell, hell,” the baby echoed.
“Cripe,” John said, shaking his head. “Jeremiah, say ‘dada.”’
“Mama. Ma-a-ma.”
“No,” John said with a weary sigh. “Mama isn’t going to be with us. It’s just you and me, kiddo. All I have to do is figure out who we are and where we’re going to live. Piece of cake.” He snorted in disgust. “Yeah, right.”
A knock sounded at the door.
“It’s open,” John called. “Enter at your own risk.”
Alex entered the cabin.
“Is it dangerous in here?” she said, smiling. “Ah, so it is. You have an obstacle course of toys set up.”
John got to his feet. “You’d better believe it. Jeremiah will run you down with his fire truck if you don’t watch out.” He paused. “What brings you to our castle, Princess Alex?”
“I came to see if Jeremiah is ready for his morning ride.”
John frowned. “We usually don’t do that until later.”
“Yes, well, I…What I mean is, I could take him up now if it’s all right. It won’t disrupt his schedule, will it? It’s fairly warm outside and…Okay?”
John studied Alex for a moment.
“Are you acting weird, or is it my imagination?” he said finally.
“Weird? Me?” she said, raising her eyebrows.
“Never mind. I’ll change Jeremiah’s diaper and put on his jacket. Jeremiah, do you want to go for a ride on a horse?”
Jeremiah clapped his hands. “Horse.” He pushed himself up, teetered, then toddled toward Alex. “Horse.”
“The vote is in,” John said. “I might as well go with you two.”
“No,” Alex said quickly. “That is, why don’t you have some quiet time while you can? Just stay here in the cabin and relax. Yes, that’s a great idea.”
John eyed her warily. “Yep, you’re definitely acting weird.”
Alex smiled at him sweetly.
A short while later, Alex and a jabbering Jeremiah left the cabin. John considered picking up the strewn toys, then decided it was a waste of energy since Jeremiah would redistribute them over the floor as soon as he was returned to the cabin.
John sank onto the sofa, then realized an instant later that he didn’t have even a clue as to how to spend his idle time.
He sure as hell didn’t feel like chasing his own thoughts around in the maddening circle in his mind. He wasn’t even close to having the answers he needed.
He changed the sheet on Jeremiah’s crib, wiped off the counters in the kitchen, added a few items to the grocery list held on the refrigerator with a magnet shaped like a cow, then wandered back into the living room.
A rap on the cabin door was a welcomed break in the oppressive silence within the walls of the small house, and John strode across the room to fling open the door.
He stared at the stranger standing before him, a distinguished, handsome man in his late fifties, who was wearing a perfectly tailored dark su
it, white shirt and dark tie. He was tall, broad-shouldered, trim, had a full head of white hair and a neat white beard and mustache. His blue eyes were riveted on John.
“Hello,” the man said, his voice strangely husky. He cleared his throat and drew a deep breath, letting it out slowly. “I’m sorry. This moment is rather overwhelming. May I come in?”
John frowned. “That depends on who you are and what you want.”
“Yes, of course. I need to introduce myself. I’m…King Phillip of Wynborough.”
Chapter Fourteen
The world seemed to tilt on its axis for a moment, and John gripped the edge of the door tightly with one hand to steady himself.
“I realize that I’ve arrived on your doorstep with no warning,” Phillip said, “and I hope you’ll forgive Alexandra for her part in my duplicity, but I was afraid you might refuse to see me if you knew I was coming.”
John shook his head slightly to clear away the strange buzzing noise in his ears.
“You thought I might refuse to see you?” he repeated. “Why?”
“May I come in?”
“Oh, yes, of course,” John stepped back to allow Phillip to enter the cabin. “Sorry.”
John closed the door, then turned to stare at Phillip Wyndham. Blue eyes met matching blue eyes for a long, heart-stopping moment.
“Please, sit down,” John said, jerking his gaze from Phillip’s. “Excuse the mess, but Jeremiah was playing with his birthday toys and…Why did you think I might refuse to see you?”
Phillip made his way through the scattered toys on the floor to sit on the chair by the fireplace. John sank onto the sofa, then leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees and linking his fingers.
“I saw your son when Alexandra brought him up to the house,” Phillip said, no hint of a smile on his face. “Your…that is, my wife, Gabriella, was holding Jeremiah when I left the house to come here to your cabin. She was crying and laughing at the same time. Jeremiah is the image of you as a baby.”
John nodded, his gaze fixed on Phillip.
“You want an answer to your question,” Phillip went on, “as to why I feared you might choose not to see me.
“I have been attempting to put myself in your place, to try to imagine how disturbing it has been for you to suddenly learn you’re not who you’ve always believed yourself to be. That must be a terribly heavy emotional burden, a source of immeasurable confusion.”
“Yes,” John said, surprise evident in his voice.
“To come face to face with me would mean there would be nowhere to hide from your mental dilemma ,” Phillip said. “But I’m afraid I put myself, my needs, selfishly first. I had to see you. I had to.”
“I understand,” John said, nodding.
“When I introduced myself to you,” Phillip said, “I came very close to announcing ‘I’m your father,’ but I bit back those words, because I don’t feel I have the right to say them.”
“What?” John said, frowning.
“I’m also being extremely careful not to refer to you by name, not to call you James.” Phillip shook his head. “This is so very difficult.
“I want to touch you, hug you, hold you in my arms, see you smile, hear your laughter and…But I have to respect you and this—” he swept one arm through the air “—this distance between us.”
“Now I don’t understand,” John said, frowning and shaking his head.
“I saw you being born,” Phillip said, his voice husky with emotion. “I held you in my hands as you took your first deep breath, then wailed your displeasure over being so rudely removed from the safe haven of your…of Gabriella’s womb.
