Sandy was trying to get Amy to run back towards us. Derrick turned and fired at one of the many zombies that stood between her and us. Adam did the same and we called out for her to run, to fight her way back to us. But she didn’t. The fresh blood spilling from Jacob had drawn the attention of every zombie nearby, and it had given Amy a small window to escape but she didn’t take it. She tried to swing her hatchet at her husband’s attackers but in what seemed like only a matter of seconds there were four Zeds with their arms wrapped around her and with that the two of them vanished into a crowd of the infected.
To my surprise I saw Cody charging back towards us. He had used the tragic loss of Jacob and Amy to get out of there and make his way back to us. I heard something behind me and turned to see two Zeds on the other side of a rack of jeans that were closing in. I heard the shot and one of them collapsed to the ground behind me. I grabbed the other side of the rack and pushed, knocking the other one back and onto the ground. Another one appeared right behind Kerri so I charged at it and with one vicious blow from the hatchet it was no longer a threat.
When I looked up I saw that Derrick had just shot two more with the shotgun and I realized that I didn’t know what to do. We were trapped. We had no plan. We were running out of bullets. I thought about Paul and how he was probably laughing at us from the safety of the garage. That was when it hit me. I had an idea.
A zombie dropped right in front of me. I hadn’t even noticed it in all of the chaos. Cody had taken the shot and saved me. It was impossible to tell where the shots were coming from anymore or what people were shooting at. The Zeds were coming from every angle and I remember looking at Derrick for some kind of direction. I wanted to share my idea with him but I needed to get closer. He was yelling over at Adam to push on and keep moving. That was when I saw it behind him, he hadn’t seen it, and that was when I saw a Zed bite down into his bicep. He pushed it off and punched it in the face and then he drove the hatchet into the front of its skull.
I ran to him, I am not sure why, but I ran right towards him. I could see the fear in his eyes it was a look of pure desperation. For some reason or another I asked him if he was okay just before he raised the handgun up to his temple and pulled the trigger. I didn’t even have a chance to tell him not to. I stood there covered in his blood staring at his lifeless body on the floor and in that instant I lost any hope that we were going to make it.
I reached down and picked up the handgun. Everything seemed to have slowed down as I looked around at the endless horde of Zeds that kept pouring into the building. I knew that we couldn’t make it to the front doors let alone get outside. I saw Sandy on the ground wrestling with two zombies that had her pinned. I tried to make my way over to her to help but then I saw Kerri get knocked to the ground by a zombie in a police uniform that had caught her by surprise. By the time she hit the ground another Zed was on her. I managed to make it to her in time. I pulled the first one off of her and grabbed a hold of the other just as I felt the hand on my shoulder. I spun around as quickly as I could and pistol-whipped the Zed that had a hold of me.
I knocked it to the ground but my momentum spun me around, I tripped and I fell to the ground. I looked around and then felt something grab a hold of my leg. My first instinct was to kick and kick until it let go. But as the grip tightened I lifted my head and raised the pistol ready to fire at whatever Zed that had a hold of me. But it wasn’t a zombie. It was Kerri. She was down on her stomach reaching out and pulling at my pant leg as she tried to get free from the zombie that was on her back. I watched in horror as it bit down into the side of her neck and the blood spilled out onto the floor.
Instead of shooting it, or shooting her to ease her pain, I pulled my leg free and got myself upright again. Then my idea, my plan that I had thought of earlier came to me again. I did something that I knew would haunt me for the rest of my life. I ran.
Instead of trying to help the others or help them fight there way through to the doors, I ran. I just turned around and started to run towards the back of the store. I needed to get as far away as possible from the massacre at the front. I just ran.
I only made it through the first set of racks of clothing before I felt something grab a hold of my wrist. The grasp was firm and it felt like my arm was about to be pulled right out of its socket as I stopped dead in my tracks and fell to the ground and when I turned to look I fully expected to see Cody or one of the others trying to stop me but instead I saw the face of Zed looking down at me. He reached his arms out for me and I kicked hard at his knees with everything I could muster. It was enough to knock him to the ground and before I had time to react he was on the floor next to me. He reached out and grabbed a hold o my shirt and started to pull. I started to hit him in the head with the pistol in my hand but from where I was on the ground I couldn’t get the leverage to hit him hard enough.
That was when I turned the pistol around in my hand, lined up the barrel right against his face and squeezed the trigger. I turned my head away as his head exploded only a few feet away from my face. I got back to my feet and I could hear the screams and gunfire still coming from the front. I wish I could say that I thought about going back but that would be a lie. I checked my immediate surroundings and once I saw that I had some room I started to run again.
My lungs and my legs were burning as I ran and I stopped, dodged and darted in and out of the different departments. When I came out at the back end of the clothing department I saw that I had a little bit of space so I ran. I came out on the other side of a tower of paper towels and saw a group of three zombies blocking the way I wanted to go. The store may have been big but I had never felt so confined in my life. I dove into the entertainment department and hid behind one of the counters. It gave me a quick moment to think and try and come up with a plan to get out.
I checked how many bullets were left in the gun. There were only two. That wasn’t good because there was no telling how many of them stood between me and where I needed to get too. But I sure as hell knew that it was more then two. I had nothing left with me. I had abandoned all the supplies and other weapons I had been carrying when the fighting began. I remember telling myself to conserve ammo, only shoot if I had too and try and avoid the Zeds as best as I could.
My rest was cut short when a disgusting face appeared above me, looking down at me from over the counter. I pointed the gun and fired at extremely close range. Blood and flesh landed all over the counter and me and I had quickly forgotten what I had just told myself. I had panicked and I had wasted one of the two bullets that I had left. I should have just run or smashed its head in with the gun. I could have avoided it I knew that I could have. But more importantly I needed to keep moving. I was sure that the sound of the shot would have alerted every Zed that was nearby of where I was hiding.
I moved through the entertainment department, ducking low behind the counters and shelves, trying to stay out of sight. When I reached the opening to one of the main aisles, the one that led to the door that could get me to the back room I saw that there was at least one zombie standing out there and it hadn’t seen me yet. I acted out of desperation and charged at it and threw my shoulder right into its chest sending it flying into a section of shelving filled with picture frames and household decorations. Everything including the shelving came crashing to the floor, making a ridiculous amount of noise for someone who was trying to stay inconspicuous. That wasn’t the smartest thing to do.
But I had made my opening and it looked like a clear path to the door except for two Zeds that were looking in the opposite direction. I blew right past them before they even noticed that I was there. They didn’t even lay a finger on me. I continued to run as fast as I could right toward the swinging doors and for a minute I thought that I was going to make it. I had been so focused on getting to those doors and watching the other Zeds that I hadn’t noticed what was on the other side of those doors.
I was running full speed and by the time I looked through the l
ittle window on the door it was too late. I crashed into the swinging doors but they barely moved. At the last second I saw a zombie standing right on the other side and as I pushed the door I sent her flying. But I fell backwards hard onto the floor and I could feel the pain in almost every part of my body as I hit the ground. I got to my feet quickly. I was running on pure adrenaline at that point. I was in a lot of pain and my head was pounding, I was stunned but I knew I had to keep moving.
I walked through the door cautiously. I had knocked that infected woman to the ground and she was struggling to get back to her feet. So I ran right past her and headed for the stairway. There were still a few Zeds in the back room and there was very little space to dodge them back there like there was out on the sales floor. I searched for anything that I could use as a weapon but came up empty. As I was looking around I noticed that the woman that I had knocked down was back on her feet, I was out of time, I needed to keep running.
I was running right towards two zombies that were standing right next to each other in a place where the back room was really narrow. I tried to use the advantage of surprise again. The slow moving, uncoordinated zombies seemed to struggle with that. So as I approached the first one I kept running and smashed it in the head with the gun, it stumbled back a few steps, I spun around and tried to keep running just as the other reached out for me. I ducked underneath its arms, threw my shoulder into its chest and pushed it back against the wall. Just as I tried to get running again, the other Zed regained its balance and got a hand on me. I swung the gun again and struck it in the temple and it fell against the wall. It reached out again trying to get a hand around my neck but I acted quickly and kicked it in the stomach and pushed it away.
Before the other one could get any closer I found myself past them and started to run again. I started running faster then I ever had in my life right towards the only Zed that stood in my way. He was standing right in front of the stairway and it didn’t look like he was going to move. I looked back and saw the three zombies that I had already encountered marching towards me. I knew there was no time for a struggle with the final Zed in my way I had to get bye him quickly.
There was no way to go around him on either side. He was right in the middle of the stairway. So I did something that I was reluctant to do. I started to slow down just as I got a few feet away and waited for the Zed to start coming for me. I waited until he was about a foot away, raised the gun, and squeezed the trigger. His lifeless corpse hit the ground instantly after I blasted that hole in his forehead. I stepped over the body and ran up the stairs. I just remember praying that there were no more Zeds up there.
When I got to the top of the stairs it looked like I had made it. No zombies, no people, just a clear path to the ladder. I ran. I was exhausted but I ran. I made it to the ladder and climbed faster then I thought was possible, I threw open the hatch and crawled onto the roof and collapsed. I took a few deep breaths before I snapped out of it and slammed the hatch closed. I moved every heavy object that was nearby on top of the hatch and took a few steps back.