“I walked the floor with you when you suffered through cutting your teeth, and swelled with pride as I watched you take your first steps.”
“You saw my first steps?” John said, his entwined fingers tightening. “I wondered if you did when Laura and I saw Jeremiah take his. It’s because of Jeremiah that I came to realize the pain you suffered when I was kidnapped, then believed to be dead. I don’t think I could handle it if something happened to Jeremiah.”
“The pain never really goes away. Oh, it diminishes in time, but it’s always there, claiming a portion of your heart and soul.”
“Yes,” John said quietly. “I can believe that.”
“When I learned that you were alive,” Phillip said, “my first instinct was to rush here to The Rocking C, claim you as my son, tell you that it was time, at long last, to come home to us, where you belong.”
“But you didn’t do that,” John said.
“No. My role as your father ended shortly after you took those first wobbling steps of yours. You were snatched away, torn from my life, leaving an open, aching wound.
“I am not the one who taught you the values you took into adulthood. I wasn’t there to soothe your fears as a young boy, stand by you during the turbulence of adolescence, watch as you walked away to find your place in the world as a man. Robert Colton did all those things for his son, John Colton. Robert is your father far more than I am.”
“But you gave me life,” John said, his voice rising.
“Yes. Yes, I did, but Robert Colton gave you much, much more.”
“You’re an incredible man,” John said, awe ringing in his voice.
“No, I’m a simple man, who loves his son, has never stopped loving his son. I love you enough to make no demands of you, to walk out of your existence on this very day and never see you again, if that’s what you want. I wish only for your happiness.”
“My happiness?” John said. “I can’t find it inside of myself. I don’t know who I am anymore I don’t know which of my worlds to choose, which identity fits. I’m torn in two. Can you understand that? Can you?
“I’m in love with a fantastic woman, with Laura, and I can’t even tell her, because I’m not capable of making her happy if I can’t…” He shook his head. “Hell.”
Phillip leaned forward, unconsciously mirroring John’s pose.
“Why do you have to choose one world, one identity, over the other?” Phillip said. “Why can’t you take what you want from each?”
John’s eyes widened. “What?”
“Raise your son on the island of Wynborough, if you so choose. Do it as John Colton, if that is who you wish to be. Or stay here on your Rocking C, but be James Wyndham and make Jeremiah a Wyndham. Oh, my beloved son, do whatever it takes to find inner peace and happiness, to have a future with the woman you love. Do it. Whatever is right for you. Whatever will make you happy.”
John lunged to his feet and dragged one hand through his hair.
“I don’t believe this,” he said, his voice raspy. “That’s what I’ve been doing…picking and choosing what I wanted. I kept telling myself that I was playing games, that it was wrong, a fantasy, that I really couldn’t create a life, a future, that way.”
With agitated motions, John moved around the room, picking up Jeremiah’s toys and placing them in the playpen. Phillip watched him with a concerned expression on his face.
“James…John,” Phillip said finally, “God knows that none of us asked for this nightmare, but it happened, was set into motion years and years ago. Now? Gabriella and I have pledged to count our blessings, to be grateful that you’re alive, rather than harbor bitterness toward Lucy Tucker.”
John completed the chore he’d undertaken, only vaguely aware that he’d cleared the floor of toys. He turned to look at Phillip.
“As for you?” Phillip went on. “I truly believe that you’ve earned the right to do exactly as I stated. Gabriella and I will accept whatever decisions you make. From what I’ve learned about the Coltons, I’m certain they will do the same. We all love you…both of your families. You know that, don’t you?”
Phillip got to his feet.
“Don’t you, son?” he said quietly.
A strange warmth suffused John, along with a foreign sense of inner peace like nothing he had ever known. It touched his heart, h
is mind, his very soul. An achy sensation gripped his throat and tears filled his eyes.
“Yes,” he said hoarsely. “Yes, I know that. You…you gave me life thirty years ago, and you have just…given me my life…again.”
They moved at the same time, two men, the son and the father. They reached for each other, tears shimmering in matching blue eyes. Their embrace was powerful, not only in physical strength, but emotionally as well.
Years of pain, and loneliness, and heartache were pushed into oblivion as they savored the moment…along with dreams of the future.
Late that night, Laura parked in front of the ranch house and turned off the ignition to the car. She gripped the top of the steering wheel and rested her forehead on her hands, closing her eyes.
She was so tired, she thought, thoroughly exhausted, physically and mentally drained.
It was over. All of it. She couldn’t stay on The Rocking C any longer, couldn’t bear to be so close, yet so very, very far removed from John and Jeremiah.
The moment she’d seen Alexandra place Jeremiah in Queen Gabriella’s loving arms, seen the baby pat his grandmother’s nose, and witnessed Gabriella’s heartfelt tears of joy, it had all come to an end for the outsider, social secretary Laura Bishop.
Laura raised her head and sighed, reliving in her mind the scene where she’d forced a smile onto her face and a light tone to her voice as she’d told Queen Gabriella and Alex that she was off to town for the day, was going to indulge in some quiet, private, lazy hours. They’d accepted her plans with no question, their attention riveted on Jeremiah.
The day had seemed endless as she’d wandered in and out of the stores in Hope. She’d eaten a lunch she didn’t want at the diner, then continued on her aimless trek.
At one point in the late afternoon she’d thought she’d seen John across the street, then dismissed the idea in the next instant.
That would probably happen a great deal in the future, Laura thought bleakly. She’d be thinking of John, then imagine that she had actually seen him in a crowd of people beyond her reach. Always beyond her reach.
She’d finally gone to the movies and sat through the long film twice, unable to follow the story during either showing.
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