I sat down on the roof and fumbled around my pockets to find my cigarettes and a lighter. I took one out, lit it up and watched the hatch for what seemed like an eternity just waiting to hear the sound of them banging. They never came. I guess Zeds couldn’t climb ladders after all.
Eventually I walked out to the ledge of the building and looked down at the front entrance. There were still so many of those monsters pushing their way in through the front doors I knew that there was no way that the others had made it. I couldn’t hear any gunshots, I couldn’t hear any more shouting or screaming. Besides, I still had my car keys. I knew they were dead.
I kept watching mostly because I was waiting to see if Paul would come running out of that garage door laughing as he made his escape. But I never saw him either. I watched for a while but I never saw anyone. I just sat there and watched the sunset not knowing what the night would bring. I didn’t know what the next day would bring or the day after that.
I just hoped that it was all a nightmare and believe me it was. It just wasn’t the kind that you wake up from.
THE LAST ENTRY
It was only a day or so after the events of that morning that I began to write this. I haven’t kept track of how many days have past since then. I guess the reason for writing this is because I feel it’s something worth writing about and that what happened here and the people who died here is a story worth telling. My hope is that one day someone will be able to read this and understand what we went through here during this dark point in history.
I will stay here and wait for rescue. I am still holding out hope that it will come one day. I have tents to sleep in. I have food and water to last me. I have the Last Resort Plan to thank for that. The lower levels have been completely overrun with zombies, but I have realized that I am safe as long as I stay up here. I am too afraid to open the hatch and see what’s at the bottom of that ladder. I know they can’t climb that ladder but I guess I am afraid of what I might see. Maybe I am afraid that I will look down and see the faces of those that I had abandoned down there.
During those first fourteen days I made several questionable decisions. Many of which I know were wrong and many others that I am still unsure of. Not killing Hal, leaving the others to save myself, I know that I will have to live with those decisions and what they meant for others. But the one decision that I regret the most was the one that I made with only the best of intentions.
When I decided to let Paul out of his restraints that morning I never could have imagined that it would lead to what it did. He promised me that he would wait until we were in the garage before he made his escape. I even told him that I was going to be the one to come and unlock the door and that I would wait until he was long gone. I only wanted to give him a chance. I just couldn’t leave him there to die in such a terrible way. I thought what I was doing was right.
I undid the ropes that morning just before I left to help the others move our supplies to the garage. I told him once I came back to unlock the door that he should run and try and save himself. But I guess I should have seen it coming. I was a fool to think that he wouldn’t betray us like he did. I just thought because I was giving him that chance that he would afford the others and me that same opportunity. In the end that mistake cost the others their lives. That and the fact that I chose to save myself and left them all to die. I am still not sure which decision was worse.
As the days have past I have convinced myself that if I hadn’t done what I did that I would be dead just like the rest of them. That if I didn’t run when I did there would be nobody left to tell the story of what happened here. I still don’t know if I believe that but I am learning to live with it.
I am a coward? Sure. I am selfish? Certainly.
There are worse things to be in this new world and being dead is one of them. I could blame the extreme circumstances for what I did or the stress of the situation. But that wouldn’t be entirely true. I acted out of fear. I was afraid to die and in truth shouldn’t that be my only fear. There really isn’t much else left to be afraid of after seeing the things that I have seen.
I have decided to stop writing after this. I can’t see a reason to write down the events that make up my days. Days filled with decisions about what canned food to eat for dinner or watching the horizon in search of any sign of rescue. Days filled with looking for Hal who I haven’t seen since that fateful day.
There is no need to write down the hours spent trying to remember song lyrics and the tune that used to accompany them or trying to remember the sound of my father’s voice, my mother’s voice, the voice of everyone that I used to know. Everything worth remembering I have written here in hopes that one day someone will read it. Maybe if luck is on my side I will still be around to tell it to someone in person.
If someone does find this and I am no longer around I hope that history will not judge me to harshly. I hope that they will take into account
what the world had become. I know that whoever reads this will have their opinions about me but I can only hope that they have seen the things that I have seen. Done the things that I have done and lost what I have lost. Then and only then do I think that anyone could possibly understand that I only did what I needed to do.
Goodbye.
Table of Contents
The First Entry
Day One
Day Two
Day Three
Day Four
Day Five
Day Six
Day Seven
Day Eight
Day Nine
Day Ten
Day Eleven
Day Twelve
Day Thirteen
Day Fourteen
The Last Entry
In Hiding: A Survivors Journal of the Great Outbreak Page 23
